ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 So I just came into a pretty ugly arguement with my girlfriend. As you can see from the title, this is about my girlfriends choice of attire for an event. Yes, I know I don't have an ultimate say over what she wants to wear but I can't help but feel bothered by it. Some background The attire is a costume the event is a convention I understand its a concept of the convention and its just a costume but I think its a little bit extreme in my opinion We've come to a agree to disagree situation after she took it upon herself to belittle me about my concerns. I guess what I'm asking is for some words going forward with this and how to best prepare myself for when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) she doesn't respect you dump her I'm not sure if its that extreme I know she's stubborn and hard headed, she argues with me sometimes even though sometimes she doesn't even care that much about whats at stake. I really do care for her and I want to make this work. I explained my feelings for it and it didn't really take off. So how do I prepare myself for this? Edited December 25, 2013 by ArchCatalyst Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I never understood the concept of women needing to show their bodies. I do understand that women inherently enjoy attention but by exposing themselves I personally believe is just tasteless and tacky. I prefer a woman covered up in a nice dressy skirt and top. No not a mini-skirt or a top that reveals cleavage but more along the lines of a nice dressy business attire. The curves will show regardless no need to expose the obvious. I've seen plenty of breasts and bottoms in my lifetime. This is something I just can't condone and it would be an utter embarrassment being seeing with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) lie down naked in the fetal position and wait for her to walk by.. i just looked at the picture again.. that is absolutely unacceptable attire in my opinion. she is almost entirely naked.. it's absurd. she knows she will most likely be the center of attention at this "convention" (unless there is a girl there who is legitimately naked).. she longs for the attention of males who are not you.. nip this in the bud before it gets worse..because trust me..it gets worse. how did she get the idea that you would EVER be ok with her dressing like that in public? Well according to her its none of my business so it wouldn't really matter if I was okay with it or not. I can't stop her from doing it. She told me a friend of her's boyfriend is okay with her wearing outfits similar to his one so basically I should be as well. Again, this is not something I'm trying to win because its not something I can win. I have a bit of anxiety I admit and I'm already dealing with people constantly calling to her affection. Maybe some reminders or sayings, I don't know. Something that doesn't break a relationship. Again, this is a costume for an event. She's not just going for a stroll. Maybe some words from a female point of view? Edited December 25, 2013 by ArchCatalyst Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 it's absolutely your business what she's dressing if she is wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with you. so her friend's boyfriend is a doormat? how is that in any way relevant to your situation? sounds like she has a very poor understanding of logic and respect.. if you want to stay with her, you are in for a bumpy ride. how old are the two of you btw? I'm 24, 25 next month. She is 4 years older than me. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Maybe some words from a female point of view? when i used to d escort work and strippign for a living i wore a high necked chinese dress and long gowns...i stood out unfortunately adn drew more attraction than the trashy stuff they wanted em to wear so they stopped complaining......not because i had to but because i wasnt comfortable in lingerie.......what your gf is wearing is like dominatrix lingerie......i wouldnt wear it .....not back then when i had the body as a stripper i wore a business suit......because that attire should be for one pair of eyes only........as an ex hooker.......i can say i wouldnt wear this in public then or now.......nor would i even wear it as a call girl back then....not unless forced to wear it by a fetish loving john.............deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Honestly, that costume is pretty common attire for a cosplay. If the convention is large, there will be hundreds of girls dressed like that. https://www.google.co.nz/search?q=cosplay+pictures&safe=off&rlz=1C1SAVS_enNZ545NZ545&espv=210&es_sm=122&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=XFu6UuTzBcy5lQXVw4CwCg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=642 Despite that, you both seem incompatible, so if unable to find a compromise, it would be best to leave at this stage. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Maybe some words from a female point of view? I know that in general men shouldn't tell their girlfriends how to dress and it isn't up to them to control. But WTF? Nor is it the girlfriend's job to stretch that theory as far as she possibly can risking nipple exposure all the livelong day. Hey if you can deal with it, deal I guess. What's her motive for picking this costume? Is she a big fan of the character or is it for shock value and attention? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 I know that in general men shouldn't tell their girlfriends how to dress and it isn't up to them to control. But WTF? Nor is it the girlfriend's job to stretch that theory as far as she possibly can risking nipple exposure all the livelong day. Hey if you can deal with it, deal I guess. What's her motive for picking this costume? Is she a big fan of the character or is it for shock value and attention? Well she just watched the first episode of the show about an hour ago and she said she likes the character. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Well she just watched the first episode of the show about an hour ago and she said she likes the character. Erm....... I could KIND OF understand if it was a longterm like. Do you think she might be trying to impress you a bit in a way or just test this out for reactions. Is she kind of an exhibitionist in general or is this a one-off? Wait wait.....she's five years older.... So 29-30. This isn't some 17-20 year old not knowing what's going to go dien when she walks into a room...... Erm, does she have maturity issues? How long have you both been together ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 Erm....... I could KIND OF understand if it was a longterm like. Do you think she might be trying to impress you a bit in a way or just test this out for reactions. Is she kind of an exhibitionist in general or is this a one-off? Wait wait.....she's five years older.... So 29-30. This isn't some 17-20 year old not knowing what's going to go dien when she walks into a room...... Erm, does she have maturity issues? How long have you both been together ? No I don't think she is trying to impress me, She's been going to these things for a long time. I have been around the scene for a good while but I've never really spent time at a convention other than twice last year so I'm still fairly new. Well in private she has disclosed that she does have a thing for exhibitionism but nothing she would really act on and I very much doubt this is related. We've been together for 'officially' 1 year although we've been seeing each other on and off since 2010. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 No I don't think she is trying to impress me, She's been going to these things for a long time. I have been around the scene for a good while but I've never really spent time at a convention other than twice last year so I'm still fairly new. Well in private she has disclosed that she does have a thing for exhibitionism but nothing she would really act on and I very much doubt this is related. We've been together for 'officially' 1 year although we've been seeing each other on and off since 2010. So for awhile, and it's a bit exhibitionist..... Well, decide how solid you guys are and if this is a "quirk" you can deal with in the long run. Because it seems to be a trait that will pop up now and again. If its a dealbreaker for you and she's unwilling to compromise, there's your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Well in private she has disclosed that she does have a thing for exhibitionism but nothing she would really act on and I very much doubt this is related. If that's what she's going to wear, then it wont be private for much longer. Look. If she tells you to mind your own business and goes ahead with wearing a next to nothing costume and your not happy with it then what does that tell you friend? Then all of a sudden her friend is wearing something similar and her boyfriend says he's cool with it. Have you asked the boyfriend about this? Two to one she just blew smoke up your ass on that. IMO, I want to be seen with a woman who I can be proud of and isn't a walking billboard for a porn movie. If you aren't happy and she doesn't care then move on before you get in deeper trouble with her. Your getting a free preview of what's in store for you down the road with her and it wont get any better so do yourself a favor and move on before she takes all of your dignity away. So far she's trying her best to take a big chunk of it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArchCatalyst Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 well I guess you guys are all right in different ways. I give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Well she just watched the first episode of the show about an hour ago and she said she likes the character. Wow a whole first episode,a penchant for exhibitionism, and telling you that she will wear what ever she pleases, come hell or high water....Hope she doesn't watch 'Scandal"...lol Sounds like a Festivus Miracle... Please do yourself a favor and end this trainwreck as soon as you can. I will admit the comedic element to your story (sorry for the levity I do appreciate that there are some things no one can make up and that they turn out this way) has me enthralled. Please dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Maybe some words from a female point of view? Samuelson said it all. She doesn't respect your legitimate concerns. The worst thing you can do right now is to behave like a doormat and not stand your ground. Get rid of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Wow a whole first episode,a penchant for exhibitionism, and telling you that she will wear what ever she pleases, come hell or high water....Hope she doesn't watch 'Scandal"...lol Sounds like a Festivus Miracle... Please do yourself a favor and end this trainwreck as soon as you can. I will admit the comedic element to your story (sorry for the levity I do appreciate that there are some things no one can make up and that they turn out this way) has me enthralled. Please dump her. I wouldn't categorize it as a "dump able" offence. But it does seem pretty immature to decide after an hour to show up so undressed despite it making one's mate do uncomfortable. Honestly, it sounds kind-of like a massive ****-test. But, well, Merry Christmas. Arch, it sounds like you need to figure out how important this is to you. I'm 31 if I wanted to be exposed like that, I don't think there's much that could stop me. And I would be offended by my bf trying to "stop me from expressing myself." And it wouldn't be about the guys crawling all over me, it would be about the shock value and people being like "whoa, she practically naked at convention. Whoa." But that would be how I would feel if I was that kind of person. Reality is, I'm 31 and quite overweight. I *might* be able to go as Michelin to convention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 You did make your FEELINGS known, right? Not just "blah blah PRACTICALLY NAKED. blah blah GUYS THERE. Blah blah RESPECT." Right? Or was it. "Er, um this makes me feel pretty uncomfortable having my girlfriend dress so exposed so publically. It makes me wonder about us and if you thought about how this might affect me. I don't mean to tell you HOW to dress or how to treat your body, but this is a pretty extreme form of public expression." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Well she just watched the first episode of the show about an hour ago and she said she likes the character. MUCH more planning than that usually goes on for most cosplayers, and nobody cosplays a character that they've only seen one episode of. If all of this is even real, she's just being an exhibitionist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Last halloween my gf dressed in a very revealing costume. I kind of didn't like it as guys were on her like flies on sh't. But I kind of just took it as a compliment that I had a hot girl that was getting a lot of attention. That being said, it wasn't quite as revealing as the picture you posted. It doesn't mean she wants to cheat or anything, if this is a rare type of thing, I'd probably just suck it up. She probably gets an ego boost from it but she'll be going home with you and likely not to see any of these people again outside of these cosplay gatherings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Well according to her its none of my business so it wouldn't really matter if I was okay with it or not. I can't stop her from doing it. She told me a friend of her's boyfriend is okay with her wearing outfits similar to his one so basically I should be as well. Again, this is not something I'm trying to win because its not something I can win. I have a bit of anxiety I admit and I'm already dealing with people constantly calling to her affection. If you are her bf, then yes it is your business. She can choose to ignore your feelings but ideally you would want them to be taken into account, just like she would from you. I think there is a difference in terms of this issue if she was going to this convention with you or without you. That costume in the link, is WOW, totally eye popper, and she is going to get totally gawked at, photographed & likely hit on. There is no sin in that, if you got it flaunt it and you only live once, so go for it. At the same time you shouldn't do something that you know is upsetting to your partner. If she was going to the convention without you, then I would be perturbed over her motive to be ogled and lusted after by other guys. If you are going then there is the element that you will be the guy who's arm she is hanging off while other guy's are looking on jealous. I gather you will be uncomfortable with all the attention though, but not her and it seems her motivation is totally about her and her exhibitionism. I agree with DOT that if this is the way she has been for years, then it something you have to comes to terms with. At the same time if you are in a relationship you do need to take into account your partner's feelings. A middle ground needs to be reached. There are other characters she could go as and still have fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Honestly, that costume is pretty common attire for a cosplay. If the convention is large, there will be hundreds of girls dressed like that. https://www.google.co.nz/search?q=cosplay+pictures&safe=off&rlz=1C1SAVS_enNZ545NZ545&espv=210&es_sm=122&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=XFu6UuTzBcy5lQXVw4CwCg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=642 Despite that, you both seem incompatible, so if unable to find a compromise, it would be best to leave at this stage. Pictures in that link are not to the extreme of the picture that the OP posted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 You are overreacting. She didn't cheat on you as far as you know, so sit back and enjoy the relationship. If you can't, break up with her. But it's due to your insecurity then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 If she is going out dressed like that and telling you it is none of your business than you really not her BF. She is not dressing that way because it makes her feel good she is dressing that way because she loves the attention she is going to get from all the other guys. Not you. The none of your business statement would be the line in the sand for me. I would walk away. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 You have to ask yourself if it will bother you or not about how guys will be talking about her, and girls for that matter. To an extent you shouldn't care what people think about you, but to an extent. This is extreme. You and I are both guys, so realize one thing, no guy is going to tell you to your face what he "wants" to do to your girlfriend after seeing her in that costume. But you and I both know, the way men operate we compare notes with other guys and say things about the "skanks" that would make their fathers load up their shotgun. So you know this is the kind of thing that will happen, the question is does it bother you. For me, it would bother me that pretty much everyone can get an eye full of what is supposed to just be special to me. That's just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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