Please read again

[Luke]

I posted a message down there about cheating on my GF in Amsterdam. A lot of you have told me that I am a scumbag, which probably I am. But I realize what I did, but there is no way I will give up this relationship.I should not even have posted this here, but anyway, thank you people!

 

I made a mistake, everyone does...

 

Except Tony, everyone said that I should tell her!

 

What will that improve, other than ruin everyone's life?

 

Well, anyway, thanks!

[catt]

i'll tell you what it would do . . . it would ruin your life, yes, but would be a MAJOR improvement on hers. do her a favour, tell her.

 

the only reason you liked tony's response was because it made you out to be the victim. you read what you wanted to read: that you didn't have to be a MAN and tell your girlfriend what you did. just put those thoughts right out of your mind, learn your lesson, and move on. well, that is simply not fair to your girlfriend. she has the right to know. the only way you can really get over this is to tell her and let her make her own decision.

 

besides, life works in mysterious ways. whether you tell her or not, she'll find out. it'll slip out of someone's mouth eventually. and then you won't have a hope in hell.

[Luke]

Would you forgive your partner, if you really loved her/him?

i'll tell you what it would do . . . it would ruin your life, yes, but would be a MAJOR improvement on hers. do her a favour, tell her. the only reason you liked tony's response was because it made you out to be the victim. you read what you wanted to read: that you didn't have to be a MAN and tell your girlfriend what you did. just put those thoughts right out of your mind, learn your lesson, and move on. well, that is simply not fair to your girlfriend. she has the right to know. the only way you can really get over this is to tell her and let her make her own decision. besides, life works in mysterious ways. whether you tell her or not, she'll find out. it'll slip out of someone's mouth eventually. and then you won't have a hope in hell.

[catt]

honestly, luke, no. i have this thing about monogamy. i have had similar discussions with my partners and the truth is, i would not be able to forgive for a very, very long time, if at all. i would only be able to forgive many years later and by then, i would have fallen out of love with them. but i stand firm on the fact that if they made the decision to cheat, then i should have the right to make a decision as to whether or not i wish to continue seeing them.

 

i know this is incredibly hard for you. we all make mistakes and you have made a huge one. the thing is, if you choose not to tell her, your relationship will be built on lies and neither of you will be happy.

 

maybe she can find it in her heart to forgive you. we are all different, after all.

 

i do wish you the strength to make the right decision this time. best of luck.

[sparkle]

Luke,

 

If you know for sure that you want to stay with this girl...in this relationship, and that you made a big mistake, then I would keep my mouth shut if I were you...but only if I promised myself that in the future I would break up with that person first before I ever ever cheated on him again.

 

I feel sorry for her because she has a bf that cheated on her, but if everything was going good and you really believe this was a HUGE MISTAKE and you will never do this to your gf again, then it's best to forget about it, put it behind you, hope she doesn't find out, and be appreciative from this day of what a wonderful girl you have and basically make it up to her for cheating on her (without telling her you did).

 

This is a difficult situation..it's a double-edged sword, either way, someone will be hurt or screwed over.

 

You know her better than any of us though. Put yourself in her shoes and do what you would want her to do if she had sex with some guy.

[Ed]

Tony is probably right - if you tell her, it will most likely be over.

 

I don't know if you should tell her or not. Would I tell her if I did the same thing you did? I cannot answer that question, first of all, because I don't know if I would have done it.

 

I do want you to answer this question though:

 

"What if she did the same thing you did?"

 

How would you feel if she told you?

 

How do you think SHE would feel if she didn't tell you?

[Luke]

Well if she cheated on me, she is the kind of person she would tell me, and I would forgive. But on the other hand, she would never cheat!!! And I am the scumbag here!!!

 

But if she did, she would definitely tell me, and I would forgive her, because she is too good not to be forgiven...

 

But I am afraid she might not forgive me, she might forgive but not FORGET!!!

 

So I decided to shut my mouth about it. and just stick with her, and make her the happiest woman on the world. I am gonna make it up to her! BUT I JUST CAN NOT TELL HER THIS, NOT NOW!!

 

Thanks for your advice!

 

Tony is probably right - if you tell her, it will most likely be over. I don't know if you should tell her or not. Would I tell her if I did the same thing you did? I cannot answer that question, first of all, because I don't know if I would have done it. I do want you to answer this question though:

 

"What if she did the same thing you did?" How would you feel if she told you? How do you think SHE would feel if she didn't tell you?

[Tony T]

Luke, this is exactly the way LoveShack is supposed to work. A poster such as yourself who has an issue gets as many responses as possible and then makes a decision for himself, which is what you did based on all the input, your own feelings, and your own grasp of the situation.

 

There seems to be some controversy about how the system works...on this particular day.

 

Most of the advice leaned towards telling your lady. I am sure that would have ended things for you rather quickly. You seem repentent and I don't think this will happen again. Why cause such incredible pain to this wonderful lady you have?

 

Now, just be real sure you are disease free before you resume sexual activity with your girlfriend.

[Ed]

You do what you have to do. I am not going to pass judgement on you either way.

 

Forgive and forget is only half true. We can all forgive (if we want to) but none of us can ever forget. If we did, we would never learn anything. Just because you don't forget, doesn't mean you can't "get over it".

 

Be careful! This could mess with your head BIG TIME! There are many potential psychological pitfalls from an event like this. The guilt could destroy you.

 

If you feel like you made a mistake, GET OVER IT, FORGIVE YOURSELF, AND DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN. You're going to have to do this whether she ever knows or not.

[Laurynn]

It really doesn't matter one little bit whether any of us here, if faced with a cheating partner, would forgive or not.

 

The fact of the matter is........your relationship is now based on lies and deceit. Your girlfriend is now *only* with you, because she doesn't know the TRUTH.

 

You have no right to withhold such important information that will no doubt impact her future....not to mention her health. AIDS kills. Genital Warts can cause Cancer of the Cervix, which can also kill if not detected and treated.

 

If you want to shirk your responsibilities, fine.....but if you're any man at all, you'll go get tested for STDs and AIDS now, 3 months from now, and 6 months from now. During this 6 month period, you'll NOT HAVE ANY KIND OF INTIMATE RELATIONS with your girlfriend.........this is the only way to protect the health of the girl you claim to be "madly in love with."

 

If you cannot do this, then you my friend, do not really love her. Instead, you are selfish and care more about your feelings and your needs.....and that's not what love is about.

 

Your girlfriend has the right to have ALL THE INFORMATION......so she can do with it as she so chooses. Maybe she can forgive and forget, maybe she can't.....but that's the price you pay for not being able to keep it in your pants. Nobody put a gun to your head and forced you to take drugs, get stoned, and play spin the pickle with the prostitute.

 

You are being extremely selfish.

 

By keeping this little secret to yourself, you are putting yourself in total control of this situation. You are also taking it upon yourself to jeopardize your girlfriend's health and life. You don't want to tell her because it might mess up your world. Too bad you hadn't thought about that before you boinked Amy Amsterdam.

 

Not being honest is a cowardly, selfish move on your part.

 

There are thousands and thousands of people each day, who contract HIV and STDs...all because they believed they were in a committed, MONOGAMOUS relationship......

 

Sorry pal, we all make mistakes but the difference between making a forgivable mistake, and being a selfish jackass is being HONEST and owning up to your mistake.

 

By the way, the truth always comes out.....whether it's days, weeks, months or years. The longer it takes for the truth to reveal itself, the more your girlfriend will despise you for withholding the truth. Then you'll really be screwed.

 

Laurynn

 

Would you forgive your partner, if you really loved her/him?

[WGirl]

It sounds to me like you are only looking out for your own ass by not telling her. Like someone else said, if other people know that you did this, she may find out anyways. You should have thought of ruining everybody's life before you decided to have sex with a hooker overseas. If I were your girlfriend and I did find out you did this, I would kick you in the nuts so hard you wouldn't be able to have sex again.

 

The reason you don't want to tell her is that you know what she will do. She will kick your ass to the curb in a heartbeat like most women would.

I posted a message down there about cheating on my GF in Amsterdam. A lot of you have told me that I am a scumbag, which probably I am. But I realize what I did, but there is no way I will give up this relationship.I should not even have posted this here, but anyway, thank you people!

 

I made a mistake, everyone does... Except Tony, everyone said that I should tell her! What will that improve, other than ruin everyone's life? Well, anyway, thanks!

[catt]

It sounds to me like you are only looking out for your own ass by not telling her. Like someone else said, if other people know that you did this, she may find out anyways. You should have thought of ruining everybody's life before you decided to have sex with a hooker overseas. If I were your girlfriend and I did find out you did this, I would kick you in the nuts so hard you wouldn't be able to have sex again. The reason you don't want to tell her is that you know what she will do. She will kick your ass to the curb in a heartbeat like most women would.