What should be the last Christmas with the H

[Kayla9170]

It's late. I'm up and this is my first post here. For me, it's great that places online like this exist as I need to talk/type.

 

Thirteen years. Twenty-four counting the first time we met. The other years has been spent being married to the H.

 

Only three--maybe four of those years were between good/decent. The other eight to nine or so have been stuck in a sense. Either stuck (in my mind I believe) because of the kids --now grown, my Father -- now deceased, lost of my job -- less than six months after Daddy died, finding myself after my Father's death - three years, completing my Masters degree -- the last two years.

 

Time goes by fast, looking back. Reflection also makes me angry because if I took different choices thirteen years ago, I frequency wonder where my life would be right now.

 

The relationship between H and I is gone. There is a difference between being in love and loving a person. I love H because of our child and would not wish anything negative happen to him due to years knowing him. Yet, I am not in love with him. That feeling left too many moons ago to count.

 

Back to the Masters Degree. As mentioned earlier, its' done. Graduated two weeks ago. Knowing in my heart things are not better nor will not be between H and I, its' time to move on. This is where its' difficult.

 

The degree pursuit was a sacrifice or sorts. My income -- decreased, credit -- shot but I received my paper. In my heart, I knew the degree was necessary since a pension is non-existent and retirement sounds like a fancy word for other people -- not me.

 

So, I'm giving myself six months before filing. Goals in the meantime -- increase the income in multiple ways (my small business, p/t job and savings). Look for a affordable apartment. File bankruptcy -- start again on everything but the student loan stays for life -- or at least ten years with on-time payments.

 

I've questions, concerns and thoughts. Over the next six months, I hope this is a safe place to share them. Either way, its' time to put the plans in place because with a good portion of my life behind me, I refuse to live the way I've for the last nine years.

 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

[TheBladeRunner]

I've questions, concerns and thoughts. Over the next six months, I hope this is a safe place to share them. Either way, its' time to put the plans in place because with a good portion of my life behind me, I refuse to live the way I've for the last nine years.

 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

 

It can be, just watch being too specific and names, places, etc.. Ya' don't want the ex catching you . Welcome, I have been here a year and it's really helped me out a lot. I wish you well on your next 9 years!

[soccerrprp]

Kayla9170,

 

It sounds like you have things in order. Good luck. Tough times.

[conf]

It's late. I'm up and this is my first post here. For me, it's great that places online like this exist as I need to talk/type.

 

Thirteen years. Twenty-four counting the first time we met. The other years has been spent being married to the H.

 

Only three--maybe four of those years were between good/decent. The other eight to nine or so have been stuck in a sense. Either stuck (in my mind I believe) because of the kids --now grown, my Father -- now deceased, lost of my job -- less than six months after Daddy died, finding myself after my Father's death - three years, completing my Masters degree -- the last two years.

 

Time goes by fast, looking back. Reflection also makes me angry because if I took different choices thirteen years ago, I frequency wonder where my life would be right now.

 

The relationship between H and I is gone. There is a difference between being in love and loving a person. I love H because of our child and would not wish anything negative happen to him due to years knowing him. Yet, I am not in love with him. That feeling left too many moons ago to count.

 

Back to the Masters Degree. As mentioned earlier, its' done. Graduated two weeks ago. Knowing in my heart things are not better nor will not be between H and I, its' time to move on. This is where its' difficult.

 

The degree pursuit was a sacrifice or sorts. My income -- decreased, credit -- shot but I received my paper. In my heart, I knew the degree was necessary since a pension is non-existent and retirement sounds like a fancy word for other people -- not me.

 

So, I'm giving myself six months before filing. Goals in the meantime -- increase the income in multiple ways (my small business, p/t job and savings). Look for a affordable apartment. File bankruptcy -- start again on everything but the student loan stays for life -- or at least ten years with on-time payments.

 

I've questions, concerns and thoughts. Over the next six months, I hope this is a safe place to share them. Either way, its' time to put the plans in place because with a good portion of my life behind me, I refuse to live the way I've for the last nine years.

 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

 

You love him but not in love with him. This is natural after so many years. Do u think that you will find a person with whom you will be forever in love? This is unrealistic. As you said there are many others issues that made you feel bad about this relationship. Maybe you see the things from a pessimistic point of view because of being somekind depressed. You didnot said that your husband did something bad or not loving you. To me it seems like midlife crisis as you feel regret for your lost youth, but i dont know the details so i cant be sure. Have you tried to talk to somebody? Maybe a therapist? It seems that the relationship is not the main problem, but it is the easy way out :S Everyone has obligations and problems, life is not always sunshine and butterflies. Do you think by breaking up you wont have to take care of the kids or work for living? Neither the void of your father's loss will be filled. In addition you will have the loss of a partner.

Edited December 25, 2013 by conf

[awholenewworld]

My goal too is to have a new life by next Christmas. The idea to that, I think, is to not just say "Next Christmas will be without X" but rather make small attainable goals with time frames. Say, by such and such date/time, you will have a job, will have saved a certain amount, and you will have him served for divorce. Then you can rebuild your life.

 

Good luck!!

[GuyInLimbo]

Only thing I want to chime in on is: do NOT declare bankruptcy if you can avoid it. You're setting yourself up for years of hurt by doing that.

[oldshirt]

Only thing I want to chime in on is: do NOT declare bankruptcy if you can avoid it. You're setting yourself up for years of hurt by doing that.

 

And at least do it after you've divorced him unless you want to break his heart and destroy his credit at the same time.