Rocky relationship with gf while new girl appears

[fauxleather]

Hi all. In summary, I am cheating on my gf but do let me elaborate and I would appreciate some advice.

 

I am in a relationship with current gf for about 2 years. She is a great person overall. Positive, patient and understanding. The only major beef I have is that she has been rather sheltered in her upbringing and hence can be quite a princess at times. This results in her mode of communication being restricted to yelling and screaming when things don't exactly go her way. As she is pretty well taken care of, she hence can also be quite stubborn and have not really seen much of the world yet. That being said, she is still deep down a rather simple-minded loyal partner. The sex life sucks though, and I'd be honest, it's something that's been bothering me all this while.

 

We quarrel very frequently, this is about twice a month or something and it's usually a massive quarrel culminating to a break-up threat. This happens pretty often and it kind of becomes a habit now, albeit a very unhealthy one. Recently, our relationship took a downturn (possibly due to the influence of the new girl) and we have nearly lost the initial passion that we had for each other. Most meetings now are devoid of any extreme care or concern.

 

Enter new girl whom I have known for about a year but things only started to happen a month or so ago. All along, she has been someone of higher intellectual capability and independence, and with a higher maturity level than my gf. She is aware that I am attached, however, and is feeling pretty crappy about being the third party obviously. While I understand that things right now feels new and refreshing between us and I might be disillusioned, but I do think that she is someone whom I can connect better on an intimate level.

 

In short, I guess my current gf will be a great provider, but probably not someone I can really bring myself to truly love. I always feel she deserves someone better who can connect to her. The new girl would probably be someone I can connect to better, but I am unsure if she can be a great provider. I know I am a jerk and these two girls deserve an explanation from me, and I just wish to gather my thoughts here and see if anyone has anything to advice or share with regards to similar situations.

 

A pretty morbid discussion on Christmas, but happy holidays anyway to everyone.

[ExpatInItaly]

First off, yes, you're being a huge jerk. And frankly so is your new love interest. Why do you not believe your girlfriend deserves better treatment than that? You say she does, but your actions aren't matching your words.

 

Secondly, you're not exactly one to talk maturity and intellect in women. Your behaviour at this time is anything but mature. Same goes for the other girl. I say this because if she were really mature, she'd stay away from you until you were single. She clearly doesn't feel too bad about being the third party or she wouldn't be going along for the ride. And neither do you.

 

Having said that, I have been in your position. My advice is that you could turn this around and do the mature, intellectual thing. Break up with your girlfriend. It's obvious from your description that you're unhappy and don't really respect her much. Get out of that situation. Do it because you're already checking out of the relationship, not because you've got a "better" offer. Even if the new girl bails on you, you'll still have ended a dying relationship and opened up yourself and your girlfriend to better opportunities.

[Maxtor]

Leave the first girl, heal...and later on you try to make things right with the last girl.

[ThatMan]

You and your girlfriend communicate poorly. Yelling and screaming isn't the answer. While you struggled with the relationship and couldn't grow up enough to say something. Man up and grow a pair. There are literally thousands of different ways to handle this situation and you ignored all other possibilities to cheat instead. That's a very mean-spirited thing to do. From the manner in which you phrased the last paragraph, the new girl doesn't know you're already in a relationship, correct? They both deserve better than this. Period.

 

 

They deserve to understand what you did and then decide for themselves whether or not they want you in their life. And you need to gain the confidence to express yourself before entering another relationship.

Edited December 25, 2013 by ThatMan

[crederer]

Been there man (minus the cheating). It starts getting to the point where the most miner altercations turns into "well, if you don't do x y z, then I'm going to break up with you". It's bad. It's likely not going to reverse.

 

Why are you staying with your gf? Just by the way you typed that message it seems you already know you're not going to stay with her. Are you afraid of breaking up with her?