My NC - the unexpected journey

[erklat]

I guess this awesome post kind of gives a great answer

 

The other person will never hurt the way they made you hurt - but on the other hand they have to live without forgiveness, validation, or a new rationalization for what they've done.

 

That's a special kind of hell. Reserved for those special few.

[erklat]

Merry Christmas to all dear friends here!

 

Yesterday was a first anniversary as I joined the community here.

year was full of pain, reflection and growth. I still have some anger management

issues triggered mostly by my family and toxic parents who still take joy in my failures

to rationalize their own. There is no communication or consensus with them. The only

option is moving away to my place which is going to be difficult but necessary to completely

heal.

 

I still can feel the anxiety I felt last year as I typed my first messages here. As one who lived

through it I can say definitely that you strap up and live through it. There is always life when

you live through your storm!

 

Use the pain for as much introspection and growth as possible. That way you will find your

closure and happiness.

[erklat]

Happy new year! Less heartbreak and more happy andffulfilling relationships

to all struggling out there!

[erklat]

Hi all,

 

first of all this post have nothing to do with my ex, my diary is in breakup

section here.

 

The cause :

 

I have been fighting with severe depression for the better part of the past decade. I felt lost, I doubled the length of my studies,

I fought with my family and the feelings of low self worth as they tried to rationalize their financial bankrupt through my failures

and I finally got the feeling I am nearly able to overcome it. See, my family is extremely toxic. I am in limited contact with my father's side as they,

him included, can not live their own lives. They have this patological inclination they have to control yours too.

 

I always had a knack to strong yet somewhat problematic women. I felt incredible sexual chemistry to them and I know that life with them would give me

familiar dynamic because my parents marriage is dysfunctional - example so you can see the extent of the damage - my grandmother receives finances

from father and she then gives to my mother as she sees fit. Total insanity and frustration, I tried to turn the tide of this for almost two years lost,

until I finally detached in my pursuit of happiness past January.

 

The action :

 

I will be a baby daddy this summer with a woman that I do not feel that

kind of sexual chemistry towards her. She is kind and affectionate, her

family seems normal albeit I am firm believer life of two of us is for us to

live. She is rational with money and she seems like typical housewife I

could have normal life with. But now I am afraid that I never develop feelings

for her as much as I want to.

 

You see, since the breakup I was on a path of incredible selfgrowth and

introspection, I even managed not only to be fully steaming towards

completing my studies, but it does not drain me any more. I learned myself

to enjoy what I am doing and for what I am.

 

The thing is - even though I never thought not to have that baby because

she wants it and I will support her as much as I could always.

 

The question :

 

Do you think it is better to live separately in mutual respect and good

terms as much as possible, or to be in circumstantial marriage because

you think it may be moral thing to do? (my parents advise against marriage,

that made me wonder)

I do not wish to be one of those guys that brought a kid to this world and

then left it and woman never to see it again.

I am afraid that even this could be functional and rational marriage, I always

preached how we are supposed to be with the ones we are infatuated with.

 

The aftermath :

 

I have spent the lifetime looking into my fathers eyes who wanted to be

a writer, but his parents pushed him to be mech engineer (it's pathology here)

and seeing how he is entrapped inside his miserable existence in his body.

 

I do not want to be my father! I do not want to create the same family

and do to my wife and kid the same he did to us putting his family of

orientation before procreation like forever.

 

I am still on my journey for selfgrowth and happiness. Most people in my

social circle also have at least some kind of codependency. I am

trying to create life of happiness for myself first even if that means that

I have another life partner other than my child's mother.

 

I believe that you are entitled to be happy inside your own skin by

all means necessary, that is the only way to emotional and financial

self reliance. My dad was neither. His financial bankruptcy for example

is the result of his emotional state. Living a lifetime of misery could not

have brought anything else. There was not a possibility that this could

have been prevented anyway.

 

Am I an a$$hat for this? Help please.

[BC1980]

I don't think you should marry or be in a relationship with your child's mother. I don't think you are in love with her. You could play the part for awhile, but it would become impossible over time. Issues like this usually escalate. They don't get better over time.

[hurts2death]

my advice is to marry her.

marriage takes hard work, marriage aint about the butterflies in the stomach. marriage is like a good company . the company owners must share responsibilities and always focus on the improvement of the company letting aside their ego. the better the cowokrker the better the company improvement.,

 

Hi all,

 

first of all this post have nothing to do with my ex, my diary is in breakup

section here.

 

The cause :

 

I have been fighting with severe depression for the better part of the past decade. I felt lost, I doubled the length of my studies,

I fought with my family and the feelings of low self worth as they tried to rationalize their financial bankrupt through my failures

and I finally got the feeling I am nearly able to overcome it. See, my family is extremely toxic. I am in limited contact with my father's side as they,

him included, can not live their own lives. They have this patological inclination they have to control yours too.

 

I always had a knack to strong yet somewhat problematic women. I felt incredible sexual chemistry to them and I know that life with them would give me

familiar dynamic because my parents marriage is dysfunctional - example so you can see the extent of the damage - my grandmother receives finances

from father and she then gives to my mother as she sees fit. Total insanity and frustration, I tried to turn the tide of this for almost two years lost,

until I finally detached in my pursuit of happiness past January.

 

The action :

 

I will be a baby daddy this summer with a woman that I do not feel that

kind of sexual chemistry towards her. She is kind and affectionate, her

family seems normal albeit I am firm believer life of two of us is for us to

live. She is rational with money and she seems like typical housewife I

could have normal life with. But now I am afraid that I never develop feelings

for her as much as I want to.

 

You see, since the breakup I was on a path of incredible selfgrowth and

introspection, I even managed not only to be fully steaming towards

completing my studies, but it does not drain me any more. I learned myself

to enjoy what I am doing and for what I am.

 

The thing is - even though I never thought not to have that baby because

she wants it and I will support her as much as I could always.

 

The question :

 

Do you think it is better to live separately in mutual respect and good

terms as much as possible, or to be in circumstantial marriage because

you think it may be moral thing to do? (my parents advise against marriage,

that made me wonder)

I do not wish to be one of those guys that brought a kid to this world and

then left it and woman never to see it again.

I am afraid that even this could be functional and rational marriage, I always

preached how we are supposed to be with the ones we are infatuated with.

 

The aftermath :

 

I have spent the lifetime looking into my fathers eyes who wanted to be

a writer, but his parents pushed him to be mech engineer (it's pathology here)

and seeing how he is entrapped inside his miserable existence in his body.

 

I do not want to be my father! I do not want to create the same family

and do to my wife and kid the same he did to us putting his family of

orientation before procreation like forever.

 

I am still on my journey for selfgrowth and happiness. Most people in my

social circle also have at least some kind of codependency. I am

trying to create life of happiness for myself first even if that means that

I have another life partner other than my child's mother.

 

I believe that you are entitled to be happy inside your own skin by

all means necessary, that is the only way to emotional and financial

self reliance. My dad was neither. His financial bankruptcy for example

is the result of his emotional state. Living a lifetime of misery could not

have brought anything else. There was not a possibility that this could

have been prevented anyway.

 

Am I an a$$hat for this? Help please.

[erklat]

Hi friends,

 

We have a little anniversary here! I'm celebrating ONE YEAR NC!

Not that I'm counting but on 8th March last year another life

changing event happened so I know by it.

 

And proper NC. Changed my number, no cyberstalking,I unfriended

her social circle, I block as they come in 'people you might know'

section, I politely ask people to change topic if someone mentions her.

 

It takes a hard work and dedication.

 

If I was a time traveler I would go back and never be with her, rather

than entertain reconciliation. But I'm happy I came out stronger and

better person.

[erklat]

Yesterday my dedication and hard work finally paid off. After four

months of intensive, tiresome and costly job hunt is over. I scored

a job in a company that was on the top of my wishlist.

 

I'm writing this because the breakup pain was a potent catalyst that

set me on this path. Two years ago I knew absolutely nothing from

my trade. Now I scored better job than most of my friends who had

better academic records than me, I haven't graduated yet.

 

Actually you have to live in my country so you can grasp what success it

actually is. The only person who tried to take me under was unfortunately

my dad with his comment how 'basement companies' don't impress him

and how it would be a success if I finished my studies. What an a$$hat. :/

[erklat]

I guess that as my life unfolds before me, I think about my trauma less and less.

 

It is only today that I realized it was a year and a half since our breakup on

15th March.

 

Hope this means I'm healed?

[marcelo.santos]

Thank you for sharing erklat!

[erklat]

After I started working on Monday on my dream job, I catch myself

wondering late at night how I haven't thought about her all day long for

the last couple of days.

 

It does get better when you living your fulfilled life for yourself.

 

Most likely I would still be a little pathetic

wretch I was back then, but I would still

like the opportunity to deprive her forgiveness

or any kind of rationalization for what she has done.

[erklat]

I had a dream of her last night. It is some time now that I didn't

have one.

 

Me and my wife came to my parents home. She was there with

my brother. My wife sat in the kitchen. My ex was in our bed. I

came to bedroom and said I didn't expect to see her there. She

said that her mother told her to move out. I told her she is a mess

and turned around. She said she knows. I said that my wife is of jealous sort.

 

Then I woke up. ..

[erklat]

Hit a bump today . Not in the way I'm thinking too much but the fear of relapsing was

genuine. Sometimes I have nightmares of going through that same pain again.

 

Usually I preemptively block people that remind me of our time together. People I got

acquainted through her or around the same time we were together. People who I may

nod at but I'm not interested in them and they are not interested in me.

 

Well today I opened Instagram and there was a pic on this chicks profile

together with a scheming bitch that pried us apart. And on top of that

my exes sister liked the pic. It's taken care off now but I urge you to be

thorough when severing social media ties. Make no exemptions to her

social circle. It can hurt if you don't!

[erklat]

This morning while I was going off for work another frend request from one chick

from that social circle. No one knows about Instagram situation so that is unrelated.

 

Dafaq??

[erklat]

Just a small update.

 

Life has been progressing steadily. Maybe in the department of soul-searching and filling my life with hobbies and interests I stalled a bit, but that's normal because of the things I already achieved. Basically I built myself a life of an adult all by myself.

 

Last month my father abandoned us. I saw that coming for quite some time. Basically he tried to diminish my life in every way possible so I wasn't shook up not one bit.

The only thing I told he doesn't not have right to is to cloud the birth of my son which will be every day now.

 

Yesterday we were smoking pot and there was this guy from my exes class, they went to school together. I guess he tried to pass some information about her to impress me. I had to tell him trice that I'm not interested in any kind of information about her and that she's not topic of conversation while I'm around.

 

Do you think I handled it okay? I had to step out of my comfort zone to stop him from breaking my NC which I kept religiously since March '14.

 

What do you think about situations like this?

[na49]

Yesterday we were smoking pot and there was this guy from my exes class, they went to school together. I guess he tried to pass some information about her to impress me. I had to tell him trice that I'm not interested in any kind of information about her and that she's not topic of conversation while I'm around.

 

Do you think I handled it okay? I had to step out of my comfort zone to stop him from breaking my NC which I kept religiously since March '14.

 

You did what was best for you. I think you handled it fine. What would the alternative have been? You gobble up all of the info about your ex that this guy is going to feed you? You don't have to hear about her if you don't want to.

[erklat]

I have a small event today. Well, maybe it's even major event. Today marks exactly two years as my ex dumped me.

 

The road from then to now took a toll on me, especially emotionally. My stance towards women in general will never be the same again.

But this present was well worth that past filled with gut wrenching pain.

 

Just recently I met someone who I like the same or even better than my ex. She's

much older than me but I like the total mind emptiness I have while I'm with her. I

wish if only circumstances were a bit better.

 

This community helped me a lot. I feel joy when I see success stories of people whom

I remember suffered at the same time as I did. Remember that the advice you least

want to hear is probably the best one.

 

Regards, e

[erklat]

Bump.

 

I thought I should chime in and let you know today marks exactly three years

since that breakup devastated me. We are on schedule at work so I remember

it is the day just now .That is how much you think about past relationships once

you heal completely.

 

Probably the best advice to freshly heartbroken - use that breakup pain as potent

catalyst in becoming the person you would be proud to be. That is the only thing

That stays with you .