singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) I'm almost at the one year breakup mark, but it's only been 8 months of NC. Since then my birthday has come and gone, the anniversary of my grandfather's death (which he knew was particularly hard) plus of course thanksgiving and christmas. I know it's better for me, not to hear from him because it will set back my healing process. Yet at the same time I feel incredibly insulted that the person who promised to always be in my life and would never leave or hurt me, doesn't care if I'm dead or alive. Maybe he's trying to let me be for my own good, but maybe he's simply become a selfish jerk who only cares about himself. I guess my point of this rant is that I'll NEVER understand how someone who claims to love you and want you forever, can toss you away and not look back or even miss you. It's a huge slap in the face and makes you wonder if all the things they said to you were lies! I am certainly not a perfect person but I have a good heart and consider myself to be a real catch. How can one eject from their life, somebody who loved them unconditionally, accepted them unconditionally and would have done anything for them...only asking their love in return. I just don't get it. End of rant. Edited December 26, 2013 by singme2sleep 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Coping17 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I feel you on this one. My ex told people she thought of me as her husband and told me her thoughts of what are kids are going to look like. Same person, whom broke up with me six weeks ago. I have been in No Contact for 30 days and she hasn't even tried to contact me. I guess it makes No Contact easier for me but at the same time I feel disposable. Oh well, moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Disposable is exactly the feeling. In the beginning I thought we could still talk as friends, since we build a strong emotional attachment...wrong! I left him a voicemail a week after the breakup and he never contacted me. We ended up communicating small bits here and there between February and April of last year, until I found out he was seeing a new girl. That stung and showed me how replaceable I was to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Coping17 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I called about a week after to, no response either. I assume she is seeing someone to fill the void but who knows. Sorry to hear about the new girl hurting you but don't let it define you. I wish I could give you a hug, everything will be ok. If you were a good person before the relationship and during the relationship I am sure you will be a good person to the next guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Angry bird Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I think it is better if they do not reach out. It hurts for a bit, but it you heal quicker. It has been 6 months since I was immediately replaced and I wish I would have stopped looking for him to reconnect with me. He called me at the end of Sept. and told me I was beautiful and he loves me. And he said it a few times to me in October. I wanted to keep communicating with him, so I was always initiating contact between october and November. I suggested we meet up one day, and then he gave me this story about dating someone else, yada yada yada? Honestly, it's not worth it. Even though my "ego" would love for him to reach out, my heart prefers he keep it moving, because I know I can do much better. I was dissatisfied with his behavior way before he broke things off with me. But, all n alll, I feel your pain. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 You're probably right that it's better for our healing if they don't contact us. But a big part of me wishes he would continue to try to contact me on occasion. What I'm desperate for is some validation that he actually cared for me at all - ever. How could all his past claims of love have been true if he could toss me aside so easily for the new girl? It makes me feel that the entire relationship was a lie. But if he would contact me now and then, even if I don't respond, it would make me feel that maybe I truly was important to him at one time and that even now, he thinks of me from time to time. The hurt that burns the deepest is the scar of indifference. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SameOldFear Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 No, I don't think so. I used to think that people had some sort of deeper part of them, you know? Like once you shared certain moments with people, you'd never really forget them. My ex has forced me to reevaluate that. It's been 25 days. I know he has someone else to think about, but it still hurts to know that that means he doesn't think about me at all. I don't think I'll ever reach a point like that in my life. Oh well, though. I guess in the end, it just shows I can love and I did. It shows I looked passed someone's flaws and made them promises that I meant and I would've kept. I unconditionally loved him. It shows when I told him, "I love you at a one million and three," I really, really meant it. He told me the same things, but in the end he was the coward. The one who left. The one who didn't love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I'm sure you're right. I also thought the same - when intimately involved with a partner, you never really forget them. Just because we may feel like that, doesn't mean that they do. I will never forget how emotionally close I felt we were. But now, he's emotionally close with the new girl and I am no longer on his mind. It's a wonder how some people move on so easily, without looking back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 You're probably right that it's better for our healing if they don't contact us. But a big part of me wishes he would continue to try to contact me on occasion. What I'm desperate for is some validation that he actually cared for me at all - ever. How could all his past claims of love have been true if he could toss me aside so easily for the new girl? It makes me feel that the entire relationship was a lie. But if he would contact me now and then, even if I don't respond, it would make me feel that maybe I truly was important to him at one time and that even now, he thinks of me from time to time. The hurt that burns the deepest is the scar of indifference. I know exactly how you feel! After he walked out of my life, I started feeling that everything he ever said to me was a lie. The hardest part is accepting it's over because in my mind I can't love somebody deeply and then simply go on without them. He acted like I suddenly didn't matter, after once writing me a beautiful love letter expressing how he thought I was The One. Even now, it's almost one year and I still feel stuck. I too think if I just had validation that he had loved me and I truly meant something to him, I could move on with my life and finally let go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 No, I don't think so. I used to think that people had some sort of deeper part of them, you know? Like once you shared certain moments with people, you'd never really forget them. My ex has forced me to reevaluate that. It's been 25 days. I know he has someone else to think about, but it still hurts to know that that means he doesn't think about me at all. I don't think I'll ever reach a point like that in my life. Oh well, though. I guess in the end, it just shows I can love and I did. It shows I looked passed someone's flaws and made them promises that I meant and I would've kept. I unconditionally loved him. It shows when I told him, "I love you at a one million and three," I really, really meant it. He told me the same things, but in the end he was the coward. The one who left. The one who didn't love. Me too. I always had my standards and my "deal breaker" qualities when it came to dating. But when my ex came along I found myself so drawn to him that stuff didn't matter much. Then he ended up being the one to walk away, it's cruelly ironic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrappedWanderer Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Me too. I always had my standards and my "deal breaker" qualities when it came to dating. But when my ex came along I found myself so drawn to him that stuff didn't matter much. Then he ended up being the one to walk away, it's cruelly ironic. Me too. The irony is incredible. He broke through all that, which makes it all the harder, in think. Cruel, indeed I so badly hope I will be able to let another person, a good deserving person, through again. Because it was so wonderful while it lasted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I know exactly how you feel! After he walked out of my life, I started feeling that everything he ever said to me was a lie. The hardest part is accepting it's over because in my mind I can't love somebody deeply and then simply go on without them. He acted like I suddenly didn't matter, after once writing me a beautiful love letter expressing how he thought I was The One. Even now, it's almost one year and I still feel stuck. I too think if I just had validation that he had loved me and I truly meant something to him, I could move on with my life and finally let go. It's actually a bizarre concept that we are supposed to just move along after loving someone so deeply. It's not as if they died - they're still out there and we still love them. But we've been denied access to them. Cruelty at it's finest. My ex had also written me a beautiful poem professing undying love. Well, you see how long that lasted! If it's any comfort to you, it has been a little over a year for me and I can hardly believe it still hurts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Me too. I always had my standards and my "deal breaker" qualities when it came to dating. But when my ex came along I found myself so drawn to him that stuff didn't matter much. Then he ended up being the one to walk away, it's cruelly ironic. There were so many red flags when we began dating, but I also was so drawn to him that it didn't matter. I just thought I'd be careful and take it slow. Along the way, I must have broken up with him thirty times, but he always begged for me to take him back. There was no way he was going to let me go until he first had my replacement lined up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robbysurfs Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I swear your story is mine 8 or 9 months nc it was the tail ending of a on and off relationship that lasted about a yr. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I think about her every day. I keep thinking she is gonna pop up or come back to me. I know it is over and at the end she did not call me and I did not call her. We both took a stand and now its nine months and it hurts more then ever I dont know why because in the beginning I did not care. Now I wonder about her does she still care or even think about me at all. She must not care anymore or she would call that is the only thing I know. She has not tried to get in contact with me at all. Today was so bad I felt horrible and in pain my chest hurts and I feel sick. She said she loved me too and want to have my children I am just love sick today I wish it would end. I am sorry for your pain but your not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) It's actually a bizarre concept that we are supposed to just move along after loving someone so deeply. It's not as if they died - they're still out there and we still love them. But we've been denied access to them. Cruelty at it's finest. My ex had also written me a beautiful poem professing undying love. Well, you see how long that lasted! If it's any comfort to you, it has been a little over a year for me and I can hardly believe it still hurts. And people will compare it to grieving a death, but it's not the same. When someone dies you are devastated because you know they can't come back but that they didn't choose to leave you. When someone breaks up with you they are still out there living their life and that's a slap in the face. They chose to leave you and it hurts beyond the sting of rejection. It does bring me a bit of comfort. I'm certainly not in the same desolate place emotionally, that I was. I cried myself to sleep for almost 3 months in the beginning and didn't even want to get out of bed during the daytime. Now I hardly shed tears for him but I unfortunately still love him. That's the worst part, loving the person who betrayed me. Ever feel as if your heart thinks for itself and you cannot control it? Edited December 26, 2013 by singme2sleep 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 And people will compare it to grieving a death, but it's not the same. When someone dies you are devastated because you know they can't come back but that they didn't choose to leave you. When someone breaks up with you they are still out there living their life and that's a slap in the face. They chose to leave you and it hurts beyond the sting of rejection. I can hardly believe I'm admitting to this, but I have lived through my spouse dying and as bad as that was, this break up is worse. It is a complete personal rejection of my being. He no longer wants me. I'm no good. I'm not worthy. All his ridiculous criticisms of me have crushed my spirit. The new girl is a thousand times better than me. No wonder he is with her and not me and on and on and on. They are happy while we wallow in a pool shattered dreams and experience rejection of obscene proportions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 There were so many red flags when we began dating, but I also was so drawn to him that it didn't matter. I just thought I'd be careful and take it slow. Along the way, I must have broken up with him thirty times, but he always begged for me to take him back. There was no way he was going to let me go until he first had my replacement lined up. In the beginning he was crazy over me and I was the cautious one. Then along the way we must have switched roles or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 I can hardly believe I'm admitting to this, but I have lived through my spouse dying and as bad as that was, this break up is worse. It is a complete personal rejection of my being. He no longer wants me. I'm no good. I'm not worthy. All his ridiculous criticisms of me have crushed my spirit. The new girl is a thousand times better than me. No wonder he is with her and not me and on and on and on. They are happy while we wallow in a pool shattered dreams and experience rejection of obscene proportions. You get people who tell you "it's his loss, you're an awesome woman..." etc. But all you think is "if I'm so great, why doesn't he want me? & what does she have that I don't?" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 In the beginning he was crazy over me and I was the cautious one. Then along the way we must have switched roles or something. That was my same situation. He came on so strong and loving. He would stop at nothing to possess me. He idealized me, as a narcissist does. But when I fell from his unrealistic pedestal, it was time to seek out his next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 That was my same situation. He came on so strong and loving. He would stop at nothing to possess me. He idealized me, as a narcissist does. But when I fell from his unrealistic pedestal, it was time to seek out his next victim. Can I ask, what were his reasons for breaking it off? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 You get people who tell you "it's his loss, you're an awesome woman..." etc. But all you think is "if I'm so great, why doesn't he want me? & what does she have that I don't?" I know. Our well-meaning friends tell us how great we are, which is very kind of them. In my situation, the girl he left me for came from fame and fortune, so she really DID have a lot that I don't have. It was irresistible to him. So, that's a big reason that this is so hard on me. He didn't just hook up with any girl. She has a tremendous amount of everything to offer him. And why a warped guy like my ex has the good fortune to be with a girl like her seems grossly unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Can I ask, what were his reasons for breaking it off? Can you believe he didn't even give me reasons for breaking it off?!! He explained it as he has an opportunity he can't pass up. That this situation fell into his lap. He so cruelly told me all the wonderful things about her. They have big plans to work together, change the world, blah, blah, blah. That this could work out best for both of us. He so much wanted to keep me in his life, too. I wouldn't have it, but he tried several times to contact me, but I didn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 I know. Our well-meaning friends tell us how great we are, which is very kind of them. In my situation, the girl he left me for came from fame and fortune, so she really DID have a lot that I don't have. It was irresistible to him. So, that's a big reason that this is so hard on me. He didn't just hook up with any girl. She has a tremendous amount of everything to offer him. And why a warped guy like my ex has the good fortune to be with a girl like her seems grossly unfair. I know what you mean. Perhaps she will eventually leave him, and he'll get a taste of what he put you through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Can you believe he didn't even give me reasons for breaking it off?!! He explained it as he has an opportunity he can't pass up. That this situation fell into his lap. He so cruelly told me all the wonderful things about her. They have big plans to work together, change the world, blah, blah, blah. That this could work out best for both of us. He so much wanted to keep me in his life, too. I wouldn't have it, but he tried several times to contact me, but I didn't respond. What a jerk! My ex told me that his life was such a mess and that he could no longer be in "that type of relationship right now" then 3 months later he was officially with the new girl. Smh Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I know what you mean. Perhaps she will eventually leave him, and he'll get a taste of what he put you through. I know it sounds vindictive, but I really do hope his bad side shows up soon and she ends the relationship. This must sound so weird, but I feel that should they break up, it will be easier for me to heal. But while he is with this great catch of a woman, their union paralyzes me. I don't care much who is he with after her because chances are he will never have the opportunity to be with a woman of her caliber again. Where is karma when we need it?!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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