Is it better when they don't reach out?

[Coping17]

I think sometimes your heart overrules your head. When you are involved in the situation you cannot think rationally even if someone from the outside gives you great advice, you ignore it because they don't know them like you do. Especially if you are the dumpee, you are not in the best state of mind.

[LadyM]

What a jerk!

 

My ex told me that his life was such a mess and that he could no longer be in "that type of relationship right now" then 3 months later he was officially with the new girl. Smh

 

That's awful!!

 

I hope your ex will be officially without the new girl soon!!

 

(not that we wish anyone bad )

[Coping17]

LadyM, why would their break up help you heal?

[singme2sleep]

I know it sounds vindictive, but I really do hope his bad side shows up soon and she ends the relationship.

 

This must sound so weird, but I feel that should they break up, it will be easier for me to heal. But while he is with this great catch of a woman, their union paralyzes me.

 

I don't care much who is he with after her because chances are he will never have the opportunity to be with a woman of her caliber again.

 

Where is karma when we need it?!!!

 

I would admittedly get some pleasure out of knowing his new chick dumped him. There have been times when I thought "wait til she has to deal with this...and that!" No woman will ever love him as unconditionally as I did. He blew it and I do hope he ends up at a table for one, in the Karma Cafe lol.

Edited December 26, 2013 by singme2sleep

[LadyM]

I would admittedly get some pleasure out of knowing his new chick dumped him. There have been times when I thought "wait til she has to deal with this and that...no woman will love him as unconditionally as I did." He blew it and I do hope he ends up at a table for one. in the Karma Cafe lol.

 

I know what you mean!

 

Sometimes, I feel sorry for his girl, knowing what she is having to put up with.

 

Maybe it'll be a table for two at Karma Cafe - BOTH our exes!

[singme2sleep]

I know what you mean!

 

Sometimes, I feel sorry for his girl, knowing what she is having to put up with.

 

Maybe it'll be a table for two at Karma Cafe - BOTH our exes!

 

They can sit and cry to each other, about what idiots they are for breaking up with us!!!

[LadyM]

LadyM, why would their break up help you heal?

 

I'm not exactly sure, but maybe it's because she is so clearly better than me and that is an even bigger blow to my ego?

 

Maybe because I feel he so much doesn't deserve such good fortune to come his way after the pain he has caused me?

 

Maybe because he vocalized his great admiration of her to me? Probably that one most of all.

 

Hard to pinpoint. I'm not really sure.

[singme2sleep]

I'm not exactly sure, but maybe it's because she is so clearly better than me and that is an even bigger blow to my ego?

 

Maybe because I feel he so much doesn't deserve such good fortune to come his way after the pain he has caused me?

 

Maybe because he vocalized his great admiration of her to me? Probably that one most of all.

 

Hard to pinpoint. I'm not really sure.

 

I doubt that she is better than you. Having fame & fortune doesn't make you better.

[LadyM]

They can sit and cry to each other, about what idiots they are for breaking up with us!!!

 

Yes!!!

 

Truth is, my ex told me no one ever cared for him as much as I did.

 

And I bet that's the truth for you and your ex, too.

 

I wonder if one day they will reflect back with some regret.

 

But I guess it doesn't matter as they have no desire to be with us now.

[LadyM]

I doubt that she is better than you. Having fame & fortune doesn't make you better.

 

That's what my friends tell me, too.

 

But because my ex thinks she's better than me, I think she is, too.

 

The mind can be so irrational...

[singme2sleep]

Yes!!!

 

Truth is, my ex told me no one ever cared for him as much as I did.

 

And I bet that's the truth for you and your ex, too.

 

I wonder if one day they will reflect back with some regret.

 

But I guess it doesn't matter as they have no desire to be with us now.

 

He told me I was so special and so different from girls he had dated before. Makes me wonder what lines he fed her.

 

At some point, I think he will regret but prob when it's too late.

[LadyM]

He told me I was so special and so different from girls he had dated before. Makes me wonder what lines he fed her.

 

At some point, I think he will regret but prob when it's too late.

 

My ex also told me, countless times, he never met anyone like me before.

 

Now I'm thinking he's telling the new girl the same thing!!

[singme2sleep]

That's what my friends tell me, too.

 

But because my ex thinks she's better than me, I think she is, too.

 

The mind can be so irrational...

 

Oh it certainly can. If I wasn't me, I'd be saying "you're better off, he doesn't deserve you" but instead I think and act the opposite.

[singme2sleep]

My ex also told me, countless times, he never met anyone like me before.

 

Now I'm thinking he's telling the new girl the same thing!!

 

So are we the fools for believing it, or them for not meaning what they said?

 

I totally have trust issues now...thanks to him!

[LadyM]

Oh it certainly can. If I wasn't me, I'd be saying "you're better off, he doesn't deserve you" but instead I think and act the opposite.

 

I know! If my friends were in my situation, I would be telling them how lucky they are to be rid of the bum and good riddance.

 

But just like you, I think and act the opposite. It's more like why doesn't he want me? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will he ever come back?

 

It is really so sad that we take this view. We are valuable women with so much to offer. We just happened to fall in love, or be conned, by the wrong men.

[LadyM]

So are we the fools for believing it, or them for not meaning what they said?

 

I totally have trust issues now...thanks to him!

 

They may have meant it at the time, for that moment in time, at least. Or maybe that is the one great line they feed to all the girls. It's a good one and we fall hook, line and sinker for it every time.

 

Major trust issues now. How can we EVER believe anything other men will tell us??

[singme2sleep]

I know! If my friends were in my situation, I would be telling them how lucky they are to be rid of the bum and good riddance.

 

But just like you, I think and act the opposite. It's more like why doesn't he want me? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will he ever come back?

 

It is really so sad that we take this view. We are valuable women with so much to offer. We just happened to fall in love, or be conned, by the wrong men.

 

The other thing that scares me is that I truly believed he was the one for me. People who are happily married will say stuff like "when you know, you know" well I thought I knew so where the hell does that leave me now?!

[singme2sleep]

They may have meant it at the time, for that moment in time, at least. Or maybe that is the one great line they feed to all the girls. It's a good one and we fall hook, line and sinker for it every time.

 

Major trust issues now. How can we EVER believe anything other men will tell us??

 

Yep! It only takes ONE guy to make you become bitter and disillusioned about the whole damn gender.

[LadyM]

The other thing that scares me is that I truly believed he was the one for me. People who are happily married will say stuff like "when you know, you know" well I thought I knew so where the hell does that leave me now?!

 

I think you can "know" more than once.

 

There have been a few men I have known that I could have thought were the "one."

 

Time is the deciding factor whether or not someone is the one. And also, trying not to avoid the blatant red flags is helpful.

[Never Again]

In my opinion, "when you know, you know" is a cliche thrown around by people who don't know any better.

 

It's chemistry at it's finest, masking faults and other such stuff. Most people I know of who've used that phrase, end up divorced/separated/broken-up soon after the "passionate love" phase ended.

 

I think you can fall in love deeply enough more than once to feel "that way" with someone, but I also feel that some people expect that feeling to last forever with no interruptions or rifts.

[Angry bird]

Reading LadyM and Sing's dialogue really made me take a look at myself. It makes me want to move on faster now without looking for reconnection. I never want to cross paths with my X loser again.

 

Sing and LadyM, once you move on from them emotionally, they will want you back. And you will not even care enough to hate them anymore. You'll just be like...."ew, been there done that".

 

Sing, I feel for you truly. I can see your pain in the words you write. Don't allow this man to make you bitter, and what goes around comes around.

[LadyM]

Yep! It only takes ONE guy to make you become bitter and disillusioned about the whole damn gender.

 

I know.

 

I now feel all men must be like my ex.

 

They are never to be trusted.

 

Period.

[LadyM]

Reading LadyM and Sing's dialogue really made me take a look at myself. It makes me want to move on faster now without looking for reconnection. I never want to cross paths with my X loser again.

 

Sing and LadyM, once you move on from them emotionally, they will want you back. And you will not even care enough to hate them anymore. You'll just be like...."ew, been there done that".

 

Sing, I feel for you truly. I can see your pain in the words you write. Don't allow this man to make you bitter, and what goes around comes around.

 

Angry bird - Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It means a lot and I hope you're right.

 

And it's especially satisfying to me that the dialogue between me and Sing helped you move on faster from a man not worthy of your thoughts.

[BC1980]

And people will compare it to grieving a death, but it's not the same. When someone dies you are devastated because you know they can't come back but that they didn't choose to leave you. When someone breaks up with you they are still out there living their life and that's a slap in the face. They chose to leave you and it hurts beyond the sting of rejection.

 

It does bring me a bit of comfort. I'm certainly not in the same desolate place emotionally, that I was. I cried myself to sleep for almost 3 months in the beginning and didn't even want to get out of bed during the daytime. Now I hardly shed tears for him but I unfortunately still love him. That's the worst part, loving the person who betrayed me. Ever feel as if your heart thinks for itself and you cannot control it?

 

I have heard it said they death of a spouse or partner is easier in some ways. I don't know, but it is different I'm sure. It's been so hard for me to accept because he seemed so genuine, and I trusted him when he said we would be together forever. I struggle to understand how someone who said those things could be the same person who doesn't want to be with me. I just keep thinking BUT he said this and that, ect.

 

I'm so scared I will be stuck in this place forever. I want to find love again, but I sometimes feel I'm not capable. I think that scares me the most.

[lovelylilly]

It's actually a bizarre concept that we are supposed to just move along after loving someone so deeply. It's not as if they died - they're still out there and we still love them. But we've been denied access to them. Cruelty at it's finest.

 

Nailed it right on. My last break up came out of no where; with no warning. It really is like grieving a death. Talking everyday and seeing him three to four days a week, and then out of nowhere nothing. After he broke up with me I haven't heard from him at all. I've deleted him and all his friends off Facebook and all our pictures, I put all the things he got me in a box or bag and put it at my parents place. It's like he never existed, and I don't think I'll ever find out why we broke up. I don't understand it and I hate that. I hate seeing people hurting too. But I know we'll all get through this.