He's acting weird...I need some light

[irresolute]

I'm a MW, I've been seeing this guy who is single for quite a long time now.

We reconnected about 1 month ago after a period of No Contact (started by me because he flaked a lot lately. It was not the first time of no contact, we've been on and off always, mostly because I got jealous and mad at him and block him everywhere. He always respond when I contact him again)

 

OK, he seemed super excited when I contacted him, and he initiated contact by texting me a couple times too when my husband was traveling.

Now here's what it is weird. We've met through Ashley Madison, and I've changed/deleted my profile several times, but I always managed to contact him again, or its him who contacted me some times.

 

Now here's the thing. I know he's online on AM, but he appears offline. Lately, he has gone online when I signed in, so that means he's been checking on me.

He's been pretty active in the times when I am online, but he doesn't contact me.

In fact, I sent him a text on Monday (it was 2 am) saying I miss him and he told me he missed me too but didn't follow up that conversation. I haven't contacted him since them, yet it seems he's checking on me online.

why is he acting like this? Is he waiting me to contact him and is afraid to text? Is he interested or not? I'm scared to text him and seem needy, which I don't want because I was like this in the past.

 

 

*****Moralists refrain yourself, your messages would not be taken into consideration. I don't want a class of morals here. Thank yoi.

[Cocochai]

I'm a MW, I've been seeing this guy who is single for quite a long time now.

We reconnected about 1 month ago after a period of No Contact (started by me because he flaked a lot lately. It was not the first time of no contact, we've been on and off always, mostly because I got jealous and mad at him and block him everywhere. He always respond when I contact him again)

 

OK, he seemed super excited when I contacted him, and he initiated contact by texting me a couple times too when my husband was traveling.

Now here's what it is weird. We've met through Ashley Madison, and I've changed/deleted my profile several times, but I always managed to contact him again, or its him who contacted me some times.

 

Now here's the thing. I know he's online on AM, but he appears offline. Lately, he has gone online when I signed in, so that means he's been checking on me.

He's been pretty active in the times when I am online, but he doesn't contact me.

In fact, I sent him a text on Monday (it was 2 am) saying I miss him and he told me he missed me too but didn't follow up that conversation. I haven't contacted him since them, yet it seems he's checking on me online.

why is he acting like this? Is he waiting me to contact him and is afraid to text? Is he interested or not? I'm scared to text him and seem needy, which I don't want because I was like this in the past.

 

 

*****Moralists refrain yourself, your messages would not be taken into consideration. I don't want a class of morals here. Thank yoi.

 

Are you positive your the only person he's talking to? You two have been talking only a month and he knows your a MW so if you two haven't developed an emotional attachmate yet he could be talking to several others. Just a thought.

[irresolute]

Yes, I'm pretty sure he's checking on me. And it's been one year, not one month since we've known each other.

It's been a month since we reconnected.

I need some insight please

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I don't understand how you know he's checking on you, the online-offline stuff you posted wasn't clear to me, but I don't know that website and how it works.

 

 

Everything you posted is vague, you "contact" him, he "contacts" you, does "contact" mean "hello" or does it mean "I love you" or does it mean "let's meet up"?

 

 

I doubt you are going to get any insight if you are that vague. Could you post more details?

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

OK, he seemed super excited when I contacted him, and he initiated contact by texting me a couple times too

 

 

I sent him a text on Monday (it was 2 am) saying I miss him and he told me he missed me too but didn't follow up that conversation. I haven't contacted him since them, yet it seems he's checking on me online.

 

why is he acting like this? Is he waiting me to contact him and is afraid to text? Is he interested or not? I'm scared to text him and seem needy, which I don't want because I was like this in the past.

 

 

*****Moralists refrain yourself, your messages would not be taken into consideration. I don't want a class of morals here. Thank yoi.

 

 

When you say "super excited," do you mean he told you he missed you or something more?

 

 

Maybe you are each too afraid to text each other for fear of seeming needy?

 

 

Maybe he doesn't want to show you he's too interested because he's afraid you'll get all needy again?

 

 

Maybe he's sick of being on and off always, of you getting jealous and mad and blocking him everywhere, then re-initiating contact?

 

 

Maybe he is looking for you to make the first contact so he knows you're more committed to the relationship this time?

[irresolute]

When I said super excited I refer to his replies. He insisted in meeting. Never said I love you.

 

I know he's online because even when he appears offline, there's a blue bubble near the profile that indicates he's online and ready to chat.

 

When we contact each other is usually let's meet type of thing.

Edited December 26, 2013 by irresolute

[Oldspiceywolf]

Can't you just move one to another affair partner.

He's not that interested... Interested guys make moves, he seems to be keeping his options open as long as it's easy.

If you are determined to be in an affair pick partners who aren't wishy washy, makes sure they have their game together because once it gets going it gets ficken crazy.

This guys will either put you through an emotional ringer on blow your spot up, it's not the right situation for prolonged cheating.

I have a feeling you only like him because it's weird, vague, mysterious, and known. Let yourself get over this dude before your involved with a loser.

[irresolute]

Can't you just move one to another affair partner.

He's not that interested... Interested guys make moves, he seems to be keeping his options open as long as it's easy.

If you are determined to be in an affair pick partners who aren't wishy washy, makes sure they have their game together because once it gets going it gets ficken crazy.

This guys will either put you through an emotional ringer on blow your spot up, it's not the right situation for prolonged cheating.

I have a feeling you only like him because it's weird, vague, mysterious, and known. Let yourself get over this dude before your involved with a loser.

Thank you so much. I get your point and completely agree with you .

Last time I saw him told me this: that I was very ingenuous and he felt like he was taking advantage of me. I asked if he felt guilty. His reply: "no, I don't feel guilty because you are the one who looked for me"

 

This time I'm not looking for him, so he'll need to overcome his guilty feelings if he wants to see me again.

[irresolute]

Oldspicewolf: I wanted to send you a private message because I want to know what do you exactly mean wit emotional ringer and blow my spot up but I couldn't. Could you please clarify me this?

[Quiet Storm]

Thank you so much. I get your point and completely agree with you .

Last time I saw him told me this: that I was very ingenuous and he felt like he was taking advantage of me. I asked if he felt guilty. His reply: "no, I don't feel guilty because you are the one who looked for me"

 

This time I'm not looking for him, so he'll need to overcome his guilty feelings if he wants to see me again.

 

 

The site you refer to is rumored to have a lot of mentally ill & emotionally challenged members. I heard men discussing it on talk radio just last week. They were saying that most of the women's profiles were fakes, and the rest are "crazies". (not my opinion, just what I heard in a discussion).

 

I AM NOT saying that you are mentally ill or crazy- I don't even know you. I am just pointing this out because it fits with his comment that he felt like he was taking advantage of you. If he is aware of the rumors regarding the site, he may be extra sensitive to any behavior that he perceives as needy, because he wants to avoid ANY possibility of taking advantage or exploiting someone.

[irresolute]

Hello, I haven't heard about those rumors at all...what I can tell you is that people there is pretty normal there, you'd never imagined who has a profile up. Professionals etc. but yeah, I agree in that crazy and mentally challenged people are everywhere.

I thought you were referring to him actually, because I find weird a single man looking for married woman. I mean, what kind of fantasy they may have?

This guy has a strange one: he wants to taste me after I've had sex with another man (husband or whatever). He has this fantasy of a threesome with two men. I find this quite disturbing.

He actually contacted me yesterday night.

[whichwayisup]

What is it that you're hoping to happen with him? Are you going to leave your husband and family behind and start a new life with this loser? Or are you just looking for an affair, fun on the side? Just wondering what the point of all this is, what your goal is in the future. Does this messed up guy make you happy, feel loved, secure and someone you can rebuild a new life with? If no, then why go down that pathway to begin with? Not judging you, but what is happening in your marriage, what's happening inside of you to want to go cheat on your husband?

 

If you put half as much energy into your marriage, maybe you'd be happier with the man you said vows to, instead of wasting your time, energy and effort on some guy who sounds like he isn't worth it at all.

[irresolute]

Why would you say he's a loser, and I just can't see him that way? Am I inside the affair fog?

[ZMM]

This guy has a strange one: he wants to taste me after I've had sex with another man (husband or whatever).

 

Wow. That is a new one to me and very very strange. I don't know, that doesn't seem normal. I try not to be judgemental, but I don't understand this.

[Oldspiceywolf]

What I meant by emotional ringer is, he plays you hot and cold, I believe from my own experience that the hot and cold treatment is what gets us deep into being infatuated with people who could really care less. You do t want to waste your time on someone not that into you.

 

By blow up your spot I meant that this guys is careless and haphazard, if you want to cheat and be in an affair choose a guy you can trust to help you get away with it as long as possible. This guy has no love or loyalty to you which is a reason why he will throw you under the bus or carelessly expose you by just taking things lightly, which is his attitude toward you.

[violet1]

I'm a MW, I've been seeing this guy who is single for quite a long time now.

We reconnected about 1 month ago after a period of No Contact (started by me because he flaked a lot lately. It was not the first time of no contact, we've been on and off always, mostly because I got jealous and mad at him and block him everywhere. He always respond when I contact him again)

 

OK, he seemed super excited when I contacted him, and he initiated contact by texting me a couple times too when my husband was traveling.

Now here's what it is weird. We've met through Ashley Madison, and I've changed/deleted my profile several times, but I always managed to contact him again, or its him who contacted me some times.

 

Now here's the thing. I know he's online on AM, but he appears offline. Lately, he has gone online when I signed in, so that means he's been checking on me.

He's been pretty active in the times when I am online, but he doesn't contact me.

In fact, I sent him a text on Monday (it was 2 am) saying I miss him and he told me he missed me too but didn't follow up that conversation. I haven't contacted him since them, yet it seems he's checking on me online.

why is he acting like this? Is he waiting me to contact him and is afraid to text? Is he interested or not? I'm scared to text him and seem needy, which I don't want because I was like this in the past.

 

 

*****Moralists refrain yourself, your messages would not be taken into consideration. I don't want a class of morals here. Thank yoi.

 

When you can PM, please PM me. I've used Ashley Madison before and I can give you some good advice on what you're going through. I don't want to do it publicly because every time I try to give advice on things like this, I get attacked. A poster here also insinuated that I was "mentally I'll" because I used AM.

[irresolute]

Violet and Scarletinna: I'd love to talk to you in private. I just don't know when I'd be able to PM you, and I'm not sure I can share my email address here?

 

Oldspicewolf:I'm greatly amazed by the clarity and deep of your message, and you've wrote so with so little info I gave to you. Yet, I have to disagree with the last point you made. He cares because he's afraid of getting involved in some trouble. He cares more than me sometimes. He never texts me unless I text him first, and he is respectful of my life (I know this may sound ironic, but it's the truth). I don't think this it's because he has feelings for me though. I think he respects my situation because he, somehow, is a coward, and he doesn't want to get in trouble.

With the hot and cold behavior, I really don't know what to think. It may be he's afraid of developing some feelings for me? He's been extremely reserved, he couldn't opened himself to me. One time he told me that in the case he would catch feelings, that would be a loss-loss situation for both of us... This was loong ago.

[Oldspiceywolf]

Ok. I was an OM once, I protected her when she asked me too but when I fell in love with her I didn't care who knew. I talked to some of her friends about it, met her mom(with her), it got pretty careless. I didn't think he would intentionally blow up your spot but I thought his lack of interest could be construed as lack track covering but your coward angle is legit.

 

50 posts, I got my established member status at 50 posts and I was able to private message(yesterday, I was excited!!!)

 

I hate that people try to make others feel crappy here just for asking advice. I think if somebody has a problem with a way a forum poster is living their life but the poster didn't ask for that opinion the. There's no need to comment.

 

I think cheating causes pain but it still happens and if someone has a life situation I can give any insight to, I'd love to help that's why I'm trying not to judge people like OP. She needs to do what she needs to do to get where she needs to go, if it ends in tragedy it's her own doing but it's still her journey to take.

 

Just curious, why you haven't seen anyone else?

[Oldspiceywolf]

I think hot and cold is game people play in relationships specifically in affairs. It's gross, don't bother with people who do this, there's no mystery, they are just gross and don't have enough substance to sustain chemistry without it. He picked this strategy up somewhere and it seems to work for him.

[Minnie09]

I think hot and cold is game people play in relationships specifically in affairs. It's gross, don't bother with people who do this, there's no mystery, they are just gross and don't have enough substance to sustain chemistry without it. He picked this strategy up somewhere and it seems to work for him.

 

What for? Maybe he's very young and immature?

[MasonJarTeaDrinker]

I agree with that person about that hot and cold stuff, it's really annoying it should be either one or the other specially if you're doing this as having an affair.

 

However it's easier said than done so I think if you do meet up with him you should tell him that you're not down with this hot and cold crap so if he doesn't want to keep doing this then to just cut it completely, because it will mess with you.

 

To answer your question though, he probably does want you because if he didn't he probably wouldn't keep talking to you. He's just playing hard to get or doesn't want to seem needy to you.

[Oldspiceywolf]

She's married, he's not that young from the sound of it. I don't know now many people you e dated but I've dated hot and cold people, it's disgusting, I don't even think they know what they are doing sometimes. I'm a big tall dude with a beard, I frighten some little girls under 2, hot and cold works on them too, she hated me and wouldn't let me hug her mom, I started using hot and cold on her, were buddies now!

[irresolute]

Just curious, why you haven't seen anyone else?

 

 

He was the first one, and I couldn't really found someone else who made me feel the thrill and excitement I always feel with him. I've tried but I always return to him

 

He's in his late forties. So, no, no young man.

 

I guess he's some walls built up and hot and cold is "safe" for him.

 

 

MasonJarTeaDrinker: I can't possible say that to him. He couldn't care less about what my needs are. I told him several times I want more contact, yet he always act with indifference.

Could it also be that he always respond to me because I'm easy? Or because he likes to have me as a second option? I just don't know what to think.

[violet1]

I think hot and cold is game people play in relationships specifically in affairs. It's gross, don't bother with people who do this, there's no mystery, they are just gross and don't have enough substance to sustain chemistry without it. He picked this strategy up somewhere and it seems to work for him.

 

The hot and colds happen in affairs because they aren't normal relationships IMO. Affairs are very different and people don't always know how to handle them. Or they think it's just an affair so I don't have to communicate and it's just for sex. OP, just look for another guy and let this one go.

[irresolute]

The hot and colds happen in affairs because they aren't normal relationships IMO. Affairs are very different and people don't always know how to handle them. Or they think it's just an affair so I don't have to communicate and it's just for sex. OP, just look for another guy and let this one go.

 

Why would you say that I need to let him go?