new girlfriend is a little shady

[VdangerV]

So, I really hate to be posting this since it is sooooo early in the relationship.

 

Anyway, to get started. We been dating a few weeks now. I don't really care all to much because of the lack of time we have dated, but I just don't want to waste my time.

 

I trust her. I have absolutely no reason not to right now.

 

I have noticed something though.

 

1) She would say other guys are cute to their face and commented on their features such as tattoos while I am with her or on the phone with her.

 

2) She would show me texts from some guy who talked to her at the bar, he said something like "i thought we had a chance after the way we talked, i can't understand if you wanted to be fwb, a relationship etc" and she showed me she told him that she is mine which I am thankful for that she is showing me. She said "he is the kind of guy who thinks every girl that is nice to him is interested in him"

 

3) When she goes to show me something on her phone or reply to a text as she is laying with me, I will see her delete a conversation with someone as soon as she opens up the messages app and then she will go to reply to the other text. She has done this 3 times now and I am not going to confront her because it's to early in the relationship and it really wouldn't effect me to much

 

4) Her co-worker got her an olive garden gift card for secret santa and said "I want in on the good food though". So she asked me if I would mind if she went to dinner with the guy because he wanted "in on the good food" and that she isn't attracted to him. I said of course I mind. That's a date. You aren't single anymore. I said it made me feel uncomfortable and she said she told him she can't go, and he decided not to give her the gift card. (apparently he has a girlfriend as well)

 

Don't get me wrong, I can see us going somewhere...but I just want to know if I am wasting my time or not.

Edited December 26, 2013 by VdangerV

[5tu88sy]

So, I really hate to be posting this since it is sooooo early in the relationship.

 

Anyway, to get started. We been dating a few weeks now. I don't really care all to much because of the lack of time we have dated, but I just don't want to waste my time.

 

I trust her. I have absolutely no reason not to right now.

 

I have noticed something though.

 

1) She would say other guys are cute to their face and commented on their features such as tattoos while I am with her or on the phone with her.

 

2) She would show me texts from some guy who talked to her at the bar, he said something like "i thought we had a chance after the way we talked, i can't understand if you wanted to be fwb, a relationship etc" and she showed me she told him that she is mine which I am thankful for that she is showing me. She said "he is the kind of guy who thinks every girl that is nice to him is interested in him"

 

3) When she goes to show me something on her phone or reply to a text as she is laying with me, I will see her delete a conversation with someone as soon as she opens up the messages app and then she will go to reply to the other text. She has done this 3 times now and I am not going to confront her because it's to early in the relationship and it really wouldn't effect me to much

 

4) Her co-worker got her an olive garden gift card for secret santa and said "I want in on the good food though". So she asked me if I would mind if she went to dinner with the guy because he wanted "in on the good food" and that she isn't attracted to him. I said of course I mind. That's a date. You aren't single anymore. I said it made me feel uncomfortable and she said she told him she can't go, and he decided not to give her the gift card. (apparently he has a girlfriend as well)

 

Don't get me wrong, I can see us going somewhere...but I just want to know if I am wasting my time or not.

 

Hi mate.

 

This sounds really bad... If she's making you feel this bad/jealous this early on in the relationship, it's only going to get worse. Get out of it before you invest too much time and emotion.

 

My wife/ex-wife went out for a friendly dinner with a guy from her work twice; they started by going out for coffee; then started texting each other outside of work - A few months later she left me for this same guy.

 

Get out now - it's not worth it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your girlfriend has poor boundaries. She doesn't appear to understand or care that certain behaviour could be construed as inappropriate when you're in a relationship. Yes, it's nice that she showed you messages from this other guy but why is she giving her phone number to some random person she met at a bar? Clearly the nature of their "talk" confused the guy and that should raise some flags with you. What were they chatting about that could lead him to think she's available?

 

She likes the attention. She sounds a little immature also. How old is she? Be careful. If it continues, you can let her know that you're uncomfortable with it and might not be able to continue the relationship.

[theothersully]

She is not girlfriend material. Since she is obviously just dating around, flirting with everyone without a bit of care for your feelings or any respect for you, join the game. Use her for sex, then vanish when you are done with her games.

 

Use a good condom though!

[Sparta]

Run what are you thinking ...! If you stay with her you're looking for a lot of trouble buddy.

[mammasita]

red flags all the way!!!!

 

The secret Santa thing sounds way fishy. Why would it be a secret Santa gift, but he won't give it to her now because she won't take him? I'm calling MAJOR bull$hit!!!!

 

Remove any thoughts of "going somewhere" or a future with this train wreck and...... Run. Fast. Yesterday.

[Sparta]

red flags all the way!!!!

 

The secret Santa thing sounds way fishy. Why would it be a secret Santa gift, but he won't give it to her now because she won't take him? I'm calling MAJOR bull$hit!!!!

 

Remove any thoughts of "going somewhere" or a future with this train wreck and...... Run. Fast. Yesterday.

 

I totally agree. Anyways buddy everything else tells you she's a nightmare just waiting to happen. If you stay with that you know you're going to be back on here in the cheating.

[greenfairie]

Sounds like she isn't taking you seriously.

She's a bitch though for rubbing that in your face…

I mean, at least have some respect for the guy you're dating? Really?

**** you.

 

I would disappear lol.

[anna121]

This is the funniest thread I've read all week. She sounds a bit immature, but a "bitch" and a skank? Oy.

 

OP, you aren't going to be happy with her so you may as well end it. Save yourself some time.

[bubbaganoosh]

I wonder how she would feel if you did the same thing to her and see her reaction to it.

 

Sounds like she's a game player and really isn't that serious as you thought. Might be time to reevaluate your relationship. It might not be what you think.

[Keenly]

1 is fine...guys make comments on other womens bodies and how hot they are all the time...and when they do this they are "just being a guy."

 

2 is fine...she rejects men that hit on her, understands some men hit on every woman who is halfway attractive or nice and was being honest with you.

 

3 and 4 are shady. Red flags!!!

 

1 is NOT fine. I don't know where you get your sweeping generalizations from, but they are almost always incorrect. He didn't say anything about talking about other women. So how could you possibly justify this behavior? It's blatant disrespect.

 

Same with deleting messages in front of you. That would be a clear red flag for me and I would be having a short, curt conversation in which one wrong answer would result in me walking out the door.

[VdangerV]

thanks for all the input. We are both 21 years old.

 

as for the guy at the bar, she didn't give him her number, it was through a Facebook message. Sorry I didn't mentiosn that.

 

I do want to confront her, but I don't at the same,timevbecause like I said its early in the relationship.

 

I did confront her about the dinner thing which she told him she is not going. She also agreed it was more like a date and that she doesn't want to mKe me uncomfortable.

 

I have no proof she is deleting text, I mean I saw her doing it but idk who from or what about

[Keenly]

I dont know where you live but perhaps I should move there. I have a lot of friends with boyfriends, and all of them make comments about hot women on TV and occasionally make comments about women they know in real life. Women are told this is just something men do. So nope, I'm not incorrect. If its okay for men to do that, then women shouldnt be demonized for doing the same thing. I also dont generally think commenting on someone else's appearance from time to time is a grave offense. After all, people are human and dont become blind when they start dating someone.

 

Number 2 isnt about deleting messages...

 

I don't recall anyone ever saying it was okay for men to do that.

 

 

I also think its laughable that your small window of anecdotal evidence is being applied to half of the human race as a whole.

.just because your friends boyfriends do something does not mean ALL Men do it. We get it, you are a man hater, but at least be realistic with your gender bashing.

[fixing]

She shouldnt be in a relationship. She loves all this male attention and i reckon it will only get worse and worse. Not girlfriend material like someone else said.

 

I reckon, you either confront her now and tell her she needs to stop flirting around with other men,

 

or

 

dump her.

[ascendotum]

I wonder how she would feel if you did the same thing to her and see her reaction to it.

 

Sounds like she's a game player and really isn't that serious as you thought. Might be time to reevaluate your relationship. It might not be what you think.

 

Agree.

No.1 is not a problem for me.

No.2 is. I don't mind the fact that a gf might talk to other guys when she is out. I'd find it a little strange that she is showing me txt convos she's had where guy's think they had a fwb shot with her. While I agree there is plenty of guys that think any girl that is nice to him is interested in them, I don't like the fact that she gave some random guy her phone number and that she seems like she is trying a bit too hard to reassure you that she is trustworthy (and that other guy's think she's hot), which for me has the opposite effect.

No.3 - I allow gf's their own life to an extent and don't expect to have full access to their phones or laptops, but the behavior you describe is a little shady.

No.4 WTF, the dude confesses he was the secret gift buyer & then wants some of the gift he gave her, then rescinds the gift. He can F.O. & her wanting to go to dinner with him shows poor choice imo. There is no obligation what so ever to share a gift someone gave you.

 

All up, I agree with you, she's suspect, and since you plan to stick around I'd keep my eyes open good for sure if I were you.

[MasonJarTeaDrinker]

LOL damn well eventually you're going to have to bring it up, is she hot? I bet she's hot that's why all these dudes want to get at her. You're probably going to have to deal with *******s like this for a long ass time so just start getting use to it however don't let her make you feel bad she's gonna have to change the way she acts eventually.

 

"I once heard, date the 10 but marry the 7" from a person that I have great respect for, what do you guys think about that?

[Elias33]

Date material, not Girlfriend material. Openly expressing interested towards the other gender is a very immature way to approach a serious relationship. This goes for both men and women. But then again, maybe you just want a date, then by all means, enjoy!

[Vogeltron]

If it were me. I do not text. I would be telling this girl that anyone "MAN" who texts really has a Vagina. Real Men a Mans Man does not Text. Maybe that is why you are having problems. You need to take control of the relationship. In any male/female relationship. The man needs to set the tone and take charge. Otherwise that is the 99% of the time it becomes confused and cluttered and ends up badly.