ARandonName Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 The title says it all. I have been in a loving relationship for a while now, everything was perfect, I had no issues with the relationship and neither did they. Last weekend I went out with a group of friends and got way too drunk (yes, what a common 'excuse'), I aren't 100% sure of the facts but I woke up in bed with another man and knew something had happened. I don't remember going back to his or even how it all began. I have no attraction to this person, I don't like them in any way possible and the thought of being intimate with anyone other than my partner sickens me. As I wasn't 100% sure on the details of what happened I feel bad for not being able to give the full story but either way straight away within a few hours I went to my partner's house and told him exactly what had happened (or what I remembered). Needless to say he was crushed and so was I. He said it was so out of character for me and goes against everything I ever believed in (I was always very anti-cheating). I had to tell him though, it wasn't right, how could I hurt someone I loved so much and then to add a lie to it? That just isn't me and isn't fair. He said he didn't want it to end but doesn't know of a way he could ever forgive and not hang it over my head, he has made mistakes in the past (not cheating but other serious mistakes) and he stated he didn't want to ruin the journey to becoming a better person himself over it. I understood and said I would give him space. I feel so ashamed in what I have done, I cannot eat, sleep or do anything. I aren't looking for sympathy or attention, I don't deserve any of that. Since this happened (4/5 days ago) he has text me to tell me not to punish myself and to smile and forget the past as it was just a mistake and he knows how truly sorry I am. Which if anything makes it even worse that he is being so kind. I really deserve to be hated by him but he just hasn't. We were in a distant relationship but saw eachother most weekends and he stated he would find it difficult when we were apart. He has ended it of course but I know there is so much love there still. I am wrong in what I have done, I wish I could remember the full extent to find out why this happened, but I cannot. So he goes back home today (he was in the same city visiting relatives) and my question is what do I do? How do I fight for this relationship, everything is telling me to fight it, it was so out of character for me and I can truly say I would never make a mistake like this again, the first step is limiting how much I drink when I go out, i'm not usually even a big drinker at all but this time I just let it all down. How do I move forward? Do I give him space or do I write him a letter, he doesn't want me to keep saying sorry but I feel I need to. I need to save this relationship because for it to end over my disgusting stupidity I can't handle. Can someone help me to figure out what my plan to fight is? Any help at all is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelia81 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Did you know this other man? What have your friends said that were with you that night? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 The problem you are facing is your lack of boundaries. Even if you go out with friends you should limit how much you drink. Never be alone with another man unless your single. My Grandfather always told me don't put things where they don't belong. If you were not there the chances of you cheating would not be there. Should you punish yourself for this for the rest of your life? No. Learn from this experience. Let your bf move on to heal. Give him a chance to go find someone who can offer him a more fulfilling relationship. Staying with him will only increase his fear of you doing it again. Your life wont be that great after a while. Eventually he will watch everything you do and it will drive him crazy. You can say you will never do that again but honestly you already failed so you can not guarantee nothing. Give yourself time to heal and do the same for him. Some lessons in life really suck. This is one of them Clay 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 No to sound mean but this is bull****, you had to have some attraction to this dude, either that or you got raped. So you have to admit to that first and just know that you did something that maybe deep down inside you wanted to do because people don't just cheat they cheat because they want to. I cheat and I do it on purpose I don't go blaming outside circumstances. So if you say what you say then call the police because you got raped. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 No, it's not out of character for you. You did it so own it and all the feelings that come with it. If it truly is not who you want to be than start counseling, but you sound really young so maybe give yourself some time to grow up. Don't waste time trying to "fight for" your dead relationship. He told you point-blank that he wouldn't forgive you and would hang it over your head so come on, deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 No to sound mean but this is bull****, you had to have some attraction to this dude, either that or you got raped. So you have to admit to that first and just know that you did something that maybe deep down inside you wanted to do because people don't just cheat they cheat because they want to. I cheat and I do it on purpose I don't go blaming outside circumstances. So if you say what you say then call the police because you got raped. Just saying. I agree. A bit like an alcoholic who claims not to know how the bottle got in his hand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 my question is what do I do? How do I fight for this relationship You don't. You cheated and it is up to him whether he wants to end the relationship or not. He has chosen to end it so there is nothing you can do except to move on. Just do as he asks and leave him alone. These are the consequences of your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 No to sound mean but this is bull****, you had to have some attraction to this dude, either that or you got raped. So you have to admit to that first and just know that you did something that maybe deep down inside you wanted to do because people don't just cheat they cheat because they want to. I cheat and I do it on purpose I don't go blaming outside circumstances. So if you say what you say then call the police because you got raped. Just saying. Not to make light of the situation... But why haven't you contacted the police? Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 How do I move forward? Do I give him space or do I write him a letter, he doesn't want me to keep saying sorry but I feel I need to. I need to save this relationship because for it to end over my disgusting stupidity I can't handle. Dress sexy and give him the best blowjob you can. Works on mine Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I aren't 100% sure of the facts but I woke up in bed with another man and knew something had happened. I don't remember going back to his or even how it all began. I have no attraction to this person, I don't like them in any way possible and the thought of being intimate with anyone other than my partner sickens me. As I wasn't 100% sure on the details of what happened I feel bad for not being able to give the full story Are you sure you weren't slipped a so-called date rape drug? Have you ever blacked out like that before when drinking? If you can't remember going back to the place or what happened, then it sounds like you either have a problem with drinking or you were slipped a drug. This is pretty serious and something a lot worse could have happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 The title says it all. If the title was true you taking responsibility is to realize that you have to accept the consequences of your actions. Classic horny guy/girl that wanted to get laid story. So they get drunk accidently on purpose. Then use the I was to drunk defense the next morning. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Hey OP, from what you've written, I'm not clear that you cheated. Are you? Blacking out or being drugged is not giving someone license to have sex with you. Do you remember willingly making out with him at any point during the night? Or did you go from drinking and no romantic/sexual contact, to waking up in bed? Unless you're clear on what happened I'm not sure that this is called cheating but rather a crime. Also, pressing charges for something like this is notoriously difficult, so don't let anyone tell you that if you don't press charges that means you were willing (I'm pretty sure guys here who don't have a clue will level that at you). Talk to your friends who were there and try to sort out what happened before making any decisions about any of this. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 You don't. He has to decide if he wants you back or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 The title says it all. I have been in a loving relationship for a while now, everything was perfect, I had no issues with the relationship and neither did they. Last weekend I went out with a group of friends and got way too drunk (yes, what a common 'excuse'), I aren't 100% sure of the facts but I woke up in bed with another man and knew something had happened. I don't remember going back to his or even how it all began. I have no attraction to this person, I don't like them in any way possible and the thought of being intimate with anyone other than my partner sickens me. As I wasn't 100% sure on the details of what happened I feel bad for not being able to give the full story but either way straight away within a few hours I went to my partner's house and told him exactly what had happened (or what I remembered). Needless to say he was crushed and so was I. He said it was so out of character for me and goes against everything I ever believed in (I was always very anti-cheating). I had to tell him though, it wasn't right, how could I hurt someone I loved so much and then to add a lie to it? That just isn't me and isn't fair. He said he didn't want it to end but doesn't know of a way he could ever forgive and not hang it over my head, he has made mistakes in the past (not cheating but other serious mistakes) and he stated he didn't want to ruin the journey to becoming a better person himself over it. I understood and said I would give him space. I feel so ashamed in what I have done, I cannot eat, sleep or do anything. I aren't looking for sympathy or attention, I don't deserve any of that. Since this happened (4/5 days ago) he has text me to tell me not to punish myself and to smile and forget the past as it was just a mistake and he knows how truly sorry I am. Which if anything makes it even worse that he is being so kind. I really deserve to be hated by him but he just hasn't. We were in a distant relationship but saw eachother most weekends and he stated he would find it difficult when we were apart. He has ended it of course but I know there is so much love there still. I am wrong in what I have done, I wish I could remember the full extent to find out why this happened, but I cannot. So he goes back home today (he was in the same city visiting relatives) and my question is what do I do? How do I fight for this relationship, everything is telling me to fight it, it was so out of character for me and I can truly say I would never make a mistake like this again, the first step is limiting how much I drink when I go out, i'm not usually even a big drinker at all but this time I just let it all down. How do I move forward? Do I give him space or do I write him a letter, he doesn't want me to keep saying sorry but I feel I need to. I need to save this relationship because for it to end over my disgusting stupidity I can't handle. Can someone help me to figure out what my plan to fight is? Any help at all is appreciated. Well at the very least you told him..... Man would not have, and I think deep down your S.O. is probably grateful for you telling him so he didn't have to find out form someone else. As far as "fighting" for your relationship right now? I would just give him space and time to digest what has happened. If he requested you leave him alone I would respect that request and not contact him. The ball is in his court as to what he wants to do. And if he wants to contact you he will,if not, then just respect his decision to move on. Those are the consequences of your actions. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 People just null and void the rape BS. Nothing is ever out of character OP, choices and decisions are made minute by minute. Fact is you did it because you wanted to and love doesn't matter. He let you go. Now let him heal Link to post Share on other sites
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