QUEENxSHE Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I was unhappily married for 7 1/2 years to a "man" who was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me through out our entire marriage. Ok with that being said I found myself looking else where for affection. During our 5th year of marriage I met someone (for privacy purposes I'll call him "buddy"). I told him I was married, that I was only seeking out a friend nothing more. (My husband was the only man I had ever been with sexually at that time) so surely I was sceptical and scared to initiate any sexual relations with someone new. Fast forward about 6 months.... Buddy and I would text here and there and talked on the phone a few times... my husband continued his abusive ways ....some days were worst than others. I was feeling fed up so I met up with Buddy... We had a couple drinks, and well, I finally gave in! It was amazing! I never knew sex can feel soo good, he made me feel beautiful and wanted ...he put me on a feeling that I never had. You never forget something like that. I knew that I wanted to see him again. But I also felt guilty about it. So I left Buddy alone for a while (a few months) and tried to work things out with my husband, but to no avail his actions towards me didn't change. So at this point me and Buddy started seeing each other more, and by that I mean we would see each other for about 3 hrs - 4 hrs max and went about our seperate lives until the following month or so. I explained to him that I still didnt want anything serious with him ...that our relationship would be based on sex nothing more, you know a friends with benefits type of relationship. He agreed. Shortly after that, my husband and I were no longer sleeping together (I completely lost interest). I am happy to say I finally got out of that horrible marriage. Well 4 years later ...Buddy and I continue to be friends with benefits. Every time feels like the first time! Always different always feels brand new. However, I've always understood the terms of having a friend with benefits and the main rule is to NEVER catch feelings. Which I never did. But I can't say the same for Buddy. You see during one of our intimate encounters he insisted on "making love" to me... I said ok and just went along with it... While we were doing the deed he said to me "I love you" ...I pretended I didn't hear him and kept going but then he said it again ...I looked at him, smiled and kept going... So he stops me and looks me in my eyes and says "Queen, I love you!" For the life of me I couldn't say it back to him.. I didn't want to hurt his feelings either.. So I just smiled at him and started kissing him, I didn't know how else to get him to stop saying that ...I just couldn't say it back.. I couldn't! I can't say something like that to someone if I don't truly feel that way for that person. I'm not a cold person either, I suppose I have some type of "love" for him, as in I care for him as a person, you know, but I'm not IN LOVE with him. He left it alone. I didn't want that to affect what we had and I didn't think he did either. So we agreed to meet back up soon as we usually do. But shortly after that night, I tried meeting back up with him and he just didn't seem interested. So we stopped talking for almost a year. I finally tried reaching back out to him... And he was all for seeing me again. So we haven't stopped seeing each other since, However, he told me about two months ago that he's been in a relationship for the past year. Considering the way he and I met I didn't want to make a BIG deal about it. I said "ok so I'll leave you alone" but he insisted on seeing me. (My view on the situation is,... I'm single I have no loyalties to anyone ...He's a grown man, he's going to do what he wants) We continue hooking up once or twice a month, the usual. But now every time we hook up he still tries to tell me he loves me or he'll say it under his breath but I refuse to acknowledge it. It could all be so simple if we kept our emotions aside. We just can't be together, it'll never work! We're a lot alike, which isn't a good thing. Its more than that though. How do I know whether or not he's just saying that because were being intimate or if he truly means it. Ultimately it's just something I don't want with him. All I want is to have A relationship with him not to be IN a relationship with him. If that makes any sense. And I've always pretty much told him that. Ok well as of recently (last month) he told me he wanted to get me pregnant!! He saw the look on my face and shortly followed up with "by accident" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, He can't be serious ...can he? I was in shock. Total loss for words!! That completely caught me off guard. I haven't spoken to him since and quite frankly I don't think I am going to see him anytime soon or if ever again. Having a child is such a permanent decision, and I just think to myself why would he want that with me? Why?? Why me?! I don't understand it. So my questions are: Why do you think he would want to get me pregnant if we are not completely involved with each other? How long is too long to have a relationship with a friend with benefits? Am I wrong for continuing the relationship even after he said he loves me, knowing I don't feel the same? Advice/Questions and comments are welcome and appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 So my questions are: Why do you think he would want to get me pregnant if we are not completely involved with each other? because he wants an unbreakable and irreversible connection with you. How long is too long to have a relationship with a friend with benefits? There is no time period. it's not how long, it's what takes place. And if one person commits/falls in love - then that's a red flag.... he's fallen for you big time.... Am I wrong for continuing the relationship even after he said he loves me, knowing I don't feel the same? You really need to ask? Is the sex that good that you're willing to carry on using this guy for physical gratification, even though you know you're dragging him along for the ride, while he's completely smitten? Really?? You need to ask?? Advice/Questions and comments are welcome and appreciated Follow-through and sensible responses equally appreciated. you may not like what you read - but this is no way to carry on with someone else's heart.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 .... quite frankly I don't think I am going to see him anytime soon or if ever again. I missed this bit. Apologies. good decision. You should at least let him know though, and give him the honest reason. Good luck. Be well. Link to post Share on other sites
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 The sex must be really good for both of you and I have a FWB that IDK why I find myself thinking that I would love to get her pregnant which is so damn weird! However she tells me I love you and I do the same to her, but I think I do it because she is just super attractive and I would hate to lose her so I'm thinking that you must be super hot as well which is a good thing but that's probably why he wants to get your pregnant. Be careful and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 yeah, it is human nature to want to impregnate she who will genetically bare the strongest kids after all. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I was going to suggest keeping an open mind and considering dating him untill the pregnancy bit. He's a wacko that found a vulnerable person that would screw him. Wash your hands and move on. Lots of normal, healthy guys out there who are good in bed and will treat you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QUEENxSHE Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 ************** I may have came off a little cold on my last post so to clarify ...I very much enjoy what buddy and I have.. That's why I always respond to him whenever he comes looking for me. I'm addicted as much as he is ...I'm just not as emotionally invested in it as he is. So here's an update: Since my last post I've seen buddy twice (despite his numerous efforts to see me) and I made it clear to him that I have no interest in having a baby anytime soon. He seemed to have taken in what I was saying to him. During the first visit I found out he is living with his gf. Ok, I can't say too much considering how my and buddy's relationship came about. I'm single, I have no serious involvement with anyone, so if he's fine with it then so am I ...I'm just having fun. He's contacted me a few times after that so I seen him again not too long after ....Then he mentioned "babies" again and I told him again NO! I don't want any kids. It's like it's in one ear and out the other. I just don't understand him. Why does he still feel the need to say that to me??!! And I've asked him and his response was "because Your the one that got away" What the hell is that even suppose to mean? Smh. He's a lot older than I am, but I feel like I've been a little more mature with handling this friendship of ours than he has. I want to try to get through to him one last time before I completely stop this relationship. If I can't, I guess all good things must come to an end... right ? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 It's not 'in one ear and out the other'. He's listening all right. He's just ignoring you and hoping that dogged persistence will win you over - or accidentally compel you to motherhood.... I take it you use protection? My advice would be to double up..... Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 This is a very toxic situation. He wants a relationship. You just want sex. And it's been going on for years. Nothing good with come out of this. My suggestion, stop seeing each other completely. No contact ever again. He will find a new relationship, and you will find new sex. That's the best scenario. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Creating a life with someone you are not "IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH" is crazy. He should be sterilized for having such crazy thoughts. As stated above, stop seeing him. This will not end well. Link to post Share on other sites
AmberWalander Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I admire you for not waiting until you got to the point of no return. Tell him that you do not want it anymore and tell him why. After that, leave him. He's abusive and you'll get nowhere with him Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) Don't take his comments seriously he's probably just messing with you. Edited January 23, 2014 by Snipercatt Link to post Share on other sites
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