Should I Let Go?

[Nick192]

Well i just pretty much spent my holidays alone my wife took the kids and went to her familys house.We have been married for over two years she has a 6 year old my step son and we have a 6 month old together..The problem is

on christmas eve she asked me do i love her son as much as I love our daughter and I was honest with her i told her No I don't i do love him but I could never love him more then my own daughter and that hurt her she also thinks that i show favoritism between the baby and him and i have to admit I do pay more attention then the baby then i do with her son, the truth is i dont know how to get attched to him im afraid I cant explain it I just am,She tells me the little attention i do give him is not enough and that it makes him sad and he crys I dont want him to ever hurt..

 

I know for fact if I told my wife to come home she would do it but my question is should i let go for the child sake?

The last thing i want to do is give up on my marriage..

[oldshirt]

As long as you are not an actual ass or are actually abusive or neglectful to him, both kids are better off in the home.

 

Try to step it up a little bit and be more engaged with her son and them them know that he is an important person in your life even if he isn't biologically yours.

 

And try to soften up your words with her and be a little more sensitive and considerate. She wasn't wanting the literal absolute truth when she asked you that question. She was looking for some reassurance that you care for him and will be there for him now that the new baby is on the scene. You kind of blew that test.

 

The fact that she asked, probably means that you are showing some apparent favoritism towards your daughter.

 

It's unrealistic to assume that you will feel the same love and devotion to a 6 year old from a prior marriage but showing that you care for him and are there for him and showing that he is important to you is not too much to ask.

 

Bump up your efforts to do that so that both he and she can "feel" that you are there for him.

[Yasuandio]

There are times you do not need to be brutally honest. You love them both - love is not measured on a scale.

 

YOU signed up for a blended family with your eyes wide open. Give the young man more attention. He needs a father figure to look up to. Or just forget having this family - give it up. That boy doesn't deserve to grow up with issues. No dad is better than clear favoritism.

 

Stuff is on sale. Turn over a new leaf. Get some junior NFL football gear/equipment - and get out there and develop a real relationship with this boy - stat. Your wife will take care of daughter and "east-bake oven" stuff during this period.

 

Do it, and mean it. (Put yourself in that boy's shoes, and think about how you'd feel).

 

A father/son camping trip later, perhaps - open up to the kid - just tell him the truth over the campfire. Start new. You can do it OR, you can blow it. If u choose later - then u can count on a couple visitation days per were with your prized daughter.

 

Tell your wife where you've gone wrong, and introduce this new plan, in your own way, that is my advice to you. Yas

[GuyInLimbo]

You need to get into family therapy right away. This isn't a reason to give up yet.

[Elias33]

You need to get into family therapy right away. This isn't a reason to give up yet.

 

Correct. If this is just about the kids, do not let pride get in the way. If you love your wife, try to get over this and let her know you are willing to do everything for your stepson. When it comes to these type of questions, think about the purpose of your answer first, before you express it.

 

Good luck, don't let your ego get in the way just because she did. Hope things work out.