Just needed to vent. Family!!! Can't live w them but u wouldn't be here without them

[momo81]

Hi all

I've posted on the forum earlier but under break ups. I'm 32 and have come home for the holiday season for a couple of weeks, get some rest chill out with family, support etc etc basically to heal from my break up.

 

My mums a good lady, works hard and is a good listening ear but I feels she is not very sympathetic or understanding. She's more a realistic person. My older brother and her are very alike, unemotional, get on with it type of people, they sweep their issues under the carpet and move on. I'm the opposite, I'm the emotional fiery little sister... Need I say more,

 

I sat down and told her about my relationship and how things had been and some of the ways I reacted. Basically I took responsibility for my part. I went on to tell her that past issues came up in my last fight with my ex and it concerned me. She asked what it was and I told her that even though my dad has been dead for 10 years I have never dealt with it. A month after he died my brother left the country and my mum took on more work and I felt we never dealt with it as a family. We didn't even talk about it. She said that it's not her fault I'm the emotional one, we couldn't all sit around mourning forever. I said I knew that but just to talk about it when I bought it up rather than shutting me down would have been good. She saw it as a minor issue and told me I needed to get help. This made me upset and I said that I was because I can't let this issue rule me, it would have been nice to just be able to lay it to rest with her and my brother, that I felt isolated and alone.

 

The talk was getting heated by this point. I was upset that my feelings were being ignored because she kept saying that my feelings weren't right and I'm just being the typical emotional girl i have always been. I said it hurts when you come to your mother to say "hey, I'm screwed up because of a, b and c only to be ignored" she said "you're an adult, deal with it" I said "I may be an adult but you're my mother and that job doesn't go away!?" She told me I was being abusive and could see why my ex said some things to me that he had"

 

I just couldn't win, so I said I was done talking and that I would just leave conversations superficial in future. She said that's right finish talking because you don't like hearing the truth. I yelled I have no problem sitting down telling you my failures in life and where I've gone wrong but I feel hurt when instead of being there you just add fuel to the fire by acknowledging and adding added failures.

 

I came out feeling low and just wishing I never came home for the holidays. My brother arrives soon from over seas and she said she was going to tell him just what a fool I have been today because I don't want to hear the truth! I'm really confused as I could hear the conversation an what she was hearing was different but made me feel like I was the one that needed help. Maybe I'm delusional thinking I should go to my mum for support and comfort. I'm all for honesty so appreciate when they say "yes you did fail there etc" but I just didn't expect my mother to just add on what she felt I failed at and continue to tell me I was abusive and needed help.

[HokeyReligions]

I had family that dismissed me lime that. No matter what I was going thru or how I hurt or how I asked for support, 'they' always went thru something worse and I was being a cry baby and should hush up about it.

 

I finally hushed up. My lesson: I knew I would get no support so I saved myself additional emotional pain and quit asking. I stopped sharing all but the most superficial parts of my life and never ever anything bad sad or negative.

 

You can't force a support system. Sometimes you have to be your own support system and wallow or suck it up.

 

It bites, but life is like that sometimes.

[momo81]

I'm going to have to do the same. It's not worth getting emotionally upset is it. Lesson learned the hard way for me

[Fugu]

I had family that dismissed me lime that. No matter what I was going thru or how I hurt or how I asked for support, 'they' always went thru something worse and I was being a cry baby and should hush up about it.

 

I finally hushed up. My lesson: I knew I would get no support so I saved myself additional emotional pain and quit asking. I stopped sharing all but the most superficial parts of my life and never ever anything bad sad or negative.

 

You can't force a support system. Sometimes you have to be your own support system and wallow or suck it up.

 

It bites, but life is like that sometimes.

^ ^ ^

So very true. Nice post, Hoke.