Controlling Indian Parents

[ss1891]

Hey!

I lived out of state for college but I've had to move back home for the past year while I take prereqs for med school. Probably the biggest mistake of my life. My family means well, but they are extremely controlling. It's making me seriously depressed and I feel like I can't make any decisions in my life anymore. On one hand, I appreciate everything my parents have done for me as they are paying entirely for tuition, food, housing, gas for my car. But on the other, they pretty much don't leave me be ever. Everything has to be an argument with them.

 

If I don't wake up at 6 AM sharp, they lecture me. If I don't eat breakfast by 7 AM sharp, they lecture me. I'm not allowed to eat anything other than what they cook me. I asked them if I could cut my hair and they lectured me for an hour and said that I will never in my life be allowed to change it. I'm not allowed to go out and see friends. In fact, I'm not even allowed to leave my house to study with someone else. I can't wear dresses, shorts, or sleeveless tops. If I am not studying 24/7, I get into trouble.

 

I am extremely hard working and I maintain really good grades. I don't smoke or do drugs and only drink socially (they don't know that). Still, I feel like I have no space in my life to make any decisions. I can't just move out because I still depend on them financially and I'm trying to learn to live by their rules. But it's becoming too much and I feel like my health and sanity are spiraling out of control. Does anyone have insight as to how I can handle this? Thanks!

Edited January 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ss1891]

Thanks for your reply! Sometimes, I think that moving out is my only option. It's hard because that would mean I would have to give up my career aspirations of becoming a doctor. Right now, I have literally no money in my account and I have no idea how to become financially independent. Moving out would mean having to find a job that pays very little with only an undergraduate degree. How did you get started?

 

I love my parents and appreciate them for everything they do. I just feel like I am not respected anymore and they frankly criticize me way too much. I want to stand up for myself, but I don't know where to start.

[somedude81]

Thanks for your reply! Sometimes, I think that moving out is my only option. It's hard because that would mean I would have to give up my career aspirations of becoming a doctor. Right now, I have literally no money in my account and I have no idea how to become financially independent. Moving out would mean having to find a job that pays very little with only an undergraduate degree. How did you get started?

 

I love my parents and appreciate them for everything they do. I just feel like I am not respected anymore and they frankly criticize me way too much. I want to stand up for myself, but I don't know where to start.

Look into student loans.

 

Get a part-time job if you think you can work.

 

Move into a place where the rent is very cheap/have roommates.

[nessaaa]

Depending on what you degree is in, you can still make a comfortable living.

Controlling parents want the best for their adult children. Unfortunately, they also cripple their kids emotionally and socially.

 

If becoming a doctor is very important to you, I'm afraid you will simply have to put up with your parents and their behavior until you are finished school.[/quote

 

 

They want best for their children?- no.

they want this picture perfect kid to make themselves look good, so they can brag to their friends and family. you don't know brown parents, they will beat you senseless. Parents like this don't give a **** about their kid, they are like this for their own selfish reasons

[nessaaa]

My friend is indian- Guyanese and has a learning disorder, she gets numbers mixed up till this day ( she's 22 also) her parents beat her knowing she cant help it ..still she managed to graduate with honors, top of her class. Now she has a better paying job then most 40 year olds, making awesome money...guess what!? Her parents are still not satisified, still controlling still slaps her around, still can't have friends.

 

LIVE. You're being stupid too, really you won't get a freakin hair cut because your parents say so!? Its a ****ing haircut. Smoke weed.

Edited December 27, 2013 by nessaaa

[ss1891]

Depending on what you degree is in, you can still make a comfortable living.

Controlling parents want the best for their adult children. Unfortunately, they also cripple their kids emotionally and socially.

 

If becoming a doctor is very important to you, I'm afraid you will simply have to put up with your parents and their behavior until you are finished school.

 

I am looking into saving enough money to become somewhat independent, however. The difficult part is that my parents are otherwise very loving and I know they care about my well being. They don't hit me or anything. They've just been raised in very conservative backgrounds so they don't understand my need for independence. I don't know how I'd feel walking out of their lives. Are there any ways to get them to relax?

Edited January 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ss1891]

Depending on what you degree is in, you can still make a comfortable living.

Controlling parents want the best for their adult children. Unfortunately, they also cripple their kids emotionally and socially.

 

If becoming a doctor is very important to you, I'm afraid you will simply have to put up with your parents and their behavior until you are finished school.[/quote

 

 

They want best for their children?- no.

they want this picture perfect kid to make themselves look good, so they can brag to their friends and family. you don't know brown parents, they will beat you senseless. Parents like this don't give a **** about their kid, they are like this for their own selfish reasons

 

With all due respect, you are making a lot of ridiculous assumptions about my family. My parents want the best for me and I know it. They aren't looking to brag and they certainly don't beat me. Also I am not interested in smoking weed, sorry.

[Msrxchef]

I'm in pretty much the same boat only that I'm not as studious and my parents are extremely disappointed in me (they've always had to be honest but now it's gotten particularly bad). I have two options: try for pharmacy school again or apply for nursing school. I didn't want either and I don't think I still want either. I've thought about moving out too but right now it just doesn't seem feasible. I feel trapped doing what my parents set out for me to do and I don't know what else I can do. I have no confidence that I can be a high-performing academic student nor feel like I can be happy being a low-academic achieving student.