Lmbfla Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Married 18 years, 2 kids 13 and 15 Wife had enough Had a very successful business for a decade, big house, plenty of cash, luxury lifestyle, Business imploded, indicted by gov, wife back to work as real estate agent in 2003 Fought government for several years, big legal fees and large amount of stress, able to maintain the house and school fees etc up until this year She has been working non stop for 3 years bringing home good money I have been out of work for 12 months, however have some good prospects for 2014(fingers crossed) Kids have all they need, wife is a saver so we have been using savings and her salary to live, I have been helping with kids and getting house ready to sell etc etc She feels unsafe with me, doesn't trust my business decisions, says i do things that put the family in jeopardy, have some IRS issues, a few lawsuits, and didn't realize family health insurance had been cancelled on 2 ocaisions I love my wife with all my heart, have a bit of a player reputation(unfounded), never had an affair or cheated on her, 3 years ago found out she had a text and phone relationship with a "Lifecoach" after she asked me to move out, she was texting and speaking up to 100 times a day although I am unsure of the context I moved out for a year although I spent a lot of time at the house and we were still intimate after the year i moved home Sept of 2012 Been a pretty rocky year I think we both love each other very much About a month ago I had a explicit text and email exchange with an old girlfriend that I hadn't been in touch with for years, Not sure how but she got ahold of it She is angry, hurt, disgusted , truth be told i don't know what i was thinking She is adament that it is over, has lawyers papers to start the process, Not what i want at all, however she says if I love her as I claim, i will make it easy and let her go, it is all too much for her She is civil but adament, Do I fight to save it or leave so she can be happy as she says Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 The easier you make it for her to go, the friendlier terms you remain on, the more likely the relationship can be healed in the future. The two of you have some serious issues in the past that must be overcome and healed. Right now she wants out. Don't make it difficult for her. Be kind, be cooperative, be understanding. Don't keep telling her you love her, you want her and all that crap. That's not what she wants to hear. However, if you will change your behavior and make it easy for her...she will definitely be attracted to that attitude and begin to see changes in you. I know it will be hard but it's your only chance. Women have no respect whatsoever for men who failed them in some way and then continuously beg them to stay. It sickens them. Don't do this to your wife. If you can just be cool about this, be unemotional, be dispassionate...as hard as it may be....and make this transition as smooth and easy for her as possible...be her good friend for now....it will blow her mind. However, the more you try to hold her down, the harder she's going to pull away...just like most other things. Now I didn't have to tell you this. You already knew it. You just can't pull it off. But if you REALLY love her you'll make yourself pull it off. Make no demands of her at all. In all ways, see that she is happy. No more discussing the relationship or the marriage. Just discuss how you can make the entire transition the easiest for her....and don't overdo that either. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lmbfla Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 Thanks so much for the reply, helps tremendously, However the agreement I was presented with is very one sided, bottom line is leave with nothing, stay in the house til it sells(guest room), she gets proceedes, accounts etc, I pay for all school and college fees, cars, and support, I get nothing, Thoughts???? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 You should listen to Tony T....darn that pride thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hazleyez Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 After all the time you have been together, I do believe in equal division. You have shared a life together and if it wasn't for one another you wouldn't have all you do. My opinion is to divide the assets, make sure kids are first priority. You have made mistakes, I know she is not perfect either. Keep everything civil, but agree to a fair settlement. All should be divided equally. Understandably you still love her, but giving her everything is not gonna make her change her mind. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Thanks so much for the reply, helps tremendously, However the agreement I was presented with is very one sided, bottom line is leave with nothing, stay in the house til it sells(guest room), she gets proceedes, accounts etc, I pay for all school and college fees, cars, and support, I get nothing, Thoughts???? No, no one sided deals. Continue to be kind and supportive but very kindly and WITHOUT ANY ARGUMENT WHATSOEVER, insist that all agreements be fair. That's all you ask. You will probably have to follow the law in your state. If it's a community property state, you will get half of everything and the two of you will have to divide things up in an adult way. She is not entitled to all your accounts but if she has already emptied them, you may play hell getting anything back since she took the money when she was entitled to take whatever she wanted. If she hasn't, you should extract HALF of everything for yourself. This woman means business. Again, keep it friendly. That's very difficult to do where money and stuff is concerned. People get greedy and nasty about money. It's just a human animal thing. It's tragic that it all got to this point. You had to have had some warning. You need to get yourself a real good attorney real quick...LIKE TOMORROW... Don't be asking for legal advice on the Internet. That's downright stupid. An attorney will advise you on exactly what to do. Failure to obtain competent counsel could cost you thousands of dollars you will regret for many years. Keep it as nice as you can...but it seems your wife is becoming a greedy bxtch. That's not unusual in these cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Complicating matters is the money you owe the IRS. She will probably get innocent spouse paperwork eliminating her from that debt. You've got a lot of things to work out here. Time to start is right now. If you start liquidating you may want to approach the IRS about a settlement....it's time to get your financial act together or you will die leaving a lot of people in a pinch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lmbfla Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 Guys, thanks so much for the help, I had always said should anything happen she would get thee house, however i meant keep the house so my kids could live in it, not sell it and keep the money, I will see my atty on Monday and let you know how it goes, Can't thank you enough Link to post Share on other sites
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