Hazleyez Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Just as title says, seems like every week since making the decision to file for divorce is full of firsts. The holidays were the first without soon to be ex and kids as we begin shared custody. Christmas day was very hard as I had kids Christmas Eve. As this process is going forward 25 yrs of marriage is over. I am still angry that he couldn't stop drinking and take responsibility for his behavior. A functioning alcoholic that cannot see anything wrong drinking a fifth a night and then drunk dialing his friends to talk crap about me, our kids, or just his unhappy life in general...but mostly about me. He wonders why I decide to take myself out of the equation and stop being his excuse for unhappiness. I could go on and on but this is about firsts, and me learning to put my feelings first. For the first time decide what I want and what will be best for my kids and me. Standing up for myself for the first time in a very long time. Leaving for the first time and not going back. Having to make decisions on my own without having to first ask him what to do. First Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. First apartment in my name. Taking my wedding ring off for the first and last time. Standing up for the first time and showing my kids everyone is accountable for their actions-including their father. The fear of the "firsts" held me back for years and now as I go through each one, I am trying to embrace them knowing the seconds and thirds will be a little easier. The firsts are the hardest. I share this hoping to encourage anyone else going through their firsts that they're not alone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Good for you. The firsts are the hardest, but it does get easier and eventually it will feel good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 And yet your firsts are still better than your lasts. And it will improve. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 It takes courage in the purest sense of the word to do what you're doing since it's so much easier to succumb to emotional inertia. I guarantee, even if your kids don't say so, they're watching and learning from your actions. Congrats on and good luck with your new life... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Just as title says, seems like every week since making the decision to file for divorce is full of firsts. The holidays were the first without soon to be ex and kids as we begin shared custody. Christmas day was very hard as I had kids Christmas Eve. As this process is going forward 25 yrs of marriage is over. I am still angry that he couldn't stop drinking and take responsibility for his behavior. A functioning alcoholic that cannot see anything wrong drinking a fifth a night and then drunk dialing his friends to talk crap about me, our kids, or just his unhappy life in general...but mostly about me. He wonders why I decide to take myself out of the equation and stop being his excuse for unhappiness. I could go on and on but this is about firsts, and me learning to put my feelings first. For the first time decide what I want and what will be best for my kids and me. Standing up for myself for the first time in a very long time. Leaving for the first time and not going back. Having to make decisions on my own without having to first ask him what to do. First Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. First apartment in my name. Taking my wedding ring off for the first and last time. Standing up for the first time and showing my kids everyone is accountable for their actions-including their father. The fear of the "firsts" held me back for years and now as I go through each one, I am trying to embrace them knowing the seconds and thirds will be a little easier. The firsts are the hardest. I share this hoping to encourage anyone else going through their firsts that they're not alone... Hazeleyez - I commend you on your strength. That in bold, precisely....I never could understand that mindset of the alcoholic to be so maniacally mean to the people they claim to love. And they wonder just why the love bank empties out and becomes void over their behavior. Here's to first and the rest getting easier, the road to independence and interdependence can be sweet considering the past. Codependence to Independence to Interdependence : Melanie Tonia Evans 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Good for you. The firsts are the hardest, but it does get easier and eventually it will feel good. The "firsts" are the toughest, but for me, the "seconds" have been easier. I am doing much better with the holidays this year compared to the last which was my first holiday season alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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