Bunnehgirl Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Hello, So I've been dating this guy since september when we first met and we hit it off right away. We work near each other and while at work we see each other practically every day and do something fun together. Then I found out he has this female best friend... they have known each other for 3 years and love a certain tv show together and practically talk every day. It took a bit of getting used to and I was trying to be friends with her but she's a very blunt and judgemental person and it's awkward hanging out when shes talking about other people around us and judging them in a rude way. Anyway, so now we are on work holidays and he has gone home to his home state and I've gone to mine separately and we wont see each other to mid january. But he has gone on a trip "with friends" north to the beach state. I know in january hes going with the boys for a boys thing but what I found out now was that hes staying with her at her house for a week first. Am I being too insecure and jealous? I've been trying really hard to not be jealous but they have all sorts of inside jokes and I feel pretty left out, when she's around in a group environment he pays her much more attention than me, but that could be because he assumes he will see me later? or am I making excuses? I think the effects are amplified at the moment because since he arrived at their holiday, all iv seen on facebook is her posting photos of them two close and surrounded by even more girls and not one guy. This girl is absolutely gorgeous and they have such a close relationship that it's nice but I can't help feeling like an outsider. She has a boyfriend that she rarely sees. I'm thinking he could have a thing for her but can't do anything because of her boyfriend and so he settled for me.. Am I over reacting? or does this make sense to anyone else? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Hm. On one hand, it sounds like they enjoy a nice friendship. They have some things in common. On the other hand... I would be a little concerned about who he's staying with on this holiday. What is his accommodation like? Who did he travel with? I'd be less than impressed if he went on a holiday with a group of women. Did he ever invite you to come along? I realize you're in different places at the moment, but I wonder if he at least thought to ask. Have you told him that you sometimes feel excluded? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 it's awkward hanging out when shes talking about other people around us and judging them in a rude way. So you don't like how she treats other people... how about how she treats you? Does she make an effort to get on with you? Or does she treat you like an obstacle she'd rather not have around? iI know in january hes going with the boys for a boys thing but what I found out now was that hes staying with her at her house for a week first. When was this holiday booked/arranged? And more importantly when was the week's stay at her house arranged? If it was before you met then you don't really have much say. If after, then it's highly suspicious. Since staying over at her house seems fairly informal then it seems likely to me that he could quite easily have changed plans, but he didn't, hmm. iwhen she's around in a group environment he pays her much more attention than me, but that could be because he assumes he will see me later? or am I making excuses? Yes, this is very very wrong. He is disrespecting you. iThis girl is absolutely gorgeous and they have such a close relationship that it's nice but I can't help feeling like an outsider. Well, they BOTH should be doing whatever they can to make you feel welcome. Opposite friends are fine as long as they are not just friends on one partner, but friends of the RELATIONSHIP. It seems as though she isn't (and he isn't helping either). Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Bunnehgirl, "So I've been dating this guy since september when we first met" - End of Quote!! You barely know this man, 3 months and you already expect him to ditch his homegirl of 3 years. It sounds to me like your bf has a life, he has male and female friends. Honestly, you need to take your time to get to know him, maybe once you guys get closer (if that even happens) he will slowly cease communicating with that female friend of his. Right now you shouldn't be telling him who to hang out with. If you want to keep this brother then you have to give it time, you are still in that infatuation period, remember relationships have stages. These first few months should be bliss. Don't listen to what others say, just chill out, enjoy getting to know him so stop being like his female friend, judgmental. Link to post Share on other sites
Immortality Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 He is disrespecting you. It is academic whether he slept with her on that occasion or not as he entertained sufficient proximity for it to happen unnoticed and unwitnessed. If you tolerate it, he will abuse you throughout your relationship until its end. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Have the 2 of you been skyping or texting or messaging each other since he's been away? If so, does he still sound like the same guy you fell for? or is he distant? Does he reassure you that he cares about you? If so, I'd try to grin and bare it. It is still early days in the relationship. Is he friends with her bf? Wonder how he feels about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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