Why does he come on strong then back off??? Need Answers!

[Purple_Haze]

It has been an emotional rollercoaster with this guy and I don't understand any of it. He'll come on strong to the point where it's too much and say "I love you" a lot to me, and he'll be calling me nonstop. Then he'll back away and not talk to me for periods of time. Then he'll ask me out and then back out either by blowing me off, or just cancelling. He seems to be more nervous when it comes down to just the both of us, like in a group setting with other friends, he's good. Like he doesn't back out of plans if it's with a group of people, but what's funny is that HE is the one that makes plans with me and he'll blow me off. Then he'll say stuff like we're "soulmates" and we're "good friends" and he loves me and appreciates me, etc.

 

 

He is always trying to get with me someway. He acts very in love with me when he sees me. He even lied to friends and said that we are boyfriend and girlfriend, but then he'll just back off, and I don't understand it?

 

 

It was really awkward cause one night I got drunk and I said I loved him and I cared about him and he said he cared about me too, and I was so embarrassed cause no guy ever brought me to say "I love you" and I did even though I was drunk, but I did. It was just drunk texting, but he was way worse with me when he was drunk to the point where he would scare guys off saying that he was going to kick their asses and such. I still talked to him even after he did that. But yet he texts me "Merry Christmas Eve" and I start drunk texting him saying I care about him etc. He hasn't spoken to me since Christmas Eve the night I was super drunk, and I don't understand. I finally told my feelings and it seems like he's avoiding me?

 

 

I just don't get why he comes on strong then backs away for awhile and it's a repeated cycle. I am also curious as to why this may be happening, and I am afraid to bring this up to him cause I am a awkward person. I just want to know why guys do this, and I just don't know what to do and what to say???

Edited December 27, 2013 by Purple_Haze

[preraph]

Two things: Pay way more attention to what he does than what he says. Anyone can say anything.

 

And: He almost sounds like a gay guy who has you lined up as his beard at social functions to hide that he's gay.

 

Any guy really into you is, above all else, going to want to be alone and romantic with you.

[ja123]

You could tell him that you really want a relationship, but that also you are scared.

 

 

You could also tell him that you are confused by his declarations of "love" and "soul mates" only to have him distance himself.

 

 

Just sit down with him (don't overthink it) and have a heart-to-heart. Try not to judge yourself or him for the confusing feelings you have. Just talk it out.

 

 

Perhaps through talking, sharing you will be able to sort through this confusion and become closer ... or end it.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like you do reciprocate but then he backs off and you feel stupid for doing so. You are not stupid, by the way, it's natural to want to respond if you like someone.

 

If he is truly coming on strong and trying to persuade you to see him and then dropping out of the meeting, or backing out, why are you putting up with this? I would just tell him you can't continue with him because he's unreliable and leave it at that. If you give in and agree to see him after he's dropped you once or twice or been out of contact for ages, then he's going to think he has you at his beck and call.

 

Do respect yourself and don't allow him to pick you up and drop you when he feels like it.

[slyk1970]

I agree with spiderowl. He sounds confused about his feelings. I have had a somewhat similar experience as yours. As much as I have tried to figure out why or is it my behavior or theirs, I have recently decided to not allow this to go on anymore. I care about this person but I care more about myself. For now I'm going to let it be = silence and move forward and put it behind me. Good luck.