Leegh Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I have a relative that is very cheap (not just frugile) but very cheap around family members. I would think he would be embarrassed about never opening up his wallet, (when he should), but was wondering if you folks think cheap people have low self-esteem? I am not referring to a frugile person who tries to get a good deal on something, who buys things on sale, etc., but what I am referring to is a person who is cheap around relatives, etc.? In addition, he has a very well paying job, so that makes it seem more odd. Does he not care what other people think? Any thoughts, as it would bother me a lot what other people thought, if I let everyone else pay 100% for me. Thanks for any opinions! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 People with low self esteem care about what others think. People with high self esteem value their own opinions above all else. I do not think their is a correlation between self esteem & cheapness. Someone who has very little can still be generous. Someone who has a lot can be cheap. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 No I'd be more concerned why 'I' was bothered by it. Is the person malnourished? Lives in a box? No clothes to wear in the cold? If not vulnerable then how could anyone analyze what motivates them because they don't want to spend money? Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 no, id think them tight/ungenerous but not low on self-esteem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LornaFE Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 People with low self esteem often have a high self esteem on the outside. They are not aware of the low esteem side because they used to fight it down and chase it back into subconcious. So inside them there is a fight of the low self esteem that they fight and the high one that they built up. Often this built up self esteem is exaggerated high, so they can be anoying by ignoring basic rules of society. Only therapists could handle those people, but they are not willing to go there, they feel perfectly fine. Sometimes they tell stories about how low their self-esteem WAS, but know they changed a lot to the better. I've read bunches of pyschology literature in the last weeks to find out why my relationship was so miserable. This is part of the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 People with low self esteem often have a high self esteem on the outside. They are not aware of the low esteem side because they used to fight it down and chase it back into subconcious. So inside them there is a fight of the low self esteem that they fight and the high one that they built up. Often this built up self esteem is exaggerated high, so they can be anoying by ignoring basic rules of society. Only therapists could handle those people, but they are not willing to go there, they feel perfectly fine. Sometimes they tell stories about how low their self-esteem WAS, but know they changed a lot to the better. I've read bunches of pyschology literature in the last weeks to find out why my relationship was so miserable. This is part of the answer. Not related to the OP, but funny how you mention this. This is what I am currently experiencing. Outwardly, I have no problem with self esteem, but internally... it's a very different story. However, I AM currently trying to get this back into balance and do attend therapy for this reason. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Cheap = Lack of empathy most likely. Also selfish. I don't think esteem has much to do with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I think its more likely for people who frame themselves as being cheap, rather than, managing their money well, have a lower self esteem. it frames it in the negative rather than positive. if everyone is to spend money like politicians, we'll be in economic ruin... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Neither a borrower or lender be.....Doesn't make a person cheap. It keeps them sustaining and paying their own way thru life. Sounds to me like someone who is independent and self reliant. Now if they are mooching....then stop the train and ask them to pay fair price. Their wallet is not your business unless you loaned them money.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 (edited) I'm surprised that being cheap is associated with selfishness, low self-esteem, and a lack of empathy. Being cheap doesn't have much to do with any of these topics. Being cheap as to do with the importance a person places into cash. Some of us are spenders while other people are savers. I'm a spender. It's called a personal value. We each have our own values. If I have a problem with how a friend or relative chooses to spend their money, it's my problem. I've actually met what's called an 'extreme couponer' while shopping. The food that he procures go to a pantry that I've worked with in the past. Edited December 28, 2013 by ThatMan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Cheapness is about attitude and not the amount of money someone spends. Cheapness is when you are sacrificing things such as quality in necessities, when you can in fact afford something a lot better. On the other hand, finding a great quality cheap restaurant is not cheapness, its cleverness. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Cheap = Lack of empathy most likely. Also selfish. I don't think esteem has much to do with it. While a person can be cheap and have a lack of empathy, another person can be a generous douchebag... The two arent associated, IMO.. Ive been called cheap because I dont buy new cars/trucks, even though I can afford to buy anything new I want. I dont buy a new car because its the biggest loss of equity in anything you can own, and once it has a few dings and scratches on it, its just like anything else out there...So while I never drive junk, I dont buy new..And I havent had a car/truck payment in decades..Call me cheap.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 SOme cheap people have low self esteem, some generous people have low self esteem, they're not related. it's like asking if americans like to draw? what??? Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 While a person can be cheap and have a lack of empathy, another person can be a generous douchebag... The two arent associated, IMO.. Ive been called cheap because I dont buy new cars/trucks, even though I can afford to buy anything new I want. I dont buy a new car because its the biggest loss of equity in anything you can own, and once it has a few dings and scratches on it, its just like anything else out there...So while I never drive junk, I dont buy new..And I havent had a car/truck payment in decades..Call me cheap.. TFY Cars are the worst investment, pollute the environment and are about the dumbest status symbol out there. I agree 100% and drive a 2005 Mercedes diesel. Works great. Good car. Not flashy or to impress anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts