wellthissucks Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 My STBXH moved out nearly two months ago and other than the few things that he packed when he left, he hasn't come back for any of his stuff. I'm getting really frustrated with this because I really want to clear everything out, clean the house from top to bottom and have a fresh start in the new year and I can't with all his crap here. Plus, he left everything in a huge mess which is irritating. I've asked him when he's getting it and all he says is "As soon as I can", but won't give me any kind of time frame because he says he doesn't have anywhere to put it or any money to rent a storage unit. I feel like he just doesn't want to make it a priority. I'm just not sure what to do. At this point my options are to just pack everything up myself and put as much as I can in the shed outside (which I resent because part of our problems in our marriage was that he can never solve his own problems, leaving me to have to do it all the time and this is just an extension of that), or just live with this giant mess until he gets around to doing it, and who knows when that will happen. Honestly I really want to just give him a time limit and then throw it all out but we've been trying to be "friendly" during this and I feel that would be unnecessarily hostile. I don't know if anyone has any advice on this, but I need to vent it. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Hi, I know something of your frustration. I'm still living in the house where we spent 15 years together, and she took very little when she went. This has left me to sort it all out. Thankfully she doesn't want any of it, so at least I can throw away anything I feel like. How about setting a double deadline? Pack up the stuff and put it in the shed, and tell him you're not throwing it out but that you will in x weeks if he doesn't collect it. That would be fair and not hostile. Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 You know exactly what to do. Toss it out. This is the oldest game the world. Holding on to his stuff...maybe just a chance if... Easy. If not picked up by Sunday by 7 pm in the garbage. You Know the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Tell him he has until this Sunday to get his stuff out and that you've already set up an appointment with Junk Luggers to take all of his junk away for good. If he doesn't respond, make damn sure you DO call a cleaning service to remove it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 It sounds like he is keeping one foot in your door by having his things there. Give him a deadline and tell him you will donate it to Goodwill if he doesn't collect it by a certain date. That is more than fair. You aren't his storage facility...unless he wants to pay you an exorbitant rate for your space. G 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Grumpy...the other way. She is the one keeping her foot in the door and not closing it. She cold have tossed this stuff long ago. This reminds me of when I was 15 or so. My first boyfriend had lent me his mitts. Then we broke up. Those mitts were like a chain still tying my heart to him. At school I must have told him a hundred times to come get them. Looking back, it's comical that I didn't just take the mitts to school and give them to him. Secretly I wanted him to come over, see the error of his ways and swoop me up in his arms. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 This one last time you have to solve his problem, by solving yours. Box all of his stuff up & out of your way. Do not throw it out without court approval or you may have to pay to replace it. Talk to a lawyer. You may be able to charge him rent / storage while it's still in your possession. That prospect may motivate him to get it out of your space. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I agree with dOnnivain. Don't throw it out until you have talked to an attorney or it may cost you in the end. If you do toss it, you had better document every little thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 A lawyer is the best avenue for getting proper directives on community property. He has the right to retrieve his items. You have the right to have them stored and then place the rental fee on the list of charges when it comes to the divorce proceedings. Has a formal separation decree been established? That is the key in some states as to what you can and cannot do til the divorce is final. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wellthissucks Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Eau Claire, you couldn't be more wrong. I was the one that wanted the divorce. I'm not holding on to him, I want his crap out! I'm also trying to do this decently and not be a total a-hole. I also don't think he's keeping one foot in my door - I think he's just lazy and hasn't wanted to put in the effort of getting a place to store it and then coming to get it because it's easier for him if I house it. d0nnivain, I hadn't thought about the repercussions in the divorce so thank you for bringing that up. I haven't started any proceedings yet, I am waiting for the new year just because I didn't want to have to deal with any of that during the holidays. I suppose I could wait and hope that he initiates it but given his history that is very doubtful. I also think you're right that, this one last time, I'm going to have to clean up his mess in order to get what I want. Irritating but necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
ChinUp Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Box up anything that is his and put it in the decree that he has to have his stuff picked up by certain date and time and make it known what will be done with said items if he doesn't retreive them. Link to post Share on other sites
LuvsTrucks2 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Woman here. I am in a similar situation, STBXH left, took everything out of the house, but all his stuff is still in the garage. We have spoken to an attorney and it's written in our paper work that he can leave it there. If he needs anything, he needs to schedule a pick-up time with me. We are on friendly terms and it doesn't bother me because it's all out in the garage and the only thing I use the garage for is my seasonal decorations. I would suggest boxing it all up and putting it in your shed if the items do not require climate control, if they do, you can be responsible for their replacement. As other posters suggested, consult with an attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wellthissucks Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I am very lucky and have some wonderful friends who came over today to help me box up and repack the shed with all of his stuff. It really is true that it's during times like these that you find out who your true friends are. It was a tiring day but having this stuff out is like a breath of fresh air through my mind. Now I'm focusing on going through the rest of the house and getting rid of all the things I don't use anymore/are broken/just got stuffed somewhere and forgotten about and getting it out of the house. I swear, now that I have the area where the majority of his things were cleared out I feel like the rest of my house is Hoarders style cluttered (it's not really that bad, but it's like when you spill something on the carpet and clean it up and then that spot is cleaner than the rest of your carpet and you suddenly realize how dirty your carpet is lol) Thank you all for your advice. It was worth the annoyance to have this task off my plate. I'm looking forward to a bright 2014 full of purging that which hinders me and bringing in new opportunities for growth and healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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