Backed out of a trip, do I have to pay?

[Kitchen]

Some friends and I decided to take a road trip to Miami some time ago. I was originally able to go, but then something unexpected came up in my personal life and so I just couldn't make it anymore, and backed out 5 days before the trip, which we had planned for several months.

 

There were originally 7 of us, and we decided to rent a van and book 2 hotels. After I backed out, the 6 people who went still needed the van and 2 hotels.

 

My (former) friend who was in charge of planning the trip expected me to pay my share of the hotel, van, gas, tolls even though I couldn't go anymore.

 

I thought it was unfair because even without me going, it would have made no difference on their part on the van they need, the 2 hotels they need, the gas and tolls to get there.

 

So I apologized for backing out, and politely said how how it is unfair for me to have to pay. Since then he has ended our friendship. I am friends with 1 of the other people on that trip and he is not bothered by me not paying.

 

I think that if it was an airline ticket that was purchased for me, or a ticket for a show, then I would be obliged to pay since that purchase wasn't necessary if I wasn't there. But in this case, me not going doesn't make a difference.

 

Also, none of these people are on a budget, they are all well off and were able to comfortably afford the trip.

 

Thoughts?

[Keenly]

Please elaborate on how you not going doesn't affect the finance plan for the trip.

 

 

I mean bailing out on a big trip 5 days before its scheduled.... that's pretty bad.

[Kitchen]

Please elaborate on how you not going doesn't affect the finance plan for the trip.

 

 

I mean bailing out on a big trip 5 days before its scheduled.... that's pretty bad.

 

The trip was going to happen whether or not I went. They were going to rent the exact same vehicle and hotel rooms whether or not I went. So, had I not originally said yes, or had I said yes and then backed out, the result would be the same.

[melodymatters]

There is probably a happy medium here. When figuring out what made sense and was affordable, they likely split it by 7, accommodated for 7 and now you've thrown a wrench in the plans.

 

SAYING THAT however, no, I do NOT think you should pay as if you were going on the trip, tolls, gas, why not charge you for the round of drinks they "planned " on you buying ? Maybe throwing a bit of cash their way for the inconvenience would have been cool on your part, but the "no longer friend" sounds like he's punishing you and generally being a douche.

[CarrieT]

Also, none of these people are on a budget, they are all well off and were able to comfortably afford the trip.

 

Thoughts?

 

It makes no difference whatsoever how much someone makes and you have NO IDEA what their personal finances might be and how your cancellation might impact their budget for the trip.

 

You still owe your share. Ask for receipts, divide the totals amount by the people who were originally booked, and pay your share.

 

You made the commitment and you bear the responsibility.

[Kitchen]

It makes no difference whatsoever how much someone makes and you have NO IDEA what their personal finances might be and how your cancellation might impact their budget for the trip.

 

You still owe your share. Ask for receipts, divide the totals amount by the people who were originally booked, and pay your share.

 

You made the commitment and you bear the responsibility.

 

Thanks for your reply and opinion, I mean it.

 

But I disagree. This is a friendship, not a legal contract. 1/7 of the cost of the trip (my share) divided among the 6 remaining people really isn't that much, less than $25/person extra. It's not like we were planning on buying an apartment house together that I backed out of.

[lollipopspot]

Thanks for your reply and opinion, I mean it.

 

But I disagree. This is a friendship, not a legal contract. 1/7 of the cost of the trip (my share) divided among the 6 remaining people really isn't that much, less than $25/person extra. It's not like we were planning on buying an apartment house together that I backed out of.

 

So are you saying that the total amount that we're talking about is in the range of $150 or less?

[Kitchen]

So are you saying that the total amount that we're talking about is in the range of $150 or less?

 

That is correct.

[Keenly]

So if its really not that much money, why is it a problem to pay it.

[lollipopspot]

It's a judgement call. I'd probably pay half of it. That seems fair enough for everyone.

[Kitchen]

So if its really not that much money, why is it a problem to pay it.

 

I was responding to CarrieT who said that I have no idea of someone's financial situation. To which I said per person it is less than $25, which isn't much. In aggregate it is less than $150, which is a lot. But I am more than confident that everyone could afford an extra $25, especially since the trip would have taken place if I wasn't going anyway in which case they would have paid it.

 

And of course, the problem to pay is not because it's a lot of money. I can afford it; but the question is whether or not I should have to.

[d0nnivain]

They relied on you. They made plans expecting a certain cost. When you backed out, their shares unexpectedly went up. If you value the friendship kick in some money if not the whole thing. If you don't care about the people dig in your heels; the friendships will fade away. That seems like a very high price to pay for being right.

[CC12]

Why do you keep saying stuff like "me not going doesn't make a difference." Of course it made a difference. Six people had to pay an extra 25 dollars because of you. It made a difference to them, I'm sure.

 

So, had I not originally said yes, or had I said yes and then backed out, the result would be the same.

This is a very silly argument you're making. You did say yes. You made a commitment to a plan and everyone else was relying on your contribution.

 

Your (former) friend organized this thing. He told each guest what it would cost them to attend. He probably told them this weeks or months ago. Did you expect your friend to go to each of those six people five days before the trip and say, "Actually, your share is no longer $150. It's $175 now." How do you think those people would have taken that news? I wouldn't have liked it at all, and I doubt I would willingly pay the extra. I mean, why the **** should I pay more for the same trip? I'm not going to get a nicer hotel room or better transportation. There is zero benefit to me.

 

Just curious, did your friend end up having to eat the $150 that you didn't pay? If not, and he actually got the extra money from his friends, how did he collect it? If you don't know, how do you think he should have collected it?

[nescafe1982]

I think if I were in your situation I would pay the money. Backing out of a trip last minute is one thing (**** happens, you know), but when you made the plans to attend, you signed on for the cost, IMO.

 

And it's not much money, after all.

[nomadic_butterfly]

 

Thoughts?

 

Wow so you flaked and was willing to lose your friendship over a mere $150?? WOWWWWWWW

 

Unless something drastic like a medical emergency, death, etc. happened, you should pay up. Doesn't matter if they "can pay" it's a sheer matter of principle!

[CarrieT]

And of course, the problem to pay is not because it's a lot of money. I can afford it; but the question is whether or not I should have to.

 

The answer is: YES.

 

You have to pay. Because it is the right thing to do.

 

The real question is, why don't you understand that? Why do you believe you are not obligated in this case?

[SoleMate]

This is a friendship, not a legal contract.

Some would say that the obligations of true friendship are both more important and more demanding than mere legalities.

 

LS posters are clear....you should have paid. This is not even a close call.

 

It might be a closer call in other scenarios, but in this case, no.

 

Also be aware that whatever money you saved and principle you think you upheld, you are unlikely to be invited on a trip with this group ever again.

[firemanq]

You made an agreement, You broke the agreement. Pay your share.

 

 

I do not understand your problem, but then I do not know if you have a history of not keeping your word. If you were my friend, you would not be my friend after this.

[preraph]

You shirked a commitment and it's costing them money and probably disappointed them on other levels as well. You should pay your $150 because it was you, not them, who broke a promise. Plus I would think you'd value your friends enough not to want to lose them over this. And this IS on you, no matter what your reason for cancelling. They shouldn't have to choke up an extra $25 or any other amount at the last minute on account of you.

[soph12]

You should've offered to pay at least half for the inconvenience. No, it's not legally binding, but it's the decent thing to do. Your friends now have to pay more than expected because you bailed at the last minute. It's not so much the money as the principle to me.

 

That said, at least you didn't bail at the eleventh hour and leave everybody hanging. That definitely happened to me one time with a friend who lied about missing his train. We all said "screw him" and my friend grabbed another friend to take his place. The next day or two, that friend cut off contact with all of us. Bad vibes, odious person. You shine in comparison.

Edited December 30, 2013 by soph12

[gaius]

From what I remember from watching Judge Judy you owe them what you agreed to unless they were able to mitigate their losses in some way, or didn't even bother trying.

[BlackGoaty]

Being friends and going on a road trip, then all the more you should pay and not even have to think twice about it.

[almond]

Even if there were a death in my family, I would offer to pay my share. A commitment is a commitment. My friends would obviously decline, but I would offer nonetheless.

 

I am curious...what were these circumstances that popped up? What prevented you from going?

 

I would hazard a guess that your friends are not only upset that you did not even offer to pay your share, but their reactions suggest that your reason for bailing was not quite justified in their eyes..