Radu Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah let's just PUNISH the bitch. Right? She must pay for her crime with having the guy who wishes to abandon his child with custody of said child. Makes no damn sense. :rolleyes: Not to mention it is really hard to do on one incident. They just don't take babies away from mothers and hand them to guys who doesn't even care about the babies. Geez. They do give someone a chance to get their **** together. Unless you are the worst druggie, prostitute, criminal mastermind in the world, it is not going to cost the baby. Motherhood sometimes gets too much of a free hand. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 If you always used birth control yourself, then it's probably not yours. Do make her get a test. The court will order it once you contest her demanding support. But if it is yours, you will have to support the child until it's 18 and I guess it can be up to you if you want any custody or not -- but if you want to keep seeing this girl, you pretty much have to help with custody. She's going to be too busy for you for a few years now anyway. If you really don't want the day to day of raising a child, you will end up having to leave her. If she is trying to entrap you, she will promise you anything -- you won't have to do anything, etc. That's all lies. Be up front about not wanting the child now. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to raise a child, but if you made the child, you will have to contribute financially --and if she has sole custody, that will cost you more than if you did half. I wish you had money for an attorney to see about getting that test sooner than later. You need to make it clear to her if she has this child, all she will see of you is the child support payment once a month. She might decide not to have it under those circumstances if she was trying to trap you into marriage. It's great you're helping your mother get out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 And how are you sure that it's his child? Do you have information that he doesn't by any chance? He also has about 4 - 6 months to make up his mind about wanting a kid. if it turns out to be his. I think that you need to cut OP some slack, after what he just went through it is more than understandable for him to react harshly. You're painting him as the bad guy and his GF as the poor little flower that was stepped on by the big bad guy. I don't know how I would react if my GF had unprotected sex with another man and ended up pregnant, just to deal with her being clingy and threatening suicide, all while dealing with an abusive father and a mother that won't leave the POS father, and I'm willing to bet that you don't either. I personally have to commend you OP, most people would be a broken mess after all of this. Once everything settles down you may decide differently about your involvment with this child, if it is indeed yours. I am going by if it IS his. Of course who knows for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Motherhood sometimes gets too much of a free hand. So do you propose the courts start taking away children of people with any and all mental or physical illnesses? No chance to get well and prove themselves? Just poof you are gone? Wow, there sure would be more kids than foster homes in that case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BHsigh Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I am going by if it IS his. Of course who knows for sure. Fair enough, but how about we give him advice on what we do know instead of making assumptions. OP, get the paternity test and then, if the baby is yours then you need to sit and think about what you need to do. No one can fault you for what you're going through right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 My advice is to leave the girl alone. Get the paternity test once the child is born, and if it is his, do his legal duty to the child. Do not try to get custody and take away the child, when you didn't want the child in the first place, because the girl has issues. She can get help. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 You need to make it clear to her if she has this child, all she will see of you is the child support payment once a month. She might decide not to have it under those circumstances if she was trying to trap you into marriage. WOW. Are you seriously recommending that he try to manipulate her into having an abortion by implying that he will keep dating her IF she aborts? wtf OK.. it is definitely the OP's right to discuss with the GF and tell her that he doesn't want to be involved, and thinks it would be better if she aborts. But to try and manipulate her That is disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 She got released today. Which is good, I wanted to send her flowers but then figured that's not a good idea. For the record, I'd never ask her to abort ever my mom lost a baby when I was twelve after my dad pushed her down our stairs. She never recovered from it. I know it still messes with her head. Regardless of my feelings I'd never subject a woman to that. I'd be a lot different about things if I knew the baby was mine... But I don't. I also wouldn't want to take her child from her. That's also not ok. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 She got released today. Which is good, I wanted to send her flowers but then figured that's not a good idea. Stop. If you want to break it off with her, don't give her impressions otherwise. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 She got released today. Which is good, I wanted to send her flowers but then figured that's not a good idea. For the record, I'd never ask her to abort ever my mom lost a baby when I was twelve after my dad pushed her down our stairs. She never recovered from it. I know it still messes with her head. Regardless of my feelings I'd never subject a woman to that. I'd be a lot different about things if I knew the baby was mine... But I don't. I also wouldn't want to take her child from her. That's also not ok. Don't send flowers it'll give her the wrong idea and give her hope. If anything, call her family and ask how she's doing and maybe go see her. Whatever happens, you want this to end on good terms, especially if you are the baby's father. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Any further updates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 I called her at her parents' house, due to the fact she can't be alone. We had a long conversation of funny stories and the good times we've had. I'm pretty sure her laugh is one of my weaknesses. She kept asking me to come see her, I told her I'd think about it... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Did you ever get the paternity test? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 Did you ever get the paternity test? Not yet. I've been told over the phone to get a judge to order it. I haven't spoken to my attorney in person yet. He had to reschedule the appointment. I'm going in Tuesday to meet with him. I'm pretty sure he's the guy who represented my mom when she tried to leave my dad. Unfortunately, it didn't go through. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Not yet. I've been told over the phone to get a judge to order it. I haven't spoken to my attorney in person yet. He had to reschedule the appointment. I'm going in Tuesday to meet with him. I'm pretty sure he's the guy who represented my mom when she tried to leave my dad. Unfortunately, it didn't go through. Why would it have to be ordered by a judge? Is your ex GF saying that she doesn't want to get it done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 No, I haven't asked... But I know she won't do it. I'm also trying to be more sensitive to the time. She just got out of the hospital and the reason she was there is because I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. I'm going to be friendly towards her for now until she's been out for awhile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 No, I haven't asked... But I know she won't do it. I'm also trying to be more sensitive to the time. She just got out of the hospital and the reason she was there is because I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. I'm going to be friendly towards her for now until she's been out for awhile. Alrighty. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) stick to your guns .. get the paternity test even if this attorney is the one who couldn't help your mom, doesn't mean that he can't help you ... if he can't, then get another attorney: you have options don't buckle from guilt ... you didn't put her in hospital ... she did read Susan Forward's "Emotional Blackmail" steer clear from this girl and get some a councillor/psychologist to help you through this maybe you're not like your dad at all, maybe you are more like your mom ... maybe this girl could be more like your dad ... don't know for sure ... just saying that she could be the abuser and you the co-dependent ... you come from a toxic family environment ... you need some counselling to start sorting through it it's ok to put yourself first (yes, ahead of your mom and this girl), it doesn't mean you're a bad person ... you don't have to go to the opposite end of the spectrum and be a saviour just to prove to yourself that you aren't your dad there is a healthy kind of selfishness ... Good luck on Tuesday! Keep us posted! Edited January 26, 2014 by ja123 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 No, I haven't asked... But I know she won't do it. I'm also trying to be more sensitive to the time. She just got out of the hospital and the reason she was there is because I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. I'm going to be friendly towards her for now until she's been out for awhile. This is another red flag. If she was certain it was yours, there should be no hesitation about the test to prove you wrong. That means she knows it isn't yours or knows there is at least a strong possibility the other guy could also be the father. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 So do you propose the courts start taking away children of people with any and all mental or physical illnesses? No chance to get well and prove themselves? Just poof you are gone? Wow, there sure would be more kids than foster homes in that case. Don't put words in my mouth, i did not say that ... There are diseases and there are diseases. There is more to raising a child than just putting something on the plate. Foster care is not an answer either, but i find it mind-boggling that you jumped over the other parent, grandparents or even extended family [all viable options], and then went directly with foster care. Some ppl are not meant to be parents, this young lady fits that description ... if you think she will make a good parent, please construct an argument. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Don't put words in my mouth, i did not say that ... There are diseases and there are diseases. There is more to raising a child than just putting something on the plate. Foster care is not an answer either, but i find it mind-boggling that you jumped over the other parent, grandparents or even extended family [all viable options], and then went directly with foster care. Some ppl are not meant to be parents, this young lady fits that description ... if you think she will make a good parent, please construct an argument. The OTHER "parent" does not want the child. Why would he even be a candidate? Maybe her parents will, if that is the case. But I believe everyone deserves a chance, and she is still pregnant and has time to get her **** together, so she can be a decent single mother. Some people here seem to be proposing that she needs the child snatched away at birth. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 The other parent made a thread on an anonymous board about what he is going through. The other parent doesn't even know if the child is his, and it might appear that child might not be his anyway. These 2 hardly mean that his rights should be removed. While everyone deserves chances, you also have to consider at the expense of what is that person getting a chance. This woman tried to kill herself already, and by extension also her child ... the 'thing' to which you argue she deserves a chance. So far the OP has not actually done something [anything] to harm said child ... while she has already done it. I suggest in the most respectful manner DL, to take a step back and read your posts again, and see if [and probably why] you are so emotionally invested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 The other parent made a thread on an anonymous board about what he is going through. The other parent doesn't even know if the child is his, and it might appear that child might not be his anyway. These 2 hardly mean that his rights should be removed. While everyone deserves chances, you also have to consider at the expense of what is that person getting a chance. This woman tried to kill herself already, and by extension also her child ... the 'thing' to which you argue she deserves a chance. So far the OP has not actually done something [anything] to harm said child ... while she has already done it. I suggest in the most respectful manner DL, to take a step back and read your posts again, and see if [and probably why] you are so emotionally invested. Oh Darling, not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I have been married for 23 years. No one abandoned me and our children. I did not have a pregnancy before marriage. So I guess your logic is a wee skewed. But, thank you so much for your concern. I will give your advice all of the consideration it deserves. I get what you are saying. I question the paternity as well. I bet it is not his. But based on what he has posted, I would question his fitness to parent as well. I would worry the child would be abused. He already admitted to abusing the mother of the child. So if she is unfit, so is he, by his own comments about abusing the girlfriend. IF the mother does not get herself together, of course someone else should take the child. But she is still pregnant. If she is getting help, and has a support system, and is doing well at birth, why should her baby be taken away from her? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 The OTHER "parent" does not want the child. Why would he even be a candidate? Maybe her parents will, if that is the case. But I believe everyone deserves a chance, and she is still pregnant and has time to get her **** together, so she can be a decent single mother. Some people here seem to be proposing that she needs the child snatched away at birth. No one said the kid needs to go to a foster home. If neither of them can parent the child, there are many couples who are unable to have their own that would happily raise the child. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 No one said the kid needs to go to a foster home. If neither of them can parent the child, there are many couples who are unable to have their own that would happily raise the child. Yes, adoption is a lovely option. Link to post Share on other sites
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