pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Oh Darling, not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I have been married for 23 years. No one abandoned me and our children. I did not have a pregnancy before marriage. So I guess your logic is a wee skewed. But, thank you so much for your concern. I will give your advice all of the consideration it deserves. I get what you are saying. I question the paternity as well. I bet it is not his. But based on what he has posted, I would question his fitness to parent as well. I would worry the child would be abused. He already admitted to abusing the mother of the child. So if she is unfit, so is he, by his own comments about abusing the girlfriend. IF the mother does not get herself together, of course someone else should take the child. But she is still pregnant. If she is getting help, and has a support system, and is doing well at birth, why should her baby be taken away from her? Please direct me to the post where the OP "abused her". So far, I have only seen posts that he is afraid of doing what his father has done, but the OP is constantly posting about how he still wants to help her despite not wanting to be with her. Unless he physically abused her somewhere along the line, his thoughts and actions are perfectly valid considering what this girl has done to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 I met with my lawyer today. He is the man who tried to help my mother. I knew it was him the second I saw him. So, there goes the help from my parents. He suggested that I ask her for a test first. There is a noninvaisive blood test available that's 99% accurate. He said a judge would order it if she refuses. He asked if it was a financial motivation and I said no. I already have a job lined up when I get done with my Master's. I just don't want to be obligated to do visitation stuff. He was pretty shocked and we spoke about it for awhile. He told me to wait on my decision if the baby is mine. I feel better, more confident as of now. I just don't know when and how to ask her... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 He was shocked about what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Oh Darling, not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I have been married for 23 years. No one abandoned me and our children. I did not have a pregnancy before marriage. So I guess your logic is a wee skewed. But, thank you so much for your concern. I will give your advice all of the consideration it deserves. I get what you are saying. I question the paternity as well. I bet it is not his. But based on what he has posted, I would question his fitness to parent as well. I would worry the child would be abused. He already admitted to abusing the mother of the child. So if she is unfit, so is he, by his own comments about abusing the girlfriend. IF the mother does not get herself together, of course someone else should take the child. But she is still pregnant. If she is getting help, and has a support system, and is doing well at birth, why should her baby be taken away from her? Due to the fact this comment hurt me I'll respond: I've never laid my hands on her, or any other woman. I'll admit I've yelled at her before, and immediately apologized. And let me tell you why: imagine coming home from school and hearing your dad screaming at the top of his lungs. She's a bitch, an idiot, he wants to throw up when he sees her. It's nothing new,so you don't pay attention. You hear her scream "please don't" then something starts falling down the stairs. When you get up to look it's your pregnant mother. You look up the stairs and see him watching her. Then turns around and slams the door. You watch her and she asks you to stop. After she lays there for awhile she makes dinner and you can tell she's hurt bad. He comes down later and tells her he loves her and he'll never do it again. I've never gotten over it. I dream about it still I've never heard a more horrible sound than her crashing down the stairs. I would never touch a woman after seeing that. So, please don't accuse me of doing so. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Oh Darling, not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I have been married for 23 years. No one abandoned me and our children. I did not have a pregnancy before marriage. So I guess your logic is a wee skewed. But, thank you so much for your concern. I will give your advice all of the consideration it deserves. I never said or implied that; what i meant for you to understand is that you come off as someone who has a chip on her should against men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) Due to the fact this comment hurt me I'll respond: I've never laid my hands on her, or any other woman. I'll admit I've yelled at her before, and immediately apologized. And let me tell you why: imagine coming home from school and hearing your dad screaming at the top of his lungs. She's a bitch, an idiot, he wants to throw up when he sees her. It's nothing new,so you don't pay attention. You hear her scream "please don't" then something starts falling down the stairs. When you get up to look it's your pregnant mother. You look up the stairs and see him watching her. Then turns around and slams the door. You watch her and she asks you to stop. After she lays there for awhile she makes dinner and you can tell she's hurt bad. He comes down later and tells her he loves her and he'll never do it again. I've never gotten over it. I dream about it still I've never heard a more horrible sound than her crashing down the stairs. I would never touch a woman after seeing that. So, please don't accuse me of doing so. I thought so, OP. Given the way this girl has treated you, your reactions are valid. Don't feel bad, you have a right to the way you feel. Edited January 29, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Due to the fact this comment hurt me I'll respond: I've never laid my hands on her, or any other woman. I'll admit I've yelled at her before, and immediately apologized. And let me tell you why: imagine coming home from school and hearing your dad screaming at the top of his lungs. She's a bitch, an idiot, he wants to throw up when he sees her. It's nothing new,so you don't pay attention. You hear her scream "please don't" then something starts falling down the stairs. When you get up to look it's your pregnant mother. You look up the stairs and see him watching her. Then turns around and slams the door. You watch her and she asks you to stop. After she lays there for awhile she makes dinner and you can tell she's hurt bad. He comes down later and tells her he loves her and he'll never do it again. I've never gotten over it. I dream about it still I've never heard a more horrible sound than her crashing down the stairs. I would never touch a woman after seeing that. So, please don't accuse me of doing so. Verbal abuse is still abuse. That is what I meant. Not physical. I misunderstood. I don't agree with you in many ways, but I do apologize for my mistakes. I apologize to you. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I never said or implied that; what i meant for you to understand is that you come off as someone who has a chip on her should against men. Again, thank you so much for your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Verbal abuse is still abuse. That is what I meant. Not physical. I misunderstood. I don't agree with you in many ways, but I do apologize for my mistakes. I apologize to you. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Considering what the girl did to this guy, how do you expect him to react? Isn't threatening to kill yourself and poking holes in a guy's condoms a form of abuse and manipulation? It's sad our society overlooks the possibility that women can also verbally or physically abuse men too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Considering what the girl did to this guy, how do you expect him to react? Isn't threatening to kill yourself and poking holes in a guy's condoms a form of abuse and manipulation? It's sad our society overlooks the possibility that women can also verbally or physically abuse men too. I did not overlook that at all. I told him to stay away from her. Poking holes in a condom and threatening suicide are manipulation, not abuse. Stupid and selfish acts, both of them. So, he can stay away and wait for the paternity test. And then do his legal duty and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I called her and told her I wanted a test done. She just said "ok, I'll do it for you, because I love you." Then asked if I wanted to go with her to the doctor. I told her no. I don't want to go to any appointments with her. She said she understood and that she was sorry. Now, all I've got to do is make the appointment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Poking holes in a condom and threatening suicide are manipulation, not abuse. In my opinion, that sort of behaviour definitely falls in the psychological abuse category. Having a partner threaten suicide as a means of manipulation can be very traumatic and mentally taxing. And intentionally tampering with a condom? I don't think I even need to go there on that one. Good luck OP - fingers crossed that it's not yours. It's absolutely heartbreaking to see children born under these circumstances and to a seemingly unstable mother...I truly feel for the baby. I would encourage her to seek professional help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 In my opinion, that sort of behaviour definitely falls in the psychological abuse category. Having a partner threaten suicide as a means of manipulation can be very traumatic and mentally taxing. And intentionally tampering with a condom? I don't think I even need to go there on that one. Good luck OP - fingers crossed that it's not yours. It's absolutely heartbreaking to see children born under these circumstances and to an unstable mother...I truly feel for the baby. I definitely feel for the baby. I hope his/her mother gets help she needs, gains some confidence and finds a good man one day when she is well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I called her and told her I wanted a test done. She just said "ok, I'll do it for you, because I love you." Then asked if I wanted to go with her to the doctor. I told her no. I don't want to go to any appointments with her. She said she understood and that she was sorry. Now, all I've got to do is make the appointment. I bet that was hard, but you did what you had to do. Hopefully she will learn that you are serious about not getting back together and move on. You both have so many issues you need to work on before getting into another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Part of her release program is that she goes to therapy twice a week. I don't know how I'll feel if it's not mine... I'll be relieved, but I also think I'll be angry too. I mean this guy is the exact opposite of me. He's ugly, uneducated, dirty, unmotivated, scrawny, weirdo. I've never liked him. I'm still so angry. Thinking about it makes me sick. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Part of her release program is that she goes to therapy twice a week. I don't know how I'll feel if it's not mine... I'll be relieved, but I also think I'll be angry too. I mean this guy is the exact opposite of me. He's ugly, uneducated, dirty, unmotivated, scrawny, weirdo. I've never liked him. I'm still so angry. Thinking about it makes me sick.[/Quote] I would be angry at the fact she lied and insisted it was yours, but since you're not together, just think of it as a large lift off of your shoulders. Edited January 31, 2014 by pink_sugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BHsigh Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Rude Boy, it's normal to feel angry still, even when you've decided that you no longer want to be with her. It will smooth out over time. Edited January 31, 2014 by BHsigh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 We've got a blood test tomorrow afternoon. Nervous doesn't begin to explain it... I feel sick. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 We've got a blood test tomorrow afternoon. Nervous doesn't begin to explain it... I feel sick. Of course you're feeling this way. Whatever happens, you'll adjust and if you are the baby's father, you'll cope with it and learn along the way. Everything is going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Results are back... It's mine, I'm so angry I can barely function. This can't be happening to me. I'm going to be tied to this crazy woman for the rest of my life! I don't think I've ever been this furious. What a selfish person, Jesus... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Well that sucks. Have you talked to a lawyer about her admitting to poking holes in condoms? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Well that sucks. Have you talked to a lawyer about her admitting to poking holes in condoms? Yes. Apparently, she may be guilty of assault. I want to get back at her so bad.But I don't want to get physical, and I definitely don't want it myself. So I guess the legal system is the only way. My best friend's girl friend keeps saying she did it out of love, yeah right. More like she's insane. Edited February 28, 2014 by Rude boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Wow, assault? Yes you must do everything legally available to take as much of the responsibility off of yourself that you can. Would you be fine having no parental rights to the child? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Wow, assault? Yes you must do everything legally available to take as much of the responsibility off of yourself that you can. Would you be fine having no parental rights to the child? He said he might be able to swing something. Hell yeah man! I don't need kids, unfortunately, I'd probably have to see or hear about it. I haven't told my parents yet... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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