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Girlfriend is pregnant. I really don't want it

Rude boy

By Rude boy,
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Rude boy

Rude boy

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I could try to be different. I mean I already escaped being physically abusive to women. I am willing to own up to being verbally abusive. I however have never called her a derogatory name. I'd never abuse my daughter, I would worry about her seeing me being abusive. Or hearing about it and being afraid of me. I was always afraid of my own father my whole childhood. Wouldn't it be better to remove myself. I always wanted to get taken away when I was little. I always wished someone would've called family services.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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I could try to be different. I mean I already escaped being physically abusive to women. I am willing to own up to being verbally abusive. I however have never called her a derogatory name. I'd never abuse my daughter, I would worry about her seeing me being abusive. Or hearing about it and being afraid of me. I was always afraid of my own father my whole childhood. Wouldn't it be better to remove myself. I always wanted to get taken away when I was little. I always wished someone would've called family services.

 

Really if you do some counseling, it can help. You're not your dad. You're aware of your flaws and what you (could) be capable of, but I believe you have more self control than you realize. You do have it in you to be a great dad.

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Eivuwan

Eivuwan

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sorry, I didn't see this one. I did individual therapy for six months when I was twenty. I was even worse then. But I never saw any improvement and it took too much time. I'm doing individual therapy again but not often. It's never been something I'm comfortable with. It always was something that my Mom did and so we were automatically told crazy people went to therapy. That negative stigma stuck with me.

 

I feel like an idiot for running over there the way I did. I'm so conflicted. I don't want to look bad, I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want my life back.

 

I see, there are many different types of therapy. Psychodynamic, CBT, etc. What are your goals for treatment? Also, for someone like you who has been through so much, therapy will take lots of time. It's unavoidable. I did not go through as much as you and I only saw improvement several months into therapy. Sometimes the changes are subtle and not noticeable. Sometimes it could just be because you and the therapist are not a good match. Why do you think therapy didn't work for you? Unfortunately for you, I think one way to heal is to just move away from your family and all this mess. But you cannot because of your responsibilities. Regardless, do you have safe places or peaceful places that you can escape to from time to time to clear your mind? It might help you think more rationally.

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Noproblem

Noproblem

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I could try to be different. I mean I already escaped being physically abusive to women. I am willing to own up to being verbally abusive. I however have never called her a derogatory name. I'd never abuse my daughter, I would worry about her seeing me being abusive. Or hearing about it and being afraid of me. I was always afraid of my own father my whole childhood. Wouldn't it be better to remove myself. I always wanted to get taken away when I was little. I always wished someone would've called family services.

 

With this mentality and awareness, I can see you as a great father.

You won't be like your father.

 

Stop being afraid. Fear conjures these things and make it a reality.

 

I'll give you this quote about fear I read in a novel called: jane's melody

 

"Don't let fear have a place in your life. Not even a tiny place. Get rid of it from every hidden corner, chase it away with the truth, and do what you want to do while you can"

Ryan Winfield

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preraph

preraph

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When you grow up with this rage like RudeBoy has, there's times it seems like it just acts independently of you. I know he's a good guy and has the best intentions, but he's in no way anywhere near ready to be a parent. People with as crappy role models he had for parents don't KNOW how to parent, period. Sure, they can give it their best shot, but parenting is the single most stressful thing you can do, and he's not going to do well under that stress. It would take years of therapy and anger management and parenting classes to get him to an acceptable level, I think. My dad was a rager. My mom was a rager and both my sister and I can't help but rage once in awhile for very little reason. So we didn't have kids. It's the cycle of abuse. It manifests itself in different ways, on different levels, and the explosions of rage are usually some part of it.

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pink_sugar

pink_sugar

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When you grow up with this rage like RudeBoy has, there's times it seems like it just acts independently of you. I know he's a good guy and has the best intentions, but he's in no way anywhere near ready to be a parent. People with as crappy role models he had for parents don't KNOW how to parent, period. Sure, they can give it their best shot, but parenting is the single most stressful thing you can do, and he's not going to do well under that stress. It would take years of therapy and anger management and parenting classes to get him to an acceptable level, I think. My dad was a rager. My mom was a rager and both my sister and I can't help but rage once in awhile for very little reason. So we didn't have kids. It's the cycle of abuse. It manifests itself in different ways, on different levels, and the explosions of rage are usually some part of it.

 

I agree with this sentiment. Also having been a child of abuse, it took years of therapy to realize that my parents were the ones with issues, not me. I've often had mixed thoughts of having children, because I didn't know differently. But I don't think everyone should not have kids because of this. Learning what you will do differently as a parent is a good step in the right direction. Even people who have had good parents can be abusers. Work on yourself. I've seen many abused people have kids and become decent parents, you just need to work hard on yourself.

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Rude boy

Rude boy

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The baby isn't doing well at the moment. They're preparing us for an early arrival. I'm freaking out. I'm such an ass. I know I didn't want the baby, but I don't want anything bad to happen. I'm so worried. I hope she'll be ok. I wish I could do something for her. I don't understand why this is happening...

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pink_sugar

pink_sugar

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The baby isn't doing well at the moment. They're preparing us for an early arrival. I'm freaking out. I'm such an ass. I know I didn't want the baby, but I don't want anything bad to happen. I'm so worried. I hope she'll be ok. I wish I could do something for her. I don't understand why this is happening...

 

Sounds like you're coming to terms with parenthood and will change your mind about the baby once you see her. Congrats dad!

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Rude boy

Rude boy

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Her heartbeat is very fast and she's not moving as much. They think she's in some sort of distress. It could be because my ex was so sick.

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pink_sugar

pink_sugar

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Her heartbeat is very fast and she's not moving as much. They think she's in some sort of distress. It could be because my ex was so sick.

 

When in June is she due? It is early, but plenty of babies have made it just fine being born even sooner. Hang in there.

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Rude boy

Rude boy

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When in June is she due? It is early, but plenty of babies have made it just fine being born even sooner. Hang in there.

 

The last I heard she was due June 20th

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pink_sugar

pink_sugar

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The last I heard she was due June 20th

 

Are they planning an induction or cecarean? If so, when?

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Noproblem

Noproblem

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The baby isn't doing well at the moment. They're preparing us for an early arrival. I'm freaking out. I'm such an ass. I know I didn't want the baby, but I don't want anything bad to happen. I'm so worried. I hope she'll be ok. I wish I could do something for her. I don't understand why this is happening...

 

I hope the baby and his mother will be OK

 

Hopefully they will be be safe and healthy .......

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RCCDMA

RCCDMA

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You don't have any rights to a DNA test or anything else. You will have to fight for them if that is your child. I respect your desire to help your mom but if the child is yours it will come first. Talk to your mom about her problems with your father. Ask if she wants help and then offer to help when you can. Be a part of your child's life at all cost. I know this doesn't sound right but if the child is yours you need to be there. Always.

 

With that being said honesty between your Gf and you are the most important thing. If you doubt the child to be yours tell her you have concerns. If you get a DNA test and the baby belongs to you then your involvement will be critical to the development of the child. Children need fathers. You needed yours right? If she believes the child is yours to the point of hiring an attorney and going after child support then she will demand a DNA test first. If she tracks you down because you refused to take the test it will only look that much worse to a judge. If you take the lead and show your desire to be involved it will make things easier for you later.

 

In a perfect world you are the father and you will stand by his mothers side.

 

No matter what happens if the child is yours.... One day your child will look up at you and say "daddy I love you". That will make it all better.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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You don't have any rights to a DNA test or anything else. You will have to fight for them if that is your child. I respect your desire to help your mom but if the child is yours it will come first. Talk to your mom about her problems with your father. Ask if she wants help and then offer to help when you can. Be a part of your child's life at all cost. I know this doesn't sound right but if the child is yours you need to be there. Always.

 

With that being said honesty between your Gf and you are the most important thing. If you doubt the child to be yours tell her you have concerns. If you get a DNA test and the baby belongs to you then your involvement will be critical to the development of the child. Children need fathers. You needed yours right? If she believes the child is yours to the point of hiring an attorney and going after child support then she will demand a DNA test first. If she tracks you down because you refused to take the test it will only look that much worse to a judge. If you take the lead and show your desire to be involved it will make things easier for you later.

 

In a perfect world you are the father and you will stand by his mothers side.

 

No matter what happens if the child is yours.... One day your child will look up at you and say "daddy I love you". That will make it all better.

 

I know it's a long thread to read but maybe go back 3 or 4 pages to see where things are at and skim through the whole thread. He is the father, they had broken up, she was with another guy too which is why the DNA test was done, he didn't believe the baby was he. She also has mental health issues, poked holes in the condoms - This whole situation is complicated and quite emotional/sad.

 

Rude, I hope the baby is okay. Prayers and good thoughts.

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scorpio1978

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Well,

 

 

The mommy needs to just make sure she follows up with her doctor regularly and drinks plenty of water and eats well, takes her vitamins. It's a bit early to be talking about a sooner delivery unless mom has a condition like preeclampsia, or there is known distress like the baby has her cord around her neck. She is at the point where if the baby had to be delivered early, God forbid, she at least would have a fighting chance. Anything earlier, and the baby likely would not make it, so have some comfort in that. Don't get worked up, and honestly, based on the mom's past of attention seeking behavior, I would consider her being a little dramatic at some point too. Not saying don't believe her totally, but consider her putting a spin on it to get you riled up too.

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DaisyLeigh1967

DaisyLeigh1967

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No wonder with all of the stress going on, that she is having issues. Partly due to her own behavior of course, but I sure hope that after all of this, she doesn't lose her baby too.

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Rude boy

Rude boy

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My little girl was born April 6th. Her mommy's water broke and she had an emergency c-section. We honestly didn't think she was going to live the first day. She's in NICU right now and is hooked up on so many things you can just barely see her face. She's in an incubator, we covered it with blankets so people couldn't look in. My ex and I are the only two who have touched her. Her skin is raw and every time I touch her I've got to be careful.

 

However, I think I've met the love of my life. My knees fell out under me when I held her. She looks like my ex, almost exactly. This is the first time I've been home in days. I haven't been sleeping. I almost ran into a barricade on the way back because I fell asleep.

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Noproblem

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My little girl was born April 6th. Her mommy's water broke and she had an emergency c-section. We honestly didn't think she was going to live the first day. She's in NICU right now and is hooked up on so many things you can just barely see her face. She's in an incubator, we covered it with blankets so people couldn't look in. My ex and I are the only two who have touched her. Her skin is raw and every time I touch her I've got to be careful.

 

However, I think I've met the love of my life. My knees fell out under me when I held her. She looks like my ex, almost exactly. This is the first time I've been home in days. I haven't been sleeping. I almost ran into a barricade on the way back because I fell asleep.

 

 

Omg congratulations, I am so happy for you, you gonna be a great father.

I just hope your baby will survive to be a healthy, happy and beautiful girl :)

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Eivuwan

Eivuwan

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My little girl was born April 6th. Her mommy's water broke and she had an emergency c-section. We honestly didn't think she was going to live the first day. She's in NICU right now and is hooked up on so many things you can just barely see her face. She's in an incubator, we covered it with blankets so people couldn't look in. My ex and I are the only two who have touched her. Her skin is raw and every time I touch her I've got to be careful.

 

However, I think I've met the love of my life. My knees fell out under me when I held her. She looks like my ex, almost exactly. This is the first time I've been home in days. I haven't been sleeping. I almost ran into a barricade on the way back because I fell asleep.

 

Congratulations! I am sure that with work and dedication you can be a great father.

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