Girlfriend is pregnant. I really don't want it

[atlg8r]

1. Get a paternity test. If it isn't really your child, then nothing else left to decide.
   
2. If the child is yours, determine if you are 100% certain you don't want to be a part of his or her life.
   
3. If not, explain that in no uncertain terms to the woman.
   
4. I don't know the laws regarding relinquishing parental rights, but find out what they are and proceed accordingly. If you are willing to provide financial support to the child, I think that is very honorable.
   
5. If you really don't want kids EVER, consider getting a vasectomy. You cannot always rely on the woman to ensure there's no "oops" pregnancy. Better to be sure on your end.
   

[scorpio1978]

1. Get a paternity test. If it isn't really your child, then nothing else left to decide.
   
2. If the child is yours, determine if you are 100% certain you don't want to be a part of his or her life.
   
3. If not, explain that in no uncertain terms to the woman.
   
4. I don't know the laws regarding relinquishing parental rights, but find out what they are and proceed accordingly. If you are willing to provide financial support to the child, I think that is very honorable.
   
5. If you really don't want kids EVER, consider getting a vasectomy. You cannot always rely on the woman to ensure there's no "oops" pregnancy. Better to be sure on your end.
   

 

 

it's a long thread, but they had a test and it is his

[scorpio1978]

Soooo..her due date was in June, right? Baby was born two months premature and is in the NICU in and incubator and 4 days after she is born, they are letting you hold her? Hmmm...

[Rude boy]

I've only gotten to hold her once. Right after she was born, now I have to touch her through little sides that pull out in her incubator . Yes she a little over two months premature.

 

She was having a hard day today. Her breathing was very fast and her heart rate was high too. I guess there might be a valve problem and she could need surgery. I hope she doesn't. I can't imagine having a tiny little girl having surgery done... I feel like I can't cry when I'm there because everyone else is. This is horrible.

[Ms. Red]

I'm so sorry that all this is happening. My thoughts and prayers go to you and your sweet baby girl.

 

I hope you have some family or friend support during this time.

[Trimmer]

Tell her that u dont need child now.

Ah, yeah.... you need to read the whole thread before commenting. This isn't exactly the moment for that suggestion.

 

it's a long thread, but they had a test and it is his

Given the current status of the situation, I'm going to try to be very delicate about throwing this wrench in here, but to the OP: How were you tested (cheek swab? Blood test?) and by whom? How did you learn of the results? Have you been provided with an official record of the results? Just curious how the process happened.

 

And as with others on this thread, my thoughts are with you.

 

One poster especially, has really raked you over the coals for the difficult feelings you've been processing as you've simultaneously been coming to grips with both infidelity and an unexpected pregnancy, which you reasonably expected you had taken action to protect against. I think feelings are feelings, and they come upon you from all directions, and are especially difficult to handle in the chaotic type of situation you are in.

 

However, in looking at your behavior, I find that, if anything, you have tended to err on the side of compassion and support (perhaps even against your own legal interests.) And to me, that's the final measure of the person you are. I don't judge you for having (and sharing) difficult personal feelings - I look to see, in the final analysis, what you do. To anyone who would presume to judge and berate him for the extremely difficult feelings he has had to process and work through, please note that he has spent the first days of this newborn child's life at her bedside.

Edited April 11, 2014 by Trimmer

[Rude boy]

They suggested I go home early today, saying she needs rest. my poor kid. My ex made things worse. She made a comment that I got what I wanted. I didn't want a sick baby... I didn't want a hurting baby, I just wanted to be alone.

 

Scorpio, I'm sorry you feel that way. As a medical professional, I'm sure you know stress can cause premature birth. This woman has gone through a lot. I'm willing to own up to it all being my fault. I've done a lot of bad things and said some even more horrible things since I've been here. If I could take them back I would.

 

We did a non-invasive blood test. I'm not exactly poor. I grew up with a very driven, powerful, father. I'll be the first to say, a lot of my life has been handed to me. That's how I've gotten so far so young. I don't have debts, I have a good job, I have parents who love throwing money around. It was not unaffordable for me.

 

She did go directly to NICU. She was a few hours old and they didn't think she would hold on much longer, and let me hold her. Was that wrong? Would you want to hold YOUR struggling daughter? I would think so. It wasn't long. It was painfully short.

 

As for the heart problem, I don't know. We didn't talk about it. Maybe she hid it from me, or maybe it was because at the time I didn't care to listen.

[Trimmer]

Actually, my thought in asking about the paternity test was not because I suspect the OP as a troll, but because I suspect his girlfriend. If she just called him over the phone and said "Yeah, the test shows it's yours", I wouldn't trust that any more than I would trust her alone with a pack of condoms.

 

As a matter of fact, if the child IS his, then it increases our confidence that she really did tamper with the condoms. Either that, or they had an unusual (but statistically possible) pregnancy while using good condoms, and she just said she tampered with them to manipulate him. It has to be one of those, and either way, it severely erodes trust in the girlfriend, so I'm wondering if the OP has carefully watched the chain of evidence as far as being sure that it was a good paternity test, and that he has truly seen the official results handed to him from an official source.

 

If one believes the thread is based on a fabricated story, you don't make the case on the thread - the mods have asked us to alert and advise them through that path.

[whichwayisup]

My little girl was born April 6th. Her mommy's water broke and she had an emergency c-section. We honestly didn't think she was going to live the first day. She's in NICU right now and is hooked up on so many things you can just barely see her face. She's in an incubator, we covered it with blankets so people couldn't look in. My ex and I are the only two who have touched her. Her skin is raw and every time I touch her I've got to be careful.

 

However, I think I've met the love of my life. My knees fell out under me when I held her. She looks like my ex, almost exactly. This is the first time I've been home in days. I haven't been sleeping. I almost ran into a barricade on the way back because I fell asleep.

 

I've only gotten to hold her once. Right after she was born, now I have to touch her through little sides that pull out in her incubator . Yes she a little over two months premature.

 

She was having a hard day today. Her breathing was very fast and her heart rate was high too. I guess there might be a valve problem and she could need surgery. I hope she doesn't. I can't imagine having a tiny little girl having surgery done... I feel like I can't cry when I'm there because everyone else is. This is horrible.

 

Certainly puts everything into perspective doesn't it Rude B eh? All the little things that you were upset and worrying about, doesn't really matter anymore.

You've got this blessed child now and she is all that matters.

 

My thoughts are with you and I hope your baby girl continues to get better and stronger. Those Dr's are good and know what they are doing so please have faith, good thoughts only.

[nescafe1982]

I don't really have any advice for you RudeBoy, but I just wanted to let you know you and your little girl are in my thoughts.

 

Please be kind and patient with yourself right now. You're doing wonderfully so far, in a very, very complicated situation!

 

Keep us up to date.

[Rude boy]

Trimmer, in response it was done at a lab and I obtained a report as well as her. It cost more to get another but I didn't want there to be a way for her to mess with it.

 

My baby's light was off today, and they didn't let us in for long. That was hard. They're hoping that it helps her. My parents have been there almost every day. As weird as it seems it helps when they're there. Even if my mom is covered in handprints.

[Trimmer]

Trimmer, in response it was done at a lab and I obtained a report as well as her. It cost more to get another but I didn't want there to be a way for her to mess with it.

Just wanted to make sure you were on top of the process. If you're satisfied, I won't ask again.

 

My baby's light was off today, and they didn't let us in for long. That was hard. They're hoping that it helps her. My parents have been there almost every day. As weird as it seems it helps when they're there. Even if my mom is covered in handprints.

We're all pulling for her to get healthier and stronger in these next weeks.

[Rude boy]

I've been thinking doing something nice for my ex. This has been really hard on her. I know it might send some mixed messages so that's why I'm thinking about it. Is it good to do? What should I do?

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Leave her alone.

[Rude boy]

Leave her alone.

 

I've thought it over, and this is probably best. I don't want to hurt her anymore. Thank you for giving me straightforward answers. Even if they're not what I want to hear.

[Rude boy]

Today was another hands off day. But on a happier note, I think she recognizes my voice. Her breathing gets deeper and she starts to relax a little, sometimes she'll move her fingers. She might not, but I like to think she knows it's me. I start off talking to her the same way every day. She's a little more stable than she has been, but not much.

 

I'm ready for her to come home.

[CarrieT]

I'm ready for her to come home.

 

Whose home?

[turnera]

I'm really proud of you.

[Trimmer]

Today was another hands off day. But on a happier note, I think she recognizes my voice. Her breathing gets deeper and she starts to relax a little, sometimes she'll move her fingers. She might not, but I like to think she knows it's me. I start off talking to her the same way every day. She's a little more stable than she has been, but not much.

 

I'm ready for her to come home.

It's got to be so hard, but you're doing great - be strong, and we'll hope that so will she.

 

How early was she? I think you said she was originally expected for June, but born early April, so around 8 weeks early? Let her get good and strong before you get itchy to take her home... Hang in there!

[janedoe67]

Rude Boy, you are going through so much, and this is my first reading of this thread...

 

But I wanted to tell you something. When I first started reading, I was mad at you, then I was mad at you and your GF. But for this past couple of pages, you have given me hope. You could have hated your GF. You could have hated this baby. You could have ignored the birth. You could have done all these things and comforted yourself with the fact that your GF brought all this pain on herself and, by default, she is the one who would have brought on your rejection of the baby. After all, you didn't cheat, you didn't poke holes and manipulate, you didn't lie, you aren't crazy.

 

Yep, you could have made a great case for making her pay, which would make the baby pay, and any other assortment of pain.

 

But you didn't. You saw what was happening...and you had compassion. You chose to look forward and love.

 

I'm not expressing myself as well as I wish because I can't. It would reveal too much.

 

But I had just about given up on a few things and decided to just let some pretty awful and life-changing (for me AND my family) chips fall because there is no such thing as compassion anyway for "someone like me."

 

Your changes over these pages and your love for your little girl have kept me off a pretty dangerous ledge of despair.

 

Thank you. I am praying for you and your sweet baby.

[Rude boy]

We're getting to touch her a little again. I'm pissed that they're limiting us so much. She does better on days we touch her, and there are studies that say it helps. A nurse tried to tell me sick people don't like being touched. Bull. I've got proof of the opposite with her mom! She would fit in my hands. She's so tiny. She breathes deeper when my hands are on her.

 

I don't know who she'll go with. It's most likely her mom. I don't know the first thing about baby girls.

 

My ex hugged me last night as we were leaving. I almost cried,and she did. I wish it would've worked, I really do.

[janedoe67]

Google kangaroo care

[whichwayisup]

We're getting to touch her a little again. I'm pissed that they're limiting us so much. She does better on days we touch her, and there are studies that say it helps. A nurse tried to tell me sick people don't like being touched. Bull. I've got proof of the opposite with her mom! She would fit in my hands. She's so tiny. She breathes deeper when my hands are on her.

 

I don't know who she'll go with. It's most likely her mom. I don't know the first thing about baby girls.

 

My ex hugged me last night as we were leaving. I almost cried,and she did. I wish it would've worked, I really do.

 

You and your ex are going to work this out and be co parents/friends. As time goes on it'll just happen.

 

I know now from your postings that you're in love with your baby and that's a plus. You'll learn along the way like everybody else. You'll be a present dad and you'll try even harder because of your own childhood and experiences.

 

Just go with the flow Rude. All will be okay.

 

Glad you got to touch your daughter, she knows and feels the love.

[Noproblem]

I hope your baby will be alright very soon.

It does not matter whose home she is going too.

Try to be positive and friendly to your ex gf because she is the mother of your beautiful baby and it's crucial you two maintain a friendship for the sake of your baby.

 

I hope the next few days will be full of good news for you, your baby, and everyone involved in this.

 

Be strong <3

[Rude boy]

She was having a difficult day yesterday. It was hard to watch, and I've had prior engagements today so I haven't been there at all. It hurts. I don't like that I can't be there.

 

Yesterday, out of desperation, I prayed. I want her to come home and to be ok. I'm not a believer in any sense but I figured there was no better time. I just want her to be healthy and happy and to love me like I love her.