anna121 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I agree. Don't do dinner. Keep it as cool and business-like as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Shouldn't I meet her somewhere? I can't just do it over the phone... I want to do it in the most gentleman way I can. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Go to her house. Tell her in person, and leave her alone. Then, be prepared for the DNA testing and child support order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I definitely agree with the others. You don't want to give her this news in a public place. While you may be more comfortable with that, this sort of news should be given in private. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 I went to her house last night and told her it was over. She started screaming, crying, and then hitting. The only time I got hurt is when she scratched me once, I didn't do anything back because I was afraid of being like my dad... Then she said if I left her she'd kill herself. I hurried and text her parents and her brother that she needed to go to the hospital. They came and took her in their car and I followed. They admitted her, and I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork about our relationship. I got home about four hours ago and they're already calling me to come back in to "talk about us" I don't have anyone on my side... I wish my parents could help, but they've done stuff like this too, so what help would they offer? None. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Her saying she'll kill herself is a form of manipulation that abusers use. If you are that baby's father, who knows? You may turn out to be the least abusive parent... If I were you I'd call a family law attorney. And don't sign anything more unless your lawyer says to. Then you'll have somebody on your side. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm sorry that this is such a mess and that you are hurting. I think you did the right thing by breaking up and calling her parents when she couldn't handle it. Not an east thing to do, however. Why exactly would you have to fill out papers at the hospital, though? What was asked on the forms and what did you write? You might need to visit a lawyer to discuss how to protect yourself. Stick by your guns and get a paternity test. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Q: what is your relationship with this person? A: ex boyfriend Q: describe your relationship A: strained, aggressive When we met, why we were in the relationship, stuff like that. I also had to fill out what happened between us. I think I'm going to ask my parents' lawyer who he recommends. I told her suicide isn't just something you can throw out there. She's knows I'm the one who found my mom after her attempt when I was twelve Edited January 4, 2014 by Rude boy Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 You should arrange to get the paternity test ASAP. It can be done as early as 10 to 13 weeks into the pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Yikes it sounds like she has major issues. I feel sorry for the poor child. Do you think she is at all fit to be a mother? Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Q: what is your relationship with this person? A: ex boyfriend Q: describe your relationship A: strained, aggressive When we met, why we were in the relationship, stuff like that. I also had to fill out what happened between us. I think I'm going to ask my parents' lawyer who he recommends. I told her suicide isn't just something you can throw out there. She's knows I'm the one who found my mom after her attempt when I was twelve Did you say that she claims to be pregnant but you don't think the child is yours because she cheated on you? Anyhow, do contact your family's lawyer to find out who he would recommend. I'm so sorry that your mom made a suicide attempt and that it was you who saw that at 12 years old. That must have been traumatizing. My FOO was rough, too. I feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Spent most of my day in the hospital, being treated like the bad guy. They even asked if I was abusing her, I flipped saying I come from an abusive home. While I haven't been hit since I was eight, my mother is. I felt my flesh crawl after that one. The truth came out, she had been poking holes in condoms I wore right after she cheated on me, and they weren't protected. I told her she should start calling him instead. She just kept saying it had to be mine. They're going to put her in an evaluation unit for awhile. The hospital said they encourage non invasive paternity tests, and to call a lawyer. I will be doing so Monday Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 The truth came out, she had been poking holes in condoms I wore right after she cheated on me, and they weren't protected. I told her she should start calling him instead. She just kept saying it had to be mine. They're going to put her in an evaluation unit for awhile. OK, that's insane. Even if the baby was yours, you should not be responsible for it in any way unless you choose to do so. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 OK, that's insane. Even if the baby was yours, you should not be responsible for it in any way unless you choose to do so. I agree. Get away from her and this asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 The truth came out, she had been poking holes in condoms I wore right after she cheated on me Wow. Even if it IS your child, do NOT go back to this woman unless she goes through years of therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 I went over to my parents' house for my mom's birthday last night. It was just me, my brothers, and them, she didn't want anyone else there. We had a fun night, when it's good between them, it's really good. I ended up staying the night because I was too tired to drive. I told them everything, her being pregnant and it might not being mine, telling me she was going to kill herself and now in the hospital, and her revelation of sabotaging my condoms. The agreed I need a DNA test immediately. They gave me the lawyer my dad always uses. He also said he'd pay the legal fees if it came down to it. He was very calmed and collected, and my mom just cried. I'm calling him later today. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 It sounds like you are approaching a dreadful & emotional situation very logically. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I totally disagree that you should not be held responsible for the child even if she was bat **** crazy and poking holes in condoms. When you lay down and have sex you are accepting the consequences of that sex act, no matter what. The baby is not at fault here. His/her bat**** crazy mother is. You do not get to punish the child because the mother is a nutjob. You are still legally financially responsible. The baby still deserves to be supported. Get the DNA test and be done with it. If it is yours, you can support the baby as you should, without being with the mother. Call it your stupid tax. I am not sure what kind of tests can be done without potential harm to the baby, so you might have to wait until he/she is born. Ask your doctor and lawyer. You want to almost guarantee no kids? Get snipped. Until then, know that you might be a father when you **** someone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I totally disagree that you should not be held responsible for the child even if she was bat **** crazy and poking holes in condoms. When you lay down and have sex you are accepting the consequences of that sex act, no matter what. The baby is not at fault here. His/her bat**** crazy mother is. You do not get to punish the child because the mother is a nutjob. You are still legally financially responsible. The baby still deserves to be supported. Get the DNA test and be done with it. If it is yours, you can support the baby as you should, without being with the mother. Call it your stupid tax. I am not sure what kind of tests can be done without potential harm to the baby, so you might have to wait until he/she is born. Ask your doctor and lawyer. You want to almost guarantee no kids? Get snipped. Until then, know that you might be a father when you **** someone. Absolute bullsh*t. Her poking holes in the condoms is basically scamming him. What she did should actually be illegal. He did everything he could do within reason to not have a child. What she did was essentially the same thing as going to a sperm bank and getting herself pregnant. It is wrong to try and require the man to support the child in any way. He had no say in her getting pregnant, he had no say in whether she has the baby or not, he should have a say in if he has to help support the baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 (edited) Absolute bullsh*t. Her poking holes in the condoms is basically scamming him. What she did should actually be illegal. He did everything he could do within reason to not have a child. What she did was essentially the same thing as going to a sperm bank and getting herself pregnant. It is wrong to try and require the man to support the child in any way. He had no say in her getting pregnant, he had no say in whether she has the baby or not, he should have a say in if he has to help support the baby. I didn't say she was right. In fact, I think she is heinous and should have her butt kicked to the moon, if she did what she said she did. But.... I am saying that a child could happen no matter how careful you are. Adults accept that when they hop in the sack that anything could happen and they accept the consequences. I know that not being able to control this area of life makes men nuts because God knows they control every damn thing else. Some men would love to be able to be able to make women have abortions. They think they have that right too. There are jerks like that. Life, unfortunately, is not always fair. . Be careful who you sleep with. She will get hers one day. Karma is one nasty son of a bitch. Edited January 7, 2014 by DaisyLeigh1967 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 The truth came out, she had been poking holes in condoms I wore right after she cheated on me, and they weren't protected. I told her she should start calling him instead. She just kept saying it had to be mine. They're going to put her in an evaluation unit for awhile. The hospital said they encourage non invasive paternity tests, and to call a lawyer. I will be doing so Monday That's intentional 'entrapment' and malicious intentions. She knew exactly what she was doing, so DO make sure you get a lawyer ASAP because I am telling you now, she is going to plea 'mentally unstable' if this blows up badly. For your sake, I hope the child isn't yours so there will be no drama in your life. If it is yours, hold on tight because it's going to be a bumpy ride. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) I totally disagree that you should not be held responsible for the child even if she was bat **** crazy and poking holes in condoms. When you lay down and have sex you are accepting the consequences of that sex act, no matter what. The baby is not at fault here. His/her bat**** crazy mother is. You do not get to punish the child because the mother is a nutjob. You are still legally financially responsible. The baby still deserves to be supported. Get the DNA test and be done with it. If it is yours, you can support the baby as you should, without being with the mother. Call it your stupid tax. I am not sure what kind of tests can be done without potential harm to the baby, so you might have to wait until he/she is born. Ask your doctor and lawyer. You want to almost guarantee no kids? Get snipped. Until then, know that you might be a father when you **** someone. Legally this will get sorted out in the courts. there are loop holes and other situations probably similar to this to help him, as I'm sure his lawyer will be looking into this deeply. I'm not sure why you're so angry with this poster? He is doing his best due to the circumstances. This woman tried to trap him by poking holes. IF a guy did this to a woman, wanted to get her pregnant and she was unaware, he poked holes in the condom, is she held just as responsible since she had sex??? what if it were you and you weren't ready or sure if you wanted kids. .. ANd lets' say the pill didn't work either, so your back up failed twice. I know that not being able to control this area of life makes men nuts because God knows they control every damn thing else. Some men would love to be able to be able to make women have abortions. They think they have that right too. There are jerks like that. this is totally off topic and has nothing to do with his situation. You are projecting your own anger and issues with men onto this poor guy and his situation. This is not about you and your life/men in your life. Sorry that you've been burned, but it's unfair to dump on other people's threads like this. Edited January 8, 2014 by whichwayisup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 She was wrong on every level but he is still going to be ordered to pay child support because the court decides these things in favor of the child. Whenever a sperm donor is brought into court regardless of whatever agreements were in place beforehand, he is ordered to pay child support. Was she wrong, YES But the courts don't care about that - they care about whats in the best interest of the child, which is to receive financial support from the father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 She was wrong on every level but he is still going to be ordered to pay child support because the court decides these things in favor of the child. Whenever a sperm donor is brought into court regardless of whatever agreements were in place beforehand, he is ordered to pay child support. Was she wrong, YES But the courts don't care about that - they care about whats in the best interest of the child, which is to receive financial support from the father. That. Exactly. We can discuss til the cows come home about "fair". She is a heinous bitch in my opinion. But he is still liable. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 If you can get proof of her sabotaging the condoms (talk to her about it and use a hidden recorder or something) and a good lawyer, then you might have something to stand on in court. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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