pink_sugar Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think that one day, you will totally regret walking away from your child. And then, it will be too late. Would you say that to a couple giving up their child for adoption? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Occurs to me that poking a sewing needle through the center of a typical unwrapped condom would be nearly undetectable, unless you were actively looking for the tiny hole. I've heard of women doing this before :/ There are also women that will fish used condoms out of the trash to try and get pregnant. It's pretty sick. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think she did them individually, while I was in the bathroom or something. Because I've looked through the box and two look a little strange but the rest are fine. No I wasn't always the one opening them, or putting them on, if she wanted to help out I wasn't going to stop her. Maybe I should've paid more attention to her insistence, but we'd been together long enough and liked me all through high school, so I trusted her. I feel like I should've known she's out of her damn mind. I know if she has the baby my mom will want to be involved. My mom loves babies and while she was upset for me I could tell she was excited. It'll be the first grandchild and from what I've seen that's a big deal. My mom is the one who wants to hold the baby, or feed it, or comfort it when it cries. I've always found it kind of weird personally... Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think she did them individually, while I was in the bathroom or something. Because I've looked through the box and two look a little strange but the rest are fine. No I wasn't always the one opening them, or putting them on, if she wanted to help out I wasn't going to stop her. Maybe I should've paid more attention to her insistence, but we'd been together long enough and liked me all through high school, so I trusted her. I feel like I should've known she's out of her damn mind. I know if she has the baby my mom will want to be involved. My mom loves babies and while she was upset for me I could tell she was excited. It'll be the first grandchild and from what I've seen that's a big deal. My mom is the one who wants to hold the baby, or feed it, or comfort it when it cries. I've always found it kind of weird personally... Do you happen to know if the other guy used any protection at all? If not, chances are higher the child she's carrying is his. i hope so for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think she did them individually, while I was in the bathroom or something. Because I've looked through the box and two look a little strange but the rest are fine. No I wasn't always the one opening them, or putting them on, if she wanted to help out I wasn't going to stop her. Maybe I should've paid more attention to her insistence, but we'd been together long enough and liked me all through high school, so I trusted her. I feel like I should've known she's out of her damn mind. I know if she has the baby my mom will want to be involved. My mom loves babies and while she was upset for me I could tell she was excited. It'll be the first grandchild and from what I've seen that's a big deal. My mom is the one who wants to hold the baby, or feed it, or comfort it when it cries. I've always found it kind of weird personally... Exactly what I thought had happened. She could have easily put a damage condom on you and you would never know. It all comes down the fact that she betrayed your trust. You did nothing wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Could she be lying about poking holes in the condoms? Why would anyone do this and then admit it? I'm thinking she had unprotected sex with the other guy and knows it's probably his, so she's trying to make you think it's yours. Get a paternity test and then figure it out. There may be a good chance that it's not yours. But if it is, remember that this is not the child's fault. The baby did not ask for a crazy mom and a dad who doesn't want him or her. This child will want love and attention from his or her parents like any other child. Many, many children are unplanned/unwanted, yet the parents, if they are loving, responsible people, do what they can to give the child a good, stable life. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Would you say that to a couple giving up their child for adoption? Giving a child for adoption and abandonment are two totally different things and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Giving a child for adoption and abandonment are two totally different things and you know it. It isn't really unfortunately. My friends who were adopted feel abandoned by their parents, partly because they don't know the story behind the reason for adoption in most cases. Partly because they are technically correct. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 In this situation, I would hope for the courts to have the custody removed from the mother given she is obviously not mentally stable enough to raise this child so the child can be put up for adoption to parents who are mentally fit and willing to raise it. I don't blame the OP for wanting to walk away, it may seem cowardly to some people, but this woman altered his life without his permission and not everyone is suitable to be a parent. It's up to the OP to decide if he is capable of being a parent in this situation and if he chooses not to be a part of the child's life that is his decision. What would be wrong would be for him to try and parent a child he really doesn't want. This is no different than if a man tampered with a woman's birth control pills to try and get her pregnant. (Woo hoo for the depo shot!) But we never fault women for that sort of thing, so why is it different for men? Ultimately, she has a right to whether or not to carry the child, raise it or give it up for adoption. The OP shouldn't be forced into this. Yes, I am also wondering how the holes weren't seen, but that is besides the point. Yeah, because taking a child away from the mother, while she is ill, with giving her a chance to get well, and raise her child, as many with mental issues still manage to do and quite well when they get help, would totally get the OP off the hook. Yep. Great idea. Mental issues do not always mean you are never going to be able to live a decent life and raise kids. If she refuses help, sure. Then you can visit placing the child in a safer place. I said the child will be better off without the OP. And he/she will. I hope his/her mother gets herself over this OP and mentally healthy and finds a better man down the road. My concern for the OP is that one day he will probably regret this. And for the record, there are a LOT of birth parents who do regret adoption, as well as women who regret abortions. It is not always black and white. There is a hell of a lot of gray. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 It isn't really unfortunately. My friends who were adopted feel abandoned by their parents, partly because they don't know the story behind the reason for adoption in most cases. Partly because they are technically correct. Well, I am an adoptee. I never ever felt that way. Not all of us do. And I come from the era where there was no open adoption. I still cannot access my records. I had a good childhood. I was lucky. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 She did have unprotected sex with the other man. That's why I hope to god it's not my baby. It would be hilarious if it wasn't because she wants it to be mine so badly. I spoke to the attorney today, I know him from somewhere, I know that voice. It was driving me crazy the whole time we were on the phone. I've got an appointment with him next week. He advised me to not speak to her, and said we'd talk about paternity test options. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 If it is not, please don't laugh at her. No matter how much you want revenge, that is not the way to be. Just move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 I wouldn't laugh at her, but I'd make sure everyone knew. Her little brother and my oldest brother are friends, they're both artists and do shows together, so I've got to be careful. Her brother and I are also good friends. I really like the guy. So laughing at her isn't an option. But I'd love it if it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 I've been thinking about it, and maybe I could try to be a good dad. I hated my dad growing up because he would always make my mom cry or hurt her. He would always tell me he hated me. When I got older it didn't bother me anymore, but it still upset her. I feel myself getting that way when I talk to my ex... I would never physically hurt her, but the way I talk to her reminds me of my dad. I would hate for her to get together with someone who might actually hurt her... I just want her to admit she was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I've been thinking about it, and maybe I could try to be a good dad. I hated my dad growing up because he would always make my mom cry or hurt her. He would always tell me he hated me. When I got older it didn't bother me anymore, but it still upset her. I feel myself getting that way when I talk to my ex... I would never physically hurt her, but the way I talk to her reminds me of my dad. I would hate for her to get together with someone who might actually hurt her... I just want her to admit she was wrong. Being a good dad is a great goal to strive for. Being a bad dad is nothing something to live for. It will follow you around. You are very aware of how you feel and why, and you are being honest. That is a great start my friend. Just think like this, being a good dad may also mean being respectful to your child's mother, even if you don't like her. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I wouldn't laugh at her, but I'd make sure everyone knew. Her little brother and my oldest brother are friends, they're both artists and do shows together, so I've got to be careful. Her brother and I are also good friends. I really like the guy. So laughing at her isn't an option. But I'd love it if it was. Why the desire to tell all and sundry? Why not just be a grown up about it and move on? Why do you want to laugh at her? She sounds like she has enough problems. Why stir the **** pot? The mature thing to do, if the child is not yours, is to move on gracefully. You only make yourself look like an ******* if you say anything about it and make sure she is good and humiliated. Seriously, I think you have a lot more issues than an unfaithful girlfriend. Please seek counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I've been thinking about it, and maybe I could try to be a good dad. I hated my dad growing up because he would always make my mom cry or hurt her. He would always tell me he hated me. When I got older it didn't bother me anymore, but it still upset her. I feel myself getting that way when I talk to my ex... I would never physically hurt her, but the way I talk to her reminds me of my dad. I would hate for her to get together with someone who might actually hurt her... I just want her to admit she was wrong. You are as big of a jerk as your dad with this line of thinking. You don't have to love the girl, or be with her, but for gosh sake, respect her if she is, indeed the mother of your child. If you abuse her mentally, like that, I hope she tells you to f off. Again, seek counseling. You can break the cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 You are as big of a jerk as your dad with this line of thinking. You don't have to love the girl, or be with her, but for gosh sake, respect her if she is, indeed the mother of your child. If you abuse her mentally, like that, I hope she tells you to f off. Again, seek counseling. You can break the cycle. If I was a guy and she poked holes in my condoms so she could trap me, that would be enough for me to lose all respect for her. Respect needs to be earned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) If I was a guy and she poked holes in my condoms so she could trap me, that would be enough for me to lose all respect for her. Respect needs to be earned. So in other words, he has every right to verbally, emotionally, and mentally abuse this person. Wow. What I am saying is, show her basic respect in front of the child, be an adult and don't go telling the whole world what she did. Don't mentally abuse her. Speak to her with basic respect as a human being. Grow up and move on with your life. She will be found out in time. Edited January 11, 2014 by DaisyLeigh1967 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 So in other words, he has every right to verbally, emotionally, and mentally abuse this person. Wow. What I am saying is, show her basic respect in front of the child, be an adult and don't go telling the whole world what she did. Don't mentally abuse her. Speak to her with basic respect as a human being. Grow up and move on with your life. She will be found out in time. This girl telling him she'll kill herself if he leaves her is a form of abuse and manipulation. Same thing with the poking holes in condoms. So you cannot just act like she is just a shameless victim with the OP out to get her. Sounds like they both have their own issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 This girl telling him she'll kill herself if he leaves her is a form of abuse and manipulation. Same thing with the poking holes in condoms. So you cannot just act like she is just a shameless victim with the OP out to get her. Sounds like they both have their own issues. Of course she is not well. But is it not better to walk away and not make the crap worse? For her and him? Someone has to be the adult here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Her brother called me, and said she keeps asking for me. She talks about other things for a second then talks about me again. My mom does that when my dad is restrained from her. I wonder if I should go comfort her. I wouldn't bring up my anger, I would just tell her she's going to be ok. I feel bad I'm the reason she's in there... I was afraid she would hurt herself. I just suck. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I would stay away for now. Let her family know you don't want to make things worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 I feel so horrible. Maybe I shouldn't have called them. Maybe I should've just stayed with her... I should've left it alone. I love so many things about her. That's why I stayed in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Where is she and why do you feel horrible? Link to post Share on other sites
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