justnotmeanymore Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Well I'm new to this. I really really need this outlet I tell you. Back story about me. Been married for over a year. 5 months into our marriage my husband had an online emotional affair. This was NOT with a random person, it was with a "friend" he had known since University. I found out by checking his computer (gut feeling). He had not only sent and recieved explicit photo's, but conversations were about our marriage, about our sex life and about how they should have gotten together. Obviously I was FURIOUS. He said he thought we were going down the same track we had been before we got married (I had some issues and my way to deal was to break up with him- too clingy for me at the time) anyway... I kept telling him the way to find out the problem with our relationship is to NOT seek outside comfort etc. Anyway communication got better..... bring on MAY. I had yet ANOTHER gut feeling. So I did more checking.... dating sites, various chats with other women. So I decided to pretend to be someone else to see what he would do... it took 24hrs for him to start Cybersex with her (me). I called him out on it. I was seriosuly P'd off. more fighting etc etc.... he was angry with me for "trapping" him, but I shouldn't have been able to trap him. If he was honest with me in the first place, he wouldnt have been caught. communication started to get better. Some how a couple months later I've been hit with all these images, feelings. Like a delayed reaction with how I coped when I first found out. I am constantly seeing the images of the other girls and him in my head. I cannot stand him touching me. I was comparing myself to all of them since january. Something in me snapped 2 months ago. I had become this hollow numb shell of who I was when we got married. I found myself not in love with my husband but I was disgusted and hated him. At the moment we live in the same house (money reasons) we still haven't dealt with whats going on because 1: his parents are here, 2: I have been utterly crazy with work. Worked has started to slow down and i find myself needing to have an outlet for all my issues and problems. I told him that I wanted to separate 2 months ago. I do not know where that will take us but I need time away from him and our marriage (if you can call it that) to find out what I actually want. We're stuck under the same roof. He doesnt work anymore, and because he has no friends or family in town, I am the only one that can actually leave the house. I've stayed at friends houses, but H (husband) tells me the kids miss me in the morning. So I have been staying home the past month and putting up with the tension and awkwardness that is our life atm. What I want to know is where do I go from here I am going to seek out some professional help. I do NOT want to see this person as a couple, but on my own. He is welcome to see same person, but I do not want him near me. I know this sounds counter productive but at the same time I don't want to deal with him. I still hate being in the same room as him, but I push it all aside for the kids. I cannot continue this rouse for the next year or however long it takes. I know it'll ultimately make me resent my kids and I love them more than anything in this world. And yes, more than my husband. I just need help. I dont know what I am doing or what I am feeling. Or if what I am feeling is ok. HELP ME PLEASE Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Im so sorry to hear what a right ****e time you've been through....good for you on busting him, and good for you for separating. What an ass......Some professional help will be great for you, working through this and starting your new journey, you and your kids.....start making lists of your plan of action.....get childcare help with from family or friends to give you some breathing space, plan a holiday, look for a new home, take some stress leave from work....Your H is obviously not going to change....good for you, I wish you all the strength and courage in your journey, healing and positiveness to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justnotmeanymore Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Thanks Poppyolive. I have no idea where to go from here though. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I agree, professional help is the way to go. The cross-cutting emotions and drives are powerful and difficult to see through clearly from where you are. A good therapist should help you to separate things out and head in good directions while holding yourself together and doing the best for your kids. It's a terrible situation, I know. I was stuck under the same roof with my spouse and son for a year after she decided to nuke our marriage, and it was very, very difficult. It does get better once you've made some decisions that you can live with and got some space from people you can't. A really good therapist has been my saviour through it all. All best wishes and I hope you find someone good to talk it all out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justnotmeanymore Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I really hope it does. It's getting tense around here because his folks seem to be starting to put their 2 cents in. I want them all out to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
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