Why now? This long after, suffocating. Need guidance.

[Downtown]

DT Im really confused on what I feel, 1 minute I'm feeling deep anger and bitterness at her and myself, next minute there is an empty hole that no matter what I try or do cannot be filled.

LN, hold on best you can until your CBT starts in a couple of weeks. It will teach you how to get rid of that empty hole.

Its like she really believes in her heart and soul I was bad to her, but skips out all the things she done to get me to that point.... I seriously don't get it, why would someone do this?

The reason -- if she has strong BPD and narcissistic traits as you believe -- is that she has the emotional development of a four year old. That may be hard for you to believe, given that she has the intelligence, knowledge, cunning, and body strength of a full grown woman. Yet, if your suspicions are correct, you had a 6 year relationship with a woman having the emotional development of a four year old.

 

What you are describing is exactly how a young child behaves. A child that age does black-white thinking 24/7. She will adore Daddy when he brings out the toys and then, an hour later, hate Daddy when he takes one of them away. With BPDers and young children, their "reality" is whatever intense feelings they are experiencing at the moment. Unlike mature adults, they do not intellectually challenge the validity of those feelings.

I feel it so personal I cant escape that this was a personal attack on me and my physical/mental being.

Yes, it was a personal attack on you. Similarly, my BPDer exW was personally attacking me when she had me arrested and thrown into jail. To this day she still believes I was physically abusing her and that I fabricated a new lie "every week." Moreover, she has no appreciation whatsoever for the small fortune I spent on her weekly visits to six different psychologists over a period of 15 years.

 

Please keep in mind, however, that the basis for a BPDer's hatred for you is not your shortcomings but, rather, her own. Because a BPDer hates herself, she is incapable of believing that you truly love her. It therefore is an impossible task to ever convince her of your love. As soon as you pass one of her ***** tests, she will simply raise the bar higher for the next test.

I feel I should never see this woman again untill Im fully healed. Im now going full no contact again, in the hope I can find some inner peace to give me a foundation to work from.

A very smart decision, LN.

[FortunateSon]

Downtown, I have a question about borderline/narcissistic PD, as you know it seems like my ex had exhibited these behaviors. One thing I am curious about is, do people with these disorders appear "normal" to everyone else? Am I going to be one of the only people who sees this in her? I ask because my ex is charismatic and very well liked by most people and has a facade of being very independent and in control. I still have people tell me that she seems really great person, but I have seen otherwise myself? She typically blames me for her behavior and claims she was "never like that before she met me" and that it's my fault? Like LN, I am trying to understand this too...

[Downtown]

Do people with [bPD and narcissism] appear "normal" to everyone else?

Yes, FS, most of them do. The vast majority of BPDers (and narcissists) are "high functioning," which means they interact very well with casual friends, business associates, and total strangers. NONE of those people pose a threat to a BPDer's two great fears: abandonment and engulfment. There is no close relationship to be abandoned and no intimacy to cause the scary feeling of engulfment. Lord help them, however, if they make the mistake of trying to draw close in a LTR with the BPDer. This is why it is common for a BPDer to be caring and gracious all day long with complete strangers and then go home at night to abuse the very people who love her.

Am I going to be one of the only people who sees this in her? I ask because my ex is charismatic and very well liked by most people and has a facade of being very independent and in control.

Yes, when you walk away from a high functioning BPDer, you should expect to lose most of your common casual friends. Being the eternal "Victim," the BPDer almost certainly will bad mouth you and those casual friends will find it difficult to believe she would lie about such things. Moreover, because a BPDer generally believes most of the outrageous things coming out of her mouth, those casual friends will find her very convincing. This experience, then, will give you an opportunity to find out who your real friends are.

I still have people tell me that she seems a really great person, but I have seen otherwise myself?

FS, if many people feel that way about your Ex, then she likely is a "really great person." Remember, if she is a BPDer, her problem is not being BAD but, rather, being UNSTABLE. That instability produces intense feelings that distort her perceptions, giving rise to black-white thinking.

 

Just because a woman sucks at marriage and other close relationships does NOT mean she is a bad or unproductive person. Nor does it mean that she is unlovable. Indeed, two of the world's most beloved women -- Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana -- both had full-blown BPD, if their biographers are correct.

 

Moreover, there is a good chance that the surgeon who saves your life, the psychologist who redirects your thinking, the lawyer who handles your injury claim, or the politician who brings federal grants to your community has very strong traits of narcissism. Moreover, about 2% of the professionals you rely on for help likely are sociopaths. Everyone has limitations, some more so than others.

[FortunateSon]

I greatly appreciate your insight on this, it has really opened my eyes and others I am sure too. What you are saying is describing her perfectly. She has a ton or acquaintance but very few close friends. It always frustrated me that she could give everyone else who she didn't even know the benefit of the doubt, but vilified me, the person who was closest to her and tried to make her happy.

 

It is interesting that I have found that she has told people that I am indeed to blame and that I was the abusive person in the relationship. I am fortunate that our close friends, except for her family who now think I am the devil, know my character and realize I was not the monster she has tried to portray me as and have remained my friends. She definitely plays the victim. I noticed everything seemed to be about control with her.

 

I recently found my ex in a relationship with someone new 6 months after the break up of our relationship/engagement of 6 years. Multiple people have told me that they were shocked by the new man in her life, he is said to be VERY physically unattractive, doesn't seem to have much going for him, and gives the impression of a pushover/doormat. Is this typical behavior? It seems she needs to be with someone and can't be alone, and needs to be with someone who she can control? Basically the opposite of me!! I am surprised by this because I am taking time to heal and would not be ready for a relationship at this point. She made the point of telling me when she broke contact last month that she is still dealing with issues from our relationship and is dwelling on a lot of anger. Seems unhealthy to jump into a relationship after she said that?

Edited January 5, 2014 by FortunateSon

[livingnightmare]

How long has it been sinse you seperated DT? Are you fully healed ? I must admit I'm looking forward to the CBT and what may lay install for me after.

 

In the text i mentioned she said I never loved her and all the way through the RS she could never except I loved her. I don't know if she ever loved me at all either otherwise she wouldn't have inflicted so much.

 

I feel like its a reflection on myself, Like I was never good enough, hell she replaced me for random strangers, not even a relationship, cant help but feeling robbed, raped and left to die.

 

I keep hearing people say first loves last forever in your heart, I really hope not, I just wish this mix of feelings would go away.

 

I keep reading about feeling your feelings, I have never been able to let myself go into them fully as they get more intense. I feel I have been my own enemy to recover, if I had the money I would try seeing a therapist tomorrow.

[Downtown]

The new man in her life is said to be VERY physically unattractive, doesn't seem to have much going for him, and gives the impression of a pushover/doormat. Is this typical behavior?

Well, FS, jumping to a physically unattractive guy is not typical. What is common, however, is jumping to another guy who is very different from the previous partner. Because BPDers have little sense of who they really are, they have developed a keen skill of fitting in with a wide variety of individuals, adopting and mirroring the best traits of those individuals. In that way, they can use the person's strong personality to center and ground them.

 

One result, FS, is that a BPDer tends to behave very differently around different types of people. Another result is that the many dumped partners in her wake will be amazed to see her shacking up with guys who are nothing like them.

She made the point of telling me when she broke contact last month that she is still dealing with issues from our relationship and is dwelling on a lot of anger. Seems unhealthy to jump into a relationship after she said that?

People who are emotionally stunted (at the level of a four year old) can be expected to make unhealthy decisions. This is what happens when a person lacks impulse control and experiences intense feelings that distort her perceptions of other peoples' motivations and intentions.

[FortunateSon]

Again, Downtown, I appreciate your insight, it sounds like you are describing my ex incredibly accurately. To be honest, even though I am still hurting and healing, this has almost made me pity my ex, I feel sorry for her. I know that her being 33, she is in a hurry to marry and have kids. I don't think I will hear from her again. I have a feeling this poor fella she is dating now has no idea what he is getting into or is in for!

[Downtown]

How long has it been sinse you seperated DT? Are you fully healed ?

LN, it's been 7.5 years since the separation (i.e., her having me jailed) and 6 years since the divorce. It took me about 3 years of healing before I had any desire to date anyone. Yes, I consider myself to be essentially healed. Yet, because I lost a W and five adult step kids rather late into life, I don't think it would be accurate to describe it as "fully healed."

 

As with losing my parents to death, that sort of loss has a lifetime impact that never fully disappears. Moreover, I'm not sure I would want it to. Losing my exW and adult step children was similar to going through the death of loved ones. I have no desire to forget them or block them from my memory even though I am no longer in touch with any of them (except for the oldest step daughter, with whom I am in touch about every two months).

[FortunateSon]

Downtown, it sounds like your marriage, divorce, and period after was a trying time for you. I would like to thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight on subject, I appreciate it very much.

[livingnightmare]

I'm glad you are through the worst of it DT, that's nice that you still get to see your stepdaughter, maybe you may meet up with the other step kids again sometime? That must also have felt a massive loss with the step-kids. I miss my Exs family who some of them still class me as family, but its too awkward, must have been a hard time for you, your effort helping others here is a god send.

[livingnightmare]

Feeling much better again now and more focused concentrating on fully healing myself properly, improving my life and growing/bettering myself.

 

I was watching a few videos on the NPDrecovery channel on youtube today and I am convinced from these videos that she is a narcissist. Everything they explained and acted out was her 100% one of the videos was even about the victim turning into an abuser which I recently made a post about in the abuse section.

 

No wonder I've been in a bad state so long, watching the vids and seeing it as the 3rd person was like wow! Like I was watching me, can't believe I took all that day in day out.

 

I would never have thought any of this if I wasn't pointed in the right direction, it is really helping me understand more of what went on, how it has affected me mentally, and why I have been feeling so low in myself. I have an inquisitive mind and this is helping me understand and come to terms with it all without all the why's, what ifs and hows.

[Downtown]

I am convinced from these videos that she is a narcissist.

If so, LN, there is a good chance she also has BPD. A recent study found that 41% of female narcissists also have full-blown BPD. See Table 3 at PubMed Central, Table 3: J Clin Psychiatry. 2008 April; 69(4): 533?545..

[livingnightmare]

If so, LN, there is a good chance she also has BPD. A recent study found that 41% of female narcissists also have full-blown BPD. See Table 3 at PubMed Central, Table 3: J Clin Psychiatry. 2008 April; 69(4): 533?545..

 

Interesting, that makes more sense. I am really convinced now and not just for my own peace of mind, but some of the things she done were extreme and for no reason than to cause immense hurt. It was like she went out of her way to destroy everything and argue and do so much hurtful stuff, it was an impossible situation, I guess it comes down to thinking the person will wake up and see what they are doing and change. How wrong I was.

 

This is one of the videos I watched and exactly how things would escalate. Every video I have watched on the narcissists so far is like a replay.

 

 

Do people with these disorders ever grow out of it? Or is it there to stay? Not that I need to worry about it for myself, but because of my child with her. I'm wondering when my daughter gets to an age where kids are not so dependant will there be any problems between them?

[chelsea2011]

So sorry you had to go through such an aweful experience. I can definitely identify with what you went through having gone through that myself.

 

I don't think NPDers can change. One of the biggest characteristics they lack is empathy and I don't think that is something they can learn to have. You should get you and your daughter into counceling pronto. Through therapy (or you can teach her yourself) she can learn that her mothr's behavior is inappropriate and be taught techniques on how to deal with it without taking it to heart.

 

NPDers always need a scapegoat and your daughter is at risk to become one once she is older and not dependant on her mother. NPDers like control and react negatively to losing it. She will most likely make the normal adolescent separation period very difficult for your daughter. She will view it as abandonment and that is when the games begin! Yikes!

 

I highly recommend the two of you get into counceling together to learn healthy boundary setting techniques to deal with your ex. The most important thing your daughter needs to be taught is that her mother's issues are not her fault.

 

Good luck!

[livingnightmare]

So sorry you had to go through such an aweful experience. I can definitely identify with what you went through having gone through that myself.

 

I don't think NPDers can change. One of the biggest characteristics they lack is empathy and I don't think that is something they can learn to have. You should get you and your daughter into counceling pronto. Through therapy (or you can teach her yourself) she can learn that her mothr's behavior is inappropriate and be taught techniques on how to deal with it without taking it to heart.

 

NPDers always need a scapegoat and your daughter is at risk to become one once she is older and not dependant on her mother. NPDers like control and react negatively to losing it. She will most likely make the normal adolescent separation period very difficult for your daughter. She will view it as abandonment and that is when the games begin! Yikes!

 

I highly recommend the two of you get into counceling together to learn healthy boundary setting techniques to deal with your ex. The most important thing your daughter needs to be taught is that her mother's issues are not her fault.

 

Good luck!

 

That is the thing I find myself thinking of the most, how she lacked in empathy in any way ,my feelings and emotions were meaningless. Even when I found out she cheated at the beginning 3 years and a child later she only said sorry because I kept asking her why is it she cant say sorry, she even kept throwing up how do I think she feels about it every time. This was so frustrating I felt so devalued to depths I cant explain that was the point I broke.

 

That is exactly what I am concerned about I couldn't think how to word it "normal adolescent separation period". I really worry her emotionally abusive rage will come back out at that point. I start getting CBT end of the month through the NHS as I cant afford to see a private therapist of choice, but I will follow up on seeing what other types of therapy are available through the NHS. I will be researching this subject a lot from now on as my daughter is so happy and cheerful, I would be distraught if her mother inflicted upon her any of the trauma she put me through, I will not let this happen.

 

I got a bit of a way to go yet, but I feel focused on what must be done, my greatest strength at this moment is my daughter and I have to and must protect her from any emotional danger when ever/if this occurs. I will not take any chances with my daughters well being so will prepare for it.

 

Thank you for your input Chelsea and the luck.

[Mrlonelyone]

LN Everything downtown says is true about a person with BPD. Looking back at my own relationships I noticed the traits of BPD and/or what's called Histrionic personality disorder in women in my life. (In that one the woman is prone to displays of false emotion. A chronic faker in need of an audience.)

 

 

The problem isn't the PD, it's when someone hasn't been forced to confront their demons and deal with their issues. Your EX would've had to want to do that work. It is very hard work and requires years and years of therapy.

 

 

I know that because I don't have a PD but I do have what they now call a dark triad personality (narcissism, psychopathy (lack empathy), and Machiavellianism (manipulativeness)). With a clinical level of gender dysphoria, which is why I went for treatment. A person has to want to sit and mindfully think about their emotional reactions to overcome those impulses. That's what CBT does. People with the level of maturity of a 4 year old, who do the things that your EX did will not be able to do that.

 

 

Like you I have that strong personality which attracts partners who want some sort of direction or definition from their partner. The only difference between us is that instead of caretaking for them, I've got less of a problem with utilizing their "services" for a time. Either way, when it all ends and they split you black, then white, then black, then black forever...only to split you white for long enough to contact you and mess up your head... it hurts. Even a bastard like me can start to care for a woman who can genuinely care for me back for a time.

 

 

Try to remember that people with PD's are still people and with all the bad there is a kernel of genuine good. That does not make them healthy for a relationship but they are not the devil either.

 

 

With a six year relationship I'd be surprised if it did not take up to six years to really be fully over it. Even with a new relationship it could take six more years. Plenty of people leave one relationship for another only to find the new relationship isn't any better and might even be worse.

 

 

 

 

Your doing everything your supposed to. I just really hope this works out for you someday, and that you find someone who really will appreciate the great person you are.

[Downtown]

This is one of the videos I watched and exactly how things would escalate.

LN, I have two concerns about the video you cite. One is that it is called "Psycho Narcissist Wife," which falsely implies that narcissistic behavior is somehow psychotic. It is not. A psychotic person is out of touch with physical reality (e.g., believing that the news announcer is speaking to her personally). In contrast, narcissists and BPDers typically see physical reality just fine. The part of their judgment that is distorted is their perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations.

 

My second concern is the video's misleading suggestion that, when you see such meanness and abusive language, you are seeing narcissism. Perhaps you are. But this very same behavior also is characteristic of BPDers (and, to a lesser extent, of some sociopaths). Indeed, inappropriate intense anger and the inability to restrain it (i.e., lack of impulse control) are more associated with BPD. Whereas intense anger and impulsiveness are two of the defining symptoms of BPD, they are not listed in the DSM as defining traits for NPD.

 

Another difference is that, whereas a BPDer is able to love you (albeit in an immature manner), a full-blown narcissist is not. And, whereas a BPDer is emotionally unstable, a narcissist typically is stable.

 

Moreover, as I noted in post #17 above, BPDers generally are aware that something is wrong with them. Likewise, they generally are aware that their false self image is false -- which is why they often may feel "fake" and empty inside. Yet, because they are filled with self loathing and shame, they generally will not admit to this except during those rare "moments of clarity" which are brought on by a crisis. And those "moments" are short lived.

 

Narcissists, in contrast, are so totally out of touch with their real selves that they generally do not realize that their false self image is false. Thinking it to be true, they seek constant validation from others that this self image is indeed the real self. Hence, BPDers and narcissists are both loath to admit mistakes and flaws -- but for very different reasons. Whereas BPDers seek validation of their false self image of being the eternal victim, narcissists seek validation of their false self image of being perfect. This, at least, is my understanding of the differences between these two disorders.

Do people with these disorders ever grow out of it?

No, they don't "grow" out of it -- but only because, if they do, psychologists would say they didn't have the disorder to begin with. Significantly, all of us behave like BPDers 24/7 all through our early childhoods. And most of us start behaving that way again, for a few years, when our hormones are raging during our teens. But the vast majority of us "grow out of" that BPD behavior. Hence, psychologists generally are loath to say that a person "has BPD" until they are at least 18 years of age.

 

Your question, then, is whether a person exhibiting BPD past the age of 17 is likely to grow out of it. IMO, the answer is "No." There are a few recent empirical studies, however, that suggest the BPD traits tend to mellow somewhat after the mid-forties -- even to the extent that many BPDers would no longer be considered to "have BPD."

 

While this may be good news for the BPD sufferers, it offers little hope for the abused partners. The problem is anyone who drops from satisfying 100% of the diagnostic guidelines to satisfying only 90% would be declared to "not have BPD." It does NOT mean they are substantially easier to live with. Hence, the only way I know of for a BPDer to make a large improvement in behavior is to work hard in a therapy program that is designed to teach BPDers the skills they were unable to learn in early childhood. Sadly, it is rare for a BPDer to be willing to do that.

I'm wondering when my daughter gets to an age where kids are not so dependent will there be any problems between them?

There likely will be problems if your W has strong traits of NPD and/or BPD. As I noted above, a full-blown narcissist is unable to love. A high functioning BPDer, however, might do quite well with raising small children because they are so dependent and immature that they don't trigger her fears of abandonment and engulfment. That will change, however, when the kids get older and try to be more independent.

[chelsea2011]

That is the thing I find myself thinking of the most, how she lacked in empathy in any way ,my feelings and emotions were meaningless. Even when I found out she cheated at the beginning 3 years and a child later she only said sorry because I kept asking her why is it she cant say sorry, she even kept throwing up how do I think she feels about it every time. This was so frustrating I felt so devalued to depths I cant explain that was the point I broke.

 

That is exactly what I am concerned about I couldn't think how to word it "normal adolescent separation period". I really worry her emotionally abusive rage will come back out at that point. I start getting CBT end of the month through the NHS as I cant afford to see a private therapist of choice, but I will follow up on seeing what other types of therapy are available through the NHS. I will be researching this subject a lot from now on as my daughter is so happy and cheerful, I would be distraught if her mother inflicted upon her any of the trauma she put me through, I will not let this happen.

 

I got a bit of a way to go yet, but I feel focused on what must be done, my greatest strength at this moment is my daughter and I have to and must protect her from any emotional danger when ever/if this occurs. I will not take any chances with my daughters well being so will prepare for it.

 

Thank you for your input Chelsea and the luck.

 

You're welcome. Half the battle is realizing you were involved with someone that has these issues and the next half is working your way out of it. People who are sensitive, genuine and kind are vulnerable to getting sucked in by people who have these disorders. And once you get sucked in, it is so hard to finally believe it happened! I think denial kicks in and that is where the biggest battle lies.

 

Now that you have a glimpse of light hold onto it like there is no tomorrow and let it guide you to a place of peace. This is important not only for you, but for your innocent daughter as well.

Edited January 12, 2014 by chelsea2011

[livingnightmare]

LN, I have two concerns about the video you cite. One is that it is called "Psycho Narcissist Wife," which falsely implies that narcissistic behavior is somehow psychotic. It is not. A psychotic person is out of touch with physical reality (e.g., believing that the news announcer is speaking to her personally). In contrast, narcissists and BPDers typically see physical reality just fine. The part of their judgment that is distorted is their perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations.

 

My second concern is the video's misleading suggestion that, when you see such meanness and abusive language, you are seeing narcissism. Perhaps you are. But this very same behavior also is characteristic of BPDers (and, to a lesser extent, of some sociopaths). Indeed, inappropriate intense anger and the inability to restrain it (i.e., lack of impulse control) are more associated with BPD. Whereas intense anger and impulsiveness are two of the defining symptoms of BPD, they are not listed in the DSM as defining traits for NPD.

 

Another difference is that, whereas a BPDer is able to love you (albeit in an immature manner), a full-blown narcissist is not. And, whereas a BPDer is emotionally unstable, a narcissist typically is stable.

 

Moreover, as I noted in post #17 above, BPDers generally are aware that something is wrong with them. Likewise, they generally are aware that their false self image is false -- which is why they often may feel "fake" and empty inside. Yet, because they are filled with self loathing and shame, they generally will not admit to this except during those rare "moments of clarity" which are brought on by a crisis. And those "moments" are short lived.

 

Narcissists, in contrast, are so totally out of touch with their real selves that they generally do not realize that their false self image is false. Thinking it to be true, they seek constant validation from others that this self image is indeed the real self. Hence, BPDers and narcissists are both loath to admit mistakes and flaws -- but for very different reasons. Whereas BPDers seek validation of their false self image of being the eternal victim, narcissists seek validation of their false self image of being perfect. This, at least, is my understanding of the differences between these two disorders.No, they don't "grow" out of it -- but only because, if they do, psychologists would say they didn't have the disorder to begin with. Significantly, all of us behave like BPDers 24/7 all through our early childhoods. And most of us start behaving that way again, for a few years, when our hormones are raging during our teens. But the vast majority of us "grow out of" that BPD behavior. Hence, psychologists generally are loath to say that a person "has BPD" until they are at least 18 years of age.

 

Your question, then, is whether a person exhibiting BPD past the age of 17 is likely to grow out of it. IMO, the answer is "No." There are a few recent empirical studies, however, that suggest the BPD traits tend to mellow somewhat after the mid-forties -- even to the extent that many BPDers would no longer be considered to "have BPD."

 

While this may be good news for the BPD sufferers, it offers little hope for the abused partners. The problem is anyone who drops from satisfying 100% of the diagnostic guidelines to satisfying only 90% would be declared to "not have BPD." It does NOT mean they are substantially easier to live with. Hence, the only way I know of for a BPDer to make a large improvement in behavior is to work hard in a therapy program that is designed to teach BPDers the skills they were unable to learn in early childhood. Sadly, it is rare for a BPDer to be willing to do that.There likely will be problems if your W has strong traits of NPD and/or BPD. As I noted above, a full-blown narcissist is unable to love. A high functioning BPDer, however, might do quite well with raising small children because they are so dependent and immature that they don't trigger her fears of abandonment and engulfment. That will change, however, when the kids get older and try to be more independent.

 

I see what you mean, its quite confusing taking it all in and along with my feelings running haywire at times it gets a little confusing. I have started reading the book you mentioned walking on egg shells, it is very well put together and a big eye opener, I see they can even wind a therapist up if they go to therapy. I am still trying to understand it all, I guess it will take time I'm prepared for anything to get this all out my system.

 

It is more complex than I thought the way they perceive things. She does put a lot of effort into my child's needs, but I have this feeling being my daughter is very independent for her age already and has opinions on everything and questions everything I can really see a clash when she is a bit older, she has turned 8 now and the years are going round so fast. I will keep posting as I learn more. So far its a big eye opener.

[livingnightmare]

You're welcome. Half the battle is realizing you were involved with someone that has these issues and the next half is working your way out of it. People who are sensitive, genuine and kind are vulnerable to getting sucked in by people who have these disorders. And once you get sucked in, it is so hard to finally believe it happened! I think denial kicks in and that is where the biggest battle lies.

 

Now that you have a glimpse of light hold onto it like there is no tomorrow and let it guide you to a place of peace. This is important not only for you, but for your innocent daughter as well.

 

At times I do find it hard to believe this has happened, tonight I do anyway.

Its like a dark cloud hanging over me, but I also feel it in my brain at times like an actual hurt dull ache feeling when I think about it. I will be holding onto all this info with my life. I appreciate everyone's contribution as it is making what I could not understand in any form understandable.

[livingnightmare]

I was ok earlier enjoying my Birthday when a text came through to my mother wishing happy birthday to me from her. It has annoyed me as she has been asked not to contact me in any way the other week and this is the second time she has done so.

 

It might seem stupid (I'm unsure) not been grateful for a happy birthday message, but the fact she blames me for how it ended and says I abused her, and the dark place she put me into and still struggling to climb out of makes me not want this message, I don't want anything from her but to stay out of my life. After all the hurt she has caused me why would she not realize I don't want to know anything from her. She was asked to communicate to me just through my mother and she agreed and only about my daughter. I'm annoyed, but then annoyed at myself for letting this situation happen to me in the first place.