Struggling all of the sudden

[sportzhl24]

Hey guys, I've recently been getting better since my BU 5 months ago but for some reason today I've been in a lot of pain. I need some support right now. I'm tired of being here on this earth in all this pain. I can't escape these feelings for my ex. Feeling like I lost the most beautiful and incredible girl in the world. The breakup was really open ended with no closure. I'm not even sure what the hell happened. I keep getting these urges to check her tumblr to see what she has been doing but I know that would just destroy me. I'm at my parents house, home for break from college and I can't keep containing my manic emotions about this. Please help. I know I've posted a lot of positive stuff on here and writing this is pretty hypocritical of me but I just need some help right now. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on

[livingnightmare]

It will get easier I promise you that. Know exactly where you are coming from it is all part of the grieving, read others storys on here, you will know you are not alone in what you are feeling. Hopefully someone will come in soon and put you in the right direction. Stay strong you WILL be ok.

[sportzhl24]

I know one day things will be ok but right now I am not ok. I can't do this anymore. I cannot deal with this anymore. I am so exhausted. Every day all day it's the same. Thinking about her. Toiling over her. I cannot and will not deal with this anymore. I do not know what to do

[Insanityisdoingsame]

I am sorry to hear things are getting unbearable for you bro. It may seam that this girl is the most perfect girl in the world for you. When you were with her all your worries disappeared. Truth is she isn't. You say your in college, focus on that man. Work on yourself. Your with your family? Good, one thing I've learned over holidays is family helps you in time of need. They always have your back. Hanging out with my cousins this past holiday week has been so helpful. About a week ago I was paralyzed by the thoughts of her. I didn't wanna do ****, but sit in my room and mope. Spend time with family bro. They do wonders helping us heal.

 

This too shall pass. I promise you bro ?

[StringsAttached]

There are going to be bumps in the healing process, it's inevitable. You said you were doing great and making progress. Well, there you have it you know you can cope.

 

I felt great yesterday almost as if I was over her but today has been especially hard.

 

Keep fighting that's what will separate you from others and who knows maybe in another 5 months this will all seem like a bad dream.

[Fangorn]

I'm in the same boat, I've actually been doing pretty well the last couple of weeks but since christmas day I'm right back to square one and none of my old tricks seem to be working.

[AnyaNova]

Never fear.the Holidays get us all.

 

Spend time wih your family. The best antitodes are facing the pain when it comes, but not moping or dwelling in it, and getting back into your routine and life.

 

Over break, my ex is "haunting" me more, (so to speak, as far as I know the guy's still alive, not that I've heard anything from him since) than usual as well.

 

This part sucks. But if we can survive this, we can survive anything.

 

And you are surviving and the pain will get better. I was a wreck when I came here in September. Now, aside from a few mood crashes from other causes, I get a painful whiff or two, but aside from Holiday stuff I am actually pretty well over him.

 

Know and trust for yourself that it will get better. The emotions are crazy, as they come and go, but try to imagine yourself as a smooth stone that they run across like water through a stream.

 

And don't you dare deprive that wonderful girl who's going to love you in the future of your presence because you didn't have the fortitude to suffer this and ride this out not only for her sake, but yours as well!

[BC1980]

I've hit bumps in the road and been all over the place with my emotions. I used to hate waking up to face it all again. The reality is brutal, but you must accept it and work through it. I know people who have gotten through terrible breakups and divorces, so it has to be possible. Hang onto that hope. Above all, believe in yourself because that's all you have right now. Believing in you is never a bad investment.

[sportzhl24]

Thanks guys. I don't know how people can move on so fast. Some friends of mine have had breakups and they were a wreck for like 3 days but then it was over for them. Here I am 5 months later (to the date) and I'm still getting spiked in the heart by visions of her. It's just really hard to resist going on her blog because its like, with a few clicks I could find out everything about her and her life. But that is technically breaking NC right?

[BC1980]

Yes looking at social media is breaking NC. Treat NC like your new religion. It's that serious.

[sportzhl24]

Yeah it's pretty funny to see the formalities of NC. I had no idea any practice like that even existed before this. But it is so necessary to healing yourself and not making the pain worse. Like 2 months post BU i checked her tumblr and she wrote about how much she loved rough/abusive sex and stuff like that. And without going into detail I basically had a mental breakdown. So ya NC is best

[sportzhl24]

The breakup was so confusing, it's like I dont even know wtf happened. First she asked for an open relationship because I was smothering her I guess. So I said no I dont want that. So she said she wasn't happy, we weren't having fun together anymore, I was possessive etc. And so I agreed to the breakup but continued to fight it. So a week later I broke NC and told her that I missed her so much and wanted her. And she just responded "hey didnt know what to say so I feel asleep last night:/" And I sent another text saying how I wanted to be with her still, she didnt respond for 7 hrs so I said goodbye but you're losing somebody who truly loves you. So who broke up with who. I dont even know

[BC1980]

My breakup was crazy too. My ex agreed to counseling, then backed out. Started saying he needed more time to decide. Kept texting and wanting to meet up. It was so ridiculous looking back on it. I should have initiated NC on day 1, but I went through that crap for 4 months. NC was the only way to regain some sense of dignity because I lost it all after the breakup. It's also protection. You have to go into survival mode for yourself because, at the end of the day, the ex won't have your back.

 

I broke NC after 3 months, and the ex was still talking nonsense. He said he wanted to be friends and still didn't know about the future. Maybe in a few years. I told him to sell my engagement ring back, and he said it would be so hard to do so. But maybe we could get a better ring one day. So I basically went into a tailspin and nearly had a nervous breakdown after that contact.

 

So I'm saying all of this to convince you not to even look at social media. It's self preservation.

[Christ is Love]

Please stop and think of who you are and what you are worth! I see that you are in college and have dreams for your life . Please focus on the people that do need you. Please know that your dreams for yourself aren't attached to her.

 

Things will get better. I promise.

[sportzhl24]

Thank you.

[xMetallica]

I need some support right now. I'm tired of being here on this earth in all this pain. I can't escape these feelings. Feeling like I lost the most beautiful and incredible girl in the world. I keep getting these urges to check her tumblr to see what she has been doing but I know that would just destroy me. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on

 

It's amazing how I could've written these exact words myself - except for the tumblr part in my case it would be checking her Facebook. I kid you not I am feeling like this as I type this. Feeling like jumping off a bridge (to put it in the nicest way). I perfectly understand what it means not to be able to escape the feelings, hell I am on Vacation out of the country and there's not a god dam place I can go or people I can hang out with that can make this go away.

 

I recently checked her Facebook and I saw she now has a boyfriend - I feel devastated I immediately de-activated my Facebook because I don't want to see the pictures. I suggest you don't check her tumblr it could lead to more pain.

[LadyM]

Thanks guys. I don't know how people can move on so fast. Some friends of mine have had breakups and they were a wreck for like 3 days but then it was over for them. Here I am 5 months later (to the date) and I'm still getting spiked in the heart by visions of her. It's just really hard to resist going on her blog because its like, with a few clicks I could find out everything about her and her life. But that is technically breaking NC right?

 

I think all break ups are different and some really can be gotten over in three days, as has happened to me, and some seem to never be gotten over, like what I'm currently going through.

 

I am in the same boat as you and by now, I am convinced without a doubt that I will never be able to move on and the pain is too much to bear anymore. I have had some periods where I do feel a little better, but they do not last and right now I feel as heartbroken as day one.

 

I can't do this anymore. What is the purpose of feeling so hopeless and helpless, day after day after day? I don't even know what is the purpose of living anymore as I truly see no light at the end of this dark, bleak tunnel. Nothing seems to help. I see no beauty in life anymore. There is nothing to look forward to except for more bad and hard times.

[JDPT]

I think all break ups are different and some really can be gotten over in three days, as has happened to me, and some seem to never be gotten over, like what I'm currently going through.

 

I am in the same boat as you and by now, I am convinced without a doubt that I will never be able to move on and the pain is too much to bear anymore. I have had some periods where I do feel a little better, but they do not last and right now I feel as heartbroken as day one.

 

I can't do this anymore. What is the purpose of feeling so hopeless and helpless, day after day after day? I don't even know what is the purpose of living anymore as I truly see no light at the end of this dark, bleak tunnel. Nothing seems to help. I see no beauty in life anymore. There is nothing to look forward to except for more bad and hard times.

 

Just earlier today I was telling myself "maybe I should just learn to live with this pain and accept it" we all have moments of dispair and earlier today I felt utterly hopeless. By we must keep going, eventually the pain will subside.

[BC1980]

I think all break ups are different and some really can be gotten over in three days, as has happened to me, and some seem to never be gotten over, like what I'm currently going through.

 

I am in the same boat as you and by now, I am convinced without a doubt that I will never be able to move on and the pain is too much to bear anymore. I have had some periods where I do feel a little better, but they do not last and right now I feel as heartbroken as day one.

 

I can't do this anymore. What is the purpose of feeling so hopeless and helpless, day after day after day? I don't even know what is the purpose of living anymore as I truly see no light at the end of this dark, bleak tunnel. Nothing seems to help. I see no beauty in life anymore. There is nothing to look forward to except for more bad and hard times.

 

I could have written this post. Some days, I feel I can pull myself out of this hole, and others seem bleak. I can give myself a pep talk and go over the logistics, but my heart is still broken. I wonder where I will be in a year. I'm terrified I will still be like this, and I can't live in this pain. Even getting to next months seems overwhelming not to mention the rest of my life. Living the rest of my life seems so daunting at this moment, and I was once overjoyed to live my life with him. I can't think past a few weeks into the future due to fear.

 

I have had 3 relationships before my ex, but they didn't do this to me. My first took a year to get over, but I didn't feel this bleak. I've lost so much with this past relationship that I don't know how people are expected to go on. I'm just shocked that a person I trusted my life with could basically abuse my trust at what seems like many times looking back on it.

Edited December 31, 2013 by BC1980

[sickoflove11]

I could have written this post. Some days, I feel I can pull myself out of this hole, and others seem bleak. I can give myself a pep talk and go over the logistics, but my heart is still broken. I wonder where I will be in a year. I'm terrified I will still be like this, and I can't live in this pain. Even getting to next months seems overwhelming not to mention the rest of my life. Living the rest of my life seems so daunting at this moment, and I was once overjoyed to live my life with him. I can't think past a few weeks into the future due to fear.

 

I have had 3 relationships before my ex, but they didn't do this to me. My first took a year to get over, but I didn't feel this bleak. I've lost so much with this past relationship that I don't know how people are expected to go on. I'm just shocked that a person I trusted my life with could basically abuse my trust at what seems like many times looking back on it.

 

We have gotten over past break ups so why is it always so hard with the current break up? I can never understand why we think it is so much different. I know I thought i'd never get over one of my exs and to think about it now seems so silly because he is not a thought in my mind. We CAN do it, it is possible to get over this current guy. Don't try to look past a few weeks just take each day 1 day at a time. When I'm in the town where we dated it's so much worse because I have no one else there but him so all I think about is him, it's almost impossible not to. Try to think about only yourself. Best of luck

[LadyM]

I could have written this post. Some days, I feel I can pull myself out of this hole, and others seem bleak. I can give myself a pep talk and go over the logistics, but my heart is still broken. I wonder where I will be in a year. I'm terrified I will still be like this, and I can't live in this pain. Even getting to next months seems overwhelming not to mention the rest of my life. Living the rest of my life seems so daunting at this moment, and I was once overjoyed to live my life with him. I can't think past a few weeks into the future due to fear.

 

I have had 3 relationships before my ex, but they didn't do this to me. My first took a year to get over, but I didn't feel this bleak. I've lost so much with this past relationship that I don't know how people are expected to go on. I'm just shocked that a person I trusted my life with could basically abuse my trust at what seems like many times looking back on it.

 

I cried reading your post as I also feel I could have written this. Like you, I have never experienced the depth of loss as in this past relationship. Not even when my husband died. It seems completely illogical to me.

 

I have done the NC, I have worked out at the gym, I have gotten together with friends, created new hobbies and nothing has helped. If I feel better for some time here and there, the deep lows are always right there to snatch me back up and laugh at me. Taunting me, saying, you're not getting away so fast.

 

I will never understand the overwhelming despair I feel for this man who loved me with great admiration, but often treated me badly - and now loves another.

 

At this point, I don't think I will miraculously heal on my own. Not even with all this "time heals all wounds" mumbo jumbo. I used to believe that, but not anymore. It's been too long.

 

Unfortunately, the only way I think I can move forward is for a new love to somehow fall into my lap to forget the man who no longer wants me. And what are the chances of that? Almost nil. Besides, I would be terrified that a new relationship would ultimately bring me back to the space I hold now. How can I possibly trust again?

 

So, if you can, take whatever comfort you may find in there being another individual who knows and feels your pain. Knows exactly what you are going through and knows that it is a struggle to make it through each day.

 

I do hope this New Year brings more peaceful, loving times for all.

[BC1980]

We have gotten over past break ups so why is it always so hard with the current break up? I can never understand why we think it is so much different. I know I thought i'd never get over one of my exs and to think about it now seems so silly because he is not a thought in my mind. We CAN do it, it is possible to get over this current guy. Don't try to look past a few weeks just take each day 1 day at a time. When I'm in the town where we dated it's so much worse because I have no one else there but him so all I think about is him, it's almost impossible not to. Try to think about only yourself. Best of luck

 

I think this is harder because I had more expectations attached to it and because I kept beating myself up after the fact. I kept blaming myself deep down. If I had done this or that, if I hadn't find this or that, and on and on. I think I actually beat myself up in the relationship as well. Somewhere along the way, I found myself wondering what I was it wasn't doing that made him doubt his commitment. I had good self esteem before this relationship. I don't know what the hell happened, but I'm trying to get myself back.

 

I also think I have had trouble with this because I saw what I wanted to see at times. He definitely did his share to lead me down a path of false promises, but I also ignored red flags.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

"Whenever you feel weak, remember the things that made you strong. Whenever you doubt yourself, remember those who believe in you."

 

Let me share with you what I think of when I'm weak and doubting myself.

 

My youngest uncle (50 years old, divorced, no kids) fought a 2.5 year battle with gastric cancer. In the last 2 months month of his life I became his advocate/ his voice as he deteriorated. I took him to doctor appts, was with him when they told him his cancer had spread, stayed with him in the er when complications of the cancer were getting worse, translated for our family (non-english speakers), worked with hospice and then took care of all the funeral arrangements when he passed.

 

It was the longest 2 months of my life and to this day I am amazed at how strong I was for my uncle and the rest of my family during this time. I was there for my loved ones when it mattered and I will always hold on to that. My family, especially my grandmother, are still so grateful. They believe in me and whenever I'm weak I try to remember that. I am strong, I am loving and and I am loved.

 

So, OP, when you're really weak and low and in a dark place...remember what made you strong. Remember that you are loved and those people believe in you.