mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I saw all these updates on Facebook from friends near and far who are all engaged to be married. I've had nothing but dead ends for years. My last serious bf showed me what a monster he was after 2 years of LDR, barely a year later he met and married another woman (they are now divorced). My last semi serious bf and I were together for 6 months, he broke it off because he's a loser and I wasn't taking care of him so he found some trash who would who does nothing but ban him from speaking to me or other women, then all friends in general. Had some hope with Mr. Wishy Washy. He's better than all of them but he won't commit to me because he's not ready to settle down (his words). I felt like a jerk for wishing him a happy birthday a few weeks ago (see this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/449501-wished-him-happy-birthday). On Christmas Eve he called me to say happy birthday to me (it's on the 26th but he thought otherwise). He's wishy washy, takes a step forward, one back all the time. I'm sad looking at the world out there, I don't see any means of change. Meanwhile all my friends seem so happy and even kids I used to babysit for are getting married and having babies. All but me. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I saw all these updates on Facebook from friends near and far who are all engaged to be married. I've had nothing but dead ends for years. My last serious bf showed me what a monster he was after 2 years of LDR, barely a year later he met and married another woman (they are now divorced). My last semi serious bf and I were together for 6 months, he broke it off because he's a loser and I wasn't taking care of him so he found some trash who would who does nothing but ban him from speaking to me or other women, then all friends in general. Had some hope with Mr. Wishy Washy. He's better than all of them but he won't commit to me because he's not ready to settle down (his words). I felt like a jerk for wishing him a happy birthday a few weeks ago (see this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/449501-wished-him-happy-birthday). On Christmas Eve he called me to say happy birthday to me (it's on the 26th but he thought otherwise). He's wishy washy, takes a step forward, one back all the time. I'm sad looking at the world out there, I don't see any means of change. Meanwhile all my friends seem so happy and even kids I used to babysit for are getting married and having babies. All but me. Maybe ditch Mr Wishy Washy? Commitment is a black or white thing - in or out. Funny let him hang around on a "maybe". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Happy new year I pretty much know exactly how you feel. Hopefully next year will be better. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Happy late birthday morten. I think we've all done stuff we're not proud of at one point or another so don't feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyjuan Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Why does your happiness have to be defined by a relationship? You can be happy without a relationship 2 Link to post Share on other sites
laylay305 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Maybe it's time to take a step back and try to figure out your own patterns (what you are doing or what you look for that's creating these circumstances). That's what I plan on doing for the next month or so. I think a little dating hiatus is good during times when you feel you're in a dating rut. It lets you see things more clearly and get back in touch with who you are and what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Stay off Facebook. It's an illusion. People either post the best stuff in their lives or insipid drivel. Instead of focusing on the lack of relationship in your life, think about the good things. If you really want a relationship, think about ways you can go about meeting quality people. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 The New Year may be a good time to do some introspection and evaluate some things that may be contributing to the unsatisfying relationship history you mentioned. Evaluate not only things about yourself that may be contributing to the poor outcome, but also the types of guys you choose, how you allow them to treat you, what you tolerate, how you nurture a relationship, etc. Are you picking guys that are not relationship material for whatever reason, such as abusive, player-types, addicts, guys with poor relationship skills, guys who don't value being in a relationship that much? How are your communication skills, your conflict resolution skills, your demonstrations of caring, your temperament? What do you bring to a relationship that men would value? Are you fun to be with? Are you considerate, or demanding? Do you care about what's important to him? What about your own personal attributes? Do you stay fit and try to make the most of your appearance, or do you have more of a don't care attitude? Do you have ambition and goals in life? Interests? Hobbies? Men admire and respect women who take good care of themselves and have a lot going for them. Do you have reasonable expectations? Men don't like to be nagged, pressured, or have to deal with drama queens. As Dr. Laura always said, men are simple creatures. They like to be appreciated and cared for. You need to show them appreciation and care. Most men, if they have a good thing going, will not want to lose that, and will not want to share that with some other guy. That is when they are ready to commit to at least an exclusive relationship. If you are finding that relationships are not getting to that exclusive stage, then there is a reason for that, which lies either within you, within him, or both. You need to figure out which it is, and fix it if it is within yourself, or be willing to end it with a man if there's something within himself that makes him not relationship material. Don't waste your time on someone who is not relationship material, thinking you are going to change him. It doesn't work. You can only change yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sam23 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I agree, stay off Facebook. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years. I was with a "Mr. Wishy Washy" before he ditched me for another girl, who he decided to commit to (for awhile). In the meantime, I was seeing all the engagement photos, sonograms, baby bump pics, etc on Facebook. It was depressing, so I deactivated my account. 90% of the people I don't communicate with in "real life" anyway and I've been happier without it. I've been doing a lot of self reflection, completing goals I've been pulling off, and I've been working out. It sucks being single sometimes, but I have a lot of freedom being single and I'm happy now, finally. I'm no longer crying over men who give me cumbs when I want a relationship. Oh, and just remember, just cause those people seem happy doesn't mean they are. They might have infidelity issues they don't show. Or financial issues from having kids that they don't show. Or they could have drama filled relationship that they're not happy in. You have to think about that stuff too. Like the old saying goes, not everyone who's in a relationship is happy and not everyone who's single is unhappy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Better to be in no relationship, than an unhappy or an unfulfilling one I hope the New Year turns out better for you, and for me. Us Ohioans need to stick together after all. Link to post Share on other sites
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