Did I blow it? I really like him!

[cryeverytim]

Hey!

 

So I have have had a fling with a man who is 8 years older than me. I am 18 and he is 26.

We met a a party and had what I thought would be a one night stand, but he texted me the following evening and said he had a good time, and we texted throughout the week and met up a couple of times after that.

I initiated more than him throughout our ''relationship'', but I he didn't seem to mind, and I gave my self a looser leash than I typically would because I reckoned that the age difference would make him feel like he was be creepy if he contacted me all the time.

 

After some time though things fizzled out, and we hadn't talked for about two weeks. I hate loose ends, and felt as though I should do my self a favour and end things on my own terms.

So I sent him a message saying that I understood that the age difference was a big barrier, but that I really liked him and that I had enjoyed our time together.

He answered in a timely manner, and said he felt the same way, and that he thought i was a ''wonderful girl''.

 

So two no-contact weeks later, I was at a party and told a friend of mine about him, and how I was kind of bummed out that it was over, and she sent him a text from my phone while I was elsewhere, asking him what he was doing that night.

He answered but my phone died, and I didn't know it had happened until two days later when I finally charged my phone and saw he had called and texted me two nights in a row.

So I texted that ''I'd love to come over later if you don't have any other plans'' when I saw his texts, and he said he would be home at 9, and I came over.

 

He wanted to talk and watch movies for hours before we actually had sex, but I was a little bit nervous and overwhelmed by his kindness and interest in me, that I think I came of as a little bit boring and uptight.

(We have a ridiculous amount of interests in common, and have really fun conversations about comic books, tv shows and movies)

We had sex several times, and I left in the morning after we had cuddled for a bit.

 

We didn't talk for about a week, until I texted him if he was back in town (he was visiting his family for christmas) and he answered about 10 minutes later that he was back in 2 days, and asked me if I had enjoyed the holidays.

I was really inebriated and my wit tends to disappear when i have had a few drinks, so I sent the stupidest reply, where I said that ''My christmas was awsum, i've been ralxing alot, we should meet up when you get back'''

He hasn't answered in two days! I feel so stupid.

 

Is this thing salvageable? I really enjoy his compay, and I don't know if I should just drop it if he texts me back at some points, or if I should go with he flow and see where things go?

Can a relationship survive a age gap like that?

Edited December 29, 2013 by cryeverytim

[ja123]

I don't think you said or did anything wrong with your text. However, this has the makings of just a FWBs scenario.

 

 

Are you really OK with that?

 

 

If you were bummed out before (when you mentioned it to your friend at the party), then imagine how bummed out you'll be further on down the line.

 

 

I think you should end it now. Find someone who's really into you (doesn't wait days to text you back), and wants to be your boyfriend.

[cryeverytim]

I don't think you said or did anything wrong with your text. However, this has the makings of just a FWBs scenario.

 

 

Are you really OK with that?

 

 

If you were bummed out before (when you mentioned it to your friend at the party), then imagine how bummed out you'll be further on down the line.

 

 

I think you should end it now. Find someone who's really into you (doesn't wait days to text you back), and wants to be your boyfriend.

Thank you for you honesty

I think it will be hard to resist if he eventually does text back, but I will do my best.

But just to be fair to him, is it really a sign that he doesn't like me if he doesn't text back for two days? I tend to be a little too liberal maybe, but it's not like we are in a committed relationship, and I just feel like the text I sent might have been too demanding compared to what we both agreed on through our previous actions, which was a fwb relationship.

[ja123]

Your text was not at all demanding. You have needs and want your interest to be reciprocated. You just need to find someone who feels the same and reciprocates.

 

 

The age difference might play a part in it or not. I wouldn't focus on that. He clearly finds you cute, but for whatever reason isn't feeling it enough to explore the potential of having a relationship with you. It could be the age, it could be where he is in life right now, it could be a gazillion things none of which reflect your value as a human being.

 

 

Try not to beat yourself up over the whys for which you may never have an answer.

 

 

For sure, he's going to contact you again for sex. Can you resist? Well, be proactive in filling your time with things that you enjoy: do stuff you're good at (boosting self-esteem), spend time with friends, perhaps go on some other dates.

 

 

Doing other things will help you to diffuse the situation and give you some perspective.

 

 

baggagereclaim is a good site, if you ever feel like checking it out.

[cryeverytim]

I am kind of angry at myself for having let myself like him as much as I do, when it obviously has to either continue to be a non committal thing or end now.

I wish there was some way to make him want to date me more seriously, but I suppose that it is impossible without risking getting really hurt.

I don't understand the point in having a great time with someone and then not talking for weeks until someone is wants sex and continues the cycle.

The problem is that I don't get attracted to many men, so when I finally find someone amazing it's so hard to let go

[OnlyHonesty]

I am kind of angry at myself for having let myself like him as much as I do, when it obviously has to either continue to be a non committal thing or end now.

I wish there was some way to make him want to date me more seriously, but I suppose that it is impossible without risking getting really hurt.

I don't understand the point in having a great time with someone and then not talking for weeks until someone is wants sex and continues the cycle.

The problem is that I don't get attracted to many men, so when I finally find someone amazing it's so hard to let go

 

Yet you said

We met a a party and had what I thought would be a one night stand.

[cryeverytim]

Those are two different situations.

A one night stand is brief enough that it is fairly easy, at least for me, to move on without thinking about the person for weeks on end.

A fwb, especially one you like as a person and have great sex with, is always wandering around your mind, and you wonder when you'll see him/her again.