tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 I'm of the belief that while viewing strippers within a committed relationship is okay, touching is not. As such, I pose this question: Girl has boyfriend. Girl goes to bachelorette party at which a stripper is invited to the cabin. Girl lets stripper put his face in her crotch with her legs over his shoulders. She also lets him drape a sheet over her and her friends for a lap dance. Does the bf have a right to be upset? (And yes, for those of you who remember my previous posts, I finally got some confirmation of what happened via pictures. I can't even believe what the bride was doing.) Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 GROSS. Wow, how fun it would be to have a complete stranger's face in my cooch. Yucky. Yes, BF definately has the right to be upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Does the boy in the relationship share your believes? Does the girl share them too? (including the 'viewing is okay' part) How does the boy act when visiting a strip club for a bachelor party? Anyway, if I were the boy I'd surely be *extremely* upset too. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Hell no, not okay!!! And I know exactly what you're talking about...you poor fella, you're still dealing with this woman? Take it at face value too though, that stripper didn't want her. He does that all the time, for a living. Unless she's a complete and utter BOMBSHELL, he probably didn't pay her a bit of excess attention. Not above what his norm is, anyway. They see women all the time. What makes you think he wanted yours?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Adunaphel Does the boy in the relationship share your believes? Does the girl share them too? (including the 'viewing is okay' part) How does the boy act when visiting a strip club for a bachelor party? Well, the boy is me, so my beliefs are posted above. I thought hers were the same but apparently not. When visiting a strip club, I abide by those rules: If I'm in a LTR, no touching. If I'm single, anything goes. Originally posted by tiki you're still dealing with this woman? We're not together, but we're talking right now. Originally posted by tiki What makes you think he wanted yours?! Well I don't think that, but that's not even a concern. I don't really care if he wanted her or not, the issue is her behavior in response. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Well I don't think that, but that's not even a concern. I don't really care if he wanted her or not, the issue is her behavior in response. True, true. It may soften the blow that she wasn't wanted by him any more than the next 100 women he danced for? Either way, yeah, you got beef. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Does the bf have a right to be upset? Something about this question bothers me. It's asking about the "right" to be upset. "Upset" is a feeling. I gues I'd say that in general, feelings happen inside your head and you have a right to every single one of them, regardless of the content. I think better questions would be: 1) Is this behavior consistent with a successful monogamous relationship when the other party believes it is not? Answer: No. 2) What percentage of American men in my age group would cheerfully accept this behavior by their gf? Answer: 3%. 3) Can a relationship be successful when the two parties do not agree on fundamental values and standards for behavior? Answer: Unlikely. 4) What percentage of couples would accept stripper viewing by their partner, while feeling that stripper touching was unacceptable? Answer: 22%. 5) If the persons involved are recreational coke users, how do the above answers change? Answer: Coke users will tend to be 48% more licentious sexually. Well, maybe I made up some of those numbers. But my point is: YOU decide what is acceptable to YOU. If you want to ask around to make sure that your standards are mainstream, that makes sense. "...Cocaine is a stimulant...it enhances feelings of well-being while decreasing anxiety and social and sexual inhibitions." See http://scc.uchicago.edu/cocaine.htm If you want clear sexual boundaries, and reliable observance of them, I am afraid that cocaine will be an ongoing source of trouble for you and any using female partner you may have. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 SoulMate has some good points (and quips too) but I agree with the original question. We may get the details wrong occasionally, but there is justified and unjustified irritation in life. So yes, whether it happens to bother you or not, it is on its face skanky. Link to post Share on other sites
on the edge Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I'm of the belief that while viewing strippers within a committed relationship is okay, touching is not. As such, I pose this question: Girl has boyfriend. Girl goes to bachelorette party at which a stripper is invited to the cabin. Girl lets stripper put his face in her crotch with her legs over his shoulders. She also lets him drape a sheet over her and her friends for a lap dance. Does the bf have a right to be upset? (And yes, for those of you who remember my previous posts, I finally got some confirmation of what happened via pictures. I can't even believe what the bride was doing.) ...upset!?! i would be way passed upset!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Does the bf have a right to be upset? I'm assuming everyone was clothed (partially at least) or was the stripper and/or girlfriend completely nude? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 She also lets him drape a sheet over her and her friends for a lap dance. And wtf is this about? I don't understand? Is that normal?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky I'm assuming everyone was clothed (partially at least) or was the stripper and/or girlfriend completely nude? It's hard to tell about the stripper. He was either nude or in a g-string, but definitely no more than a g-string. The gf was completely clothed. (The bride, however, was much less than completely clothed. I'm just glad I'm not her husband.) Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 I don't see anything wrong with it, but that's me and my guys relationship... it's up to you if it upsets you or not. BUT if you are "just talking" not in a LTR I don't think the jellousy should apply, there has been no commmitment right? Male strip clubs are ALWAYS much more risky, than Female strip clubs. There is almost always contact in a male show Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Stone BUT if you are "just talking" not in a LTR I don't think the jellousy should apply, there has been no commmitment right? To clarify, right now we're just talking. This actually happened in October when we were still together. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Oh I see well if you get togeather again maby you should just try to agree that both of you don't go to strip clubs Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Stone Oh I see well if you get togeather again maby you should just try to agree that both of you don't go to strip clubs I suppose, but this wasn't even at a club. This was at their cabin that they invited the stripper to. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 I had forgotten about your other post so I checked it out. So, at least the stripper didn't get to lick her nipples like you feared? What was your gf wearing when she was at the strip club? It is probably just me, but I'd be more upset if my partner was in the presence of a naked woman than if he was wearing jeans and he allowed a clothed girl from a club to put her face in his crotch while he had his legs around her shoulder. Some people could argue that if your gf was clothed it was not actual contact (not that I'd agree with them). If your gf didn't feel a thing because she was wearing thick trousers or jeanses, would it make any difference? Anyway you are absolutely entitled to your feelings and -again- I'd feel the same way as you do in your situation. (no, on second thought, I'd feel much more than just upset) Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 It's hard to tell about the stripper. He was either nude or in a g-string, but definitely no more than a g-string. The gf was completely clothed. (The bride, however, was much less than completely clothed. I'm just glad I'm not her husband.) Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. Strippers are just for fun - that's why their performance is done in front of everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 I think the BF has a right to be upset. Is it cheating? No. But it's pretty disrespectful, if you ask me. How would the BF feel if some guy was doing that to his GF in a regular nightclub? He'd be pissed off. Why should it be any different where the guy in question is a stripper? To me it would suggest that the GF has a problem with impulse control and with setting appropriate behaviour boundaries. I'd be at least a bit worried. As for me, I agree with you Tanbark... while I did go to strip bars during my marriage, I never got lap dances. To me that would have been too much like cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. Strippers are just for fun - that's why their performance is done in front of everyone. I dunno - I imagine someone I love letting a topless/totally nude stripper nuzzle her face in his crotch, it makes me nauseous. That's just me, though. I don't mind the looking part, as tanbark says - but personally, physical contact seems a bit over the line. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Yeah, it's kinda like prostitution if you ask me. Can't he be reported? Okay, I could be way off base here. I'm willing to admit that. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Well remember the saying you get what you pay for?...... It also applies here Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 How would the BF feel if some guy was doing that to his GF in a regular nightclub? He'd be pissed off. Why should it be any different where the guy in question is a stripper? To me it would suggest that the GF has a problem with impulse control and with setting appropriate behaviour boundaries. I'd be at least a bit worried. The thing is it wasn't at a nightclub. He's a professional stripper - he does this for hundreds of women. It's a job. It's an act. It's all fake. It's all a tease and done with humor. If she were going to a strip club every weekend with the girls or hiring a stripper every weekend then I'd say there may be a problem, but if this was a one time thing they did I don't see what the big deal is. My aunt hired a stripper for her husband's 40th birthday and it wasn't a big deal. Hell - I even offered my boyfriend to pay for a BJ while in Vegas just so he could "experience it". Maybe it's just me but I don't see a problem with it. I think it's kinda funny. Would it have been different if you were there? Yeah, it's kinda like prostitution if you ask me. Can't he be reported? Prostitution should be legalized (in all states) and prostitutes should be taught how to have safe sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Share Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Would it have been different if you were there? I would feel the same way if I were there or not, but I think she only let it happen because I wasn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 but nothing happened, it was an act of entertainment. Is it diffrent if you went to a female strip club and the girl put her tits in your face? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts