Stone Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by hooghie Zara, based on your experience, would you agree that a lot of men DO get turned on by it? I won't awanser for Zara but I was a dancer for Many Many years and yes men do get turned on by it, that is one of the reasons they are there. They are also there for companionship i can't tell you the amount of times I sat and got paid by guys just so they would have someone to listen to them Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Have any of you women ever seen a guy strip? How about a girl? Have you ever had them dance for you? I'd have to say most of you haven't because of the way you're perceiving the entertainment. I've had strippers dance for me and I would hardly say I was "turned on". Having a male stripper come to a party is like having a singing telegram delivered to your door - only difference is they're partially naked and can dance better than they can sing. It's amusing while it's happening - but what makes it amusing is the embarrassment of the person being watched by the people. It's the "game" of play acting this sexy wench with this hunk guy that you KNOW you'd never get. It's all just fun. And the pictures are a freaking hoot! I doubt there were many girls there getting all wet because of this guy. Besides, most male dancers are gay anyway so he probably didn't even get aroused! I have an entire clique of female friends who are strippers, so I've been to female strip clubs, been to their parties (some of which are more like orgies)....but I personally think male stripping is just kinda gross and have never been to a male strip club. I get pelvises thrusted at me, and erect members ground into me without warning on the dance floor pretty regularly. I don't think it's about getting all wet...to me, it's a question of what behavior is appropriate, in the context of a relationship, when the boundaries have been clearly established by your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Actually, yes, I've been to male and female strip clubs and have been to parties where male strippers show up. I agree that women do not generally get turned on by this, but I think SOME men do. I know guys who travel long distances to go to a strip club where it is 'ok' to touch the strippers. Zara, based on your experience, would you agree that a lot of men DO get turned on by it? I think it depends on the person and the setting. I don't think my uncle had a hard on when he had a female stripper straddling his lap at his 40th birthday party. In general, I'm sure there's a form of sexual stimulation for guys while watching women at a strip club, but I doubt they're all walking around with their interest visible I still maintain that most women don't get turned on while watching a male stripper - not in the sense that she's excited to the point of jumping him, but you know, after reading over what I wrote - what the hell is wrong with getting a little turned on? I get a little "turned on" when watching sex scenes on TV. Does that mean I shouldn't watch rated R movies without my husband with me? The stripper was clothed. She was clothed. There were many people there. I just don't see the issue.. If we're so afraid of our loved ones getting turned on by someone other than us then we better dress everyone from head to toe, remove all sex scenes from movies, completely destroy all books with sexual descriptions and destroy all porn. Be sure to remove anything like sexy lingerie, perfume, sexy strappy heels and anything else that may cause someone to be "turned on". Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky If we're so afraid of our loved ones getting turned on by someone other than us then we better dress everyone from head to toe, remove all sex scenes from movies, completely destroy all books with sexual descriptions and destroy all porn. Be sure to remove anything like sexy lingerie, perfume, sexy strappy heels and anything else that may cause someone to be "turned on". I think there is a difference between watching a movie, or enjoying 'scenery' at the beach, etc. than a REAL person purposely turning on YOUR particular SO. We obviously have different boundaries- I would never approve of a BJ by another woman either. Do you think it is ok for women to touch other men/let them men touch them that they meet at a bar- just for the night? my BF can be a jealous freak, but I doubt he'd have too big a problem if I did what the poster's GF did in this situation because he would assume it was a joke and I wouldn't be turned on, BUT- if I let a guy touch me in a 'non paying the guy' situation- even if it is around others- he would snap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky The stripper was clothed. She was clothed. There were many people there. I just don't see the issue.. Well yes she was clothed, but he was in a g-string at most, which may have come off. And I know the bride kept some pics from me that she was topless in, so it's possible there were pics of other girls that were attending that were topless. Like I said in the original post, I don't mind her looking. It's the touching that bothers me. And that's only a small part of what bothers me about this. What really gets to me is that she said she wouldn't let something happen (namely, him touching her), but she did allow that. And then proceeded to lie to me about it. That's what the issue is. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 She initiated contact to ask me back. I've always felt like I've put more effort into the relationship to make her feel secure about me than vice versa. So I asked for the pics and she obliged. While what happened bothers me, I'm stressing more about the lying than the actions. 1. Just because she initiated contact with you doesn't mean you had to return it, or that you have to take her back, or rehash all this bullsh*t. 2. What do you care about the lying, or the actions for that matter? It pissed you off, it hurt you, to hell with the question did it have the right to. It did! You don't like what she did with a stripper, you don't like her coke use, and you don't like her dishonesty about all of it to boot. Let her go! Sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you saw it from a third person's perspective you would see that you are beating yourself up over what a girl did who isn't worth your time! Please tell me you aren't thinking of getting back with her. Because thats the only reason I can see that you'd still be considering what she did and why. It sounds like you're looking for a way to rationalize what she did so you can convince yourself to forgive it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Well according to tanbark the guy *may have had* a g-string on, but he couldn't tell. I dunno. I don't personally consider g-strings as clothing. I mean, I own them, but only walk around in them when prompted (hee hee). I totally don't think stripping is bad, and I love porn, myself. But once physical contact occurs, it crosses the line. I've gotten lap dances from women before, and I just don't like them grinding on me, I actually like to watch and analyze their dance/gymnastic moves. And look at pretty girls. But that's beside the point. Window shopping is one thing. Trying the clothes on is another. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 P.S. I also find it hilarious that you weren't shown some of the photos because the bride is topless, although she had no qualms about getting topless in front of the male strippers, the camera, and all of her friends in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by hooghie I Do you think it is ok for women to touch other men/let them men touch them that they meet at a bar- just for the night? There is a rather large difference between a paid stripper doing a dance in front of a group of women and a man at a bar feeling a woman up. The difference is one is an act the other isn't. One is fake and staged and the other isn't. I don't think a comparison should be drawn between these two because they are different circumstances. Originally posted by hooghie my BF can be a jealous freak, but I doubt he'd have too big a problem if I did what the poster's GF did in this situation because he would assume it was a joke and I wouldn't be turned on, BUT- if I let a guy touch me in a 'non paying the guy' situation- even if it is around others- he would snap. Exactly. Originally posted by tanbark813 And then proceeded to lie to me about it. That's what the issue is. Now THAT is a problem which I completely agree with. She should have never lied. And If she did promise not to touch him then she shouldn't have. I agree 100% that you have a right to be upset under these circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
FairyTail Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Here is what I think: If I were you, I would be upset. But, to be completely honest, I don't know if the girl is the type of woman who is one of those touchy-grabby-GUYS!-GUYS!-GUYS! type of girls, the type who participates to not be left out, or if she just doesn't like it at all. My one experience with male strippers was very disturbing. I hated it. I thought they were gross, he got sweat and bad smelling cologne in my hair, and one man was flopping his package at me, via pelvic thrusts, and I could smell something coming from that area that I could have been without. Ew. I went to spend time with another friend of mine, and it was horrible. I just wanted them to leave me alone, but I'd shove dollars down their pants anyway so that they wouldn't feel bad about themselves. I don't know if all women are like me, but I hated the entire experience, and the only thing that got turned on was the shower to wash that crap off of me. Stripping is so filthy (germ freak, I am). I found that my boyfriend went to a strip club before I dated him. He even got a lap dance. I didn't have a problem with it until I saw how lap dances are performed. I was repulsed. But, I didn't get angry because we weren't dating when it happened, but I need to have a little chat with him about it eventually. I agree...viewing is alright, but touching is a "No-no" if they are of the opposite gender. If my guy wanted to touch a male stripper, that's fine (even though I don't think he'd WANT to) but no touching females and NO lap dances. Before this gets even MORE ungodly long...one last thing: There are reasons why male strippers are so touchy and allow women to touch them, yet the same doesn't hold true for women strippers and male customers. Men actually get turned on by these women and, while some women probably do get turned on, women customers usually don't. Keep that in mind. You're less likely to have a woman wanting to jump a male stripper than a man wanting to jump a woman stripper. Talk about your personal boundries, and if she can't compromise with you, she's not going to make a good mate. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky There is a rather large difference between a paid stripper doing a dance in front of a group of women and a man at a bar feeling a woman up. The difference is one is an act the other isn't. One is fake and staged and the other isn't. I don't think a comparison should be drawn between these two because they are different circumstances. I don't care if it is fake. Although I agree with you that prostitution should be legal- just because the prostitute is getting paid and is 'faking' it- doesn't make it ok for my man to be with one. I think it is a great comparison because men have to pay for it and we don't- men get turned on by strippers and we don't so this comparison makes the playing field more equal. you may have missed my point about my bf- he wouldn't care because he would KNOW it doesn't turn me on. If I made him think that it would like it does with many men, I'm sure he would have a HUGE problem with it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama P.S. I also find it hilarious that you weren't shown some of the photos because the bride is topless, although she had no qualms about getting topless in front of the male strippers, the camera, and all of her friends in the first place. Ain't this the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Tan, I think you have every right to be angry and hurt. Don't get back with this girl. If she can lie to you and do things that she knows will hurt you, she will only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by hooghie Zara, based on your experience, would you agree that a lot of men DO get turned on by it? lol! Yes, men are, you can't escape the physical evidence, that's when you know you are good at your job! My job is to give a man a hard-on. They get hard, writhe and gasp and moan and i get paid. Period. Male strippers just do not have the same effect. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Thanks for answering Zara! Originally posted by zara lol! Yes, men are, you can't escape the physical evidence, that's when you know you are good at your job! My job is to give a man a hard-on. They get hard, writhe and gasp and moan and i get paid. Period. Male strippers just do not have the same effect. exactly why I think it is cheating. If a man makes efforts to turn ME on and I get wet, that is cheating as wel- whether or not I pay for it. I am just fascinated how men have led people to think that if you pay for it- it's not cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 It's a personal issue, I wouldn't care if my man got a lap dance at all. Only once in a while. But if I found out he was spending all sorts of money on her that would piss me off. I can see where people are comming from where they think it is cheating, I guess you just have to have that conversation with your partner and tell them your feelings about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by Stone I guess you just have to have that conversation with your partner and tell them your feelings about it. Yes, but keep in mind that only works with honest people. If you get a partner like mine, you end up agreeing on boundaries, but then she goes off and purposely crosses them with no thought whatsoever to the previous agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Looks like you need a new partner dear Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by Stone Looks like you need a new partner dear It would certainly appear so. Hopefully the next one will look like your icon. "Yeah baby, run to Tanbark. Yeah, just like that..." Link to post Share on other sites
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