lemondrop21 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Well I must be approaching near 100 days of NC. I don't have sad days any more, well I do have the odd one, but not because of xMM. I am quite lucky in that I know I will never break NC and reach out. He is the weaker one and there is no love on my side any more. Everything is blocked/deleted from my end. I am now out of therapy and moving forward in my love life. I've been actively dating and met a handful of men. Things are going well. At the beginning I wanted to be upset and feel sorry for myself but I put no pressure on myself. I was casual ... I thought ... today I will try to have a good day, be happy, occupy my time well etc... Also good not to dedicate too much time to Love Shack! Good for you! Congrats and thanks for coming back and keeping us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWAmy Posted March 12, 2016 Author Share Posted March 12, 2016 xMM has been in touch. He is now a divorced man - the marriage ended amicably as what they both wanted. There was never a d-day and I've agreed to start dating him openly. Had he not made contact then I can honestly say that I would have been happy carrying on dating and meeting someone else. I am happy but will keep things light just as in my regular dating. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 xMM has been in touch. He is now a divorced man - the marriage ended amicably as what they both wanted. There was never a d-day and I've agreed to start dating him openly. Had he not made contact then I can honestly say that I would have been happy carrying on dating and meeting someone else. I am happy but will keep things light just as in my regular dating. OWAmy, I went back and re-read your thread. You've had a long journey with quite a few ups and downs. You sound pretty pragmatic and appear to be approaching this in a fairly cautiously optimistic manner, which leads me to believe that you haven't forgotten the toll the A took on you, which is good. I am happy for you that you get to give it a fair shot as a proper relationship. I wish you all the best. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWAmy Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 We've been together nearly a year now and are well integrated into one another's lives. So different from the affair....much better than I imagined, but just like your average couple there have been some trying times that we have gotten through. I never thought my story would end like this. The affair was part of our story; something that neither of us is proud of, but I've moved on from vilifying myself and learned some painful life lessons. One thing that I know is ending the affair some 2.5 yrs ago was ultimately a good thing and I found the courage to do so by being a member on this site. He did come back, but as a man of action rather than a man of words. He told me his plan and executed it. The only problem now is that some years back I told a few of my friends about the affair and now two of them are involved with married men and see me as an example of when it works out, which is not a good thing. I tell them repeatedly to get out whilst you can. It takes a hell of a lot of thinking and therapy to figure out what was defective in you to get into the affair in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I'm happy for you. Thank you for sharing your updates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 You're perfect example of letting actions speak louder than words. Tell your friends that the only reason it worked out for you is because you cut him off totally and were prepared to live a life without Guinness if he did not put his actions into play. And that if they do the same they will know where they stand This is why NC is so important 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 So the first time I just went through and kind of skimmed through....I then went and read the whole thread......wow...all I can say is. It's been a lot of feelings of ups and downs and triggers in my own self. I'm glad that you kept updating of sorts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Best possible outcome - the cake eater ends up with no woman. No, Amy, the best possible outcome is that you neither know nor care how he ends up. And from the way you are conducting yourself, I really think you are going to get there. Keep at, Amy, you are doing *so well*. And keep listening to OneLove. As I see it, she has given you consistently good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 No, Amy, the best possible outcome is that you neither know nor care how he ends up. And from the way you are conducting yourself, I really think you are going to get there. Keep at, Amy, you are doing *so well*. And keep listening to OneLove. As I see it, she has given you consistently good advice. I think OP and her AP are together now. One love is a guy....yes he always had awesome advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 <oops> and <oops> again. In my enthusiasm to chime in, I failed to read to the end of the thread. So sorry... But what a great thread! And so much good stuff in there along the way for those of us who finally ended our affairs, with or without the happy ending. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) You are in rarity group . Feeling happy for you:). Good luck Edited January 20, 2017 by freengreen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWAmy Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 You're perfect example of letting actions speak louder than words. Tell your friends that the only reason it worked out for you is because you cut him off totally and were prepared to live a life without Guinness if he did not put his actions into play. And that if they do the same they will know where they stand This is why NC is so important Agree - NC is very important. Be the one to initiate it rather than have it done to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWAmy Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 So the first time I just went through and kind of skimmed through....I then went and read the whole thread......wow...all I can say is. It's been a lot of feelings of ups and downs and triggers in my own self. I'm glad that you kept updating of sorts. I feel a sort of responsibility to update. I've read thousands of threads on Love Shack and often wondered...what became of the OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWAmy Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 I think OP and her AP are together now. One love is a guy....yes he always had awesome advice. I think OneLove is a very special guy. I'm so pleased he landed on my thread and took time to read it and offer advice. Once he'd spoken - seriously I copied his stuff, read it again and again and knew what I needed to do and why I should do it. He's one of those rare individuals who offers the male perspective but at the same time has a deep understanding of being a single AP, how relationship dynamics work and offered me a get out plan. I urge others "stuck"to read what he wrote here. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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