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Do you go on dates just for the sake of dating and free meals?

shybutnotshy

By shybutnotshy,
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Onethirtyeight

Onethirtyeight

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Which idea did I give you? The free meal lol?

 

I hope he will be mature and respect my feelings towards him. The other two guys exploded in a childish tantrum. I was moving and had too much in my mind once. I warned a guy that I was not planning on going out until after I'm done moving and settle. The guy kept asking me out to diner, happy hour, random hang out in the city even though I was house hunting and told him I was too busy with the move and had too much on mine. A new text would come in every day and I would politely decline the invitation. Then one day, he threw a tantrum and I never heard of him. Good freaking riddance! Funny thing he was just a stranger, not even in the acquaintance/friendship zone.

 

They must have felt that you led them on somehow and pissed you wasted their time. That's the only thing I really get pissed at potential dates for and its exactly what you'd be doing.

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Versacehottie

Versacehottie

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If you know you will not pursue a relationship with a guy/girl, would you still go on dates with that person? My philosophy was to neither waste someone's time or mine on a date if I am not attracted to that person, and if I am positive that our relationship will not be more than a friendship.

 

 

Long story short, I recently met someone, he is cute, nice but I am not attracted to him. It would be nice to get to know him and make a new friend, not more than that. He invited me to a diner date and is trying hard to get a yes from me. So should I grab a meal with him and nicely tell him that I'd enjoy it if we could become just good friends?

 

:love:He would be a good match for a friend of mine, I'd love to introduce him to her at a later time, if he doesn't freak out on me when I tell him that we should just be friend.

 

No, I wouldn't go on date(S) for free dinner with someone I KNEW there was no chance it would be a relationship. I agree with your philosophy about not wasting someone's time or my own when I know I won't be interested. It's awkward.

 

However, I do think that you find something about this current guy that you think is intriguing otherwise you just would have said no straight out like the others. Sometimes it takes a date or two and non-attraction physically completely changes. It sounds like you already like his personality. So if you are on fence at all (which I sense), go once or twice and be open. You might miss a great guy if you don't. If you are dead set against doing that, don't go on the date but remain facebook friends or something like that from a distance and after a certain amount of time, it might be right to put your friend in the mix.

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Onethirtyeight

Onethirtyeight

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I told her to pay.

 

And yes, I dont tell women to be perfect angels and have empathy/respect for others when the majority of men dont do the same thing. These are things you take risks with when dating

 

That's still a bad attitude. I'd say most men aren't ****ty but probably more of the ones that "get around" are. So then you're encouraging her to mess with someone that could easily not be an *******. In doing so he might even become an ass.

 

I'm really glad I've only had the misfortune of dealing with a handful of women like this.

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Keenly

Keenly

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I told her to pay.

 

And yes, I dont tell women to be perfect angels and have empathy/respect for others when the majority of men dont do the same thing. These are things you take risks with when dating

 

So if we take your premise, that the majority of men don't have respect or empathy or Good behavior, and we take your statement that you don't encourage women to have any of these qualities, what happens when an actual good man comes and you or these women don't show him any respect / empathy and just treat him like garbage?

 

Going out on a known date with some one you are not interested in is a lie, its insulting, and its using some one for food, attention, or both.

 

If I ask a girl out and halfway through she told me she wasn't looking for anything and just wanted to meet new friends, I'd get up and leave. I didn't ask you on a date for more friends. if she wasn't at least open to my advances, why the HELL did she agree on a date in the first place. My time is very important to me, and I don't let a woman waste it like that. Especially when it clearly means nothing to her

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GemmaUK

GemmaUK

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I've never had anyone pay for me on a first date.

In fact it was offered by two men that they would take me out for dinner and in the end I paid for both nights out...there were no second dates.

 

I wish men only got angry when I say 'no thanks' (which does happen too) but I seem to attract those looking for a fight before even saying a first hello mail.

Literally just insults in a first mail or having a go at something about me - even had a guy have a go at my parents - and they are dead!

I don't know what provokes it but if I do reply I am just polite back to them and wish them well.

My photos aren't provocative and I'm slim, yet get called fat by some of these guys. I have been accused of being a fake, 20st with 6 children from different fathers, a benefit scrounger, a ho...all sorts of things.

I think it's grumpy old men syndrome.

It seems to start around their mid forties - which is my age group - so you see a nice profile and photos and receive an insult..riiiight...

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FitChick

FitChick

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In fact it was offered by two men that they would take me out for dinner and in the end I paid for both nights out...there were no second dates.

Why were there no second dates? Did you not find them attractive and not want to pursue things further?

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Onethirtyeight

Onethirtyeight

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The ONLY reason I date is to get free meals.

 

God I hope you're being sarcastic. I've only made one chick pay for her half of a first date because I could tell she just wanted food.

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mortensorchid

mortensorchid

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I have heard this lament from time to time - all about free meals.

 

 

Well, quite honestly if some are bent out of shape about the amount of money they are or aren't spending on an Internet date, go a cheaper route and do coffee or a drink. That way if you never see or hear from the person again, it wouldn't be a financial set back.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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:eek: I would have responded to your questions earlier, but the site is blocked at my work. I did not expect so many responses, so thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and advice.

 

I don't know if it is going to be bothersome to you, but I would like to respond to as many inquiries as possible. So let me jump on that.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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No, I wouldn't go on the date with him. Take it from a guy here.

 

If I asked you out, and asked you out specifically for a date, that is what I'd hope to get, not lunch/dinner with a possible friend.

 

I, and most guys I think, would vastly prefer you just turn us down and tell us you're not interested in us that way. If you do that at the start, you're much less likely to have guys get upset with you and feel you took advantage of them for a free meal.

 

Also, the guys you mentioned were also very immature (I don't get mad if I get turned down) or, somehow felt you had led them on.

 

I did not lead them on. Back then, I could barely recognize when someone was flirting with me and was a dummy in all things love LOL so I did not show any interest in them. I believe that both of them saw me as a nice single girl they could easily convince to date them, but got shocked when I firmly, but politely turn them down.

 

The first one actually stopped talking to me after he got all mad, then 2 years later, he tried to reconnect with me. When I reminded him of his past behavior, he pretended to not remember insulting me or calling me a deceitful person, in fact he said " Why don't you come to diner with me so I can make up for my past behavior?" Of course, once again, I declined his offer.

 

The second guy , the one in my second post was not even an acquaintance. We were in the same co-ed team, that's it. For some reasons, he came out of the blue and started asking me to go do things with him. Anyhow, I wouldn't want to be around people like them.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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Kat, but would you accept dates from people you knew off the bat you weren't attracted to? That' the gist I got from the OP.

 

 

If you know ahead of time that you aren't attracted to someone, and know before hand you won't pursue a relationship, and go out with them just for a meal, that's well...I'm not even sure what to call it.

 

Yeah my main concern is really about going on a date with someone if I knew off the beat I was not attracted. As far as the meal thing, that's what I am trying to understand. Are serial daters (who know from the get-go that they have no intention of entering a relation with a guy go on dates just for the company, the free food (believe me there are women who do that), or the fun of it.

 

My roommate told me I should stop turning guys that I don't see myself with down and just date them for the sake of experiencing. I think that's insensitive and a waste of my time and the other person's time.

 

I don't mind paying for my food LOL. Going Dutch is the way to go on a first date, just to keep it casual and keep expectation low.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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I've known a few women who try to get as many free meal tickets as possible, even from men who they felt no attraction to. I think those women are trashy...

 

I think that you should go ahead with the date. Pay for your own meal so that he'll be able to enjoy the night out without feeling used. Maybe once the date is over you can talk about it and mention that have a few single friends who you would like to introduce. He'll appreciate a mutually fun night if he has a level head on his shoulders. Most singles find connections through introductions from mutual acquaintances like what you've described.

 

I really hope that whether we go on a date or not,he understands,or at least respect my decision to interact with him strictly as a friend.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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If you're a woman, one of the perks you get in life is free meals and free drinks at the bar or club. Plus free admission to most college parties or night clubs.

 

And if a man isn't charming enough or good looking enough or whatever to make you want to stick around past date #1, well then paying for your meal is just a penalty he pays for his shortcomings. Just the way it is...

 

LOL @ paying for his shortcomings. So unfair

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Onethirtyeight

Onethirtyeight

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I have heard this lament from time to time - all about free meals.

 

 

Well, quite honestly if some are bent out of shape about the amount of money they are or aren't spending on an Internet date, go a cheaper route and do coffee or a drink. That way if you never see or hear from the person again, it wouldn't be a financial set back.

 

Its the principal of it that really bothers me. That someone would be ok with wasting my time and money.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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I will give my answer in the form of a question. How would you like it if people did the same to you?

 

If people did what?

 

Decline my offer for diner/date because I am not interested? It would sting at first, but I would respect their decision.

 

Use me for a free meal? I never said that I intend to make the guy pay for my meal if we were to go on a date. I was trying to understand if some people go on dates with folks they don't understand just for the sake of it or for the food.

 

Match him with my friend? I wouldn't tell him that upfront, but if he and I remain friend, I would make sure that both him and my girlie ends up in the same social event at least once and introduce them to each other, if they click, they click. I know they are both singles, and want someone so I would only hope that they might be into each other, if not, they can part ways or form a new friendship too.

 

Please note that I am seeking advice regarding my habits of automatically decline any invitation from guys that I am not attracted to or know from the get-go that I won't get involved with. Thanks

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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I've never had anyone pay for me on a first date.

In fact it was offered by two men that they would take me out for dinner and in the end I paid for both nights out...there were no second dates.

 

I wish men only got angry when I say 'no thanks' (which does happen too) but I seem to attract those looking for a fight before even saying a first hello mail.

Literally just insults in a first mail or having a go at something about me - even had a guy have a go at my parents - and they are dead!

I don't know what provokes it but if I do reply I am just polite back to them and wish them well.

My photos aren't provocative and I'm slim, yet get called fat by some of these guys. I have been accused of being a fake, 20st with 6 children from different fathers, a benefit scrounger, a ho...all sorts of things.

I think it's grumpy old men syndrome.

It seems to start around their mid forties - which is my age group - so you see a nice profile and photos and receive an insult..riiiight...

 

 

Sorry to hear about all the insults.

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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No, I wouldn't go on date(S) for free dinner with someone I KNEW there was no chance it would be a relationship. I agree with your philosophy about not wasting someone's time or my own when I know I won't be interested. It's awkward.

 

However, I do think that you find something about this current guy that you think is intriguing otherwise you just would have said no straight out like the others. Sometimes it takes a date or two and non-attraction physically completely changes. It sounds like you already like his personality. So if you are on fence at all (which I sense), go once or twice and be open. You might miss a great guy if you don't. If you are dead set against doing that, don't go on the date but remain facebook friends or something like that from a distance and after a certain amount of time, it might be right to put your friend in the mix.

 

No, I wouldn't go on date(S) for free dinner with someone I KNEW there was no chance it would be a relationship. I agree with your philosophy about not wasting someone's time or my own when I know I won't be interested. It's awkward.

 

However, I do think that you find something about this current guy that you think is intriguing otherwise you just would have said no straight out like the others. Sometimes it takes a date or two and non-attraction physically completely changes. It sounds like you already like his personality. So if you are on fence at all (which I sense), go once or twice and be open. You might miss a great guy if you don't. If you are dead set against doing that, don't go on the date but remain facebook friends or something like that from a distance and after a certain amount of time, it might be right to put your friend in the mix.

 

BikerAccnt, ThatMan,Onethirtyeight, and Versacehottie I think I will combine tidbit of your suggestions and the other posters' responses to find my answer. I will need to work on the wording, but I will let him know upfront that I am all for diner as long as we do it to get to know each other and hopefully be strictly friends. By knowing my intentions, he will have the choice to turn the page on me, or just try to be friend. Once I tell him that, I will playfully ask if he is about to get mad like the other angry guys.

 

Versacehottie, you are correct about the fact that I did not turn him down straight away like the other guy. I was not attracted to him, but I still give him my number because he approached me in a cute and respectful manner. I thought it was just charming and a bit of fresh air compare to my past experience.

 

When he first asked me out for diner, I told him that we MAY do if/when/after I get to know him more. He thought it was a fair consideration (the other dudes would have just exploded on me) and asked me for tips to increase his "chance" of getting a yes for diner. He is just too cute.

 

As he texted me good night, he asked if he could call me the following day. LOL big and flattering surprise for me since SOME guys these days, are happy to text and hide behind a cell phone to flake.

 

We have been communicating, and the dude is a genius. This is what intrigues me the most. Unfortunately, despite the cuteness and intellectual interest, there are three deal breakers that will keep him in the friend zone :( .

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shybutnotshy

shybutnotshy

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This girl specializes in free meal dates and has gotten lots of attention for it.

 

 

Toronto Woman Uses Online Dating Sites for Free Dinners, Enraging Reddit - The Cut

 

A Penniless girl, bad dates & plenty of oysters

 

I read about a girl from NY who did the same thing. That's what made ask about the free meal because there are people out there who abuse the time and money of their admirers.

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