And this is why I am done with empathy and looking out for others best interest

[pteromom]

But now Ive learn that I must do unto others, before they do unto me. I like being transparent, and I hate lying or being selfish…but it seems like these things are the norm.

 

Its gotten to the point where I think I should just be a jerk, and get mine however I deem fit. If it means keeping girls in the dark about my intentions, so be it. If it means somebody else is sitting around worrying whats going on in my head, instead of the other way around, then so be it. If it means I get the same reputation as other guys so…such as being a user whos emotionally close off, then so be it.

 

Because Im finally just fed up with the bs women I encounter. I feel like the empathy I have, and the transparency Ive shown in my dating life has been taken advantage of. I always tell chicks what my intentions are or what Im looking for. I try to make it so no one gets hurt, yet I keep running into bs drama and selfishness. And don't even get me started on the whole idea that women are less shallow than men. I have stories with regards to that one.

 

There's a balance between the two extremes.

 

It's not about letting yourself get walked on. And it's not about walking on others.

 

It's about being true to yourself, being 100% honest and open, but NOT giving your heart to someone until she proves herself worthy.

 

And also, go into life with as few expectations as possible. If someone is a cheater, better to know that and get them out of your life. If a "friend" casts you aside, she isn't a friend in the first place. If you are hurt, you learn and grow and become better and stronger. If someone is incompatible with you, walk away.

 

Part of what you are dealing with is due to your age. Yeah, a lot of early-20s women (and men) are clueless, selfish, and flighty. They don't know themselves yet and don't know how to be happy.

 

But the last thing you want to do is to become one of those bitter woman-haters who goes through life suspicious and on-edge, waiting to be hurt again. What a crappy way to live!

 

Take control of your life. You have the power to decide where to put your energy; to decide who is worth trusting. You have the power to change your mind at any time. And mostly, you have the power to NOT allow someone else to control your emotions.

 

There are lots of people out there who will hurt you. And there are others who will add meaning and love and joy to your lives. You have to walk through life with an open heart in order for them to be able to reach you. But having an open heart doesn't mean you are handing it to someone on a silver platter so she can shred it apart.

[Eternal Sunshine]

On the other hand, acting the way he has in the past has also attracted low quality women.

 

Yes, but he thinks if he acted like a user with those women, they would have stayed with him. My point is: why would he even want that? They have shown who they are.

[kaylan]

K - I advocate looking out for yourself but the quality of women you will attract by acting like a user will be low.

lmao, because the quality has been good up to now right? xD

 

Quality women are rare as is. I'm not wasting my time doing things the old way any longer.

[Keenly]

I'm going to have to go ahead and agree that no one, neither society nor my parents, warned me just how cruel women can be. If I were able to lay it all out in a visual example, what I was taught and the reality of the cruelty and malicious behavior of what seems like most people these days would be completely different.

 

 

Then you experience just how evil a woman can truly be if she is so Inclined. There are awful things people can do to each other just for fun. For FUN.

 

I had a girl smash my heart into pieces over a 3 month period because it was FUN for her to loft me up and then just leave me after she found the next guy to have sex with.

 

 

This stuff isn't funny at all. These monsters turn genuinely nice , open, honest guys into cynical , don't talk to me , I can't afford to care about you because you are just going to hurt me in the end, ass holes.

[kaylan]

Yes, but he thinks if he acted like a user with those women, they would have stayed with him. My point is: why would he even want that? They have shown who they are.

*buzzer sounds*

 

Wrong, I do not want those low quality broads to stay with me. I wanna stop giving a damn so much about others best interest, especially when such energy is best spent on my own desires. So now I'm gonna do me... I'm gonna do my own thing.

 

Its not my job to look out for everyone else, when many are selfish asshats

[pickflicker]

There is a difference between putting yourself first and being selfish. You should always do what is in your best interest and take care of yourself; but having negative intentions going into something is going to bring nothing positive to your life.

 

I just wanted to repost this, because a rant like the OPs does look silly when you don't know how to put yourself first and empathise and be kind to others.

[KathyM]

I think you do need to look out for yourself, guard your heart, screen the users/losers out of your life, and have high standards in who you spend your time with, but that doesn't mean that you have to turn into a jerk or an ******* to do it. Becoming what you despise in others is not the answer. That philosophy will hurt you as much or more than it hurts others. Some relationships will end badly, it's just a fact of life. Some people you thought had empathy/understanding/compassion may end up disappointing you, or have a negative side to them. Don't let your experiences with some make you jaded or change who you are. Maybe you need a better screening process to weed out the users/losers early on, I don't know, but don't become one of them.

[TheBigQuestion]

*buzzer sounds*

 

Wrong, I do not want those low quality broads to stay with me. I wanna stop giving a damn so much about others best interest, especially when such energy is best spent on my own desires. So now I'm gonna do me... I'm gonna do my own thing.

 

Its not my job to look out for everyone else, when many are selfish asshats

 

I think you should aspire to conduct yourself so as to not bring harm to others. Regardless of what others here may be saying, you can do this and still put yourself first and get what you want out of dating.

 

As MrCastle said, it's usually not a good idea to reveal all your cards while dating. For example, plenty of women want to have casual sex, far more than the amount that are willing to admit it out loud or even to themselves. Obviously, if you want to have sex with a woman but aren't sure if you actually want to date her, you'd generally be a fool to verbally express it. Why? It's simple; even if they are open to casual sex, they will probably be resistant to the verbal suggestion of it for a variety of reasons. Dating, seduction, etc. is a fairly delicate dance where being too upfront reduces or flat out eliminates the fun that you both could be having. Also, keep in mind throughout this "2014 Kaylan" journey that people who loudly and insistently demand truthfulness and honesty out of you rarely practice what they preach to the extent that they preach it, if at all.

[Eternal Sunshine]

*buzzer sounds*

 

Wrong, I do not want those low quality broads to stay with me. I wanna stop giving a damn so much about others best interest, especially when such energy is best spent on my own desires. So now I'm gonna do me... I'm gonna do my own thing.

 

Its not my job to look out for everyone else, when many are selfish asshats

 

I agree with this. It's a selfish world. You DO need to look out for yourself and protect your heart. It's not other people's responsibility to protect you. Sure, it would be nice but it's just unrealistic.

 

What I am trying to say is to watch out and be cautious but if over time a girl proves to be trustworthy, then you let your guard down. Don't make her pay for other's mistakes.

[Leigh 87]

Lets go over some some examples from the 16 – 22 yr old me

 

- first gf during my teen years cheats on me with an old fling of hers

- had a good friend use me for sex despite her knowing how much I liked her

- had a girl lie about being pregnant, and I could never understand why she did

 

Heres some examples from 22 yrs old to present time

 

- had my second love bail on me when she got GIGS and fell for some dude at work

 

- had a friend/old fling straight up ignore me because I dared to be honest with her about why I could never date her. This was after she started chewing me out for not being ready for a relationship. And I was honest and told her that I didn’t think we would ever work out since she tried hooking up with me while she had a bf.

 

- had a girl use me for sex, again, and lead me on, acting like she was really into me…despite her saying she didn’t want anything serious…ie… her actions didn’t match her words until things ended.

 

- had a friend throw herself at me recently, and when I wasn’t that into it, she straight up starts ignoring me. No explanation, nothing, just ignores me and stops talking to me. Um ok, so because I wasn’t all that into hooking up with you, you decide to just turn your back on me? Ok.

 

- And even more recently, had a new interest basically go cold out of nowhere. She seemed into it at first and now we barely talk.

 

And women wonder why some guys are very selfish and self-serving in their dating life? Ive finally learned that we HAVE to be. All of us, man or woman, because everyones only looking out for themselves. Ive always tried to do unto others as I wanted done to myself. But now Ive learn that I must do unto others, before they do unto me. I like being transparent, and I hate lying or being selfish…but it seems like these things are the norm.

 

Its gotten to the point where I think I should just be a jerk, and get mine however I deem fit. If it means keeping girls in the dark about my intentions, so be it. If it means somebody else is sitting around worrying whats going on in my head, instead of the other way around, then so be it. If it means I get the same reputation as other guys so…such as being a user whos emotionally close off, then so be it.

 

Because Im finally just fed up with the bs women I encounter. I feel like the empathy I have, and the transparency Ive shown in my dating life has been taken advantage of. I always tell chicks what my intentions are or what Im looking for. I try to make it so no one gets hurt, yet I keep running into bs drama and selfishness. And don't even get me started on the whole idea that women are less shallow than men. I have stories with regards to that one.

 

All in all, I feel like 2014 should be the year of Kaylan. Do me, get mine, and god help the people who end up in my path. Id just rather not waste my energy or youth any longer on self-important idiots.

 

 

 

So a few skanks have ruined it for the nice girls with morals, like me?

 

I wouldn't even dream of NOT being transparent. If I'm not into a guy, I tell them.

 

 

 

Some girl just suck

[Mrlonelyone]

I agree with this. It's a selfish world. You DO need to look out for yourself and protect your heart. It's not other people's responsibility to protect you. Sure, it would be nice but it's just unrealistic.

 

What I am trying to say is to watch out and be cautious but if over time a girl proves to be trustworthy, then you let your guard down. Don't make her pay for other's mistakes.

 

 

 

Yeah. It's a matter of guilty until proven innocent. Assume someone could be a total user and abuser until they prove they are worthy of trust.

 

 

I don't see why people think it is amoral to look out for yourself.

[Woggle]

Go ahead and be another user, Kaylan. World is full of them.

 

 

Go ahead and be completely ordinary and common. Nothing is stopping you.

 

I don't like people like that but in some ways they are products of society. People get to a point where they get sick of being a doormat who always gets crapped on.

 

Good women should actually be somewhat mad at women who turn good men into this and vice versa with the genders reversed as well.

[pickflicker]

I don't like people like that but in some ways they are products of society. People get to a point where they get sick of being a doormat who always gets crapped on.

 

Good women should actually be somewhat mad at women who turn good men into this and vice versa with the genders reversed as well.

 

But you can't stop every idiot human being from crapping on another person. You just have to continue to be a good person, whilst taking care of number one, so that you will ultimately attract that into your life - not be an ass and hope that fixes the problem.

[RedRobin]

I don't like people like that but in some ways they are products of society. People get to a point where they get sick of being a doormat who always gets crapped on.

 

Good women should actually be somewhat mad at women who turn good men into this and vice versa with the genders reversed as well.

 

 

I don't feel sorry for Kaylan. He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want a relationship or commitment, but then gripes about what is under the rocks he keeps turning over.

 

 

I also don't think Castle or the other guy's approach is legit either. That's lying by omission. What does he do if the woman says she's looking for a relationship... just 'bang' her, and cross his fingers behind his back like so many other a-holes?

 

 

Nah... he's got no one to blame but himself. World is full of users... but he's likely inviting more than his share into his life with his desire for the perks without any of the downsides.

 

 

Edited: as far as products of society goes... if you are going to make that argument, Woggle, you'll have to extend that empathy towards your ex-wife as well. She was a product of society too.

[MrCastle]

I don't feel sorry for Kaylan. He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want a relationship or commitment, but then gripes about what is under the rocks he keeps turning over.

 

 

I also don't think Castle or the other guy's approach is legit either. That's lying by omission. What does he do if the woman says she's looking for a relationship... just 'bang' her, and cross his fingers behind his back like so many other a-holes?

 

 

Nah... he's got no one to blame but himself. World is full of users... but he's likely inviting more than his share into his life with his desire for the perks without any of the downsides.

 

 

Edited: as far as products of society goes... if you are going to make that argument, Woggle, you'll have to extend that empathy towards your ex-wife as well. She was a product of society too.

 

Lol. Read my post completely wrong but am too tired to get into it. Maybe next year.

[kaylan]

I don't feel sorry for Kaylan. He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want a relationship or commitment, but then gripes about what is under the rocks he keeps turning over.

 

 

I also don't think Castle or the other guy's approach is legit either. That's lying by omission. What does he do if the woman says she's looking for a relationship... just 'bang' her, and cross his fingers behind his back like so many other a-holes?

 

 

Nah... he's got no one to blame but himself. World is full of users... but he's likely inviting more than his share into his life with his desire for the perks without any of the downsides.

 

 

Edited: as far as products of society goes... if you are going to make that argument, Woggle, you'll have to extend that empathy towards your ex-wife as well. She was a product of society too.

Blame the ladies for making a lot of dudes like that. Thats all I can say. And women do a whole lot of leading on themselves.

[RedRobin]

Blame the ladies for making a lot of dudes like that. Thats all I can say. And women do a whole lot of leading on themselves.

 

 

No. I blame the guys and the men who stay friends with those guys in spite of how they treat women. I blame the men who pass it along in their dude culture that 'success' with women = sleeping with lot of them... in any way they can.

 

 

I, for one, don't stay friends with men OR women who mistreat people. Maybe if the a-holes didn't enjoy the cover of those around them, it would be a lot easier to sort them out.

[kaylan]

Again, Ive known women who behave the same way. And I know guys whove became that way because of how women treated them, not because of male influence.

[RedRobin]

Lol. Read my post completely wrong but am too tired to get into it. Maybe next year.

 

 

Right. How else is one to read 'mums the word'?

 

 

I don't think I read it wrong at all... but I can see you are getting better at doing the dance with the vague stuff Just deny it. That probably works with a lot of the ladies you come across.

[Woggle]

Again, Ive known women who behave the same way. And I know guys whove became that way because of how women treated them, not because of male influence.

 

I agree. The majority of players I have known became that way after being hurt by a woman.

[ThaWholigan]

People who play the blame game are simply a part of the problem IMO.

[Leigh 87]

I have been screwed over, lied to and played.

 

Still, there are plenty of decent people out there; I'm not going to change the way I act towards people simply because a have encountered a few *******s.

[Elias33]

It's not a man vs. woman discussion imo. It's about honest people vs. douchebags.

[MrCastle]

Right. How else is one to read 'mums the word'? [/Quote]

 

I dunno. I was sort of hoping you took it to mean limit your posting.

 

I don't think I read it wrong at all... but I can see you are getting better at doing the dance with the vague stuff Just deny it. That probably works with a lot of the ladies you come across.

 

If you show all your cards too early, the other person is in an advantageous position. You're the vulnerable one. They know they have you. Good people won't do anything with that kind of advantage, but bad people, like the ones OP has been running into use it for their own gain.

[Elias33]

I have been screwed over, lied to and played.

 

Still, there are plenty of decent people out there; I'm not going to change the way I act towards people simply because a have encountered a few *******s.

 

Very smart of you. At the end of the day you've still got to look in the mirror and like yourself.