And this is why I am done with empathy and looking out for others best interest

[MrCastle]

I dunno. I was sort of hoping you took it to mean limit your posting.

 

 

 

If you show all your cards too early, the other person is in an advantageous position. You're the vulnerable one. They know they have you. Good people won't do anything with that kind of advantage, but bad people, like the ones OP has been running into use it for their own gain.

 

Also, I was referring to this part of his first post:

 

"Because Im finally just fed up with the bs women I encounter. I feel like the empathy I have, and the transparency Ive shown in my dating life has been taken advantage of."

 

Transparency in his dating life. Obviously it's burned him. I'm all for total transparency in serious relationships but not dating. Don't show all your cards until you're exclusive.

[CrystalCastles]

These games, worries, "life-changing epiphanies" that the opposite sex is the devil and deserves to be used for my gain only and damn their feelings.

 

^^^THIS^^^

 

Completely stupid that this thread has become another MEN VS. WOMEN thread.

 

I think we can all agree that users are bad people. That doesn't mean users are only women or only men. And please, not all women are "cruel". "Men" like kaylan and keenly need to stop trying to sell their sob stories to the rest of us, k thanks.

 

There were, and always will be bad people. Fact of life. You won't get through life without being burned a few times, kaylan. This is just the start. I'm 21, but that's enough time for me to have been burned plenty. Have I become some bitter b*tch who treats all men like sh*t simply because I encountered a few arses? No!

 

I think it's completely unfair to paint all women with such a broad brush and assume that simply because you've had to deal with a few skanks, all of a sudden all women are skanks. That makes no sense. There are quality women, I assure you. Your picker is probably off and the women you're attracted to are all hoes.

[sweetjasmine]

- had a friend throw herself at me recently, and when I wasn’t that into it, she straight up starts ignoring me. No explanation, nothing, just ignores me and stops talking to me. Um ok, so because I wasn’t all that into hooking up with you, you decide to just turn your back on me? Ok.

 

I don't understand what she did wrong. When a woman friendzones you, are you obligated to stick around and keep her company? IIRC, you guys weren't really friends but got to know each other online before you met up in person, right? She was obviously interested in you, and when you rejected her, she didn't want to hang around waiting for scraps of your attention. What exactly is the problem? She made it clear what she wanted, and you made it clear you didn't want the same thing. You were both transparent with each other.

 

All of us, man or woman, because everyones only looking out for themselves.

 

Of course people look out for themselves. Why would someone who barely knows you put your needs above their own? And if YOU'RE doing that, it's not exactly a healthy thing for you to be doing, either.

 

But now Ive learn that I must do unto others, before they do unto me.

 

Well, if that's the conclusion you want to draw, good luck, I guess.

 

Because Im finally just fed up with the bs women I encounter.

 

Maybe figure out why you're encountering "bs women" instead of becoming a "bs man", yeah?

[kaylan]

I don't understand what she did wrong. When a woman friendzones you, are you obligated to stick around and keep her company? IIRC, you guys weren't really friends but got to know each other online before you met up in person, right? She was obviously interested in you, and when you rejected her, she didn't want to hang around waiting for scraps of your attention. What exactly is the problem? She made it clear what she wanted, and you made it clear you didn't want the same thing. You were both transparent with each other.

She was not transparent at all. She made it sound like we would be friends. She put on a good front about not wanting to hook up with me. Then we hang out, she desperately comes on to me, I dont really give in much, and then she ignores me after. Where exactly was the transparency?

Edited December 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[what_a_blonde]

Blame the ladies for making a lot of dudes like that. Thats all I can say. And women do a whole lot of leading on themselves.

 

So, ..... you're saying that the guy that's had my emotions tied up over the last year ...who was friends with me for 2 years prior.... drops the bombshell that "he's always thought I could be the one, and wants to be with me".... then months later after we've started a fling, drops an even BIGGER bombshell that "he told me from the beginning this was just two friends having fun" (aka f*** buddies).... you're telling me he should NOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE for his actions and that I should just blame his past???

 

Nope, sorry. Not buying it.

 

He knew fully that I was skeptical at first. I finally became involved, emotionally and physically, but yet he continued on and then finally tries to drop the line that "sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I told you from the beginning I just wanted this to be friends". BS.

 

Kaylan ---- I get you've been through a lot.. and yes, you need to guard your heart. But please don't go around using women and destroying others just because you've been wronged.

 

I've been so wronged by this guy. I've spent months in and out of counseling trying to find myself again because of what its done to my self worth, and how much its made me question myself and my abilities to read people. But the bottom line is... I'm not about to go out and purposely seek to do to others what was done to me.

 

No one deserves that.

 

Maybe you just need to get this out of your system. You sound like a good guy though, and this may backfire on you. No matter how much harm you'll want to do to others to make "right" for what was done to you, you may still end up feeling even crappier. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

 

Best of luck with Kaylan 2014.

[Imported]

You did not become a crocodile. Just another fake nice guy.

[SJC2008]

Before I talk about women, most everyone here knows that I think people in general are crappy. People are liars, cheaters and giggers. Just becasue your everyday Jane or Joe isn't the textbook definition of a criminal doesn't make him/her a "good" person. It's hard to find genuine people, man or woman.

 

As far a women are concerned, they aren't the damsels in distress that our culture paints them to be. I took sociology in college a few terms ago and it really opened my eyes to women. You see, sociological norms subconsciously "program" us in many facets of our lives. Marriage is a dying oddyssey but most people used to want to get married. Sure some of them truly want to but for the majority, it's becasue society "tells" them to. Society paints women as little princesses who are supposed to behave a certain way etc and it has an effect on survey taking. You see, when a man cheats it's not a surprise but it's shocking when a women cheats. Do you really think men cheat more than women? Especially when women are the ones that are being pursued?? Women lie better than men and it's a "side effect" of our society. Women are supposed to be nice, respectable, not sleep around, not be sexually liberal etc. So since they aren't allowed to walk around and say xyz they keep their mouths shut. This is learning how to lie. So come survey time they lie. They don't cheat less, they do a better job of lying about it!

[Janesays]

No one can "make" you be or do something you didn't want to be or do all along.

 

Whatever happened to personal accountability, people?

[KathyM]

If you're only looking for a casual relationship and don't want to make any kind of commitment to anybody, then you're probably going to come across a good share of women who have no loyalty, poor boundaries, lack of genuine concern/caring for you, etc. If you want a woman you can trust and that will treat you well, then you're going to have to be the kind of guy that those quality women want, and that is usually not someone who is only willing to remain casual or unwilling to commit. Just sayin . . . Even if you are honest about your intentions for casual only, the type of women you're going to attract with that are not likely to be that good. Becoming a deceiver to get the relationship-quality women by pretending to want a real relationship yourself is not the answer. Becoming a man who actually wants a real relationship is the answer. Then you won't have to deceive, and you will be much more likely to find relationship-quality women. If you only want casual relationships, then you really can't complain about the quality of women you'll find who are interested in that.

[what_a_blonde]

If you're only looking for a casual relationship and don't want to make any kind of commitment to anybody, then you're probably going to come across a good share of women who have no loyalty, poor boundaries, lack of genuine concern/caring for you, etc. .

 

Adding onto KathyM's response....

 

If you're only looking for a casual relationship and don't want to make any kind of commitment to anybody, then you're probably going to come across a good share of women who have no loyalty, poor boundaries, lack of genuine concern/caring for you, etc., ... and possibly a few STDs.

 

Not saying that all women who want a casual relationship are like this... but if your definition of "casual" means sex only, and you come across women who are readily available to provide... just make sure you protect yourself. I have a couple girl friends who are involved in the casual sex thing... one night stands... etc.... and they've encountered some pretty funky stuff.

[RedRobin]

If you show all your cards too early, the other person is in an advantageous position. You're the vulnerable one. They know they have you. Good people won't do anything with that kind of advantage, but bad people, like the ones OP has been running into use it for their own gain.

 

 

What cards are you talking about? Whether you are looking for a relationship or not?

 

 

That's fundamental information. The bad people will seek to manipulate no matter what you tell them.

 

 

Being vulnerable is the only way to sort out the good ones from the bad ones. You can be vulnerable without letting people take undue advantage... and even when you think you have it all figured out, there will still be people who hurt you. That's life.

 

 

But it seems both you and Kaylan's position is do unto others first, then see how they react. Not cool.

[ChessPieceFace]

What would you say / have said to a woman who came on here complaining that all men are jerks, and citing lots of examples from her life? I'd tell her to reexamine her selection process. Maybe you should reexamine yours.

[Woggle]

No one can "make" you be or do something you didn't want to be or do all along.

 

Whatever happened to personal accountability, people?

 

True but I can very much relate to being treated like a doormat then looking at the world around me and wondering if being a good guy is even worth it. I have been where he is before in my life.

[Woggle]

At the end of the day I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror but I came really close to playing women and I could have easily done it. I had what it took to attract women and keep them hooked after my divorce but if an innocent woman got caught up in it I would have felt bad. I will never ever in my life be a doormat again though. I cut off my balls for nobody.

[Mrlonelyone]

Kaylan for some reasons in my mind your are black. I know you probably aren't. The experience your first post describes is like what many black men in the US, encounter from white women.

 

 

Lots of casual sexual interest and little serious interest.

 

 

If you are some kind of minority where your are*; then you should consider choosing a woman of your group. To them you will not be some exotic adventure.

 

 

*It could be as little of a thing in having a Scottish accent and living in London.

[kaylan]

Kaylan for some reasons in my mind your are black. I know you probably aren't. The experience your first post describes is like what many black men in the US, encounter from white women.

 

 

Lots of casual sexual interest and little serious interest.

 

 

If you are some kind of minority where your are*; then you should consider choosing a woman of your group. To them you will not be some exotic adventure.

 

 

*It could be as little of a thing in having a Scottish accent and living in London.

Yes I am black lol. I thought this was long ago established on this forum xD Edited December 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Leigh 87]

Very smart of you. At the end of the day you've still got to look in the mirror and like yourself.

 

Don't get me wrong though... I've leant not to invest or trust a man until they actually earn it.

 

I agree that, due to the high incidence of cheating and ****ty folks out there, it is best to get to know someone before expecting anything out of them relationship wise.

 

 

Being a tad guarded and apprehensive of new people doesn't equate to treating people in thecrappy way you have been treated.

[kaylan]

Kaylan for some reasons in my mind your are black. I know you probably aren't. The experience your first post describes is like what many black men in the US, encounter from white women.

 

 

Lots of casual sexual interest and little serious interest.

 

 

If you are some kind of minority where your are*; then you should consider choosing a woman of your group. To them you will not be some exotic adventure.

 

 

*It could be as little of a thing in having a Scottish accent and living in London.

And dude, Id have little options if I only went after black women. I just date whomever I find attractive, regardless of race. That said, I dont mind women finding me exotic or wanting to have ca

[Sand Man Dan]

If you're only looking for a casual relationship and don't want to make any kind of commitment to anybody, then you're probably going to come across a good share of women who have no loyalty, poor boundaries, lack of genuine concern/caring for you, etc. If you want a woman you can trust and that will treat you well, then you're going to have to be the kind of guy that those quality women want, and that is usually not someone who is only willing to remain casual or unwilling to commit. Just sayin . . . Even if you are honest about your intentions for casual only, the type of women you're going to attract with that are not likely to be that good. Becoming a deceiver to get the relationship-quality women by pretending to want a real relationship yourself is not the answer. Becoming a man who actually wants a real relationship is the answer. Then you won't have to deceive, and you will be much more likely to find relationship-quality women. If you only want casual relationships, then you really can't complain about the quality of women you'll find who are interested in that.

 

See the only problem is that all the relationship minded men (read: not "nice") on here AND in my personal dealings have gotten shafted for being this way.

 

In my own life, I've always been this way. Many of my male friends sleep around and ask me why I don't. I tell them that there is a woman out there that will appreciate my values and attitudes regarding intimacy someday...and I guess I will continue to cling to that, cause fuvk it right?

[Targetlock]

i agree you have to stick to your principles, and you can't change who you are, because you would be lying to yourself, its probably why i'm single because i try and be honest in all my dealing and don't use sleazy trickery to get laid. we nice guys have got to continue on because we will find someone who will appreciate who we are, not who we pretend to be.

[Sand Man Dan]

i agree you have to stick to your principles, and you can't change who you are, because you would be lying to yourself, its probably why i'm single because i try and be honest in all my dealing and don't use sleazy trickery to get laid. we nice guys have got to continue on because we will find someone who will appreciate who we are, not who we pretend to be.

 

Like I just CAN NOT bring myself to disrespectfully flirt, feign interest and then pull away to create desire in a woman, or pump and dump them. Can't do it.

 

It's sad that those who don't play games are "uninteresting" or "one dimensional and boring"

[Mrlonelyone]

And dude, Id have little options if I only went after black women. I just date whomever I find attractive, regardless of race. That said, I dont mind women finding me exotic or wanting to have ca

 

...just making sure man.

 

I know a black guy named Kaylan who could have your issues. Lots of casual interest from white women who have "boyfriends", who are married, engaged, or practically married living with the guy. They have no intention of leaving that guy or openly dating a black man.

 

They want to be seen as sooooooooo nice yet they will gleefully play around on some poor oblivious schlub with men that they would never "date".

 

Yeah that'll be like 90% of what you find. Hell I find that all the time myself. A really amazing woman will approach me give me their contact info and latter I find that they are married. I've had to learn to just refuse to play that game with a married or nearly married woman. (Any other relationship is more than likely just temporary anyway. Marriage is special.)

 

 

If you want to find a good white woman there is one thing my father told me to be on the look out for.

 

Stereotyped thinking or actions.

 

In his day the young white women would start talking to him in a southern accent. He's from Nebraska. They were from Nebraska. Why would they speak like they were from Alabama? Because those women were, in my dads words, looking for a ni***r, not a black man.

 

 

These days, I'll bet you've notice some of this too, they will "talk black" to you. They will expect you to be a thug. They will expect you to do other "black" things. Rather than trying to find out who Kaylan is, they will assume Kaylan is like a character off TV or something.

 

I could go on .... but a couple of video's really say it better than I can.

 

This one by young white women about black men.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-4a1Gil_zo

 

This response by a older black man on his experiences with similar white women.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVTLEQ-zeq8

 

 

This comes from someone who has also loved white women. The above may sound harsh but it is true. It takes real guts for a white woman to love a black man in a world where this happens.

 

Interracial Cheerios Commercial Generates Debate | Video - ABC News

Edited December 31, 2013 by Mrlonelyone

[Janesays]

You missed Skuds previous post making assertions about why single people would be on this site. The assertion was made that a possible reason would be dating failure. Then I asked if it was apparent to Skuds that married people and people in LTRs post here too.

 

My point was that all sorts of people post here. Not just those having dating issues.

 

Ahhhh, ok. I get it now.

[kaylan]

I find it interesting that this has turned into a gender/race thing, once again.

 

Crap people come in every color, shape, nationality, attached to a penis, or a pair of boobs.

 

I think you need to take stock with who you're choosing to surround yourself with. You're the only common denominator in every aspect in your life. Take ownership and control of your happiness and destiny.

 

I'm pretty sure turning into a straight up ********* isn't what you had envisioned for yourself.

You miss the point. People choose whom they want to settle down with based on things like race, gender, and other stuff all the time. Ive outright heard guys say theyd sleep with a particular race of chick, but never settle down with them

...just making sure man.

 

I know a black guy named Kaylan who could have your issues. Lots of casual interest from white women who have "boyfriends", who are married, engaged, or practically married living with the guy. They have no intention of leaving that guy or openly dating a black man.

 

They want to be seen as sooooooooo nice yet they will gleefully play around on some poor oblivious schlub with men that they would never "date".

 

Yeah that'll be like 90% of what you find. Hell I find that all the time myself. A really amazing woman will approach me give me their contact info and latter I find that they are married. I've had to learn to just refuse to play that game with a married or nearly married woman. (Any other relationship is more than likely just temporary anyway. Marriage is special.)

 

 

If you want to find a good white woman there is one thing my father told me to be on the look out for.

 

Stereotyped thinking or actions.

 

In his day the young white women would start talking to him in a southern accent. He's from Nebraska. They were from Nebraska. Why would they speak like they were from Alabama? Because those women were, in my dads words, looking for a ni***r, not a black man.

 

 

These days, I'll bet you've notice some of this too, they will "talk black" to you. They will expect you to be a thug. They will expect you to do other "black" things. Rather than trying to find out who Kaylan is, they will assume Kaylan is like a character off TV or something.

 

I could go on .... but a couple of video's really say it better than I can.

 

This one by young white women about black men.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-4a1Gil_zo

 

This response by a older black man on his experiences with similar white women.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVTLEQ-zeq8

 

 

This comes from someone who has also loved white women. The above may sound harsh but it is true. It takes real guts for a white woman to love a black man in a world where this happens.

 

Interracial Cheerios Commercial Generates Debate | Video - ABC News

While I agree with what youre saying to a point, I dont really go for women who think that way. While I have encountered a couple of women who are into those kinda black dudes, for the most part the non-black women I attract (or that I go after) do not want a "thug" type brother. It would repel them quite well if I was like that.

 

But as I said, I have a couple times been involved with girls who are into that image, but it was fairly obvious what our encounter would be. It was gonna be not serious, and likely lead nowhere. Especially considering some of the things they would say to me...hinting that they thought id look more appealing in different types of clothes, or them trying to turn me on to more of the music they liked.

 

Im into mostly alternative rock, and bluesy stuff, and those couple of chicks were into black culture a great deal. From hip hop, rnb, down to the fashion and slang. So clearly that wasnt gonna work expect for a fling.

 

But as I said, the vast majority of women who show interest in me are not into thug type dudes. But I do know of the women you speak of.

[Mrlonelyone]

No - you miss the point.

 

You're getting all hung up on these things and dissecting it to death on a message board when it's not so complicated.

 

You don't date quality women. Bottom line.

 

 

 

In an ideal world you would be 100% right it would be that simple.

 

 

In the real world quality people are often willing to date, and have sex with a wider range of people than who they'd bring home to mama.

 

 

In the United States of America, and the new world in general black man + white woman is a hot potato. It probably always will be. It is a taboo and was against the law until 40 years ago for a white woman to marry a black man (or white man marry a black woman). Things haven't changed that much.

 

 

 

 

As for gender in this thread, the OP is a man. When the OP is a woman I have things to say about men, personally. Why would we talk about men Kaylan doesn't date men?