And this is why I am done with empathy and looking out for others best interest

[kaylan]

"Its gotten to the point where I think I should just be a jerk, and get mine however I deem fit. If it means keeping girls in the dark about my intentions, so be it. If it means somebody else is sitting around worrying whats going on in my head, instead of the other way around, then so be it. If it means I get the same reputation as other guys so…such as being a user whos emotionally close off, then so be it."

 

We can read just fine.

Yeah, because that totally says Im going out with the intent of hurting others. Learn to read. What Im saying is Im going to tell people like it is, look out for myself, and learn to be indifferent. Its not going to be my job to constantly shine lights on situations for people. From now on, if they wanna know something, its up to them to seek answers.

I think you should read your post again.... You did say you were going to hurt people by "being a jerk" and "god help the ppl who get in my way....". I mean unless that doesn't mean you're going to hurt ppl??? But It sure sounds like there is a disregard for feelings somewhere along the way.

 

I think I see why there has been that pattern in your past. I think you're right in realizing that something has to change and that something is you. You are of course the common denominator. Whether or not that means you act like a jerk and have a disregard for the feelings of other as you so feel you have been treated, well that's your choice, but I don't think this attitude will get you any closer to what you really want.

 

Your anger to my blunt and honest post seems to me that you can't take criticism. These forums are usually to help ppl and by acknowledging the truth that's the only way you can set things to the way you want them to be. If you don't like my post, you can leave through the proverbial door that you seem to want to kick me out of?? Your life is not that bad, EVERYONE has failed relationships...it's just so annoying to hear ppl whine about it bc honestly ppl are getting raped, dying, going hungry...what do we have to complain about but a few bad relationships that didn't work out. I was more annoyed than mad at your post. And no I don't have to leave bc I wanted to respond to it. this is the internet and you put it out there, so you should be able to deal with mwhat you get in return...just like in REAL LIFE. Not everything is going to be daisies and roses.

 

Good luck whatever you choose.

Please quote me dude. Quote where I said I would intentionally hurt people. My entire OP elaborated on my thoughts. Or is that too hard to understand. I basically laid out what I plan to do. So quote where I said Im going to hurt people.

 

Until then youre just a noob poster with poor reading comprehension skills.

 

And what anger? Dude you are reading text. Without seeing my body language or hearing a voice, youre merely making an assumption regarding mood. Im actually chuckling to myself regarding youre know it all attitude.

 

Your advice is summarized as the typical "its not so bad, get over it and dont adapt to the world around you. Stay the same". Lol, I think people do that here enough and it gets them nowhere in terms of strides towards changing their dating life. Im adapting and making changes necesary for ME to be happy.

 

PS - And if you dont like what Im saying, you can leave through that door you mentioned buddy. Youre really just wasting your keystrokes right now.

Edited January 3, 2014 by kaylan

[Scales]

Keep in mind you can also choose how you react to negativity in your life (i.e., CHOOSING not to hurt others because you have been hurt). There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first, the problem arises when you take advantage of or hurt others to take care of yourself intentionally as his post indicated.

 

I do understand what he means, I've had plenty of heartbreak...but I still treat every single person I date with respect even the *******s. Hurting others rodent make me feel any better and just perpetuates more hurt.

 

Does anyone think kaylan is going to disrespect his dates somehow? Is he going to beat them? harass them? Thats just ridiculous. Being considerate of others when they are not invested in you equally is called getting worked. He wants to avoid that by making more decisions for himself and not letting others take advantage like they have in past situations, even if that means their feelings get hurt. Hes gonna stop trying to be friends with everyone and supplicate their needs for his own desires. Yes maybe he will leave some girl he finds for a better one. So when he is happy with the new girl and the other girl gets hurt, she will be the one coming to the forum to complain instead and get the same treatment of "shut up and deal with it".

 

Also don't bring up the "people have way worse problems" argument. Its weak and doesn't apply to this thread. You don't know anyone enough here to determine what personal issues they may have been through. Not to mention even some of the poorest, most hardened, and destitute people on this earth still have someone to go home to at night that loves them. That's all anyone searching for a relationship wants.

[kaylan]

PS - lol ...so suessy and chicaboom just happened to join the forum the same day I start this thread. And they just so happen to agree with one another and make a fair bit of their posts in this thread.

[CrystalCastles]

You know, simply because someone disagrees with you, doesn't automatically make them a "noob". Having a small number of posts doesn't make one "inexperienced" and doesn't warrant the statement "you have a small number of posts, therefore you don't know what you're talking about". The number of posts a person has doesn't have anything to do with anything.

 

Don't let the actions of others dictate your own. You're not the only person who's been burned, and many times. I have too, and I'm sure many other people have. I think it's the type of girl you attract/are attracted to. I find that's also my problem. I'm attracted to/attract very good-looking players. The guys I tend to go for are good-looking and well-dressed. In my experience, all the good-looking guys I've dated were players (I'm 21, most of these guys are 20-23). This just means I need to alter who I'm attracted to, since I want a relationship but I'm not attracting relationship-savvy people.

 

I think it's just a matter of what kind of girl you approach, and how quickly you get attached, and whether or not you ignore any flags. I might be mistaken, but I think you mentioned somewhere that you're early or mid-twenties? That's very young, too young to have such a bitter attitude. If you act like a player, you will be missing out on a lot of very nice girls out there. Nice girls who may have been burned/used by players, and the minute they smell the player in you, they run. Again, this is based on my experience. My best female friends are quality girls. They're very intelligent, educated and beautiful. Some of them got used by players and any subsequent players they dated didn't get further than the first or second date (and they didn't get sex either because the friend of mine dating them kept the guy at arm's length).

 

If you choose the "I don't give two craps about anyone, I'll do as I please" attitude, then I pity you. Instead of changing your attitude, you should change the type of girl you approach. It sounds like most of the girls you approach are users/skanks. If you alter your picker and gear it towards quality girls, you'll find yourself a good woman. It may involve getting burned some more while you experiment, but it will be more worth it in the end than simply using people.

[EmilyJane]

Lets go over some some examples from the 16 – 22 yr old me

 

- first gf during my teen years cheats on me with an old fling of hers

- had a good friend use me for sex despite her knowing how much I liked her

- had a girl lie about being pregnant, and I could never understand why she did

 

Heres some examples from 22 yrs old to present time

 

- had my second love bail on me when she got GIGS and fell for some dude at work

 

- had a friend/old fling straight up ignore me because I dared to be honest with her about why I could never date her. This was after she started chewing me out for not being ready for a relationship. And I was honest and told her that I didn’t think we would ever work out since she tried hooking up with me while she had a bf.

 

- had a girl use me for sex, again, and lead me on, acting like she was really into me…despite her saying she didn’t want anything serious…ie… her actions didn’t match her words until things ended.

 

- had a friend throw herself at me recently, and when I wasn’t that into it, she straight up starts ignoring me. No explanation, nothing, just ignores me and stops talking to me. Um ok, so because I wasn’t all that into hooking up with you, you decide to just turn your back on me? Ok.

 

- And even more recently, had a new interest basically go cold out of nowhere. She seemed into it at first and now we barely talk.

 

And women wonder why some guys are very selfish and self-serving in their dating life? Ive finally learned that we HAVE to be. All of us, man or woman, because everyones only looking out for themselves. Ive always tried to do unto others as I wanted done to myself. But now Ive learn that I must do unto others, before they do unto me. I like being transparent, and I hate lying or being selfish…but it seems like these things are the norm.

 

Its gotten to the point where I think I should just be a jerk, and get mine however I deem fit. If it means keeping girls in the dark about my intentions, so be it. If it means somebody else is sitting around worrying whats going on in my head, instead of the other way around, then so be it. If it means I get the same reputation as other guys so…such as being a user whos emotionally close off, then so be it.

 

Because Im finally just fed up with the bs women I encounter. I feel like the empathy I have, and the transparency Ive shown in my dating life has been taken advantage of. I always tell chicks what my intentions are or what Im looking for. I try to make it so no one gets hurt, yet I keep running into bs drama and selfishness. And don't even get me started on the whole idea that women are less shallow than men. I have stories with regards to that one.

 

All in all, I feel like 2014 should be the year of Kaylan. Do me, get mine, and god help the people who end up in my path. Id just rather not waste my energy or youth any longer on self-important idiots.

 

 

Guy who just took me home for Christmas to meet his family did a similar (all though way less wordy ) Facebook rant about three weeks before we met up again (been facey friends a while).

 

Don't let the past stop you seeing what is coming at you around the corner.

[chicaboom]

Yeah, because that totally says Im going out with the intent of hurting others. Learn to read. What Im saying is Im going to tell people like it is, look out for myself, and learn to be indifferent. Its not going to be my job to constantly shine lights on situations for people. From now on, if they wanna know something, its up to them to seek answers.

 

Please quote me dude. Quote where I said I would intentionally hurt people. My entire OP elaborated on my thoughts. Or is that too hard to understand. I basically laid out what I plan to do. So quote where I said Im going to hurt people.

 

Until then youre just a noob poster with poor reading comprehension skills.

 

And what anger? Dude you are reading text. Without seeing my body language or hearing a voice, youre merely making an assumption regarding mood. Im actually chuckling to myself regarding youre know it all attitude.

 

Your advice is summarized as the typical "its not so bad, get over it and dont adapt to the world around you. Stay the same". Lol, I think people do that here enough and it gets them nowhere in terms of strides towards changing their dating life. Im adapting and making changes necesary for ME to be happy.

 

PS - And if you dont like what Im saying, you can leave through that door you mentioned buddy. Youre really just wasting your keystrokes right now.

 

I'm glad you're making changes. Good luck hopefully they are the right ones

[kaylan]

Thanks, itll be great fun and Ill keep you guys updated.

[hotpotato]

I'm all for looking out for numero uno.

 

From now on relationships will be my way or the highway. It will benefit me or it will end. I'll be by myself and be just fine.

[Lady2163]

A dishonest woman is not a great catch to me. Lying and cheating are huge deal breakers. Nevermind the promiscuous behavior. Why not just find a guy ok with who you really are, instead of trying to hoodwink some poor sap who didnt really get a chance to know who you really are?

 

But I guess thats how it is, I gotta change my rules to deal with the selfish users out there.

 

I wanted to come back to this. In ten years, I've had sex with 3 men. If I've read your posts correctly, you've been with more partners than I have.

 

I *was* promiscuous when I was younger. Detailed description of what I was like 20 years before I met any man I date just aren't his business. No babies, no diseases, no stalkers.

 

I also don't tell the men I date about being seduced and targeted by a married predator when I was 16 and had never been kissed, seen a naked man/boy or even had a date let alone being groomed to be his sex outlet. (age 16 then is probably a lot like age 12 now).

 

I don't tell them about the man I dated for 8 months when I was 19, who didn't tell me he was married until I said, 'I love you'. Same conversation.

 

I don't tell the, I dated an alcoholic who left me with more baggage and therapy bills than they other two combined.

 

I don't mean to knock you if you aren't Christian, but you are holding people to a higher standard than God does.

[kaylan]

^Im an atheist, and no I dont hold people to a higher standard than god.

 

I didnt know expecting honesty was such a big issue. Its really simple, if the girl knows personal details about herself would be important to me, a good woman would let me know. For example, if I was a guy who had a history of sleeping around, I wouldnt hide my past from a very reserved woman if she was looking for a like-minded man to settle down with.

 

If something would be important to a girl in terms of choosing a mate, Im not gonna lie or omit those facts. If you think those facts arent my business, thats your right. The same way its my right to move on to a woman whom I deem better for me. Your past helps make you who you are today...no matter how much some people try to hide a past.

[regine_phalange]

 

How can I remember, what girl I will see today

if tomorrow she'll be gone?

Now I'm a pretender, in a special kind of way

I've been living like James Bond.

The situation now will never change.

Infatuation has gone out of range.

This is my life and I don't want to see it die.

 

Bad boy, I wanna be a bad boy,

if it means I will enjoy every day now.

Bad boy, I'm gonna be a bad boy

if I can play with my toy and get my own way now.

[Lady2163]

^Im an atheist, and no I dont hold people to a higher standard than god.

 

I didnt know expecting honesty was such a big issue. Its really simple, if the girl knows personal details about herself would be important to me, a good woman would let me know. For example, if I was a guy who had a history of sleeping around, I wouldnt hide my past from a very reserved woman if she was looking for a like-minded man to settle down with.

 

If something would be important to a girl in terms of choosing a mate, Im not gonna lie or omit those facts. If you think those facts arent my business, thats your right. The same way its my right to move on to a woman whom I deem better for me. Your past helps make you who you are today...no matter how much some people try to hide a past.

 

I wish I could fast forward the clock for you. In 20 years when or if you are still dating, it won't matter to you if she slept with half of South Park before she was 23. Particularly if she has been in a 20 year marriage with no hint of promiscuity and is now divorced.

 

I also don't tell men I'm dating I make over $100K a year. In my area, average take home is around $35K. I actually had a two year relationship - he never agreed to live together, so I never thought he needed to know. Trust me, to many men that is important. The wrong kind of man sees that as a LOTTERY and suddenly I may not be as fat and average looking as he first thought. Yup, I've even fudged on the amount.

 

The points I've been trying to make is that transparency isn't always in the best interest of the woman (or the man). Although you did bring up an interesting point, I'm not sure I'd WANT a relationship with someone who is going to hold it against me for that return from Kuwait orgy I had...in 1991. At least I think it was an orgy...well, there was definitely alcohol.

[kaylan]

^I never understood why some people feel they can dictate to others what someone should want in a mate.

 

If someone wants something particular in a mate, they have A RIGHT to find it. Why be selfish and keep them from finding the person they really want?

 

Selfish attitudes from women is why this thread exists. Why not just find someone who can truly accept you for who you are?...rather than they accept you based on some facade you throw up.