Diana17 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Hello guys. I have a BIG problem with capital B!!! I have a best friend but i am so jealous of her that it is driving me crazy and I do not know what to do!!! We are best friends for 5 years now and we are really close but the situation doesn't change.It even gets worse!!! Someone told me to try keeping my distance from her but I just cannot.She is so loyal and means so much to me.She is always there for me and I even think that she is needy sometimes because she is kinda shy with people she doesn't know. But...there's always a but... Even though we have a true friendship and everyone acknowledge that that feeling of jealousy keeps eating my inside. She is taller than me,more beautiful than me and even smarter!!!She has the best grades no matter how much I try(Im on the 2nd place)and most of the boys at our class are trying to flirt with her or complimenting her(she is shy so she doesn't know how to react and as a result she doesn't have a bf).Even some of our teachers compliments her about her appearance or good grades. Even when we are going out for walks the other men are always looking at her and only the perverts look at me.I have DD' cups and she has A' cups.But now even her boobs are getting bigger because it runs in her family.I was feeling superior because of that but now it's...just gone!!No matter how much I try I cant get others attention only if I act like a b***h and show everything!!But the funny part is she is always wearing casual clothes and even then she gets the attention.And she doesn't seem to understand what's happening!!! I'm not excess it's just the truth!!I don't know what to do,because I don't want to lose her or make her sad I just want to get over this feeling..We are 17 years old now and I can understand that I shouldn't be jealous of her because I care about her and it's something really silly but it just comes natural from me.. Will this keep going on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You need to stop comparing yourself to her. Think about your own good qualities. For starters even if you think she's so perfect she still picked YOU for a BFF; that says something doesn't it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah,I know that but it doesn't help no matter how much I repeat that.. And I forgot to mention that even when I'm arguing with my dad he tells me ''If you were as much cute or a beauty as your BFF and not like a cow(because of my breasts-My BFF now has B' cups) I would be more patient with your s**t!!'' Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Your dad would be more patient with you if you were hotter? That's creepy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah,I know,right?I think that he says that because he knows about my jealousy.. -,- Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You can change your appearance. Do you need to lose weight? Get a new hairstyle, see a professional makeup artist, update your clothes. Otherwise if you need surgery to "compete" with her, get a part time job and save up. However, I think you will always envy her until you get your self-esteem in order. I'm guessing hearing negative things from your dad your whole life hasn't been productive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah,I will follow your advice!! Although I know that I can't ''compete'' with her,she is a natural beauty and I'm just a normal girl..I will try to like me for who I am and attract the others with my personality I thought about surgery,too.But I'm somewhat scared about these things to say the truth!! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Well, geez, no wonder you are having jealousy issues, which translates to self-esteem issues. Your dad is a jackass who makes you feel unattractive. And he's also a bit smarmy for even mentioning the physical attributes of your friends as that is inappropriate. Basically, you are having self-esteem issues. You're at the age to become your own person and it's possible you'll find a niche you're confident within in school, work, or socially that will help snap you out of it. Meanwhile, you have a nice friend and don't dwell on it. Just enjoy her. If it gets to the point where you feel she's seriously adversely affecting your love life, that is when to actually pull back some. But if she's a real friend, she'll leave someone alone she knows you are interested in (at least long enough for you to take your shot.) 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I like the first response. This awesome girl picked you for her best friend. That says something. :) and you might wanna tell her a little about some of your feelings and the hugh jass you have for a dad. You may find she is your biggest ally through all this. Best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 You say she is shy and You aren't? Being painfully shy myself, I'm soooooo jealous of my non-shy friends!! I'm sure she see's things in you she is envious of too. Hang in there. These feelings will ease/change over time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @preraph Yeah,she is a real friend and she approved that so many times.That's the main reason I don't want to miss her and I also feel somewhat guilty about that feeling towards her.. I will definitely follow your advice Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 find a new BFF. just phase out this one quietly and slowly, do not phone her back immediately when she rings, over two months just be busy, less and less available, tactfully taper it off to nothing or nearly nothing not happy about your dad's comment, so he does not need to be told, you need a better BFF than this one she is making waves, problem waves Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @Blade96 I have thought about that,too.But I was a little afraid to say the truth that she would get angry with me or something.Now that you suggested me doing that I will definitely give it a try!! She knows about my dad's mean behaviour(not exactly what he is telling to me) and she dislikes him,too.She even got angry with him sometime despite her being shy but my dad didn't answer to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 @Blade96 I have thought about that,too.But I was a little afraid to say the truth that she would get angry with me or something.Now that you suggested me doing that I will definitely give it a try!! She knows about my dad's mean behaviour(not exactly what he is telling to me) and she dislikes him,too.She even got angry with him sometime despite her being shy but my dad didn't answer to her. I know how that feels. I have 2 best friends, a man and a woman, who are husband and wife. They have their own apartment, jobs and social life live in the city and can pretty much do what they want. Meanwhile I have a university degree, but i'm 35 and still live in parents house. No money no job and not even a hope of a date from a nice guy. They got all of that and more. So I'm jealous. And yes they are awesome just like your friend. But I think the same as the first post here. These awesome people chose me as a great friend. And that makes me feel pretty darn good. In fact we've been friends for more than 13 years. I met them when they were barely out of their teens and still dating. Now we're in our 30's. And yeah I did tell them some of my feelings and they get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @mrs.rubble Yeah,I'm the brave one in this friendship The truth is that she has already admitted that she is kinda jealous about that and she also considers me as her role model in socialization.I felt so good after hearing that but even then I didn't confess my jealousy towards her.. She is really shy and this event approves it: One year ago there was a guy who was constantly flirting with her(and I was secretly in love with) and she liked him,too(she wasn't in love just interested).She didn't know how to respond to his flirt so I was trying to make them come closer but then one day she got angry with me for that.She told me that she realised from my behaviour that I liked him and that I should have told her sooner.After that she was brave enough to tell him herself that she isn't interested to find a bf and he should leave her alone or try finding another girl who is talkative like me(she was nice enough to not let him understand that I liked him).But of course he didn't pay attention to me at all and just left.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @darkmoon I can understand your aspect of that but the truth is that I want to avoid just that!!She makes problems for me like that with my dad.True. But despite that she is a loyal friend and one of a kind.I think that it would be more mature of me to try surpassing that feeling of jealousy and not burden her,too.As I said before she is depended on me and she would be very sad if I leaved her(and me too of course). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @Blade96 I feel a lot better now that I know there is someone else with the same problem as me and understands me!! I agree with what you and do0nivain said previously.I hope you will find a good husband,job and even a big house soon Thanks for your support,too!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Hello Diana. First of all let me say that I know what you are feeling because it happened to me. I was so jealous of one of my best friends because it seemed that she had everything. Her parents had pots of money and she could have all the clothes she wanted. They bought her a car for her 21st - all I got was a brass key ! They paid for her to go through college and I had to do shop work to save up the extra money to eke out my college grant (bursary in USA ? I don't know how the system works in USA ). She married a chap with a super maritime job and never had to work again. She travelled the world with him and went to loads of exotic places. They started a family and he took a shore-based job so he could near to her. They had a little boy and he still went to sea and her parents helped out while he was away. Then she got pregnant with a little girl and she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two years later she was dead leaving her husband with a new baby and no wife. I went to her funeral and it was a realisation for me that we never know what is in store for us. All I can say is that we owe it to ourselves to be the best person that we can be, morally, spiritually and educationally and ethically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 @arieswoman That's a really sad story you got there I'm sorry about your BFF..Yeah,it's true that life has many turns and you can never predict others' journey..And I agree with your opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Being noticed isn't all that. Maybe your beautiful friend is like a shining light who attracts men like a moth to a flame. That doesn't guarantee she will meet a better man than you. It doesn't guarantee she will be happier than you. It doesn't guarantee her life will be sunshine and roses. You are who you are. Maximize what you have physically - dress well; go out feeling good about yourself. Realize that you won't be everyone's type. (And neither is your friend - nobody appeals to EVERYONE.) What your dad said to you is just wrong. A girl should always be beautiful in her dad's eyes, and I am sorry he enjoys making you feel inferior. And be happy for your friend. If she's your BFF, it shouldn't be a competition. It should be a celebration of each other. Who cares whose boobs are bigger or who gets more attention? Those things don't really matter. I was the friend of the pretty girl. And I can promise you that while all those alpha guys strut around her trying to get her attention, if you look around, you'll see their friends standing around in the background feeling the same way you feel. These guys aren't bad guys and some of them are good looking wonderful people, just like you. Flirt with those guys, and let your BFF figure out her own dating life. I never had a problem meeting guys, even though I wasn't the one all the guys swarmed around. I dated plenty of attractive good guys. You will too. Let go of the competition. You and your BFF are two different people and have different things to offer the world. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Diana 17, Yes, I felt very bad about my BFF dying and also about the jealousy I had. I felt I needed some counselling about it to come to terms with both her death and my response. The counseling was very helpful. No one knows what is around the corner. So let's celebrate what we have, not what we haven 't ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 @pteromom These words are really wise and I totally agree with you!! I will try to follow your advice and feel much more confident of myself and my good points I hope that I will find good-looking guys like you one day,too Till now,all of them were creepy lolz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diana17 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 @arieswoman I thought about going to a psychologist to say the truth but I was kinda scared and embarrassed of what exactly I should say there.. Link to post Share on other sites
John316C Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 either deal w your jealousy or you will go thru life suffering. here are some ideas. jealousy will make you lose your friends, your gf/bf/your wife and husband. she is not better than you and u r not better than her. you are both different. you can never be her and she can never be you. jealousy is an aggression to someone you think is better than you. it is a type of violence. stop thinking how inadequate you are and jealousy stops. u r thinking negativly about YOURSELF start thinking positivly. what somone else is or does DOES NOT MATTER because when you base your self esteem on others you will never get out of the jealousy trap because there is ALWAYS someone BETTER THAN YOU ALWAYS so you must understand that you are DIFFERENT and UNIQUE becuase if u think the other way there is no answer for you. asnwers are not in others they are in U 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) I'm not so sure this has to do with her friend so much. I think it has to do with her ole man she calls a dad. I'm calling him that cause he isn't being a good dad to her right now. She probably look at her friend and thinks of what her dad says. I don't think it is really about her friend because I bet money her friend is supportive of her, she loves her, she chose her as a good friend for a reason. I still think she could tellher friend about some of her feelings though, I think she will be an ally and will reject what her "dad" says. I never really had much in the way of jealous feelings toward my friends because well really I never had much in the way of putting me down and emphasing what it is I DON'T have. And when I did such as my mom says about my cousin well she lives with a man and is independent and has a good job already and look at you!" I brush it off. Why? Well, my cousin is a user. And so all her life of course she got shallow men who aren't deep at all. Her soon to be husband is a just like her. When they came down to visit my grandmother they were too cheap to rent a car so they borrowed my other cousin's care, and she's poor, and only paid her VERY little for it in compensation for the use of it. They like to go places and see just how much they can use off of other people and don't spend any of their own money. I'm not like that so I know I am a better person than she is. So when mom was doing that, I just flip her off. Edited January 2, 2014 by Blade96 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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