Learning to love...someone else.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

It's been a couple weeks since my ex and I broke up. Even though that isn't much time I have realized that this "breakup" was long over due. And more so, I realized there was nothing to really break up from because we were never really boyfriend/girlfriend. He could never give me that title because of his commitment issues. He could never fall in love with me because of his fear to let someone in. And most of all he didn't treat me the way I deserve.

 

It was a tough reality to wake up to that I spent the last 3 years with a guy who was a glorified friends with benefits. I had hoped and dreamed for him to be the one, I worked hard at for 3 years slaying away and getting nothing in return. No romantic dates, no flowers, no vacations, no random I love you's, no romance, no commitment, no talk of the future, no surprises...It was all just about him and his issues and me trying to figure him out. In a way, I lost myself doing so. I pushed away friends, family and I gave up my passions trying to fix this man while he continued to put everything else before me. I couldn't see it for what it was, I couldn't see him for who he was. I chose not to because I knew it would hurt too much.

 

There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice. And now every step I take, is a step away from him.

 

I recently met a man. So far we have been on two dates and have another one planned on New Years Eve. Let me just say he is perfect. He is everything I wanted my ex to be, everything I tried to convince him to be.

 

The new guy wants commitment. He wants marriage and kids one day. He opens doors for me. He walks beside me instead of ahead of me. He already bought me pink roses. He wants to meet my friends and family. He respects me. He invites me out with his friends. We talk all day. Most of all...everything is just so "easy" with him. Everything just falls into place...perfectly.

 

I told him that I want to take it slow and I'm not ready to kiss, cuddle or have sex yet (as he knows I just got out of a relationship). And he completely understands that and never crosses the line or makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

He sent me this text, "and you can't ever love to much. I hope to show you that. I know you were hurt bad, but I think that's why I fell into your life. Cause what you want and need I can give 100%. So, here is to hopefully showing you that. Cause you deserve a man that puts you at your center"

 

He makes my heart...melt. He is soooo willing to give me everything that my ex found hard to do.

 

This new guy was engaged 4 months ago to a woman who cheated on him. They were together for only 10 months. He said he is over her because cheating is something he doesn't condone. I find that admirable as I tenderly agree. Cheating is loves flat line.

 

He tells me how he has never felt this way for someone, that the minute he met me he knew within the hour that I was someone he wants to be with forever.

 

He is funny, smart, TALL, handsome, romantic, outgoing, owns a company, lives by himself, 32 years old and is everything I ever wanted in a man.

 

It's so weird going from a "relationship" were the person constantly made you worry, upset, stressed and angry all the time, to a man who just loves you and truly wants you to be happy and SHOWS you everyday how happy he is to have you in his life. It's like a shock to my system.

 

....and truth is, I'm scared as hell. How can love be this easy?

Edited December 30, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks

[KatZee]

It's been a couple weeks since my ex and I broke up.

 

This new guy was engaged 4 months ago to a woman who cheated on him. They were together for only 10 months.

 

He tells me how he has never felt this way for someone, that the minute he met me he knew within the hour that I was someone he wants to be with forever.

 

....and truth is, I'm scared as hell. How can love be this easy?

 

STOP.

 

You are not ready to even DATE a guy, forget kissing, cuddling, or having sex. You need to be SINGLE. IE: alone, no dating, no guys, no doing ANYTHING other than working on yourself as an individual and dating YOURSELF.

 

Secondly, he's getting super intense way too fast and I'm not sure how that's not a MAJOR red flag to you. Well, no. I can see how you don't view this as a red flag since you've been with a douchebag for three years...

 

But in reality, people who move this fast are BAD NEWS.

 

He was engaged to someone after 10 months? And then that person cheated on him, and he's been single for a few months now and sees "forever" with you after an hour???

 

Please wake up. This guy is creeping me out. He's laying on the charm like a slithering and sneaky snake. I get bad vibes from this dude.

 

You've known him for 5 seconds and he's talking "forever" and "true love" ? PLEASE.

[Philosoraptor]

I think you're right to take things slowly... he would be best to do so as well. Sounds like you are both in that danger area for a rebound. He's throwing a lot of strong words out pretty early. Just because he says he is over things doesn't mean that he is, so be careful.

 

Regardless of the above, just let things happen naturally and enjoy the ride.

[Mariposa10]

You just gout out of a three year relationship, it hasn't even been a month!!!

 

Don't you think it'd be healthy to stay single for at least a month?

 

How can people jump from relationship to relationship? Maybe I just haven't met someone who's perfect after a breakup, but for me it's just crazy!

 

 

Can you even "learn to love someone else"? What's the rush?

 

Have you learned anything about you from this breakup? It's not just about what the other person did or didn't do. But why we acted the way we did. Why did we stay in a relationship that was bound to fail, for so long? And how can we fix that, so we don't do it in the future again?

 

I think there's more reflecting that needs to be done, own you're own. But then again, you might not be interested in that.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

STOP.

 

You are not ready to even DATE a guy, forget kissing, cuddling, or having sex. You need to be SINGLE. IE: alone, no dating, no guys, no doing ANYTHING other than working on yourself as an individual and dating YOURSELF.

 

Secondly, he's getting super intense way too fast and I'm not sure how that's not a MAJOR red flag to you. Well, no. I can see how you don't view this as a red flag since you've been with a douchebag for three years...

 

But in reality, people who move this fast are BAD NEWS.

 

He was engaged to someone after 10 months? And then that person cheated on him, and he's been single for a few months now and sees "forever" with you after an hour???

 

Please wake up. This guy is creeping me out. He's laying on the charm like a slithering and sneaky snake. I get bad vibes from this dude.

 

You've known him for 5 seconds and he's talking "forever" and "true love" ? PLEASE.

 

My intuition says the same thing also, Katz, to "stop" because of how fast this is going. But it's not really going fast physically...we haven't had sex, kissed or even cuddled. But how is a relationship supposed to start? I haven't dated for 3 years, I kind of have forgotten. This guy is just completely upfront and honest. That's how many people say it happens, you meet them and in the first hour you know if they are it or not.

 

I agree...I see the red flags, but then my family and friends keep urging me to keep dating this guy because he treats me well and they want me to be happy. Even my mom says, "listen to your mother, take it slow and stay with this guy, he is everything you want in a guy" And I have always valued my mom's advice because she knows.

 

I'm just confused because I have never had a guy treat me with so much respect and just be a complete debonair. Can't I just continue to date him and see where it goes? I'm afraid if I let him go, I will regret it later. I'm afraid I will wonder what if?

 

I really do respect your advice Katzee and I really value your opinion because my intuition says the same thing you're saying. I just want to move on from dick face and be happy again. I want that love that I deserve. I want to be treated right. I want flowers, presents, love, vacations and romantic dinners. Why don't I deserve that? Why do I have to have a timeline to be single in order to date again?

 

I don't want to argue, I just want to understand.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Mariposa,

 

You just gout out of a three year relationship, it hasn't even been a month!!!

 

Everyone told me my 3 year "relationship" was a lie and fake. It was nothing but a glorified friends with benefits and now all of a sudden, it was a relationship?

 

Don't you think it'd be healthy to stay single for at least a month?

 

I was planning on it until new guy came into my life...it just happened.

 

How can people jump from relationship to relationship? Maybe I just haven't met someone who's perfect after a breakup, but for me it's just crazy!

 

I agree, which is why I'm taking it slow. And he agrees too. We are both taking it slow. It's just someone to spend time with...

 

Can you even "learn to love someone else"? What's the rush?

 

After coming out of a verbally abusive "thing" it's hard to learn how to love the right things, the right person. It takes practice because you were so used to being treated like crap that you almost seek for more crap. Because what we are used to is comfortable and familiar. I'm trying to love a guy who is kind and a gentleman. I don't want to fall for asshats again with commitment issues.

 

Have you learned anything about you from this breakup? It's not just about what the other person did or didn't do. But why we acted the way we did. Why did we stay in a relationship that was bound to fail, for so long? And how can we fix that, so we don't do it in the future again?

 

Yea, I have low self esteem. I stayed because I didn't think I deserved better and because it was comfortable. How do I fix that? By meeting someone different than I'm used to.

 

I think there's more reflecting that needs to be done, own you're own. But then again, you might not be interested in that.

 

I agree, which is why I'm taking it slow. I can't just have a guy in my life to do things with? To have fun? To feel important again?

[KatZee]

Going "slow" in my opinion, for you, right now, needs to be just having this guy as a platonic friend.

 

No romance, no dating, just be his friend. Someone already said it, this is dangerous rebound and co-dependent territory... for BOTH of you.

 

You also need to stop listening to people in your ear saying "yes do this, and no don't do that." You need to make decisions for yourself. If your intuition and your gut is giving you warning bells, LISTEN TO THEM.

 

Don't just keep the guy around because people are saying so.

 

You don't know this guy from a hole in the wall. All you know so far is what he's said to you, and as we all know, and as you have learned, words mean nothing.

 

The fact that he's saying "love" and "forever" and sending you those quotes, just screams needy, clingy, desperate, and co-dependent, IMO.

 

You both need to do some reflecting and healing.

[Mariposa10]

Mariposa,

 

 

 

Everyone told me my 3 year "relationship" was a lie and fake. It was nothing but a glorified friends with benefits and now all of a sudden, it was a relationship?

 

 

 

I was planning on it until new guy came into my life...it just happened.

 

 

 

I agree, which is why I'm taking it slow. And he agrees too. We are both taking it slow. It's just someone to spend time with...

 

 

 

After coming out of a verbally abusive "thing" it's hard to learn how to love the right things, the right person. It takes practice because you were so used to being treated like crap that you almost seek for more crap. Because what we are used to is comfortable and familiar. I'm trying to love a guy who is kind and a gentleman. I don't want to fall for asshats again with commitment issues.

 

 

 

Yea, I have low self esteem. I stayed because I didn't think I deserved better and because it was comfortable. How do I fix that? By meeting someone different than I'm used to.

 

 

 

I agree, which is why I'm taking it slow. I can't just have a guy in my life to do things with? To have fun? To feel important again?

 

 

I don't know, call my old-fashioned but for me this is a red flag. When it comes to a guy that has jumped from relationship to relationship, for me this is a deal breaker. I want someone who's ok being single. That's attractive to me. This might be a matter of preference.

 

Who's that everybody? Who are they to define what your relationship was. If you think it was that, I understand, but don't let people define what kind of relationship you had.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Going "slow" in my opinion, for you, right now, needs to be just having this guy as a platonic friend.

 

No romance, no dating, just be his friend. Someone already said it, this is dangerous rebound and co-dependent territory... for BOTH of you.

 

You also need to stop listening to people in your ear saying "yes do this, and no don't do that." You need to make decisions for yourself. If your intuition and your gut is giving you warning bells, LISTEN TO THEM.

 

Don't just keep the guy around because people are saying so.

 

You don't know this guy from a hole in the wall. All you know so far is what he's said to you, and as we all know, and as you have learned, words mean nothing.

 

The fact that he's saying "love" and "forever" and sending you those quotes, just screams needy, clingy, desperate, and co-dependent, IMO.

 

You both need to do some reflecting and healing.

 

I guess with the pain of my past relationship, I'm just trying to find ways to heal faster. It really hurts. I can't eat, all I do is sleep and I just don't smile like I used to. Even my mom told me she misses my smile.

 

How do I let this guy down gently? He really likes me and I don't think he will just want to be just friends. And I like what he is, but so far don't feel that "spark". But I thought maybe it was because I miss my ex.

 

What would you do Katzee?

[margot13]

Warning!!!!! While of course you can do whatever you want. I will share a little story, after the father of my children seperated I was devestated, could not go any lower in life. I was determined to not fall in love with the same sort of man again (too much pain).

 

So I quickly started dating as a distraction, soon met someone that promised everything my ex didn't, went way too fast got married and got divorced 6 months later!!!!! (Not my proudest moment in life ) The point was I went too fast trying to fill gaps and ease pain. And in the process hurt him and myself by not giving myself time to work it out.

 

I can laugh at myself now, and we both are relieved about the divorce, but really it was not something I'd like to repeat again in life..

 

Just try to understand yourself first, what you really want, what suits you, not what suits your pain and heartbreak (easy to confuse it at this stage). And if you know those answers then it is the right time to move on....

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I don't know, call my old-fashioned but for me this is a red flag. When it comes to a guy that has jumped from relationship to relationship, for me this is a deal breaker. I want someone who's ok being single. That's attractive to me. This might be a matter of preference.

 

Who's that everybody? Who are they to define what your relationship was. If you think it was that, I understand, but don't let people define what kind of relationship you had.

 

Being single is a tough reality after 3 years of being with someone. It's very lonely. I keep looking for what I have wanted for soooo long. I just am a hefty romantic and I am impatient...I want it now. haha

 

But I understand. I already knew what I needed to, just came here to validate what I know already.

[Mariposa10]

The first months, I couldn't eat. I had panic attacks, I had insomnia. It was hell for me. You have to go through that pain. That's what makes us humans and will makes stronger. There's no shortcut. You might as well deal with it now.

 

The only thing that really helps is time.

 

 

I guess with the pain of my past relationship, I'm just trying to find ways to heal faster. It really hurts. I can't eat, all I do is sleep and I just don't smile like I used to. Even my mom told me she misses my smile.

 

How do I let this guy down gently? He really likes me and I don't think he will just want to be just friends. And I like what he is, but so far don't feel that "spark". But I thought maybe it was because I miss my ex.

 

What would you do Katzee?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Warning!!!!! While of course you can do whatever you want. I will share a little story, after the father of my children seperated I was devestated, could not go any lower in life. I was determined to not fall in love with the same sort of man again (too much pain).

 

So I quickly started dating as a distraction, soon met someone that promised everything my ex didn't, went way too fast got married and got divorced 6 months later!!!!! (Not my proudest moment in life ) The point was I went too fast trying to fill gaps and ease pain. And in the process hurt him and myself by not giving myself time to work it out.

 

I can laugh at myself now, and we both are relieved about the divorce, but really it was not something I'd like to repeat again in life..

 

Just try to understand yourself first, what you really want, what suits you, not what suits your pain and heartbreak (easy to confuse it at this stage). And if you know those answers then it is the right time to move on....

 

Exactly!!! I'm trying to fill the gaps and ease the pain. That's exactly it.

 

I like everything this new guy is, but the spark isn't there. And I'm forcing it because I want to be treated right for once.

 

And how can I guy just fall for me that fast anyways? After being engaged 4 months prior!?

[margot13]

Exactly!!! I'm trying to fill the gaps and ease the pain. That's exactly it.

 

I like everything this new guy is, but the spark isn't there. And I'm forcing it because I want to be treated right for once.

 

And how can I guy just fall for me that fast anyways? After being engaged 4 months prior!?

 

 

Maybe he is doing the same??? Doesn't make him a bad man, but you are both fragile and vulnerable at the moment. Don't be so hard on yourself or him, all these moments are for learning more about yourself. And most importantly take advice, digest it, take what suits you, throw away what doesn't and make your own decisions that make you happy.

 

The fact that you are questioning this is very healthy.

[Mariposa10]

I was with my ex for longer than that. However, we did not live together. It must be harder for people who lived with their partners.

 

If you like this guy, it might work out in the future. You two might cross paths again when both of you are completely healed, stronger and with no baggage.

 

 

Being single is a tough reality after 3 years of being with someone. It's very lonely. I keep looking for what I have wanted for soooo long. I just am a hefty romantic and I am impatient...I want it now. haha

 

But I understand. I already knew what I needed to, just came here to validate what I know already.

[BC1980]

You can't fix your low self esteem by jumping into another relationship. I also dealt with low self esteem after my relationship, and it's taken me 8 months of self investment to get to where I might try to date again. You've got to realize that no one person is your source of happiness or pain.

 

Also, you now say the relationship was a lie, but you clearly didn't believe that while you were in it. I think you need to do some work with why you built a fantasy with this guy.

[KatZee]

I guess with the pain of my past relationship, I'm just trying to find ways to heal faster. It really hurts. I can't eat, all I do is sleep and I just don't smile like I used to. Even my mom told me she misses my smile.

 

How do I let this guy down gently? He really likes me and I don't think he will just want to be just friends. And I like what he is, but so far don't feel that "spark". But I thought maybe it was because I miss my ex.

 

What would you do Katzee?

 

You're not going to "heal faster" by jumping into another unhealthy, toxic, and dysfunctional relationship. The only way you're going to heal is if you're alone and putting the work in, not just masking your pain with a band-aid in the shape of another dude.

 

You don't have to say anything that isn't true. "I'm not ready to date or be involved with anyone right now. I need to be alone to get through my issues."

 

What would I do? I've already been where you are. And I did exactly what I'm telling you to do. My ex dumped me. Was I sad? Of course. Did I want him back? Of course. Did I dwell on him for a while? Yes. Did I hope he would eventually break NC and contact me? Yes. Did I harp, and get angry, and go through a plethora of emotions? Yes.

 

But I KNEW I had to go through all of those things in order to come out of the other side. And I KNEW I wasn't ready to date. And I remained single and did not date for OVER A YEAR after my ex dumped me.

 

I wanted to get rid of all my baggage, all my anger, all my residual hate. I didn't put myself in situations to date. I didn't meet guys. What I DID do, was join social groups for women. I met all new girls to hang out with. I started making plans all the time. I reconnected with my old friends. I started doing things I had always wanted to do but never could when I was with my ex. I picked up new hobbies, I learned something new, I got into the racing scene hardcore and learned that I had so many interests and passions outside of my ex.

 

I FORCED myself to go out even when I didn't want to. I erased my ex out of my life entirely so I wouldn't fall back, and in the now 19 months I've been single since him, I haven't broken NC once.

 

It's going to take TIME. You can't really expect to be over it after 2 weeks... right? It's going to be MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS of hard work, and of emotions, and there's nothing you can do to short-cut healing, or avoid it, or mask it.

 

You need to accept it now that you're not going to be over this "fast."

[mtnbiker3000]

Read signature below!!! Take some time with these ideas!!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

The first months, I couldn't eat. I had panic attacks, I had insomnia. It was hell for me. You have to go through that pain. That's what makes us humans and will makes stronger. There's no shortcut. You might as well deal with it now.

 

The only thing that really helps is time.

 

Exactly me!!! I got on xanax and klonopin for the panic attacks though. It's so awful, isn't it, what we have to go through?

 

I just feel like I'll never get over asshat.

 

And I guess I'm just looking for away to get around it all...but there isn't.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Katzee,

 

Truth is, I don't even really feel the same connection with this guy as he does for me. I mean, he is handsome but something is missing and I think that is "me". I am missing. I'm not fully ready. I still love asshat and think of him everyday.

 

I just want to feel what it's like to be loved. To get flowers. To get attention. To go out on dates. To not be alone. To have someone care about you. I never had that. I want to feel special. And this guy does that for me. But is it fair to him? No. I'm doing exactly what my ex did to me, to him. That's not right. And I feel awful for that.

 

I am currently taking like 6 different medications because I'm so messed up emotionally. I had them all lined up last night in front of me. I just sat there and stared at them contemplating what it was worth and how messed up I am. I poured the RX, Phenobarbital, in my hand and realized I could take all this pain away right now if I wanted to. My life, was in the palm of my hands. I decided not to, but I really really thought about it.

 

There is a quote from Katy Perry about Russel Brand and how he broke up with her and how she felt about it: "I looked in the mirror and decided to stay, I wasn't going to let love take me out that way. By the grace of God, I picked myself back up, I will put one foot in front of the other."

 

I guess I realized by talking to you all, I really need to fix myself and heal before I can consider dating again. It just sucks, because here I am letting go of a guy who might have truly cared about me. My ex has ruined everything for me.

 

 

You're not going to "heal faster" by jumping into another unhealthy, toxic, and dysfunctional relationship. The only way you're going to heal is if you're alone and putting the work in, not just masking your pain with a band-aid in the shape of another dude.

 

You don't have to say anything that isn't true. "I'm not ready to date or be involved with anyone right now. I need to be alone to get through my issues."

 

What would I do? I've already been where you are. And I did exactly what I'm telling you to do. My ex dumped me. Was I sad? Of course. Did I want him back? Of course. Did I dwell on him for a while? Yes. Did I hope he would eventually break NC and contact me? Yes. Did I harp, and get angry, and go through a plethora of emotions? Yes.

 

But I KNEW I had to go through all of those things in order to come out of the other side. And I KNEW I wasn't ready to date. And I remained single and did not date for OVER A YEAR after my ex dumped me.

 

I wanted to get rid of all my baggage, all my anger, all my residual hate. I didn't put myself in situations to date. I didn't meet guys. What I DID do, was join social groups for women. I met all new girls to hang out with. I started making plans all the time. I reconnected with my old friends. I started doing things I had always wanted to do but never could when I was with my ex. I picked up new hobbies, I learned something new, I got into the racing scene hardcore and learned that I had so many interests and passions outside of my ex.

 

I FORCED myself to go out even when I didn't want to. I erased my ex out of my life entirely so I wouldn't fall back, and in the now 19 months I've been single since him, I haven't broken NC once.

 

It's going to take TIME. You can't really expect to be over it after 2 weeks... right? It's going to be MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS of hard work, and of emotions, and there's nothing you can do to short-cut healing, or avoid it, or mask it.

 

You need to accept it now that you're not going to be over this "fast."

[ravssss]

date him for 3 months and then decide ... there is no bible like u shouldnt jump into another especially after u got dumped ... jst be sure that nothing is permanant ..

[KatZee]

It just sucks, because here I am letting go of a guy who might have truly cared about me.

 

You already said you didn't feel a "spark" or feel the same about him, so who cares? One day when you're over this you're going to meet someone you're so into, who's SO INTO you right back.

 

Stop over-thinking about something that isn't even a relationship and one in which you don't even really like the guy. Just shrug and move on.

 

One day someone is going to come into your life and accept everything about you, he's not going to judge you and he's going to show you what a real relationship is supposed to be like.

 

This guy isn't it. He's just as damaged as you are.

 

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. We STILL haven't hooked up because I told him I wanted to go slow and wait with things, and he didn't even flinch.

 

He takes me out on (I was going to say "some of the best dates" but I'm just going to say it here) the best dates I've ever been on. Because I can't recall ANY of my previous boyfriends ever putting as much thought, and effort into dating me as this guy has.

 

He's very thoughtful, he's kind, and considerate, and a gentleman. He opens the car door for me ALWAYS! for crissakes! He always refuses to take money from me, he's seen me when I've looked super crappy a little tom-boy'ish (we just did Crossfit together yesterday)--it was torrential rain and I was soaked and sweaty and still was treating me like I was beautiful.

 

He doesn't go around spewing "love" and he doesn't blow smoke up my a.ss at all. We're just going slow, forming a connection, and dating.

 

^^This is what "easy" love looks like.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Katzee,

 

I guess it doesn't matter how great my new guy is if I don't feel "it" then it won't work. But what if I don't feel it because I'm hung up on asshat?

 

I guess I just need to take time for me now. It's hard to be alone after 3 years. It's weird.

 

I asked this new guy if he was over his ex and he said yes. But how can he be? Cheating is an awful thing. I went through that and it took me 2 years to get over it. (and they were engaged!) He said he manipulated her into a proposal and they always fought.

 

I have met "easy" love with this guy. He is just like how your guy is. But the spark isn't there for me because I haven't healed yet. It's a shame. I just want to be over asshat already.

 

You already said you didn't feel a "spark" or feel the same about him, so who cares? One day when you're over this you're going to meet someone you're so into, who's SO INTO you right back.

 

Stop over-thinking about something that isn't even a relationship and one in which you don't even really like the guy. Just shrug and move on.

 

One day someone is going to come into your life and accept everything about you, he's not going to judge you and he's going to show you what a real relationship is supposed to be like.

 

This guy isn't it. He's just as damaged as you are.

 

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. We STILL haven't hooked up because I told him I wanted to go slow and wait with things, and he didn't even flinch.

 

He takes me out on (I was going to say "some of the best dates" but I'm just going to say it here) the best dates I've ever been on. Because I can't recall ANY of my previous boyfriends ever putting as much thought, and effort into dating me as this guy has.

 

He's very thoughtful, he's kind, and considerate, and a gentleman. He opens the car door for me ALWAYS! for crissakes! He always refuses to take money from me, he's seen me when I've looked super crappy a little tom-boy'ish (we just did Crossfit together yesterday)--it was torrential rain and I was soaked and sweaty and still was treating me like I was beautiful.

 

He doesn't go around spewing "love" and he doesn't blow smoke up my a.ss at all. We're just going slow, forming a connection, and dating.

 

^^This is what "easy" love looks like.

[KatZee]

You're not emotionally available to this guy. Doesn't matter why. It's not the right time, and he's most probably not the right person.

 

You think love is "easy" with a guy who "manipulated" a proposal with someone??? :rolleyes:

 

He sounds just as douchebaggy as your ex!

 

This is another reason you need to be single. You pick the WORST people to be with and to date. You need to love yourself, date yourself, pick your self-esteem and your confidence up from out of the gutter, be in weekly therapy sessions, wean yourself off your medications, and just live a healthier life before you even CONTEMPLATE the idea of dating.

[Ruby Slippers]

No romantic dates, no flowers, no vacations, no random I love you's, no romance, no commitment, no talk of the future, no surprises...It was all just about him and his issues and me trying to figure him out. In a way, I lost myself doing so. I pushed away friends, family and I gave up my passions trying to fix this man while he continued to put everything else before me.

Sounds like it is definitely time to learn to love someone else... YOURSELF.