Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Sounds like it is definitely time to learn to love someone else... YOURSELF. How do you learn to love yourself?? Sounds stupid, but really... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) You're not emotionally available to this guy. Doesn't matter why. It's not the right time, and he's most probably not the right person. You think love is "easy" with a guy who "manipulated" a proposal with someone??? :rolleyes: He sounds just as douchebaggy as your ex! This is another reason you need to be single. You pick the WORST people to be with and to date. You need to love yourself, date yourself, pick your self-esteem and your confidence up from out of the gutter, be in weekly therapy sessions, wean yourself off your medications, and just live a healthier life before you even CONTEMPLATE the idea of dating. The girl manipulated him. He was in a relationship with a girl who was just like my ex. She was mean to him but I guess he stayed until she cheated. It sounds like I need to make some girl friends and just learn how to be single again. It feels lonely. I miss cuddling and kissing and all that. Edited December 30, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 It sounds like I need to make some girl friends and just learn how to be single again. It feels lonely. I miss cuddling and kissing and all that. This is only because you don't like yourself all that much. I can't tell you how much I love being single. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't answer to anyone. I don't have anyone breathing down my neck, and my life most certainly doesn't revolve around anyone other than myself. Even with the guy I'm dating. I see him when I'M FREE to see him. Not the other way around. You are just really desperate to feel love, and I don't think it even matters WHO it's with. It can be your crappy ex, or this person you don't even know, or a stranger you meet on the street. If someone were to act as if they were so in love, you would fall for it, hook line and sinker. Kissing and cuddling are not NECESSITIES in life. And what does any of that even mean if the person you're doing that with isn't even a good person? Kissing and cuddling doesn't mean the person actually likes you, is being honest with you, or is even with you for the right reasons. You really need to detach physical things like sex, kissing, and everything else with love. Because that's not what love is. You can find love all around you to fulfill those needs. Your friends. Your family. A new passion. Your pet. You don't need a guy in your life to fill your void. You need to fill that hole in yourself, BY YOURSELF, first. The best thing that ever happened to me in my life was my ex dumping me and forcing me to be "lonely." Because it was then I realized that I wasn't really all that lonely at all. I learned to love myself. I learned who I was as a person. What I really wanted/needed and had been depriving myself as a human being. It was only WHEN I was forced to be "lonely" did I ever grow as a human being and evolve to what I am now. If I was still with my ex? Forget it. I'd still be a disgusting weak pathetic needy mess, still isolating myself from my friends, still loving him over myself, still treating him like he was God's gift all while being miserable myself. The biggest gift my ex ever gave me was dumping me, and you need to start seeing it that way as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 How do you learn to love yourself?? Sounds stupid, but really... Strive to reach your own potential as a person, rather than pouring all your energy into the potential of any particular relationship. The stronger, happier, and more fulfilled you are on your own, the more naturally attractive you are to men who want to adore you and be a part of the good life you have created for yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Socks, Have you considered that being in love with the idea of love is deflecting from you evolving into someone who can be truly loved? G Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 How do you learn to love yourself?? Sounds stupid, but really... I wondered that as well. It's a conscious decision everyday until it becomes natural. I started investing in myself by working out, I reconnected with old friends, took a trip, started figuring out what I liked and what my hobbies were. I stopped thinking of everything in reference to him and prioritized myself and my needs. It takes time, and it won't happen overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Katzee, I guess it doesn't matter how great my new guy is if I don't feel "it" then it won't work. But what if I don't feel it because I'm hung up on asshat? I guess I just need to take time for me now. It's hard to be alone after 3 years. It's weird. I asked this new guy if he was over his ex and he said yes. But how can he be? Cheating is an awful thing. I went through that and it took me 2 years to get over it. (and they were engaged!) He said he manipulated her into a proposal and they always fought. I have met "easy" love with this guy. He is just like how your guy is. But the spark isn't there for me because I haven't healed yet. It's a shame. I just want to be over asshat already. Honestly, I can see him getting over being cheated on pretty quickly. I have been cheated on once and once I found out, the woman who did it was dead to me. My feelings for her went from 95 to 0 almost instantly. That's an automatic dealbreaker for me -- maybe he's the same way. That being said, you really need to figure out who you are and what you want (specifically, not just an abstract feeling of "love") before you get back out there. You are trying to put a band-aid on a broken leg right now. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Oh my God, car crash imminent, can't...look...away... BYCS, listen to Katzee. Men who move at warp speed 5 mins after they have met you will dump you just as quickly. He'll get what he wants (sex) and you'll never hear from him again. Those that burn bright, burn out... Link to post Share on other sites
Volthi10 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Wow I understand you so much because I am going through something like you. My ex and I broke up about three months ago but because we lived together its only been about a two weeks that we are officially apart now that I have my own place, but gosh it has been a roller coaster of emotions and good and bad days. I was introduced to a really nice guy, but I know that I am not ready to be in a relationship any time soon. It is too soon, i am not closing myself to the opportunity to meet somebody great, but it is too soon. I am emotionally broken and I need to find myself and understand what I did wrong in this relationship. I would say take it super slow, be friends, but no dating. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else. My previous relationship from this one I was with him for 4 years and it took mean entire year to finally feel ok and that he was indifferent to me. I was single for two years until I met my current ex and that went downhill after only a year. Round 2 for healing. :/ And on a side note, now I realize he wasn't ready to be with somebody either, when we met he was going through a tough break up, we were friends for almost two years before we dated, even then now I come to realize he had only been broken up with his then past relationship for about a month!!! :/ What made me think he was ready to commit to me. Or maybe he was but everything we went through was too much for him to handle. Who knows, now its over L* Edited December 30, 2013 by Volthi10 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 I must mention I went to his house Friday night to use the bathroom before he dropped me off at my house (I had to pee really bad). In his bathroom, there was a condom wrapper in the trash can. Mind you, this guy just told me he hasn't been seeing anyone else. I mentioned it to him and he said it was with a blind date he had a couple weeks ago. And then I thought "you haven't emptied your trash in a couple weeks?!" He got really sad because he is like, "now I ruined things haven't I? You don't trust me" and I just said, "whatever you did before me, is your business" but still... Also, he is texting me now saying, "I'll say this. I've always taken risks. And have always been lead to win. I'm taking a risk with you. Risk it. Let me prove your wrong. You have my word you will be very excited if you do. Very excited after you do. Sex will bring me so close to you. You have no idea. You think I'm sweet now? lol. Just you wait. Take the risk and get the reward." He also said, "Sex with me would bring me more emotionally connected" And then he says, "I want you to promise me something" and I say, "what" and he says, "that when you get scared of me leaving you that you tell me right then" Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I must mention I went to his house Friday night to use the bathroom before he dropped me off at my house (I had to pee really bad). In his bathroom, there was a condom wrapper in the trash can. Mind you, this guy just told me he hasn't been seeing anyone else. I mentioned it to him and he said it was with a blind date he had a couple weeks ago. And then I thought "you haven't emptied your trash in a couple weeks?!" He got really sad because he is like, "now I ruined things haven't I? You don't trust me" and I just said, "whatever you did before me, is your business" but still... Also, he is texting me now saying, "I'll say this. I've always taken risks. And have always been lead to win. I'm taking a risk with you. Risk it. Let me prove your wrong. You have my word you will be very excited if you do. Very excited after you do. Sex will bring me so close to you. You have no idea. You think I'm sweet now? lol. Just you wait. Take the risk and get the reward." He also said, "Sex with me would bring me more emotionally connected" And then he says, "I want you to promise me something" and I say, "what" and he says, "that when you get scared of me leaving you that you tell me right then" Oh my God. You are a fool if you sleep with him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I must mention I went to his house Friday night to use the bathroom before he dropped me off at my house (I had to pee really bad). In his bathroom, there was a condom wrapper in the trash can. Mind you, this guy just told me he hasn't been seeing anyone else. I mentioned it to him and he said it was with a blind date he had a couple weeks ago. And then I thought "you haven't emptied your trash in a couple weeks?!" He got really sad because he is like, "now I ruined things haven't I? You don't trust me" and I just said, "whatever you did before me, is your business" but still... Also, he is texting me now saying, "I'll say this. I've always taken risks. And have always been lead to win. I'm taking a risk with you. Risk it. Let me prove your wrong. You have my word you will be very excited if you do. Very excited after you do. Sex will bring me so close to you. You have no idea. You think I'm sweet now? lol. Just you wait. Take the risk and get the reward." He also said, "Sex with me would bring me more emotionally connected" And then he says, "I want you to promise me something" and I say, "what" and he says, "that when you get scared of me leaving you that you tell me right then" If he truly respected you the way he claims to, he wouldn't be pushing these ideas on you like this. Just reading verbatim texts from him gives me a bad vibe. I'd really keep this guy at a distance from this point on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Now he says, "I'll say this. Don't let one ******* actions restrict your possible future. I'm not him. I'm not an ass hole. I don't cheat. I love hard. I will tell you so much you get sick of it. I will be your rock. Your kind. And will give you a great life. You just have to take that risk. That step that scares you. It scares me too. But for me, you are worth it" Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Now he says, "I'll say this. Don't let one ******* actions restrict your possible future. I'm not him. I'm not an ass hole. I don't cheat. I love hard. I will tell you so much you get sick of it. I will be your rock. Your kind. And will give you a great life. You just have to take that risk. That step that scares you. It scares me too. But for me, you are worth it" This is what they call pressure. He is pressuring you for sex. That's all he wants. He'll ghost on you the second you part ways. That condom wrapper from "a few weeks ago"? That's the last girl he bought pink roses for... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Trust me, I know! I'm starting to get creeped out but thought I would share those texts with you guys. He is moving too fast. Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Now he says, "I'll say this. Don't let one ******* actions restrict your possible future. I'm not him. I'm not an ass hole. I don't cheat. I love hard. I will tell you so much you get sick of it. I will be your rock. Your kind. And will give you a great life. You just have to take that risk. That step that scares you. It scares me too. But for me, you are worth it" For what they are, his words are nice. But if he was sincere, he would have waited a great deal longer to share these thoughts, especially since you outright told him you wanted to take things slowly. He is totally disrespecting you and completely turning all of his points moot by pressuring you so hard, so quickly. Actions speak. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Now he says, "I'll say this. Don't let one ******* actions restrict your possible future. I'm not him. I'm not an ass hole. I don't cheat. I love hard. I will tell you so much you get sick of it. I will be your rock. Your kind. And will give you a great life. You just have to take that risk. That step that scares you. It scares me too. But for me, you are worth it" http://media2.giphy.com/media/yMaLDA976YtUs/giphy.gif 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Trust me, I know! I'm starting to get creeped out but thought I would share those texts with you guys. He is moving too fast. Put the brakes on now. Tell him you are feeling pressured and he needs to stop bringing up sex. Tell him he's a text away from talking you out of it all together. And if he mentions it again, lose his number. Personally, I'd lose his number now, but I'm curious to see if he can redeem himself... Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 there was a condom wrapper in the trash can. Mind you, this guy just told me he hasn't been seeing anyone else. I mentioned it to him and he said it was with a blind date he had a couple weeks ago. And then I thought "you haven't emptied your trash in a couple weeks?!" He got really sad because he is like, "now I ruined things haven't I? You don't trust me" and I just said, "whatever you did before me, is your business" but still... Also, he is texting me now saying, "I'll say this. I've always taken risks. And have always been lead to win. I'm taking a risk with you. Risk it. Let me prove your wrong. You have my word you will be very excited if you do. Very excited after you do. Sex will bring me so close to you. You have no idea. You think I'm sweet now? lol. Just you wait. Take the risk and get the reward." He also said, "Sex with me would bring me more emotionally connected" And then he says, "I want you to promise me something" and I say, "what" and he says, "that when you get scared of me leaving you that you tell me right then" :sick: he sounds like a douchebag - trying to push/manipulate you into sex Be on your own for now, discover all the wonderful things that you love about yourself x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 He just said he put my picture as his screen saver...on his phone. Oh dear god. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 He just said he put my picture as his screen saver...on his phone. Oh dear god. That's it. Stop talking to him. Do not answer any more texts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Put the brakes on now. Tell him you are feeling pressured and he needs to stop bringing up sex. Tell him he's a text away from talking you out of it all together. And if he mentions it again, lose his number. Personally, I'd lose his number now, but I'm curious to see if he can redeem himself... I actually already had this conversation with him on Saturday night. He was talking about sex and I said please stop I'm not ready for that and if that is all you are looking for then to go somewhere else. He was nice about it and said he would stop till today he said, "I'll kiss you so soft and feel your body start to heat up. your legs will shake as we kiss harder. hands exploring every inch. 2 hours will seem like 10 minutes. and we lay there looking deep into each others eyes.and then you will know if I am the one or not..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 It's weird because ALL OF A SUDDEN he just got really creepy after I made this thread. I don't understand what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I actually already had this conversation with him on Saturday night. He was talking about sex and I said please stop I'm not ready for that and if that is all you are looking for then to go somewhere else. He was nice about it and said he would stop till today he said, "I'll kiss you so soft and feel your body start to heat up. your legs will shake as we kiss harder. hands exploring every inch. 2 hours will seem like 10 minutes. and we lay there looking deep into each others eyes.and then you will know if I am the one or not..." *vomit* Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 *vomit* For the most part, this has at least stopped me from feeling heartbroken for a second and just can laugh again because this is creepy, but funny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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