Should I have said that to her? Did it push her away more?

[mixwell]

ok here is the deal. For the last 2 weeks ive been asking my ex if she wants to hang out etc.. Everytime she says maybe or i dont know. She says its because I always talk about US when we hang out but I said I dont. I actually went into her work yesterday and talked to her a little bit on her break outside. She seemed happy to see me though and gave me a nice firm hug when she saw me and when I left, unlike the weak ones I'd recieve before. But the thing is, is that she makes plans with her other friend all the time. So i ask her why she can make plans with other people but with me its always no or maybe or i dont know. so after asking her to go to lunch today she says i dont know. I ask her later to see yes or no. She says no thanks. Well im fed up with it so i txt msged her saying the following:

 

1st txt msg:

 

i dont know what thebig deal is with hanging out with me. I dont know why you make plans with other people but when i want to hang out its maybe. You hang out with your other friend all the time. your always with him. You should telll me the real reason you dont want to hang out. Sorry but I dont want to be friends with someone that doesnt want to hang out or care about me. you're too busy for me i guess. its cool. Do what you want as long as your happy. Try acting like you care if you do. bye.

 

next txt msg:

 

If you want to be friends act like it. Sorry for whatever I did to make you act like this.

 

final txt msg:

 

Dont get me wrong id like to be friends but until i feel that the feelings mutual I cant keep on being the only one making the effort to hang out and talk. Hope you understand...

 

 

the reason i sent 3 was because I thought of things I didn't get to say in the other messages. She didn't respond to anything though. she was the one that dumped me for those of you that dont know, basically because i moved away. I am not back and she still says she doesnt want a b/f and she is hurt.

 

So I'm asking, do you think I said the right things in the text messages ? I really am fed up with being the only one to make effort in hanging out so I am going to NC but I want to basically let her know that this is the last straw and I'm done with this BS. Do you think I went too far or what ? I do want to be with her but she seems like shes always too busy for me. I dont know why because we used to hang out more when I first moved back.

 

ANY help would be appreciated

[alphamale]

Originally posted by mixwell

ANY help would be appreciated

 

MIXWELL:

You need much much more help than we can give. You need a time machine so that you can go back in time and do everything RIGHT. So far what you have said and done is totally WRONG.

 

You are coming of as a desperate, clingy and insecure loser, not to mention as a weak man. Women do not like these types of guys and they have no respect for them.

 

THis is your problem. Start to act like a man and then she will come to you.

[mixwell]

shiz. see thats what i thought of after sending them but seriously im the type of person that would rather tell people how i feel rather than "playing games" and i know that sometimes tell her how i feel isn't the best thing. But at least she knows whats up now. So I need to just chill out and let her decide whats what. I just want her to know though what the deal is. So im just going to shut up and not say anything to her because its only going to make things worse.

 

Thanks Alpha.

[mixwell]

Hey alpha do you think i should say nevermind what i said im confused? or just not say anything?

 

this shiz is making me crazy.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by mixwell

shiz. see thats what i thought of after sending them but seriously im the type of person that would rather tell people how i feel rather than "playing games" and i know that sometimes tell her how i feel isn't the best thing. But at least she knows whats up now. So I need to just chill out and let her decide whats what. I just want her to know though what the deal is. So im just going to shut up and not say anything to her because its only going to make things worse.

 

Thanks Alpha.

 

 

When dealing with women you keep your feelings and emotions to yourself as much as you can.

 

Women will always tell you to be honest and let them know your feeling and emotions but this is a trap. Once you start telling them all these things then they freak out.

 

Real men suppress their feelings and emotions esp when dealing with women. This is how a man looks strong and stoic.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by mixwell

Hey alpha do you think i should say nevermind what i said im confused? or just not say anything?

 

this shiz is making me crazy.

 

just shut the f***k up and say and do NOTHING until she contacts you. May take some time but just sit tight and mess around with other girls while you are waiting.

[Sukotto]

Yeah pretend that this hasn't happened and be strong, you need to ask an ex out in a certain way to even get a chance and thats after the whole no contact thing.

 

You pick a date and a place, keep it short for the first meeting about an hour is right. Then you call her up to do this and you start a conversation about whatever you fancy, then once the conversation has peaked you ask her. Now she'll either say yes and thats all good but if she says maybe then you need to use humor!

 

It's not like i'm asking you to marry me, its only lunch. If you can make them realise how silly they're being then you'll get the meeting.

 

So what you've done is pushed her away and you need to give her time to relax without you.

[helena abadi]

strangely, i think this could all be true entirely in reverse, and could have nothing to do with men being stoic and women demanding revelations.

 

anyone who feels needy, vulnerable, a man or a woman, will send those types of text msges. yeah, it's wrong, but we all do dumb things when we are in pain. and punishing ourselves doesn't help.

 

the point is, as alphamale otherwise says in his macho macho man lingo, stop pursuing, because that is creating more distance.

 

and it does reduce expectations of respect. you are giving her an opportunity to treat you with contempt.

[mixwell]

sukkoto let me guess you read how to get your ex back right ? haha i have read that ebook and you may have even found it on here. i actually posted the link to it for other people. Well she actually called me like 15 mins ago. she seemed to understand and said she doesnt mean to blow me off so i explained my situation to her on why i feel otherwise. she said thats not how it is. I just said well you're always hanging out with 1 person and always busy so whats why i feel like that.(basically explained the txt msg in my 1st post to her into more detail. so i was like well if you wana hang out or talk hit me up then. so obviously she cares because she called me. but whatever though imma call her bluff. she says its not like that so imma let her call me when she wants to hang out and see what happens. so yeah thats the update for now.

 

Peace

[strange love]

Hmmm

 

Ok I recall MIXWELL

I suggested you bring her a rose or do something romantic..

 

Now you are rambling on about visiting her at work etc..

 

Let me point out what you did, way way back from the start.. and feel free to correct me if im wrong and have you confused with someone else.

 

Ok first you either lived with her or close to her not sure then you left for another state, she was upset and broke up with you. Right let me explain to you what she was feeling way back when.. when have needs ie security. Different things conevy that feeling of security one is either living close by or living with them. The moment you left her security level went down and you upset her ie she got angry at you. Especially since you mentioned you didnt discuss this with her.

 

Now you show up.. and you expect her to hang out with you.. hmm I need to read the back story on this... But lets just say this im looking at it from her point of view theres not too much that would probably make her want to hang out with you.. its not about feelings anymore. Its come down to are you fun to hang with, if she keeps turning you down try a more inventive way to ask her out maybe try once a week

And stop with the bloody hissy fits.. well blah blah trying to be your friend etc.. she doesnt care about that.

 

You arent exactly coming back and sweeping her off her feet.

And it is ok to be somewhat sensitive, except you have to somewhat machismo as well. A good example of being sensitive is liking animals, holding the door open, showing a more cultured side ie taking her toi and art gallery

Hey heres a tip find out what she wants to do bub! MAybe she doesnt feel like going to the mall..

 

I gave you tips before but u didnt even use them, dont you think these have been field tested?? WTF if im just typing to read my own words why bother

 

write me back and explain why you havent taken my advice and continue to use these GIRLYMAN tactics?

 

strangelove

[Sukotto]

I have a huge list of things that i've done in an attempt to get the ex back.

 

Begging and pleading along with some guilt

Overnight stay at a luxury hotel and a musical

3 roses at different places during the day

Being really sweet when we out on a date and it was very cuddly

I then presumed we were going to get back together but I was wrong

 

So now i've went for the lets not bother talking, not said anything to her since December 26th apart from a message on the 4th January to wish her happy birthday. I'll be waiting until after my exams to get her out on another date and see where it goes.

[strange love]

Whats your back story sukotto?

 

I think ythat NC works to a point ya.. but at some point there the issues of why you broke up in the first place. And in my case one is she doesnt feel that I have an interest in her life.. and that doesnt cost anything to show it just takes asking questions and being actually interested.

 

I dont think you should drop too much cash on romance, I always felt that if someone is with me over stuff I could buy them well thats a big turn off. Little things, little gifts etc.. thats good. Even something like tucking someone in., or getting them a glass of water.

 

The idea behind MIXWELL doing something romantic or a little gift is too disarm his ex I think she is still plenty pissed at him... words just dont cut it. His current actions are a big turn off. Maybe he should think back to what way did he act when he first met her?

what did he do..?

 

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to get your ex back they have made thier mind up and thats that. I think the friends route is good.

 

Someone once told me not a good idea to give gifts when things arent going well. But I think the idea of something small is ok.. I wouldnt go overboard

Then you ex will wonder why didnt he do this when we were together... They see through it.

 

Damn im starved

[SadAndLonely]

Speaking from a woman's point of view, if I had dumped a guy, the worst way for him to get me back would be to bring roses, visit me at work, call me, etc. He'd have to be cool, play hard to get, and make me believe that he didn't care. It's true that we want what we can't have, and being too available is a turn off.

[mixwell]

strange i dont know if you have me confused. I did move away though so i think you might not. I have sent her flowers at work before when i was still out of state. i said i cant wait to see you again. And we would go out to dinner and all that. honestly strange i have tried almost everything to hang out with this chick. I went snowboarding a couple days ago and i suggested her coming with me and my friends. but she had to work. i said call in sick. i try to tell her we will go somewhere fun. How can i sweep her off her feet if she wont even make plans to hang out ? i dont know i WAS thinking actually this morning about sending flowers but why ? i mean i know shed like them and show i care but at this point its like why should i ? Should i spen $50 for no results? also i dont want to push her away any further by doing this and make her think that i still want to be together. i dont know she knows i do but im also letting her know that im basically on my last nerve and im not going to put up with this any longer. so yeah.

[mixwell]

::: i dont want to push her away any further by doing this and make her think that i still want to be together::::

 

sorry let me make this clear before someone gets the wrong idea. i want to be together but i want her to know that she has lost me and basically she cant have me back whenever she feels like it. I feel like sending flowers (as nice as it would be) would only make her know that she still has me on hold. I dont want her to feel that way. I want her to step back and be like oh shiz i might lose this guy, is that what i want ? so thats what i mean

 

BTW strange is sort of right. I left my ex so in a sense its like a broke up with her and shes bitter. So its not like we really had issues in the relationship that ended it. I was ONLY because i moved away and left her on her own and now she is hurt and heartless. But i do want her to know that i care and i f***ked up by moving. Ive told her though but i duno. shes a chick that holds shiz against peeps for the longest time.

[DinNJ]

my 2 cents..... Mix.... Memba when you were a kid and you chased your shadow??? What happened??? Couldn't catch it right?? So what happened when you turned around and ran from it??? It chased you.... Get my point???.... Does it always work? No.. of course not, but neither does begging, gravelling or annoying someone to a point where they know they got you.... You're on the right track... don't be a security blanket. Yes, it's true, you always want what you can't have... but you despise what's in the palm of your hand. Be strong bro.... we're both in the same boat....

[Weird]

son, don't worry about it. Most guys have done what you did and like you said, you were just being honest with her and wanted her to see the importance. Don't feel bad about it. Sadly though, in this *****ed up world humans would rather you not be honest and do that play hard to get crap so from here on don't send her any honest emotional type messages like that.

 

If you do the "I dont really care" type game and she still doesn't show any interest then let her be. Maybe she will find some a**h*** who really doesn't give a fug and who treats her like ****. Maybe then she won't see a honest and good caring guy who expresses himself is "weak" or whatever **** women seem to think.

 

I did something similar to you (being honest and stuff with ex) when we were sorta first broken up but still on speaking terms and it pissed her off and pushed her away and she ended up treating me like crap which only made me press more (out of my frustartion) and push her away more. You know what happened though? She apologized to me down the line for the way she treated me and realized how hurt I was at the time. hahaha...so realize you haven't blown it if you truly want this girl to start hanging out again like she did before. I say give her space and stick with it...you may realize you dont want to hang out with her after a while anyway and then it will be her loss for jerking you around when you were showing you cared.

 

Keep me updated of this situation by PM if you don't mind bro. Thanks

 

 

 

I would love to see how much time people waste by being stubborn by playing the hard to get game or putting on the "macho/i don't care" face crap. If i have to play some retarded childish game to be with someone then I'll stay single, thanks.

[strange love]

No I dont have you confused I read your back story...

 

I also read the part about going to fredricks and her trying on a bra in front of you.

 

Women ..women women..

well sure they want what they cant have I guess but they also get pretty jealous.

 

You cant expect her to take the day off work..

 

I think the thing is this

You have to read my post VERY CAREFULLY and u dont get what im saying ask 3 times

 

I really dont know what she is thinking... but at this point if she doesnt feel like hanging out with you perhaps you have a few options

 

1. NC yep everybodys favorite

 

2. wait till she calls

 

3. Dont push asking her out .. I bet if you could just have a good chat with her a few times and she felt more comfortable she might ask you out

 

4. I need to really think about this you keep digging a hole...

 

Here try this website its called http://www.datingtips.com or http://www.doubleyourdating.com

 

I really need to meditate and think about how u can get out of this mess..

but in the meantime dont call her wait for her to contact u

 

one time I had a problem with this girl I didnt speak to her for like 3 weeks

then when I finally called her she was all happy and she wanted to hang out and stuff

 

you seem to have a problem sticking to NC like you have ants in your pants or something?? Where do you possibly expect her to go in 3 weeks???

[THE CHICKS ANSWER]

She is pushing herself away from you. She took off her heals allready and she is RUNNING for all its worth.

 

Its obvious that she doesnt want you, the only time I am sure she wants you is when things arent going with with the OTHER friend. I suggest that you stop calling her, texting her.....wait a week or two to see if she callls you.

 

If she does and all she wants to do is meet up and get together then....well...she is calling for a booty get together.

 

I swear...reading about this chick sickens me.....get rid of her. I know its cruel...I may be being cruel...but girls like that...make women kind look bad.

 

 

I dont know...just leave her alone..dont give her a chance...and if you do....wait until she is begging...PUT HER IN HER PLACE...call her BLUFF...and hey...be a dink and make HER cry for once.

 

I swear...once you have the wipp in hand she wont act up again.

 

peace~

[helena abadi]

i agree. save your $50, conserve some energy and chill out for a while. you've done everything you can for now.

[Sukotto]

Oh i have a huge back story

 

My ex and I were together for about 2.5 years, she was going on holiday with all her friends at the start of September and she had a good time. When she got back I noticed she was acting wierd so I called her on it and she said she was just lacking a routine after lots of partying and was just finding it hard to adjust back. So another week of being distant and she breaks up with me. It doesn't feel the same any more etc

 

So I spoke to her the next day and told her that we should spend 2 weeks apart and then do something, so I organised to go to Edinburgh, see Grease the musical and stay overnight before returning the next day. I thought things were going well and she was quite relaxed. While she was in the bathroom the next day I looked in her phone and found all these texts from X and I knew she had met X and his friends on holiday but she assured me nothing had happened. Well it appears that they'd kissed and thats what had caused all her doubts.

 

I was pretty crushed that she didn't have the decency to tell me what was up and I was extremely hurt that she allowed herself to go for a walk alone on the beach with this guy, what the hell did she expect to happen? Though I dropped off 3 roses in seperate locations a week later because we hadn't spoken but I wanted her to know I cared.

 

We didn't really speak much for 6 weeks, gentle contact and I started seeing this new girl Heather. I then got a message from her commenting on where she had noticed my car parked, I sent a message back saying I missed talking to her and she sent one back saying she missed me too and would I like to do something. I replied yes and she then phoned me later that night and we organised to go out for dinner that friday. The next day was tuesday and i asked her a question about a new coat and she said her class had been cancelled and came to meet me.

Well we ended up in bed together that afternoon but we didn't have sex.

 

The date on the Friday went well, we went to the cinema, then had dinner and then went ice skating and it a good night. She acted like we were a couple and commented on how she'd made a huge mistake 3 months before and we should date again. I was all for it!

 

Run forward to December 18th, I asked her to the cinema on the Sunday and she said maybe. She then told me no on the Sunday night and I asked her if there was a problem. She apologised and said she felt like she had led me on and that she wasn't sure.

 

I dropped her Christmas present off on the tuesday and I ended up being there for 2 hours and back in bed again, but also no sex. So I got a message from her on Christmas day saying thank you for the present and asking how everything was. I then got another on my Birthday which was the 26th. I bumped into her while shopping and got a kiss. I sent her a message on her birthday which was the 4th January and got a reply, nothing more was said after that.

 

So since the 26th December the only contact I've had is a single message initiated by me to say happy birthday. I've since blocked her on MSN and deleted her number from my phone to remove temptation of contact. Its been 11 days now but seems much harder, was easier the last time because I had a new girl I was giving attention too.

[strange love]

Let talk things lost ok

 

In between waiting for customers to drop in here and reading the posts I decided to check on a the current value of a copy of xmen 1 comic that I misplaced or lost.

In super duper condition its worth like 18,000 us.. probably the copy i had was worth like 5 000 and I paid 1 000 for it.

So when i noticed it was missing I didnt really feel like there was much point anymore..whatever

 

so I think its like this we lose things, people, items, mittens, teeth etc..

Sometimes the things are misplaced not lost permanently.

 

I usually when i lose a woman.. its either permanent or temporary. I dont generally lose them to other guys it more.. I did something like flipped out or wasnt around enough or didnt take an iinterest etc.. so in my case when i suggest something romantic or breaking NC its cause at some point these issues have to be addressed or I have to take the bitching about etc..

 

Um.. I dunno you did way too much.. I think you should stick with the new chick

 

The other seems like she has things going on elsewhere, and either she has feelings elsewhere or you have not told the full story.. if you have told the full storry and not left anything out like oh i dunno ...

 

The way i see it either they met someone else and fell in love and in that case they werent that into u or u did something that made them go elsewhere..

 

In mixwells case he took off..so ya he kinda took the first step to break things up

im not sure what advice to give him... I have a feeling you arent telling the full story

but its just a hunch..

Usually women say things like I dont want to led you on cause

1. Not sure...

2. not sure and dont want to get hurt again

3. Theres something you did and shes afraid you might do again

4. Its her not you in which case move on

 

5. Maybe ask her why you guys broke up.. if you ever get the chance

 

ok maybe now I can get some food..real food not just jerky treats

[mixwell]

dinNJ i love the way you used the shadow !! Weird, i couldn't agree with you more. i hate playing games but so be it. Strange i actually read double your dating. I will check out datingtips.com. You know that bra thing is the most action ive gotten from a girl in 2 1/2 months. haha what a dlck tease ! Someone else said if she calls me its for a booty call.. id even take that !! haha. i seriously need to get laid !. anyways thanks for the advice everyone. I will not call her and let her figure out WTF shes doing. I will keep you all updated.

[DinNJ]

Mix.... right on.... just wish I could listen to my own advice.

[mixwell]

for real DinNJ !! I tell people the same advice i been asking for. I don't know its like we want to make sure we're doing the right thing even though we already know what we SHOULD be doing. Its a lot easier said than done though sometimes !

 

Im way too tired to rite anymore.......

 

peace