Separated and appears now way back.

[Broken-heart]

Hi All,

I'm new to loveshack but need some guidance. Me and my wife desperate a few months ago and she's saying she doesn't want it anymore (marriage). I'm finding it really hard to cope with. All sorts of thoughts going on in my head that are making me feel so depressed.

 

We've been together for 8 years and married for 3. We have to two children in all of this.

 

I've been trying for the last 6 weeks to change what she wanted me to change and it was going well and both getting on until last week she said she doesn't want it anymore.

 

I don't want it to end, she thinks it's for the best but it's like she's numb to it. I've asked her if there is anyone else involved and she said no. I do believe her as she isn't the type to go down that route.

 

I'm feeling at an all time low and so depressed with it all. Please some guidance.

[RightThere]

I would guess she's been checked out of your marriage for much longer than you realize. Check out the "Walk-Away Wife Syndrome"

 

And remember that it takes two people to make the relationship work. If you're putting in all the effort to fix things, and she's doing nothing, it cannot repair.

[Still-I-Rise]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

 

I jumped through hoops for my husband and made the changes he said he needed. He worked on nothing. I begged and pleaded. He was numb.

 

Never in a million years would he be the type to have someone else but he did, he does.

 

Sometimes there is nothing you can do. She sounds checked out.

 

There seems to be a pattern to certain types of break ups.

 

Heed the good advice you will receive here. Don't trust your instincts, entirely. Don't allow her to call the shots. Talk to an attorney. File FIRST if you can. I did not.

 

Take care of yourself.

[oldshirt]

 

 

 

I've asked her if there is anyone else involved and she said no. I do believe her as she isn't the type to go down that route.

 

If she's a living, breathing human being with a pulse, she's the type. All she needs is motivation, opportunity and a place.

 

 

Unless a woman's partner is abusive, a cheater, an alcoholic/drug abuser, chronically unemployed or is severely neglecting her or the family, a wife with young children almost never leaves the father of her children unless there is someone else involved.

 

If you are not abusive, adulterous, addicted, unemployed or neglectful, start snooping. Don't rely on her words. Start going through her emails, phone bills, facebook etc. Put a keylogger on her computers and a voice activated recorder in her car ( that's where AS often talk to their AP)

 

There's someone out there, you just need to find him/her. If she isn't already involved with someone yet, she's warming one up on deck. If you can catch it in time you may be able to turn this around.

[oldshirt]

 

I've been trying for the last 6 weeks to change what she wanted me to change and it was going well and both getting on until last week she said she doesn't want it anymore.

.

 

What was the change. What were you doing/not doing before and what is different about you now.

[Yasuandio]

The spouse is always the last to know. Typically, they don't want to believe it. A great amount of research has been done on the WAW and GIGS (you probably have former on your hands.

 

No matter what you believe regarding infidelity - you have to handle this matter properly starting NOW. Immediately, take the stance that, yes, you agree, and want her to be happy. Offer to help her find an apartment, and pack. Then have No Contact at all with her. Also, you must study the 180's so you don't do anything dumb (to degrade yourself).

 

In the background:

 

Your most important mission is to get into see an attorney asap after the holiday. "Still-I-Rise" is absolutely correct. Filing first gives you a slight, but strategic upper hand, e.g., better to be on offence than defense. Your attorney will explain that to you.

 

Now, just because you've filed for divorce, does not mean you are getting a divorce, ok? But you must let her know in short order that uttering the "D" word means a Divorce. (And, you must remember, if she is a WAW, she is months, if not a year or more ahead of you in her decision making - she may really want a divorce from you to go off to another prearranged set-up). But the approach and attitude I'm suggesting to you makes you stand out like a MAN, not a begging idiot. This will later make her pause. [if you go all emotional on her, you will be perceived as an irritant that doesn't care about what she wants - you get me?]

 

Read this stuff, and absorb it. Read the Homer stuff too - like, ten times every day, and you'll see where Im coming from. Get a nice hair cut, some new clothes, and go out and celebrate. Don't get a DUI.

 

I realize it all sounds counter-intuitive. All the advice will.

 

Do not leave your home - enthusastically offer to assist her in packing!

 

Realize right now - if she is a WAW - that is the toughest one to get back. If you go all wussy on her, just forget it.

 

See link below for readings. Yas