Trouble trusting someone...good reason?

[Alexander11]

First of all I want to say I have been on this site in the past and always valued the views of the users here and how mature the responses are. I made a new account cause of some email issues attached to my other account. Anyways I know this is long but I'll get to the problem:

 

I dated a girl for 2.5 years and broke up with her after having some really bad depression issues. I ended up seeing a therapist and got to a good point in my life and haven't felt down since. It was months down the road that we started talking again and decided to get back together. Between our relationship she hooked up with another guy but ended it when we started talking again. I blamed myself for everything that happened and told her we could take it slow. After a year of traveling to see her(we live 5hours apart while in college), sending flowers, going on trips together, and talking daily I could now move near her.

 

About two months ago while we were dating she asked me to go on a 4 hour trip to her college friends town for her birthday. I had the flu so I said I couldn't go. I got a message from one of her friends who told me she had asked the guy she hooked up with to go before me but he wasn't able to make it(They aren't super close and she said she felt i should know). This got me mad cause it would mean they would be together for 4hours alone and she had asked me second. I decided to ask her if she had asked anyone before me about going. After lying about it for awhile, finally she admitted to asking the other guy. I told her I didn't care if she hung out with him but I want her to be honest with me next time and to tell him we are dating(he didn't know). That was the first strike. She did tell me they were friends and that's all but he doesn't know about us and she also still feels the need to lie to me.

 

Fast forward to last week. She said she was going to go with some friends to a neighboring town for the day and told me about how much fun they all had. Turns out she went with that guy and his brother/brothers girlfriend. I found out by checking her phone(trust me I'm not proud of it). The message didn't indicate sex but went like "It meant so much that you came and you made my day"..."Lets go for a drive next week." She told me about how she was with her friends and how she would be seeing them again this week but obviously those are just lies. She doesn't know that I'm aware of all this.

 

That's when I decided to come here for help. I feel bad for how I ended things, but I feel I have made a lot of sacrifices since. I told her she can be friends with whoever but to be honest to me. She still hasn't told the guy about us and has since lied to me multiple times about seeing her friends when she was with him. I want to be with her and she hasn't cheated per say but its hard to trust her after all of this.

Am I right to feel this way? Opinions on if I should just end things or how to go about this whole problem would mean a lot. I'm in between confronting her cause I feel I want to be with someone who is honest but it's so hard to after being with someone so long.

 

I hope I don't sound immature or whinny I'm just feeling confused. I'm 25 and shes 23 if that means anything. If anyone needs something cleared up or has input it would really mean a lot. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

[Darren Steez]

She's hanging out with a guy she possibly banged and isn't telling you about it.

 

They are in contact

 

She feels no need to tell you about him and makes plans to hang out with him before asking you.

 

The problem with unequal relationships is that one party tries to compensate and make excuses for the other party when wrong is done.

 

She lies to you and you accept it because you want to make up for whatever happened in the past.

 

There is never any acceptable reason for lying. She hangs out with her ex and writes him sweet nothings.

 

I won't even meet to discuss anything. You know what you know, and you know she's lying about it.

 

End it because anything else is compromising your own values about what is acceptable in a relationship. Do you really want to share her with another man?

[Alexander11]

Yeah, you're both right. I was hoping maybe there was a way to talk it out with her but I think maybe I'm clinging onto something that isn't worth all my effort. It's hard to let go after so long.

 

-I'll update on the results when i get a chance to meet with her. If anyone has any other input before then I wouldnt mind hearing it.

[ThatMan]

The eggheads will call that sunken cost - It's never easy to walk away from you've known for so long. But that doesn't mean you cannot say, "No.", to any disrespect. You know that she lies and I believe you two value open sincerity in different ways. You have every right to feel the way that you.