Konfused Posted January 25, 2001 Share Posted January 25, 2001 I'm confused and don't know what the meaning of something that happened to me recently. Can someone offer some mature advice? My first love emailed me from out of the blue last September. When I say out of the blue I mean 11 years ago out of the blue. We met back in 1987. We were both teens in high school. We immediately found an amazing chemistry together. We eventually fell in love. It wasn't this puppy dog love either. We loved each other with so much passion and emotion. To this day we both agreed that it was the stronges love we have ever experienced. We both agreed that we never have loved that way for anyone else. Well, as our relationship grew we experienced a lot of problems. We became way to possessive. We fought about little things. To make matters worse I my mother didn't like my first love and made it a point to break us up. Also, at that time my first love wasn't always honest with me about her past. There were things that I later found out that also contributed to our growing issues. We eventually ended the relationship. But, it wasn't mutual. In fact, it was a very bitter and terrible breakup. We ended up hurting each other. For both of us, it was the worst period of our lives. I hurt like I've never hurt before. She hurt like no other time in her life. We never spoke to each other again after that day.... So, moving forward to the present...it's Sept. 15, 2000. Surprisingly, I get an email from a name I didn't even recognize at first. Then, it hit me that this was my first love. I was totally shocked to hear from her. From that day onward, we were constantly emailing each other. We felt that we had so much to catch up on. We are both married, living in two separate cities (Midwest & West Coast), and very successful in our careers. It was fun and fascinating to find out about how each other turned out. I have to admit that I found her to be more amazing now then what she was before. Well we enjoyed each other's life stories, made each other laugh, enjoyed reminiscing, etc. We later moved from emails, to chatting online (MSN/IM), and later having the guts to actually call each other at work. It was wonderful, almost like how we first were getting to know each other the first time. The one question we kept asking ourselves was what did this all mean and where were we headed? Well, before we knew it we had unexpectedly fell in LOVE again...a second time around. We knew realistically we could never act on it because we were committed to our spouses. From our revelation we also came to realize that we were meant to meet up again because we are SOULMATES. It was a wonderful feeling to feel this way about someone that I thought I wouldn't be able to love again. But, in the process of getting to know one another again I made the mistake of reopening up old wounds and bringing back painful memories. You see I always had questions about our past, her past, and what went on after we broke up. I question some of her decisions. I ended up hurting her because there was a reason she blacked out that part of her past. It was the most difficult period of her life and I helped her experience the pain all over again. I was like Fox Moulder of the X-Files wanting to find out the truth. But, what I should've been doing was focussing on the present and the future we were to build on even as friends. I am not a bad person, I just didn't realize what I was doing to her until it was too late. Now, she is gone a second time...I didn't learn from my mistakes that I made from 12 years ago. I want to reach out to her again and tell her how sorry I am. I want to reach out to her and tell her that I know now what I did wrong and beg for a chance to make things right. I want to learn to love "unconditionally" because it's the way a person should love another...I'm ready to love that way... ...but maybe it's too late...she isn't speaking to me...she is too hurt... But the question I ask then is why would GOD bring us back together to make the same mistakes twice of loving and then hurting each other all over again...GOD should've left it the way it was back in 1989...never reuniting us...because this time around it hurts twice as much as it did the first time... I've lost my soulmate a second time...and I can't get over this pain... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 25, 2001 Share Posted January 25, 2001 The reason the two of you came back together is exactly as you stated...to learn a lesson you didn't learn over a decade ago. Sometimes we have to learn things a few times to get them down pat. Once teachers are done with their lesson, they depart...and that's why she departed. Her mission was fulfilled and so was yours. Now get back to your spouse and get cheating off your mind!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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