Husband spent 2700.00 on a watch

[Got it]

I am mulling over this recent event, trying to find the lessons in it and how best we can work through it.

 

We have come into some cash over the holidays with my end of year bonus and monies my father gives every year for Christmas and birthdays. We had discussed that the money was allocated to debt. I have significant credit card debt that I wanted paid off. We also paid about 4K of husband's expenses as well as giving the kids a nice holiday, needing to book our summer trip, etc.

 

So on the phone husband is at the mall with one of the kids and told me he needs a new watch as his watch got water in it. He was at the mall, he said, for speaker wire for the subwoofer. I made a noncommittal okay. He has been looking at watches and, quite frankly, has expensive taste. That was all that was mentioned at that point.

 

I meet up with him, with the kids, at a restaurant. While waiting there we are talking and he mentions the jeweler that he bought my wedding and engagement rings from and how he was talking to him for a long time. I ask why? And then I ask if he bought a watch. I ask how much. At this point I mentally decided if 500 or less I won't say anything. He mumbles out 2700.00. I quietly said, I thought we discussed large purchases first and how would he feel if I did the same? His response, why am I bringing this up there? That upset me as it wasn't my fault and no apology. I am shocked, very disappointed, and feeling nauseous. I end up leaving dinner, telling the kids I wasn't feeling well and drove home. There was no point me sitting there with this issue hanging over us, he had shut down and wasn't trying to talk to me either which was annoying me because he was obviously in the wrong and I wasn't eating dinner anyway (I had already eaten).

 

What stood out for me, I never got anger(which I have a fiery temper so this is an anomaly). I was just so disappointed and hurt that he would do this. We have had issues in the past with him rushing large ticket purchases. I got blindsided with plantation shutters over the summer as he told me we were just talking to the rep and suddenly we are getting a quote and everyone is looking at me for the decision. I consented but we had a long talk how I don't want to be the bad guy with money and the decision maker, that we needed to be partners and never put the other party in that position where they are having to make the decision on the spot.

 

So a few hours later husband comes upstairs to apologize and we discuss. He admitted to feeling entitled since he bought me jewelry in the past (and admitted that was a justification). I discussed the difference of regret and remorse when he got angry in his response and made a comment of this being held over his head forever. I also said that the anger is ego and there is no ego in true remorse. The anger is self righteousness that doesn't lend to being truly sorry. I discussed that the main issue wasn't the purchase but the underlying issue of running solo in our relationship and not being partners. He discussed his previous marriage and how yes he would have run solo and just not said anything which I did acknowledge/praise him for being honest on this. I acknowledged that no, he does not lie or hide things. But this is symptomatic of issues that we have dealt with in regards to money. I admitted that I worry that he seems to swing from either spending absolutely nothing to large ticket items. And while yes many are for the house he will say that are necessities that I disagree with (having it painted or the shutters.) But if we discuss and I can have the ability to agree, I stand by my decision. He admitted that it was more than he was originally looking to spend and that it was a poorly made impulse decision.

 

So at this point I am happier with how the conversation went, but I do think it is definitely an issue we need to keep working on. He is very sorry about it and asked me if I could forgive him. I said what I wanted was him to take this issue and for him to do some research/find a resource for us to work on it; to show he is investing to working on this. What I don't want is "rinse and repeat" as this was a very big deal. That I am concerned that if there is money in the account that he will spend it. That he lacks patience for things he wants (though they are not usually things solely for him like this but still big ticket items and non essential expenses) It wasn't that he couldn't have gotten a watch at that expense but it shouldn't be a surprise and I wanted to have say in it as well. I like that he loves watches and have given my thoughts on prior watches so felt very left out on this purchase. Also that paying my debt was very important to me, which I have expressed frequently and that it hurt me that he hasn't prioritized it. That if something was important to one of us it should be important to both of us (especially something like that which would benefit/strengthen both of our financial health).

 

So we discussed separate accounts. I bring in the bulk of the money as his goes to child support and alimony and previous marital debt. So I will take over the mortgage and most of the other bills. But separating the accounts is a bandaid for the issue that we need to resolve. I understand what he did, I did similar in my previous marriage and made purchases without my ex's insight and would hide it. (I bought one of my horses and didn't tell my ex. Horse has been an issue so that little impulse buy is still with me teaching me the lesson. So it has been a lesson driven home ad nauseum. ) I realized what a mistake that is and my husband and I have discussed at length and I went over how I have changed. So we have made a concerted effort to be very transparent with each other on things.

 

I always look for silver linings in things, as well as the belief that "we don't learn from our successes but our opportunities" so know that in the big picture this can be a very valuable opportunity in our relationship. I did joke I have a HUGE get out of jail free card now!

 

So any insight on how you and your partner work as a team on similar issues? How you develop your partnership, how you communicate, etc.? How do you approach things differently and how do you resolve similar obstacles when you encounter them?

 

FYI - The watch can not be returned, as I knew is par for the course with these types of purchases, and if sold would be at a loss. This wasn't about having electricity or the watch, so not of that severity, but it is still an issue I want to have us learn from and become stronger for it.

[cozycottagelg]

It is way too much to spend on a watch when you have debt that could have been paid. The end. I would have freaked out.

 

My husband is the spender in our marriage. He is constantly getting things here and there as if we have a wad of cash to blow at all times. It infuriates me as I feel guilty for getting "extras" at the grocery store. We are both probably at opposite extremes, which makes finding middle ground very difficult.

 

Funny you mention speaker wire. My husband is into building speakers, which is also a very expensive hobby.

 

Today he bought a video card that cost around $400 for his computer. He is so excited about it and I just find it completely unnecessary and foolish. He is 43, and he is spending our families money on a video card. Just seems like a complete waste of money to me.

[Art_Critic]

he needs to return the watch.. I know.. it can't be returned.. at a loss..

 

Good lord.. WTF is wrong with your husband.. even 500 on a watch when you have tons of debt to pay off is a bunch let alone spending that amount on a watch when you didn't know about it.

 

I would call the place he bought it at and have them repurchase the watch at a loss or have them do a return...

[Got it]

I wanted to clarify while we have significant debt, it would have been all paid off if all the monies we received went to it. So it is pushing off some of the debt a few months but should be resolved by his second quarter bonus.

 

But I agree, it is a lot to spend on a watch though he tried to soften it by saying that equivalent watches would have been 8-10K. Mkay.

 

I will discuss with him further. I do not want it to be me saying it has to be returned. I am not his mother or his warden. So he needs to come to that decision. I need to do what is best for me as well which is why I think we will do the separate accounts. He had brought up how he is more aware of our finances than I am and I finally disclosed that since I bring home the lion's share I thought it only fair that he then be responsible for paying the bills. But I am fine with taking care of it. I had hoped to be able to depend on him for it but it may not be well suited for it.

 

I am a bit of a spender as well, In the past, I have spent thousands on horses and horse related items but have really dialed things back over the last few years. I feel that for the first time I have a big need to look at the future because of his kids and make sure that we have something to give them later on. Which I like. So I am thinking we need our own accounts, divide up the bills and then have a shared spending money account.

 

Re: speaker wire. It is a subwoofer my dad wasn't using so gave it to us. So trying to get it set up for the basement system. I HOPE that isn't pricey.

 

I spend money, don't get me wrong, but it is 100 here and there. My heartburn is his is 1000s when he gets the inclination! I make well into the six figures and I HATE ever feeling that things are paycheck to paycheck. So I want some good sized padding there, no debt outside of the mortgage.

 

This was so much easier on my own! I was only accountable to myself.

[Art_Critic]

Yeah, I guess you have to pick your battles. It seems that this is such a big deal because of how far off the mark the purchase was, even his comment under his breath when he mentioned the price shows he knew he shouldn't have done it but he still did.

 

In the end.. it is only money.. there could be worse things to be upset about.

[Debanked]

The main issue is trust and working as true partners for the good of the marriage. Transparency is a great place to start. I am NOT in favor of separate accounts. You need to sit down and go over finances, pay bills and plan things together. Set some ground rules and boundaries so you don't end up fighting. Do this at a time when you're not distracted or tired. Put your marriage first.

 

If you can truly afford the watch, both appreciate it, and pay the debts off in Q2, keep it. If not, sell it at a slight loss and take the sting as a lesson learned.

 

He has to understand that he cannot go rogue on big-ticket items in the future. It's not about you having control over him, it's about him honoring and respecting the partnership of marriage.

[Debanked]

Also, kudos to you OP on your positive attitude and outlook in trying to find the lesson and silver lining here. More people should think this way.

[TaraMaiden]

phukking hell!

 

I don't have that amount of money to spend in a year!!

 

Just saying.....

[carhill]

Having a lot of male friends who are auto racing and vintage car collectors, both very expensive 'hobbies', over the decades I came to hear a phrase, often repeated, by married racers/collectors, that 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission'. For a long time, as a single man, I disagreed with that philosophy, preferring transparency, but came to understand it better while married. I noted the most successful of those men did what they wanted to do and sweet talked the rest. I never became proficient at 'sweet talk', so had to deal with things a different way.

 

It sounds like your H is essentially toiling away to support another family, his past family, and has little work product to show for his own, current, state of affairs. Over time, this can be debilitating. Men are usually pretty good at compartmentalizing their feelings about such matters but sometimes things leak out. Would you say this type of interaction, not discussing an expensive personal purchase, is a pattern for him, or is this something new? It appears he vacillates from frugality to wanton spending so, IMO, getting at the root emotional cause of the *change* could be instructive to moderating both the behavior and improving the relevant communication surrounding such matters.

 

IMO, if he doesn't already have a personal 'slush fund', meaning resources he can spend wantonly only on himself, or anyone, without comment or discussion, then he should establish such a fund. Most high earning friends I know have such accounts set up for both they and their spouses. The spouses agree on the principles of the account matrix and their contributions and each proceeds with the support and confidence of the other. As an example, if H emptied his account to buy the watch, that would be supported and validated by his spouse, e.g. 'That's a fabulous watch to add to your collection; I'd love to see it the next time we go out'.

 

As you apparently have some experience with an expensive hobby/business, horses, I would surmise you have a good understanding of how one processes and makes decisions regarding such pursuits. Occasionally, if partnered, conflict can arise as another may not understand and likely doesn't share one's passion for something (a hobby/interest) they love so, while communication is valuable to determine compatible philosophies on such matters, generally more appropriately addressed before a legal commitment and, as necessary, with relevant legal contracts, freedom and support are also valuable to show one's love and acceptance for one's partner.

 

Lastly, as a watch collector myself, mainly vintage/antique, I'm a bit surprised H didn't seek get his current watch reconditioned as a lower cost option. I understand the desire to add a new style or brand to the collection but usually existing pieces are greatly valued and I'm loathe to leave one sitting around in non-working condition. Such is where that 'slush fund' can come in handy. If the existing watch costs 500 to repair, which might be 'high' to those not in the hobby, it could be a good value and preserve capital for a future purchase without having a conversation about it. I add this presuming the value of the watch with the 'water in it' is similar to or greater than that of the one purchased.

 

My last advice would be the number 10. If this impulse purchase was less than 10% of your combined monthly income, I'd call the matter, as shared here, addressed and move on. If there isn't a current 'slush fund', suggest establishing it. Good luck.

[Got it]

Having a lot of male friends who are auto racing and vintage car collectors, both very expensive 'hobbies', over the decades I came to hear a phrase, often repeated, by married racers/collectors, that 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission'. For a long time, as a single man, I disagreed with that philosophy, preferring transparency, but came to understand it better while married. I noted the most successful of those men did what they wanted to do and sweet talked the rest. I never became proficient at 'sweet talk', so had to deal with things a different way.

 

It sounds like your H is essentially toiling away to support another family, his past family, and has little work product to show for his own, current, state of affairs. Over time, this can be debilitating. Men are usually pretty good at compartmentalizing their feelings about such matters but sometimes things leak out. Would you say this type of interaction, not discussing an expensive personal purchase, is a pattern for him, or is this something new? It appears he vacillates from frugality to wanton spending so, IMO, getting at the root emotional cause of the *change* could be instructive to moderating both the behavior and improving the relevant communication surrounding such matters.

 

IMO, if he doesn't already have a personal 'slush fund', meaning resources he can spend wantonly only on himself, or anyone, without comment or discussion, then he should establish such a fund. Most high earning friends I know have such accounts set up for both they and their spouses. The spouses agree on the principles of the account matrix and their contributions and each proceeds with the support and confidence of the other. As an example, if H emptied his account to buy the watch, that would be supported and validated by his spouse, e.g. 'That's a fabulous watch to add to your collection; I'd love to see it the next time we go out'.

 

As you apparently have some experience with an expensive hobby/business, horses, I would surmise you have a good understanding of how one processes and makes decisions regarding such pursuits. Occasionally, if partnered, conflict can arise as another may not understand and likely doesn't share one's passion for something (a hobby/interest) they love so, while communication is valuable to determine compatible philosophies on such matters, generally more appropriately addressed before a legal commitment and, as necessary, with relevant legal contracts, freedom and support are also valuable to show one's love and acceptance for one's partner.

 

Lastly, as a watch collector myself, mainly vintage/antique, I'm a bit surprised H didn't seek get his current watch reconditioned as a lower cost option. I understand the desire to add a new style or brand to the collection but usually existing pieces are greatly valued and I'm loathe to leave one sitting around in non-working condition. Such is where that 'slush fund' can come in handy. If the existing watch costs 500 to repair, which might be 'high' to those not in the hobby, it could be a good value and preserve capital for a future purchase without having a conversation about it. I add this presuming the value of the watch with the 'water in it' is similar to or greater than that of the one purchased.

 

My last advice would be the number 10. If this impulse purchase was less than 10% of your combined monthly income, I'd call the matter, as shared here, addressed and move on. If there isn't a current 'slush fund', suggest establishing it. Good luck.

 

Carhill, great points and I definitely agree. We are both very business minded so I have expressed it is co-CEO of the "family" brand.

 

But you are definitely right on the psyche of him and the past debt. I completely understand that and want him to be able to make such purchases at his whim. We do not have slush funds which is what we need as well as a household fund so that improvements are done on a reasonable timeline.

 

His water logged watch is of much lower quality and was 800 brand new. So he hasn't mentioned repairing it. I was looking at antique watches as I wanted to get him one for Christmas but couldn't spring the expense. Watches aren't cheap though they are probably a better long term investment than a horse. Horses are like boats, the cheapest day is the day you buy it.

 

The ask for forgiveness than permission doesn't work very well with me with my subordinates or my significant others. It may be a one time thing but a pattern will be pounced on. I also follow the same training practice with people as animals which is "you have 3 seconds to make them think their life is coming to an end". And I have found it apt to utilize that as well.

 

In regards to pattern, yes I think that has been a pattern prior for him and he has worked to improve it. So yes a current pattern though to a lesser degree. It is improving by far but the "why" is what I was deep diving last night. Because that is what is driving it. The last few years have had some major obstacles for him and a very humbling time period. He has struggled with feeling like a failure and does care a bit more than me about external acceptance. I have actually seen that more of an issue for men in my world/work place, than with women (oddly). I wills say that horse women are a different breed so that does play a factor.

 

I get it, I want him to feel good about himself but there must be a balancing act between the two of us. Having run very solo in prior marriages changing that is important for both of us but learning how is a struggle some times.

 

So buying the watch isn't the issue for me. It is the slippery slope that got to that point that is far more important. It is an opportunity for us to deep dive this in real time to back out the thought processes to work on the first steps in that direction. And can do so with out accusation or anger. He is sorry, he has been saying it again today. What I am interested in is the actions/energy that he will take to find ways for us to work on this, to look up resources that hit on these points. If that doesn't happen then to me this is a short term improvement with little true desire to change things. So I have a pin in it and we will see.

 

I find him a fascinating being so even things like this are insightful for me. We have a number of similarities but are very different and how he gets to these points are . . . well fascinating to me.

[BehindTheseHazelEyes]

I guess it depends on how you handle money in your relationship. I think I'd want to see why he wanted such an expensive watch for himself. Maybe there's a specific reason or story behind the need to buy the watch?

[beach]

Given the circumstances - he was irresponsible.

 

Suggest returning the watch and allocating the $500 toward one he chooses.

 

He was disregarding and disrespecting you by spending that amount without a specific discussion and including you in the amount.

 

His money earned goes to his obligations it seems - and when he earns $2700 extra dollars - he can discuss with you spending on a luxury item.

 

His carelessness about how it affects the bigger picture is what he should be working on.

[HokeyReligions]

I'd go back to the jewelry store and buy me $2700.00 worth of jewelry.

[Got it]

Okay, I think for some people you need to put this in perspective to the other details I have stated. I understand that the percentage would be greater for others. But please note that household income levels are going to vary. This is less than 1% of my annual income not including what he pulls. We both make six figures.

 

Hokey - He has bought me some very expensive jewelry. My engagement and wedding rings were more than 20K not including a diamond bracelet that he bought me a few years ago, the diamond necklace as his wedding gift to me, etc. So I have definitely received some very nice things. I do not need 2700.00 more, but thank you.

 

kfc - I understand how you feel but again please keep it in context. 2700 wouldn't even pay one month's mortgage for us.

 

beach - this was 2700 of his money. This was part of the Christmas money my dad gave him. Where it went sideways is we had said that we would allocate the money to credit card debt. You are right and the issue was not discussing it with me prior. He was definitely irresponsible. That is for certain.

 

Behind - much like carhill stated, he is a watch lover. He has looked at watches as long as I have known him and he has lusted after one Tag that is 10K for years now.His porn is watch porn. Whenever we are in a mall he likes to go through a jewelry store to look at their watches. He has always wanted a nice watch. I have known that and really have no issues with it. This was a situation where he went in with one price point and walked out having spent far more than he expected. It was a great deal and he bought it before thinking things through he says.

 

If we had talked, I would have had no issue with this purchase but would have wanted to push to his quarter 2 bonus instead. I know that this amount is actually on the lower end for these types of watches and while I don't share the affinity for watches I know equivalent pricing in purses. And in my sport, that will buy me an off the track thoroughbred so on the low end for purchases.

 

We have continued to talk about it, he has continued to apologize, and we are going to really work on how our finances are structured. He does need a slush fund where he can buy what he wants without needing to always get my approval. I am fine if it is a certain percent and he saves that up to make the purchase. How he spends it will be entirely up to him.

[beach]

He didn't think it through - logically before impulse buying - and I get that it was hurtful even though that wasn't his intent.

 

But much like a kid needs to learn - how can he learn to do it differently in the future? It was completely selfish to not consider his debt and that he could have paid even half of that to his obligations and saved more over time if he really determined that he still wanted the same watch later.

 

To spend on those luxury items while carrying debt is irresponsible and selfish.

 

I've been in that money category - and it's still important to me to be thought of as a partner in money decisions. Discussing how money is spent is part of my partner respecting me - and me respecting my partner. Without that discussion - I would feel my partner went behind my back and betrayed me by not allowing me to have input.

 

In a way - I see his move as very childish and deceitful. I know you may not agree, but how hard would it be to expect that he discuss it with you ahead of time so he's not acting irresponsibly on impulse?

[Silly_Girl]

I too see it as deceitful, a betrayal, even manipulative. I'm not saying he is necessarily those things but the way he checked out of the partnership (and the pre-agreed, joint goals) for a window of time would really have hurt me.

 

Having said that, I think I'm high on the spectrum for being sensitive to that type of thing.

 

Given that it is such (relatively) a small value to you guys it makes me even more confused as to why he couldn't inform you beforehand; or why he didn't take the challenge well after the event.

 

I don't like separate accounts for numerous reasons but the approach is favoured by many.

 

Hubby and I have talked about this several times, and again yesterday when I read the thread. We are lucky enough to earn over £100k between us, but we think neither of us has spent more than £70 (not on food shopping) without having mentioned it to the other first. So clothes for work, new bike tyres, cheap bookcase, hotel room, camping kit for my son, theatre tickets, baby purchases etc etc. We've never felt one was veto-ing the other, worst-case is rescheduling a spend, or looking at other options. We don't think we ever go without but it's a part of our relationship we enjoy. We each want the other to have the luxuries/pleasures etc and by discussing first it's even nicer because you get to experience some of the fun of buying/getting on their behalf. And it *is* fun

 

I am not sure it's about rules and spending scales, although I appreciate your wish to future-proof this area. I worry it becomes a bit too parent/child, which I know is not how you feel or want things to be. I think it's more about understanding, and perspective and communication. Maybe I'm an idealist but I think if you shared a mindset you wouldn't need budgets and slush funds and you could still avoid the same thing happening.

[gaius]

Sounds pretty deliberate to me. Not that you're doing anything wrong but generally whenever a guy is humiliated by the woman being the bigger earner he'll find a way to say f you. Whether it be cheating with another woman, sabotaging your finances or some new and inventive way I have not heard of yet.

[Got it]

He didn't think it through - logically before impulse buying - and I get that it was hurtful even though that wasn't his intent.

 

But much like a kid needs to learn - how can he learn to do it differently in the future? It was completely selfish to not consider his debt and that he could have paid even half of that to his obligations and saved more over time if he really determined that he still wanted the same watch later.

 

To spend on those luxury items while carrying debt is irresponsible and selfish.

 

I've been in that money category - and it's still important to me to be thought of as a partner in money decisions. Discussing how money is spent is part of my partner respecting me - and me respecting my partner. Without that discussion - I would feel my partner went behind my back and betrayed me by not allowing me to have input.

 

In a way - I see his move as very childish and deceitful. I know you may not agree, but how hard would it be to expect that he discuss it with you ahead of time so he's not acting irresponsibly on impulse?

 

No I don't disagree at all. This was the crux of our discussions. I did tell him it was a betrayal and while he didn't hide it he did leave me out of the equation and negated my ability to have any say.

 

Not just the action but more importantly the thought process going up to that event is the issue and the crux of the issue. There is also the difference between regret and remorse and his actions following this will show which he truly feels.

[Janesays]

I don't understand why he can't return the watch. There are consumer laws in place protecting people from this sort of thing. If it is possible for me to go out and buy a brand new car....and return it 3 days later, it is possible for him to return the watch. He might get charged a small restocking, but anything excessive is against the law.

 

Unless, of course, you live in a different country than the US?

 

The purchase wouldn't be a huge financial deal in my house either, but my husband and I make joint decisions on purchases over a couple hundred dollars, period. In our house, the watch would be returned as a matter of principal.

[carhill]

As store return policies vary, the option to return the timepiece may or may not exist. In my area, once removed from the packaging and worn, where the store accepts returns, it is usually within a defined period of time, generally 30 days, and a fee attends, generally 10-15%. So, on a 2700.00 timepiece, that would be 270-405.

 

This type of policy, or not allowing returns, addresses the 'free rental' issue, which some people would gladly take advantage of, buying jewelry/watches for a special occasion to enjoy the baubles and show them off, then return them for a full credit when finished. Sound far-fetched? Think again. Retailers aren't dumb.

 

It sounds like the OP has identified the area of prospective work and this canary isn't a major financial issue for them, rather a symbol of issues to address, and they are apparently making progress. Hopefully, H will stop apologizing and start taking concrete actions to address the discussion. Call them his New Year's resolutions

[HokeyReligions]

The amount is not what im talking about. Or even the percent. You are upset that he spent 'his' money on something different than agreed upon previously.

 

My husband and I have similar patterns. We have a family fund from which bills are paid and large purchases are made. Then we each have our 'own' money from which we buy non-essentials OR designate to something normally covered by the family fund. This year we bought two nice chairs. Most of it came out of family savings but we each kicked in some from our person stash too.

 

Your husband said he would use some of his money for communal debt then changed his mind and used it on himself without telling you. I can see where that would upset you. It alters how you thought you were handling things. Now you have to change your approach and his action also chipped away some of your trust in him. For me that would be the worst part. Money will always come and go. Trust is much harder to acquire and requires constant care to keep from losing.

 

My husband and I agreed long ago to each step back and accept that we can change our minds as many times as we want and whenever we want about 'our own' money. Instead of saying 'yes I'll contribute... '

We'll say 'maybe I'll contribute....'. If he or I then go out and spend the money on an impulse buy no trust is broken. In fact we sometimes get a kick out of what the other buys. If we decide th o both contribute y o something - in our case this year it was chairs - we do it right then. We remove the money from the personal stash and put it into the communal fund.

 

That has worked well for us. We have not argued about money or spending habits in many many years. No matter how much or how little we might have, money is not worth fighting over.

[OpenBook]

You just have to work through it together. I'm not picking up any sinister motives behind Mr. Got It's purchase. He just sounds like a binge spender - trying to turn the page and be more responsible with money, but ending up swinging wildly on the pendulum too far in either direction - from severe austerity (until he can't stand it anymore) to an extravagant impulse buy. He has apparently been wrestling with this crux for a long time.

 

In short, he's human.

 

IIRC, money is the #1 common problem that a lot of married people struggle with (that and family members). I believe you just have to work through it together, between the two of you, and come up with a solution that works best for both of you (and not for anybody else!).

 

I would also advise that when you argue you should stay focused on the specific issue, and avoid making blanket statements like "You ALWAYS do this" or "You NEVER blah blah blah." You're just spinning your wheels when you do that, and there's also a risk of incurring more damage.

 

That's about all I feel I can offer... other than a little cheerleading: I have no doubt that an effective solution is within reach of the Got It household. You can do this!!!

[Copelandsanity]

I'm into replica watches, and the OP is correct in one sense that a $2,700 watch is not an expensive one. Even at that price point, it's not that high end. I have $5,000-$10,000 watches that are exact 100% replicas - with the boxes and documentation - that I've purchased for a $200+. Perhaps your husband can get into that. It's a lot less expensive and nobody can tell the difference unless you're a watchmaker and examining the fine details.

[whichwayisup]

At this point I mentally decided if 500 or less I won't say anything. He mumbles out 2700.00.

 

2700 bucks for a watch for a KID? Chances are, that watch is gonna get broken again somehow. Spending that much on a watch, let alone a watch for a kid (whether he's a kid, teen or whatever doesn't make a difference) is ridiculous!

 

I guess he figured since you got money over the holidays, it was okay for him to spend away.

 

Do the best you can to try to return the watch. If it's impossible then sell it.

 

Having separate accounts isn't going to solve this problem, can guarantee you that.

[carhill]

It appears H happened to be at the mall with one of their children. I'm pretty sure the watch was for the 'big kid', H in this case.