Husband spent 2700.00 on a watch

[rumbleseat]

If you would like him to return the watch, then say so. Tell him that is your preference, and let him decide what to do.

 

Sorry to say that having an idea of what you would like him to do, but not telling him and then wondering why he doesn't reach that conclusion himself isn't fair.

[dreamingoftigers]

2700.00 would pay two months of my rent and a month of childcare ugh.

 

Amazing how some people just have money to burn.

Mid it were my husband I would ask him to return the watch and sponsor FOUR children that are starving in Africa for a year.

 

Not as a punishment. But because I think encouraging him to feed four children for a year and check the time on his cellphone might be a decent thing to do.

 

Or if I didn't have the cajones to ask him to do it, I might just do it myself because I'd realize how much 2400.00 did really mean that much to me in the long run.....

[beach]

In other areas of your relationship - does he allow you to have a voice and respect your opinion?

 

What does his prior M show you? Do you think he discounted and betrayed his prior wife in the same manner?

[nittygritty]

"So we discussed separate accounts. I bring in the bulk of the money as his goes to child support and alimony and previous marital debt. So I will take over the mortgage and most of the other bills. But separating the accounts is a bandaid for the issue that we need to resolve."

 

The money he earns goes toward child support, alimony and previous marital debt and you are paying for the house and most of the other bills and he is buying himself a $2700 dollar watch with your year end bonus money and the money your father gifts to you that was intended to pay off your credit card debt? So his money is his money and your money is his money too?

 

You stated that he spent $20,000 on your engagement and wedding ring but did he have it to spend or were you basically saddled with that debt as well since he doesn't contribute to the mortgage payment and "most of the other bills."?

 

How long have you been married to him? Is he the biological father of any of your children?

 

If separate bank accounts would not solve the problem then is the problem that without your income he could not afford to support himself and pay his child support, alimony and previous marital debt? Did you know that he would not be paying the mortgage or most of the other bills before you married him? Is his name on the deed of the house? Was he honest with you about his financial situation? If not, then I'd say your marital financial problems are much bigger than him buying himself a $2700 dollar watch with your money.

[beach]

His money goes to his obligations.

 

Your money goes to providing him a nice lifestyle.

 

Then when he gets "extra money" he spends it frivolously on himself.

 

He sounds like he's just plain selfish.

 

When he bought you the other expensive jewelry - did he pay cash or charge it?

[nittygritty]

My advice would be for you to legally financially protect yourself. Talk to a lawyer. Is there a Pre-nuptial Agreement? If not, or if it didn't cover everything, find out if Post Nuptial agreements are legal where you live and if they are get one. Also, get a will or trust in place that protects your assets for your kids, if you haven't already done that. Legally financially protecting your assets for your kids and yourself will give you some peace of mind. He should not have a problem with that if he married you for love rather than monetary reasons. You should also get Separate Bank Accounts and don't put his name on your account. Put one of your parents names on it. Since he has proven that he is somewhat financially reckless then Separate Bank Accounts is the way to go. Get a credit report to make sure you are aware of all of his and your debt.

[FitChick]

generally whenever a guy is humiliated by the woman being the bigger earner he'll find a way to say f you. Whether it be cheating with another woman, sabotaging your finances or some new and inventive way I have not heard of yet.

I found this out the hard way. That is why I will only date men who make more money than I do. I don't make that much anyway and certainly couldn't afford to support a man if he lost his job.

[HokeyReligions]

Its sad to me, after reading these posts, that it appears a persons equality in a relationship is directly linked to their income. That being the case NO relationship w ill be equal. Decisions and CONTROL of the nature and behavioral expectations of the relationship belongs to the one who 1) generates the most income and 2) contributes the largest share to the shared household.

 

Im so thankful my marriage is not like that. My husband hasn't workedfull timeI in years. What I generate supports us but the money paid to me belongs to both of us equally. I wouldn't have my job or be good enough at it to earn bonuses or raises if I didn't have a loving and supporting husband. He motivates and supports me. He listenes when I vent and hands me coffee after I tried on everything in the closet because I xant find anything to wear that day.

 

He takes care of the house. Takes out the trash and does a thousand other things. He has his small business but I help him too. I write copy and offer design ideas and support and encourage him to. We worked thru the balancing act decades ago. We dealt with each of us bringing our 'single life' debt into our union as a married couple by combining it and tackling it together. There is no resentment or control issues over money or income. We truly embraced "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine". IMHO if a couple can't do this for themselves there will always be a problem capable of escalating into an insurmountable divide.

[Debanked]

My advice would be for you to legally financially protect yourself. Talk to a lawyer. Is there a Pre-nuptial Agreement? If not, or if it didn't cover everything, find out if Post Nuptial agreements are legal where you live and if they are get one. Also, get a will or trust in place that protects your assets for your kids, if you haven't already done that. Legally financially protecting your assets for your kids and yourself will give you some peace of mind. He should not have a problem with that if he married you for love rather than monetary reasons. You should also get Separate Bank Accounts and don't put his name on your account. Put one of your parents names on it. Since he has proven that he is somewhat financially reckless then Separate Bank Accounts is the way to go. Get a credit report to make sure you are aware of all of his and your debt.

 

Seriously? Should the hubby get a polygraph too? He was in the mall with his 2 kids, probably worn out and had a brain fart of an impulse buy. It happens. Let's not make a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

OP, where are you at on this one?

[HokeyReligions]

My advice would be for you to legally financially protect yourself. Talk to a lawyer. Is there a Pre-nuptial Agreement? If not, or if it didn't cover everything, find out if Post Nuptial agreements are legal where you live and if they are get one. Also, get a will or trust in place that protects your assets for your kids, if you haven't already done that. Legally financially protecting your assets for your kids and yourself will give you some peace of mind. He should not have a problem with that if he married you for love rather than monetary reasons. You should also get Separate Bank Accounts and don't put his name on your account. Put one of your parents names on it. Since he has proven that he is somewhat financially reckless then Separate Bank Accounts is the way to go. Get a credit report to make sure you are aware of all of his and your debt.

 

 

 

Good Lord! Why not just go ahead and file for a divorce citing irreconcilable buying differences. Or hire a hit man. Pay him with the watch.

 

Sheesh!

[beach]

Its sad to me, after reading these posts, that it appears a persons equality in a relationship is directly linked to their income. That being the case NO relationship w ill be equal. Decisions and CONTROL of the nature and behavioral expectations of the relationship belongs to the one who 1) generates the most income and 2) contributes the largest share to the shared household.

 

Im so thankful my marriage is not like that. My husband hasn't workedfull timeI in years. What I generate supports us but the money paid to me belongs to both of us equally. I wouldn't have my job or be good enough at it to earn bonuses or raises if I didn't have a loving and supporting husband. He motivates and supports me. He listenes when I vent and hands me coffee after I tried on everything in the closet because I xant find anything to wear that day.

 

He takes care of the house. Takes out the trash and does a thousand other things. He has his small business but I help him too. I write copy and offer design ideas and support and encourage him to. We worked thru the balancing act decades ago. We dealt with each of us bringing our 'single life' debt into our union as a married couple by combining it and tackling it together. There is no resentment or control issues over money or income. We truly embraced "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine". IMHO if a couple can't do this for themselves there will always be a problem capable of escalating into an insurmountable divide.

 

I think you missed the point. The OP's husband had given his word that the intention of the money he got was to be used to pay down his debt.

 

Then he spent the money on the watch instead of what he had agreed to (debt).

 

 

It was a passive aggressive immature decision for sure.

 

He COULD have had a simple conversation with his wife about changing the terms of their agreement! But instead he blew her off - purchased impulsively - then expected her to understand.

 

He acts like a 5 year old who wants a cookie. He's gonna take the cookie and hope Mom won't get "too mad".

 

Maybe he enjoys seeing how far he can push without his wife getting too mad? Where's the boundary?

Edited January 1, 2014 by beach

[nittygritty]

I think you missed the point. The OP's husband had given his word that the intention of the money he got was to be used to pay down his debt.

 

Then he spent the money on the watch instead of what he had agreed to (debt).

 

 

It was a passive aggressive immature decision for sure.

 

He COULD have had a simple conversation with his wife about changing the terms of their agreement! But instead he blew her off - purchased impulsively - then expected her to understand.

 

He acts like a 5 year old who wants a cookie. He's gonna take the cookie and hope Mom won't get "too mad".

 

Maybe he enjoys seeing how far he can push without his wife getting too mad? Where's the boundary?

 

Yes, her husband can't even afford to financially contribute to the house "mortgage and most of the bills" but he has no problem with spending $2700 dollars on a watch for himself???

 

It is a second marriage with kids involved. [unattributed material redacted] If Got it knew prior to marriage that she would be financially supporting him and has no problem with him spending money that she brings to the table on expensive gifts for himself without even discussing it with her beforehand then it wouldn't be an issue. Obviously that is not the case. He broke her trust of him by being financially irresponsible and selfish. It doesn't mean the marriage is over and can't be fixed but she does need to financially protect herself.

Edited January 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nittygritty]

Okay, I think for some people you need to put this in perspective to the other details I have stated. I understand that the percentage would be greater for others. But please note that household income levels are going to vary. This is less than 1% of my annual income not including what he pulls. We both make six figures.

 

Hokey - He has bought me some very expensive jewelry. My engagement and wedding rings were more than 20K not including a diamond bracelet that he bought me a few years ago, the diamond necklace as his wedding gift to me, etc. So I have definitely received some very nice things. I do not need 2700.00 more, but thank you.

 

kfc - I understand how you feel but again please keep it in context. 2700 wouldn't even pay one month's mortgage for us.

 

beach - this was 2700 of his money. This was part of the Christmas money my dad gave him. Where it went sideways is we had said that we would allocate the money to credit card debt. You are right and the issue was not discussing it with me prior. He was definitely irresponsible. That is for certain.

 

Behind - much like carhill stated, he is a watch lover. He has looked at watches as long as I have known him and he has lusted after one Tag that is 10K for years now.His porn is watch porn. Whenever we are in a mall he likes to go through a jewelry store to look at their watches. He has always wanted a nice watch. I have known that and really have no issues with it. This was a situation where he went in with one price point and walked out having spent far more than he expected. It was a great deal and he bought it before thinking things through he says.

 

If we had talked, I would have had no issue with this purchase but would have wanted to push to his quarter 2 bonus instead. I know that this amount is actually on the lower end for these types of watches and while I don't share the affinity for watches I know equivalent pricing in purses. And in my sport, that will buy me an off the track thoroughbred so on the low end for purchases.

 

We have continued to talk about it, he has continued to apologize, and we are going to really work on how our finances are structured. He does need a slush fund where he can buy what he wants without needing to always get my approval. I am fine if it is a certain percent and he saves that up to make the purchase. How he spends it will be entirely up to him.

 

If his income is going towards repaying his personal debt then he has serious financial problems that could easily bankrupt you if significant changes are not made. Especially if both of you are "spenders".

 

He needs to financially invest in your marriage by financially contributing to the mortgage and household bills before he creates a slush fund for himself.

[Got it]

LS always makes me laugh. It is the quintessential pendulum swing. So we have on one end that this isn't a big deal and his money all the way to the other end where I need to lawyer up and seek protection and a divorce now. Not unexpected and I do appreciate the range to consider and tend to believe most things in life fall somewhere in the middle.

 

To clear up some confusion:

 

1. He does have debt from his previous marriage. That is/was a known. He assumed all debt when he divorced as well as what remained on the house when they short sold (our area was under water at that time. This way short selling had a minor hit on their credit since he is still paying the second mortgage. He also agreed to a much higher than required child support and alimony as he saw it would benefit all parties. He pays out until the kids are 20 and alimony in full until the youngest is 20. So is average payment is about 5,000 a month. This, plus their debt, left him living off his solely his bonuses every quarter. Because I agree with this I have had little issues with assume our expenses since we do not have kids and his kids should take priority.

 

2. The monies used was part of his Christmas gift from my dad to him. My father gives each of his kids and their spouses a total of 14,000 annually between the two celebrations. It is the max allowed before having to declare and pay the gift tax. This was given to him, not us. But we had discussed it being used for my/our credit card debt that had accrued after the past couple years from expenses for him, for the renovation on the house I owned and just sold with my ex, our wedding, etc.

 

The money he earns goes toward child support, alimony and previous marital debt and you are paying for the house and most of the other bills and he is buying himself a $2700 dollar watch with your year end bonus money and the money your father gifts to you that was intended to pay off your credit card debt? So his money is his money and your money is his money too?

 

3. After this summer his credit card debt will be paid off and he will contribute 2,000.00 more a month to our household. He contributes about 1,500.00 a month now.

 

4. We have been married less than a year. We do not have any kids together and I do not have any children.

 

5. Yes I was fully aware of his financial history and current situation. I know that prior to his divorce he had been in very good financial standing and an almost perfect credit score rating. So while the few years have been a bit of hit he has shown decent credit history. In fact his score has never dropped below the high 600's. And yes his name is on the house. He did help secure the loan for it as it is a specialized loan that I would not have been eligible for on my own.

 

6. Yes there is a pre nup. No, all of my jewelry was paid with cash. There was no debt tied to it.

 

7. No I am not worried about being bankrupt. Things are not at that level by any chance. I guess if we were to both lose our jobs, etc. that could potentially happen but even then I have backing with my dad that would help prevent that issue. But this issue with my husband is no where close to that level nor would he allow it.

 

8. So to bring things back into perspective, this was liquid cash that could have gone to debt but didn't. We should have our debt paid off this year regardless. It was about him telling me one thing and doing another because he got swept up in the moment. So it is about getting each of us to do a mental "half halt" when we are out alone and thinking about what the other person thinks and feels. We each have a history of running solo in our thoughts and decisions and so thinking as a partner is a "work in progress" for us. We are very dedicated to being a team but we both have bobbled.

 

9. I find it amusing the number of people who seem to tie him to his income and contribution and I question if it is a gender issue. I think if roles were reverse there would be more discussion of shared funds and criticizing those that were allocating worth to household income. My understanding is that when we married we were combined. I am working on my thinking to go this way and not think "my money/his money". We are co-CEOs of our "company". So we sink or swim together.

 

10. I don't see that he "expected me to understand" outside of potentially his knee jerk response. But even then he has been very apologetic about it and has lost any anger tied to it. In regards to returning the watch, I am on the fence on whether or not I even what it returned. It was about the principle of his thought process not the actual purchase. And I am not sure yet if I feel strongly enough to push to return. I know if I did he would but I don't want it to be based on my saying anything as I am not sure yet my actual feelings tied to it. If he felt he needed to return it I would be fine with it. If he doesn't . . . I am not sure where I am right now on it. No one feeling comes out either way.

 

I can say he hasn't had it on since the blow up. So unfortunately the watch is "tainted" now with it. Do I know if that is short term, long term or whatever, no not yet. I do not agree it was passive aggressive as this is assuming some preconceived plan. I don't know if it is to that extent. I think it has opened the door for further discussions for us on exactly what we should be doing. I think it has exposed weaknesses in his thought process and impulse control. I do know he has been very honest in our discussions with this. I am not afraid that there is anything else there, anything not told, etc.

 

11. Maybe, for some people, if you changed the total to a 270.00 expense this may help put things a bit in perspective and temper the responses.

 

12. Yes I have a lot of say in our marriage. I am not a wallflower so that isn't an issue. While he is a strong personality as well we defer to each other in different matters. I have never questioned his respect of me and as his partner. This is an anomaly issue and the bigger issue is really tied to impatience on spending. He has been lusting after a watch for the last 4 years and was not in a place to buy one or could not prioritize it high enough. This is the first time that he had the cash available without immediate life/death priorities. And I think the heart of the issue is that he didn't prioritize my debt being paid off as highly as I did. It isn't that he didn't see that it needed to be paid down, one credit card with just paid off and closed. I just want it 100% gone because I want it 100% gone. This has brought to light that he was seeing that if a few thousand remained, what was the big deal? For me the issue was it went counter to what was important to me and there was no discussion countering it.

 

12. My initial post was asking for words of wisdom on how you have dealt with similar matters in your life and came out in a positive manner. How have you addressed financial disparities, break downs in communication, etc. I do not recall my post asking for a lambasting of my husband though I am not saying I am looking for just warm fuzzies. I am looking for the middle of the road and not conspiracy theories.

 

13. We have discussed slush funds for each other so that we could do what we wanted without needing weigh in. Because I see that we may want to buy things that the other doesn't prioritize. I know that I may want to buy something that he doesn't see why and I don't want to feel that I always have to "get permission" to do so. So if a certain % goes into each of our own accounts this would be a positive. Obviously these accounts would be the first to go during lean years. Also, from having divorced once and knowing other's situations, having a potential nest egg is good for both parties. You never know when you need it. So he could save it and buy an expensive watch and that would be fine. Or I can use mine to support any new horses and keep my expenses to that account.

 

Thank you for the posters who have understood this and answered accordingly. And yes, this was bought for husband NOT for a kid.

 

We haven't been able to have a really long drawn out discussion this with the kids around but should in the coming days. But the conversations have been productive and husband is contrite and not defensive.

[Got it]

I question if it was a good idea to have brought this much detail to the forums. I rarely actually start threads so I am rusting on how much or little to disclose. I really wanted to know how people handle similar things but I think the monetary amounts has colored some viewpoints. I was afraid of that but struggled with giving enough detail for constructive feedback and too much and causing a negative response tied to it. I dislike talking money and do not like to call attention to our financial state. I am actually very humble about it as I grew up very poor. I am very blessed in my current situation and work hard to stay at my career level. I got lucky on a major career break and know it really was just timing and chance to get the opportunity (as well as then needing to prove my worth every day). I get very twitchy disclosing any of this information because I was taught early on, you do not discuss money and politics in polite company.

 

So, I would absolutely love everyone's insight on the questions from my original post:

 

So any insight on how you and your partner work as a team on similar issues? How you develop your partnership, how you communicate, etc.? How do you approach things differently and how do you resolve similar obstacles when you encounter them?

[dreamingoftigers]

I still think if my husband spent out roughly double what he is contributing to household expenses monthly that we would have a major problem.

A reality check.

 

Because simply, it does not make sense at all.

It is VERY excessive to do so and I would seriously question his financial judgment given the circumstances.

 

Even with your income it seems that he is NOT in any good financial standing and that were you to lose your job due to unforeseen circumstances that you may be attached to a "spender" who buys items that are about double what he puts into the home per month. Scary thought.

 

I HAVE had moments (ugh too many) in my marriage where he has overspent or misrepresented the estimated cost of things.

The only way I've found to get around this is when we are both recording every purchase. However, under stress he tends to get a little upset about that too even though he does regard it as a useful tool.

 

I would still have a hard time looking at a man who could drop $2700 on impulse for a watch. Especially one he seems to shy to bring out now.

[thefooloftheyear]

Sounds like a card carrying member of the SWAT team.(So Whats Another Thousand?)..Ive done this type of stuff, but I conserve in other areas and have no debt/mortgage....If I told you what ive spent serious money on(WAY more than 2700.) you would probably fall off your chair... I was always the heavy when it came to bringing home the bread and dont really like anyone telling what I can and cant do with my money..But I do realize a marriage is a partnership in all respects - so some consideration is in order....

 

That aside...

 

Its a friviolous purchase and I admittedly only read the initial post...Here is a question...Could he have bought this watch for himself if it wasnt for the large sums of money you mentioned you get from work/family? If the answer is yes, then its not as big of a deal...If the answer is no, then you have real right to be pissed off over it...

 

Happy New Year!

 

TFY

Edited January 2, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[Got it]

Sounds like a card carrying member of the SWAT team.(So Whats Another Thousand?)..Ive done this type of stuff, but I conserve in other areas and have no debt/mortgage....If I told you what ive spent serious money on(WAY more than 2700.) you would probably fall off your chair...I was always the heavy when it came to bringing home the bread and dont really like anyone telling what I can and cant do with my money..But I do realize a marriage is a partnership in all respects - so some consideration is in order....

 

That aside...

 

Its a friviolous purchase and I admittedly only read the initial post...Here is a question...Could he have bought this watch for himself if it wasnt for the large sums of money you mentioned you get from work/family? If the answer is yes, then its not as big of a deal...If the answer is no, then you have real right to be pissed off over it...

 

Happy New Year!

 

TFY

 

I do think that in his previous marriage he had a similar thought process. It was "his" money so he would just make a decision and run with it and not discuss. They both ran very solo on things. As did I in my previous marriage. I had my salary, my ex had his, he covered most of the bills and I paid for my things and my horses and like.

 

We have discussed and both want to pair up better in this area and learn to be more of a team. We have both expressed a marked desire to not be so independent but it is what is known and we are trying to learn an unknown. So we have both stumbled.

 

I have no issues with combining our money but I have noticed there is a weird "deferential" state where he is "asking" for things. I don't like that as I want it equal not a parent/child relationship. So I think we need to set up accounts for household improvements, one of expenses, slush funds, etc. to help make sure we know how much is able to be allocated to what. That way he can run with things when appropriate. He has a far better understanding on house improvements than I do and has more impetus to make them than I. While I may desire things I doubt I would have even hung up pictures by this point. Outside of cooking/baking I am not very domestically oriented. So there are many things that he has done that have turned it into a home more so than I would have. It isn't that I don't like it but I just don't do it or think of it. In fact my ex and I did nothing to our previous house that it never even looked lived in nor did we do any improvements so to be able to sell it I sunk 50K into it to get it above water and walked away with a 5K profit. They were issues like water drainage, etc. that had been ongoing we just never paid attention nor proactively moved on things. And this is where my husband is very different. He is very proactive and the house is corrected immediately to minimize major hits later on. That I see that as a very big positive.

[xxoo]

The actual threat to your family finances is not an issue. It comes down to him mumbling the $2700 (he obviously knew it was not going to go over well), and you saying quietly that you thought you'd agreed to discuss big purchases.

 

Are you prepared to rethink the policy of discussing purchases on this level? Or is that important to you?

 

Is his word good? If he agrees to discuss purchases on this level, will he do so? Or will he disappoint again?

 

These are the core issues I'd want to delve into. Why did he not discuss it first? What would he do differently in the future, if anything? What does he think about the current financial agreements? Can he live with it, or does something about it cause him resentment?

 

It's not about the money, or the watch. It's about mutual trust.

[Got it]

The actual threat to your family finances is not an issue. It comes down to him mumbling the $2700 (he obviously knew it was not going to go over well), and you saying quietly that you thought you'd agreed to discuss big purchases.

 

Are you prepared to rethink the policy of discussing purchases on this level? Or is that important to you?

 

Is his word good? If he agrees to discuss purchases on this level, will he do so? Or will he disappoint again?

 

These are the core issues I'd want to delve into. Why did he not discuss it first? What would he do differently in the future, if anything? What does he think about the current financial agreements? Can he live with it, or does something about it cause him resentment?

 

It's not about the money, or the watch. It's about mutual trust.

 

I agree and I think I have hit on these in prior posts.

 

1. Re: big purchases. If we had mutual slush funds where everything else was being covered and this was "play" money then I wouldn't care nor need to be consulted with how he spent it. That would be solely his money to do whatever he wants with it. I would like to have say so I can help pick out the watch as I enjoy looking at them with him but I wouldn't feel slighted if I wasn't.

 

2. Will he do it again? I am not sure. Right now there is no pattern of evidence showing him making unilateral decisions like this. If it happens again then we have a pattern which is a whole other ball of wax. I have asked him to research this area of disconnect and to come to the table with resources to help us in the future. The actions or inactions tied to this will speak volumes for me. I have no desire to lock someone down to police them in these areas. I will watch and wait and see what their natural inclinations and tendencies are. I will not nag, I will express my desires once or twice and that is it. So yes, if I felt like he runs rickshaw over me on this again in the future or smaller incidences tied to the same issue then could it result in consequences up to and including divorce, absolutely. But I think we are a far cry from that yet. I have no way to predict the future so I really can't say if he will disappoint again, only time will tell.

 

And "These are the core issues I'd want to delve into. Why did he not discuss it first? What would he do differently in the future, if anything? What does he think about the current financial agreements? Can he live with it, or does something about it cause him resentment?" are absolutely the core questions. We have discussed some of them but not all but definitely where I want to deep dive.

 

Do you have any words of wisdom from you experience in similar areas?

 

Thanks!

[xxoo]

Family of origin issues, and issues from past relationships, influence how we react in our relationships. Ask him how it would have made him feel to call you before making that purchase. What is the negative emotion that idea evokes?

[Got it]

Family of origin issues, and issues from past relationships, influence how we react in our relationships. Ask him how it would have made him feel to call you before making that purchase. What is the negative emotion that idea evokes?

 

Yes I asked him this. He said none, just didn't think about it and was very excited about the deal and bought it. Afterwards he started realizing how it was more than he wanted to spend, and the magnitude of what happened. I found out about 30 minutes later.

 

Again, any words of wisdom from your experience on dealing with similar issues, communication needs, etc.

[WasOtherWoman]

Okay, I think for some people you need to put this in perspective to the other details I have stated. I understand that the percentage would be greater for others. But please note that household income levels are going to vary. This is less than 1% of my annual income not including what he pulls. We both make six figures.

 

Hokey - He has bought me some very expensive jewelry. My engagement and wedding rings were more than 20K not including a diamond bracelet that he bought me a few years ago, the diamond necklace as his wedding gift to me, etc. So I have definitely received some very nice things. I do not need 2700.00 more, but thank you.

 

kfc - I understand how you feel but again please keep it in context. 2700 wouldn't even pay one month's mortgage for us.

 

beach - this was 2700 of his money. This was part of the Christmas money my dad gave him. Where it went sideways is we had said that we would allocate the money to credit card debt. You are right and the issue was not discussing it with me prior. He was definitely irresponsible. That is for certain.

 

Behind - much like carhill stated, he is a watch lover. He has looked at watches as long as I have known him and he has lusted after one Tag that is 10K for years now.His porn is watch porn. Whenever we are in a mall he likes to go through a jewelry store to look at their watches. He has always wanted a nice watch. I have known that and really have no issues with it. This was a situation where he went in with one price point and walked out having spent far more than he expected. It was a great deal and he bought it before thinking things through he says.

 

If we had talked, I would have had no issue with this purchase but would have wanted to push to his quarter 2 bonus instead. I know that this amount is actually on the lower end for these types of watches and while I don't share the affinity for watches I know equivalent pricing in purses. And in my sport, that will buy me an off the track thoroughbred so on the low end for purchases.

 

We have continued to talk about it, he has continued to apologize, and we are going to really work on how our finances are structured. He does need a slush fund where he can buy what he wants without needing to always get my approval. I am fine if it is a certain percent and he saves that up to make the purchase. How he spends it will be entirely up to him.

 

If you both make six figures then why would you even have debt? If this is 1% of your income just forget about it. Maybe increase the amount limit regarding autonomous spending and forget about this one?

[xxoo]

My experience is that the root issue needs to be identified and addressed in order for resolution to occur.

 

So it was an impulse? Or he was concerned about losing the deal if he didn't move fast?

 

What will he do next time he feels a similar impulse? What's his plan?

 

And frankly, that sounds like BS to me. He didn't think about your agreement to discuss big purchases?

[WasOtherWoman]

Yikes... I retract what I said above, having read the rest of the thread!

 

I cannot believe that he spent this and would be extremely PO'd. Although, I would not have accepted the situation he brought along with himself.....

 

He should never have bought the watch.