Husband spent 2700.00 on a watch

[WasOtherWoman]

But he did already agree to researching the way he participated and discussing that with her - and making an agreement how not to do it the same way next time.

 

So I suppose I will be interested to see what research he presents and what he learns from that info. Also of interest is what he has to say about how he plans to handle these situations in the future.

 

Don't you think though, that by asking him to present his research and what he learned that is treating him like a child? Or did you not mean it literally?

[beach]

Don't you think though, that by asking him to present his research and what he learned that is treating him like a child? Or did you not mean it literally?

 

A child? No

 

In her first post she said he already said he would. That was part of what came from their initial talk.

 

How else would he learn about his actions, what those actions and thought processes mean and how he intends to do things differently?

 

 

Not that he didn't act like a child, because he did. But I don't see her interactions about this situation as playing any parent role to him being the child.

 

She is simply wanting to resolve this so he understands his impulses and what thoughts go along with that nature = and what his plan is next time he's feeling like he's going to act on impulse.

 

Furthermore, it shows whether or not he intends to make effort to grow and learn how to participate in his marriage in a way that may improve respecting his wife.

 

I'm hoping he makes the effort for bettering the M!

Edited January 3, 2014 by beach

[ja123]

I've only read half the thread and stopped at your #40 and #41 posts.

 

 

Suze Orman has some good books. She talks about the combined earnings belonging to the couple, so there isn't a feeling of my/his money or any sense of inadequacy on the lower income earner's behalf. This is, of course, with agreement that if one is out of work that he/she find other work, etc.

 

 

Anyhow, both paycheques are deposited into a joint account. From there all the expenses are paid. From there a portion goes to another joint account for emergencies. From there joint investments are made, etc. With whatever is left over, then that is split between the two individuals and goes to their separate accounts.

 

 

I believe this was in "The Courage to be Rich".

 

 

The fact that you are both discussing your differences is very positive. So, that's great.

[pink_sugar]

It is way too much to spend on a watch when you have debt that could have been paid. The end. I would have freaked out.

 

My husband is the spender in our marriage. He is constantly getting things here and there as if we have a wad of cash to blow at all times. It infuriates me as I feel guilty for getting "extras" at the grocery store. We are both probably at opposite extremes, which makes finding middle ground very difficult.

 

Funny you mention speaker wire. My husband is into building speakers, which is also a very expensive hobby.

 

Today he bought a video card that cost around $400 for his computer. He is so excited about it and I just find it completely unnecessary and foolish. He is 43, and he is spending our families money on a video card. Just seems like a complete waste of money to me.

 

I feel the exact same way. I would have blown my top if I found out my husband spent nearly 3k on a watch. Even if we had that kind of money, 27000 could have been spent on a nice vacation. My husband actually used a ton of credit to build a computer and he couldn't even figure out why it wouldn't turn on. We ended up selling the parts, because we were hurting for money. Even now that I lost my job, I feel he doesn't do much thinking about how much money we're spending.

[MissBee]

To touch on some points raised before: I'm actually all for separate accounts.

 

I don't see the benefit of all accounts being joint personally.

 

I think if as a couple we're working on a certain financial goal together, like paying off debts, saving for a big ticket item etc. then we should decide how much of our monthly income we're allocating to that and use a joint account for the purposes of those goals as well as for running the household and one for our savings.

 

However, I think as adults it is necessary to have money that is yours to spend as you see fit and I would feel suffocated in a marriage if I didn't have money that I felt was my own that I didn't have to ask anyone about spending. For me it would lessen monetary arguments and tension if I knew that say we agree to put 20% of our income into our joint accounts, once my spouse did that, and I did too and all our bills and so forth were covered, then I would be less concerned about how they choose to spend other monies they earn. If my spouse was spending money we didn't have and neglecting our financial responsibilities to spend frivolously it would be a problem but if he was taking care of his financial obligations first then spending later, I wouldn't be that bothered by it. Even if it is something I wouldn't probably spend on and yes I would definitely prefer him to run big ticket items by me, I think my stance of having monies that are our own to do as we will, simply lessens me feeling that upset over it as in my mind it is his to do as he pleases.

[Got it]

Thank you ja, WOW, yellowmaverick and Miss Bee. Ja, thanks for the suggestion and I will check those books out.

 

We spoke a bit last night on it and he is going to look into books that is helpful to us as a couple as what he did is not something that I haven't done in the past. So smart financial planning is in both of our interests as well just general communication. I tied the suggestion as well to the fact that I have found books for us and it would be nice to see what speaks to him. So we have an amazon/kindle account that can download on our IPads so that is an easy place to shop.

 

He is most definitely definitive that no more spending, pay off the debt in the next few months and then we can discuss how to manage "play money".

 

YM - I have said that and he understands. You are right, it isn't the amount that is really the issue. It is just not being able to have say when I thought I would have say. But like WOW said I thought we had an understanding but I may not have been as clear as I should have. I think we are CRYSTAL clear now so that is good. I like that he is into watches, I have no issues with this passion, just want to make sure we are planning accordingly. And I don't want to be the person in the decision seat on expenses, that we are on the same page and it is a joint decision. I get twitchy when it is my decision like I have the control.

[WasOtherWoman]

A child? No

 

In her first post she said he already said he would. That was part of what came from their initial talk.

 

How else would he learn about his actions, what those actions and thought processes mean and how he intends to do things differently?

 

 

Not that he didn't act like a child, because he did. But I don't see her interactions about this situation as playing any parent role to him being the child.

 

She is simply wanting to resolve this so he understands his impulses and what thoughts go along with that nature = and what his plan is next time he's feeling like he's going to act on impulse.

 

Furthermore, it shows whether or not he intends to make effort to grow and learn how to participate in his marriage in a way that may improve respecting his wife.

 

I'm hoping he makes the effort for bettering the M!

 

I am hoping he makes the effort in the future also. But, and this is just my opinion, l having him "report back" what he learned really does sort of imply to me how one would treat a child. Wouldn't it be better to take him at his word, assume that whatever he researched (and I am not really clear on that that was....) learned and would do better next time?

 

I, myself, am just very opposed to ever being my husband's mother. This is just my humble opinion, but the reporting back thing just seems to overstep just a bit, to me.

[MissBee]

It seems like you guys at least have an open avenue of communication, which is great.

 

The only other thing I wanted to add/ask was that you said it's not about the money but about you not having a say when you'd decided together that you'd be consulted for big ticket purchases, which is very valid. Lots of people have been stuck on $2700 as a figure, as for them it is exorbitant; however, for you guys you mentioned that that price tag is more similar to $270. My question/suggestion is: what counts as a big ticket item for you guys? Maybe that wasn't clear to him before? On one hand it seems like $2700 is more like $270 in the context of your financial situation, but you're also obviously upset about it and consider it big ticket. So I was wondering if him actually spending $270 on a watch would have been something he needed to consult you about first? And maybe that's something you guys need to iron out: what price range of item counts as big ticket? He did mumble about it though so it seemed he knew it was seep, but it doesn't hurt I guess to maybe have a definite dollar amount for "play purchases" that should be discussed beforehand, it just makes things clearer that way.

 

If my spouse's play fund, for example, was large enough that it could purchase a new sports car or some such, although it is his own money, I would still like to be consulted, as that in my book is big ticket and I don't want to come home and see a new Maserati in the driveway that I knew nothing about beforehand. That is just part and parcel of being abreast of the goings on in my home and with him, as that isn't some small thing that can fly under the radar. If he on the fly bought a new watch though, while I would notice the watch I probably wouldn't immediately ask about the price tag neither would I feel like he should have run it by me. But all of that is personal preference and would fall under what we've discussed in terms of delineating as a couple what kinds of items and what price range should be a "definite consultation" even with "play money." It just seems clearer if it's decided that: we won't purchase X kinds of items or items that cost over X dollars without running it by each other.

Edited January 3, 2014 by MissBee