Effective flirting?

[BlametheIrish]

Do I see a classical guitar in that pic. Thinking I.see nylon strings but the pic is quite small. Any woman who appreciates good music should definitly take a second look at your profile

 

It can take a while to.find a good match, online or not.

[BreakOnThrough]

Look a little more edgy, Women want a Guy who looks like they can protect them, sorry to say, your pic doesn't convey that at all. You have to make her feel something for you down below, not stimulate her intellectual side off the bat...

 

My Brother had three selfie pics in the mirror not smiling on his OLD profile, received messages, numbers, and several dates in the span of a month or so... Take better pics looking confidant and edgy, lose the glasses and guitar, your response rate will rise dramatically...

[Garcon1986]

So I've bagged the first date of my whole life at the ancient age of 27, feels like an accomplishment. Sounds like my potential second date is playing hard to get, and I have to "say the right things" to keep her interested =p.

 

Can somebody tell me what exactly playing hard to get accomplishes, and what do you do in this situation (or has been done)? I think I've shown value, avoided clinginess, and been "unpredictable" a little bit.

[HappyLove]

So I've bagged the first date of my whole life at the ancient age of 27, feels like an accomplishment. Sounds like my potential second date is playing hard to get, and I have to "say the right things" to keep her interested =p.

 

Can somebody tell me what exactly playing hard to get accomplishes, and what do you do in this situation (or has been done)? I think I've shown value, avoided clinginess, and been "unpredictable" a little bit.

 

So you went on a date? Try not playing so many games and just being yourself. If you go out and want to see her again ask her to dinner at the end of the night. I say get offline join new activities and meet people ask them out to coffee. And if your going to stay online pursue all races you never know!

[hasaquestion]

So I've bagged the first date of my whole life at the ancient age of 27, feels like an accomplishment. Sounds like my potential second date is playing hard to get, and I have to "say the right things" to keep her interested =p.

 

Can somebody tell me what exactly playing hard to get accomplishes, and what do you do in this situation (or has been done)? I think I've shown value, avoided clinginess, and been "unpredictable" a little bit.

 

Playing games with girls is something that takes a while to learn, and when you first start doing it you are going to make a lot of mistakes.

 

You sound like a good guy - don't bite off more than you can chew. Just be respectful, confident and let her do the talking.

[Garcon1986]

So I think this next roadblock is worth discussion:

 

I have grown up in five different countries. The problem with this is I have never made any lifelong friends, because as soon as I made a good friend, I left the country. This plus the natural "rebellious teenager" period means I never got any practice in dating either. This isn't because I was an Edward Snowden type that was running from the law haha, but instead because of family stuff.

 

The flip side is that, deep down, most people when they hear about this immediately stop being able to relate to me. They think it's interesting to hear, but this sets up a roadblock on actually communicating with me on a personal level because nobody outside of military families normally do this.

 

The bottom line appears to be: I've got piles and piles of cool stuff to share. Unfortunately, the masses want to talk about TV and the latest movies. I no longer have time to keep up with this stuff, and therefore I'm boring to my social circle because I can't quote Will Ferrell like the dude next to me. I want to be on the "In" crowd so much with internationally cultured people, but they are nowhere to be found where I live.

Edited February 9, 2014 by Garcon1986
update

[Tayken]

Depends on who you're trying to attract, I think. Also what site(s) you use.

 

I was looking for someone who was well-educated, well-travelled, intelligent, and witty (among other things) when I did online dating. Guys who displayed that in their profile and in their messages got my attention.

 

A piece of advice I got from a friend early on was to be more, rather than less, specific. The "blander" you are, the less likely you are to turn anyone away, but the less likely it is that anyone will connect to what you say and want to communicate. I had a fantastic online dating experience because of that nugget. Being highly specific attracted guys who were compatible and repelled those who weren't. Pretty much every guy who contacted me fit exactly what I was seeking once I took her advice. Dating became about whether we had chemistry. It was a very efficient approach for me.

 

I have a feeling that your email openings represent typical conversations you might have with a stranger. If the person is going to be intimidated or turned off because you mention soccer, or something else fairly common, then it's going to be a problem whether it happens in your email opener or on a date.

 

From my experience, painting a clear picture of yourself is in your best interest. You want to catch the interest of the pool most likely to be compatible with you from the outset.

 

Just my two cents...

 

@OP...if you are reading this whole thread...the stuff in BOLD is what you want to pay attention to, unless of course you are not after the intelligent, communication carrier, educated, respectful guy

 

I am one of those guys that get turned on by an educated (Bachelor's degree and up) woman that can carry write more than 2 lines, witty, sexy and isn't afraid to throw innuendos into chats

 

My profile happens to well detailed, and women compliment me on the "substance" as opposed to the fluff. My first contact is also a combination of compliments and a few questions, as opposed to "hey, what's up, or you look nice" that some guys use

 

This morning alone....I have had 10 women message me about my profile :-) Personally, I am not after the skanky, tarty, don't know what I want type.....adventure, worldly, travels, communication skills are a turn on

[Garcon1986]

I've actually had two replies in hundreds of emails, and zero women who have initiated messaging with me. Those two conversations also died down. To be shallow, I'm looking for someone who is very intelligent, Bachelors degree or above, who is a member of 2 or more cultures (e.g. somebody from Spain who lives in the US), is physically active, is well travelled, and has any of a wide variety of looks (from Hayley Westenra to Lisa Kelly to Anne Hathaway to Elena Paparizou). I'm beginning to wonder if I'm automatically excluded from the coolest women because I wasn't blessed with good looks? I'm pretty sure I have everything else but there's a glass ceiling here I think.

[Tayken]

I've actually had two replies in hundreds of emails, and zero women who have initiated messaging with me. Those two conversations also died down. To be shallow, I'm looking for someone who is very intelligent, Bachelors degree or above, who is a member of 2 or more cultures (e.g. somebody from Spain who lives in the US), is physically active, is well travelled, and has any of a wide variety of looks (from Hayley Westenra to Lisa Kelly to Anne Hathaway to Elena Paparizou). I'm beginning to wonder if I'm automatically excluded from the coolest women because I wasn't blessed with good looks? I'm pretty sure I have everything else but there's a glass ceiling here I think.

 

Women tend to think about the "what is sex going to be like " first before they actually read your profile. What they usually find is that the "so good looking" guys, are just like them when it comes to shallowness....not much substance to go with the looks of Brad Pitt or George Clooney

 

Looks will eventually fade, and those women will be back on dating sites again searching

[Garcon1986]

So hundreds of emails later, months of dancing later, months of going to social events later, still nothing to show for my efforts. I am surrounded by married and dating women at work, and women who don't fancy me, so that lead is cold. However, I've got new questions:

 

1. Why are American women's dating profiles so commonly focused on whether or not the boyfriend can make her laugh? Even if I have a joke, I am ignored anyway.

 

2. What does it mean to have an edge, both online, and in real life? And since I don't have the "edge", how can I achieve it?

 

3. Women are apparently taught to play "hard to get" in order to find the quality boyfriend that they are looking for. How do you pursue the "hard to get" girl in a socially acceptable way? I am certain I have every talent except for the good looks of Brad Pitt (of the talents that a woman would want in their future man), but the way I am expressing these talents apparently is meaningless in a dating scenario. People are either amazed and walk away, or feel like they completely cannot relate with me whatsoever.

[GravityMan]

You seem like a well-meaning guy, it is likely OLD is not for you.

 

THIS. I was thinking along the lines of the bolded the whole time I was reading Garcon's posts in this thread.

 

I also agree with d0nnivain and spiderowl's takes here.

 

Garcon, I think you need to put a bigger priority on meeting women in the outside world through organic means (even those you're not attracted to), and just be conversational and spend time with them. Do you have any female friends, particularly any around your age? You say you're surrounded by married and dating friends at work...do you chat with them about non-work-related stuff? If any of them are close to your age, do you go to happy hour with them (if you're into that kinda stuff)? The point I'm trying to make here is that you need to get to a point where you're comfortable around them (and they around you), you (and them) are okay with letting guards down, you're naturally yourself around them and you can interact casually with them without thinking or trying too hard. The only way to get to that point is with time and experience socializing with them. This will also give you more experience in how women (in general) think, act and how they communicate non-verbally. Of course, they are varied individuals. Don't neglect your male buds, though.

 

I think you should consider toning down your use of OLD. OLD tends to have a poor "return on investment (ROI)" for many people...it is true that to a large extent it's a numbers game. (OTOH, meeting women in the outside world doesn't have to be a numbers game.) I think OLD works very well for guys with certain types of personalities (bonus points if he's physically attractive), but I don't think your personality is among them. In short, I think your messaging style is too formal and "upscale" for dating sites. That style risks making women feel either alienated, overwhelmed or uncomfortable - and thus they are unlikely to respond. In some ways, OLD is a different animal than more traditional avenues in regards to what captures people's attention. Good pictures matter a LOT. While I agree with the advice others gave to make messages shorter and more casual (after all, messages are supposed to be conversational without being overbearing or "Q&A"-esque)...if you struggle to quickly and naturally come up with messages in that informal, brief and possibly humorous way, then that leads further credence to OLD not being a good venue for you.

 

Some of your interests (playing guitar) have widespread appeal while others seem far more niche. If you haven't done so already, I recommend looking into social groups that cater to your interests (even the niche stuff), and meet people through those. Maybe you'll meet women you want to date there, or (if you are likable) the folks there may introduce you to single women they know. It's more likely you'll find someone compatible. Also if you have additional things that intrigue you but you haven't pursued...explore them. You have to step outside your comfort zone every now and then.

 

Lastly, after reading your last few posts - it seems that your confidence is a little low. If your humor isn't making women laugh...that could mean that your delivery comes across as unnatural and/or awkward, or it could mean that your jokes are lame/tired/overused/too-cliche...or, it could just mean that you're around the wrong women. Cultural differences can sometimes handicap the effectiveness of humor.

[Garcon1986]

Can I get an explanation of what it means to flirt with "an edge"?

[Garcon1986]

Hi, I am learning that many people will play "hard to get" in order to determine if I am a reasonable person or not - what is the right response to someone who is "hard to get" without coming from a needy place?

thanks